


Let Me Be Whole Again

by widemalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Alec hates himself, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Healing, M/M, Magnus' charm is there, Slow Burn, Smut, Writer is an asshole, student!magnus, suicide thoughts warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:39:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 127,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widemalec/pseuds/widemalec
Summary: "Did you hire him?"Would you trust someone who could fix your broken heart?A story about how a history student's life was pretty boring, until he had to find a new job to pay his rent.





	1. Stress

**Author's Note:**

> First run, first chapter!
> 
> let's see how this will go :)
> 
>    
> this fanfic is based on "Me Before You" but i changed several things. If you haven't read the book/haven't watched the movie, don't worry! You don't need to, since I just got the main idea from it! 
> 
> I'd apprectiate any form of feedback and livetweets on Twitter with the hashtag #LMBWA  
> you can tag me as well, I'll look through every tweet, because it'll help me improving <3  
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> So far I don't know how many chapters I am going to write/when I'll be able to update the fanfic, but I'm working hard on it! 
> 
> With this, have fun and enjoy! 
> 
> psa: hopefully article 13 won't destroy anything for me.

“You got what?” Raphael shouted into the phone, annoyed, and Magnus sighed deeply.

“Fired.” Magnus repeated himself before rolling his eyes and moving his hand over his face. He was annoyed, but above all tired, because the next exams were just around the corner and he had to pay rent. But his boss had given him his resignation without notice in the morning. The letter said theft.

“He can't just fire you! What have you done again?” Raphael wanted to know, but Magnus heard his gloating.

“Allegedly, I took money from the till for several weeks. I never carried anything over the threshold, except for my tip. Looks like the boss just wanted to get rid of me,” Magnus murmured, bored as he sipped on his Martini glass and enjoyed the cool autumn air that ran across his balcony.

“You're drinking Martini again, aren't you?” Magnus rolled his eyes again and took another sip before answering his friend.

“To celebrate the day,” he raised his glass, although Raphael couldn't even see.

Raphael on the other side of the phone just shook his head and laughed briefly. “When do you have to pay rent?” he finally asked, and Magnus turned around, and ran into his living room.

A glance at his calendar told him that it was already mid-October.

“In two weeks,” he finally replied, but Magnus received no answer for a few seconds.

“Getting tight with all your parties these past few weeks, huh?”

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply. “You're no help, Raphael.”

“I never wanted to be that either,” Raphael replied.

Meanwhile Magnus took the New York Times, which was still on his table from the morning. He placed his phone next to him on the table and activated the speaker before opening the newspaper. He finally found the page with the job offers in New York and skimmed through them.

“So now you're looking for a new job, or did you call me to beg you to move in with me?” Raphael asked, and Magnus involuntarily twitched. Moving in with Raphael was not an option for him because he hated being dependent on others.

“I'm looking right now, smart guy,” Magnus finally replied.

“Have you studied for the exam yet?” Raphael threw in out of nowhere, and Magnus froze for a moment.

“I thought the next exam wasn't until next week,” he asked confused and heard Raphael moan in annoyance.

“No, the next one for us is the day after tomorrow, Magnus.”

Magnus swallowed hard before rubbing his eyes and tried to concentrate. He and Raphael had arrived last year for historical studies, and he struggled with the stress and exams.

“Shit, damn it,” Magnus cursed, and took a marker before he looked at the job offers again.

“You won’t make it like that” Raphael laughed into the phone, and Magnus shrugged before he continued looking through the job openings.

“I just want to write boring books. You're the one who wants to teach children-”

“Teenagers, if you don’t mind!” Raphael threw in, and Magnus twisted his eyes.

“Yeah, I get it. People,” he muttered before he lifted an eyebrow and circled an ad. “Aha!” he exclaimed, and Raphael made an annoyed noise.

“Did you find anything?” he reluctantly asked, and Magnus read aloud.

“The Lightwood family is looking for a male nurse to provide daycare for our sick son. If you are interested, please contact us at the telephone number provided.”

Raphael had to laugh and repeated a passage with an altered voice. “Male nurse.” it echoed into the phone. “They're particular about it. That's where you're going?”

“Better than Starbucks, you don't think so?”

Raphael was silent for a moment before answering again. “You know who the Lightwoods are, right? They're really damn famous in New York as bodyguards for every celebrity in the city. Their company is huge, Magnus. Are you sure they want to hire someone as normal as you?”

Magnus bit his lower lip thoughtfully before Raphael's voice sounded again.

“And besides, why only male nurses? Are they afraid their son will fall in love with the employee?” Raphael seemed annoyed by the wording in the newspaper.

“Perhaps their son has a girlfriend, and they don't want him to be approached by a female nurse,” Magnus replied to his friend's cynical question. “Well, don't yell it from the rooftops you're open to both sexes, or you'll be fired again, and they'll accuse you of stealing their son's love.“

Magnus’ lips twitched briefly, and he smiled slightly. “You know I'm irresistible!”

Raphael held his hand in front of his mouth, trying not to puke, but the choking sounds were audible through the phone.

“Fuck you, you bastard!” Magnus laughed, and the choking sounds doubled.

“I'd rather die, asshole,” Raphael replied, and Magnus laughed again. “Ask Catarina again before you make up your mind,” Raphael finally said before they said goodbye and hung up.

Magnus took a deep breath and saved the phone number that was in the ad before he got up and took his laptop. He really needed to study for the exam before he could make hasty decisions.

Magnus opened his Macbook before running his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

“Well then...” he mumbled to himself before immersing himself in the American Revolution.

* * *

Three hours later Magnus' phone rang, and he was torn back into the present, put down his index cards and looked at his phone.

“Cat!” He took the call, and a smile instantly flashed over his face. The nurse had become like a sister to him because she had taken care of everything after his move from Los Angeles to New York. They had known each other since their childhood, and although Catarina was ten years older than Magnus, they never lost sight of each other.

“Well, my little future historian...How are you doing?” Catarina's voice was warm and calm, which immediately made Magnus relax and allowed him to breathe deeply.

“Quite well, actually. You just interrupted me while I was studying, because I just heard from Raphael that we're already writing the next exam the day after tomorrow.” Magnus fiddled with his pen and let it slide through his fingers before performing some tricks.

“Too much alcohol during weekends makes you forget things, my dear,” Catarina began slowly, and Magnus lifted his finger before sitting down.

“Honey, I've been working weekends, and I've had more important things to do.”

“One-Night Stands?” she asked bluntly, and Magnus nodded.

“The best one yet!”

The nurse laughed gently. “You say that every time, Magnus.”

Magnus smiled.

“Please don't tell me it was someone from work, ” Catarina finally asked, and Magnus gasped.

“Oh, God, no!” he replied quickly. “No way. That's my motto, Cat. Never start _anything_ with colleagues or people involved in your work!” Meanwhile, Magnus had gone to his kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. During that time, he had put Catarina on the counter.

“How's it going with Nathan?” Magnus finally wanted to know about his friend and Catarina began to talk until a word caught Magnus' attention.

“Pregnant?!” Magnus repeated excitedly and Catarina laughed quietly.

“Did I get your attention again, yeah?”

Magnus growled briefly before rolling his eyes and taking ice cream from his freezer.

“But yes, that wasn't a lie,” Catarina repeated, and Magnus' heart leapt with joy.

“Are you for real?!” Magnus wanted to know, and Catarina confirmed her pregnancy again. She explained everything important to him and even considered Magnus becoming godfather.

“At 22, should I already be an uncle?” Magnus asked with a smile.

“Godfather.” Catarina corrected him, and Magnus thought about it for a moment before he happily agreed.

“I’d love to.” He finally smiled before the newspaper caught his eye again and he sighed deeply.

“Everything okay with you, or should we finish so that you can continue studying? After all, I don't want you to get fir-”

“I was fired this morning, and now I have to find a new job,” Magnus blurted out and Catarina gasped in shock.

“Oh.” she finally said. She groped for the right words before answering. ”Have you started looking for a new job yet?”

Magnus was standing in front of his laptop, and he hesitantly sat down in his chair again before he typed ‘Lightwood’ into the search bar.

“I've been on the phone with Raphael, while looking for an ad. I even found one that I liked, because I don't want to sell coffee anymore after my boss kicked me out for alleged theft.”

Catarina listened attentively to her boyfriend before answering. “I see your point. Did Raphael help, at least?”

Magnus had found an article stating that the Lightwoods had one of the best companies when it came to bodyguards and personal protection. Magnus had never heard of the Lightwoods, but according to the pictures and articles, they had a name and reputation in New York and weren't just people in need of help.

“You could say that… after he laughed at me.”

Catarina also had to laugh now. “What sort of offer did you find?”

Magnus grabbed the newspaper and read the ad again, waiting for Catarina to reply. And Magnus was afraid of the answer because otherwise, the only option left to him was waiter.

“Sounds good, even though the Lightwoods are tough and have everything under control, but they have money, make no mistake!”

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck. “I just don't know if I can take care of someone… every day.”

Catarina excused herself for a moment and came back to the phone a few minutes later.

“He's the son of the Lightwoods. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, also known as Alec.”

Magnus perked up. “Did you just look that up? Secretly?!” Magnus wanted to know , slightly shocked, and Catarina smiled.

“This stays between us, okay? He has an extremely rare immune disorder that keeps him from living a normal life, but as far as I can see here,” she took a short break to read more, “he’s not physically disabled, so you probably won't have to bring him to bed.”

Magnus didn't know what to say. He was grateful to Catarina on the one hand, but he felt bad that he already had private information about Alec before he had even met him.

“Besides,” Catarina tore him out of his thoughts. “He is your age. He just turned 22 a few weeks ago!”

Magnus bit his lower lip. The job could be his salvation.

“Just try it. What do you have to lose? The worst they can say is no.”

Catarina was right, and Magnus knew it, so he had to try.

“I’ll try.” Magnus took a deep breath before continuing. “Tell Nathan I say hi, will you?”

Catarina smiled before she answered. “I will. Take care of yourself, Magnus.”

Magnus also smiled, warmth flooding his body. “You too... and thank you again,” he said before hanging up and dialing the number that was in the ad.

His heart began to beat faster and he felt excitement flow through his body.

“This is Maryse Lightwood, how can I help you?” A female, very strict voice, answered.

Magnus cleared his throat just before answering. “Hello, this is Magnus- Magnus Bane. I read your ad in the paper and wanted to get in touch, because I was interested in your offer,” he explained, and the woman at the other end of the line took her time to reply.

“Where do you live?”

“In Brooklyn,” Magnus replied immediately, and he heard a satisfied noise at the other end.

“Sounds good. I will message you our address. You can have an interview at nine a.m. tomorrow, does that suit you?”

Magnus looked at his calendar before mentally running over his schedule. He would have to drop a course that was important for the exam.

“Um,” he stuttered, and Maryse interrupted him immediately.

“I don't care for indecisive candidates, Mr. Bane.”

Magnus closed his eyes, breathed deeply and answered. “I’m sorry, but I have an important course for my upcoming exam at nine o'clock,” he dared to say, and Maryse scoffed.

“So, the job isn't important enough for you to skip a class, is it?”

Magnus bit his lower lip and thought. Maryse was definitely the hard kind, that much was already clear. Magnus cursed himself for his next words.

“I'll be there. Tomorrow, nine o'clock.”

Maryse smiled. “Good. I'll be expecting you, Magnus Bane.”

And that ended the conversation. Magnus looked at his screen, which just turned dark, before he blinked, breathing deeply. Then, while he wrote Raphael a quick message, asking him to take notes for him, he received a message from Maryse Lightwood with the specifications of the meeting. Magnus was still not sure if this was the right way to get the money he needed in three weeks at the latest. He just hoped the job wouldn't take too long.

* * *

When Magnus heard the doorbell later that evening, he looked up from his desk and tilted his head. He hadn't ordered pizza and wasn’t expecting any visitors.

With sluggish steps, he finally stood up when the doorbell went off again and opened the door. He saw three pairs of warm eyes, and three friends greeting him with open arms: Clary Fray, Maia Roberts, and Simon Lewis. They all attended the same university, and Magnus recognized the packaging of the famous Asian take-away, that was opposite his apartment.

“Hey Magnus!” Maia said happily, and all three stepped past him before Magnus could even answer.

“Um,” Magnus began confused, still holding the door open. “Actually, I need to study,” he went on, but Maia, Clary, and Simon had already taken over the living room.

“Don't we all,” Clary said with a smile, who had taken her take-out box and sat down on the sofa.

Magnus rolled his eyes and put his hand on his neck before taking a deep breath.

“I have an exam the day after tomorrow, and I just started studying today. I'm really under pressure,” he explained while Maia looked at him.

“Why the hell did you start studying today? You're always studying even when you don’t know the date for the exam yet.”

Simon started laughing, but Magnus lifted his finger and interrupted him. “Don't talk about yourself, my dear.” Magnus smiled warmly at him and finally sat down next to Clary with a sigh.

“What’s the matter, big guy?” Clary finally asked, and Magnus looked at her. Clary was in her second semester and the newest in their circle of friends, but she loved Magnus' style and charm.

Magnus looked to his left and smiled at Clary. “Oh, it's nothing, Biscuit,” he tried to calm her down, but when Clary tilted her head, her ginger hair falling over her shoulder, Magnus caved in. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes for a second. “I lost my job today, and I have to skip the course tomorrow for an interview.”

Simon and Maia stopped chewing and looked at Magnus.

“What?!” Maia finally said and Clary blinked before she turned down her box.

“How am I supposed to get a discount on my coffee now,” Simon asked in horror and Maia gave him a glare. “Sorry...” he murmured and looked into his take-out box before he went back to his noodles in silence.

Magnus looked at Simon and Maia, who were still exchanging glances.

“Where did you apply?” Clary finally wanted to know after she had processed the information. Magnus turned around and picked up the newspaper from one of the side tables.

“The Lightwoods,” Magnus said, handing Clary the paper.

“The Lightwoods? Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” Maia asked, and Magnus looked at her questioningly. “The Lightwoods are professional bodyguards. They're damn well known in New York and they value law and order,” Maia continued and Magnus lifted an eyebrow.

“They can't be that famous if I've never heard of them,” Magnus joked, and Clary laughed.

“Don't fuck it up, Magnus,” Maia warned him. “What are you supposed to do anyway? Separate the trash? Can't they afford a cleaning lady?”

By now Clary was done reading the ad. “He’s supposed to take care of their son,” she finally interrupted her and Maia looked up.

“Alec,” Magnus added, and the three others looked at him questioningly. “His-his name is Alec. Catarina opened his file during my call. I'm supposed to take care of Alec, probably distract him and do things with him. He's sick,” Magnus added hastily, and closed his eyes. He wanted to slap himself in the face. He didn't even know Alec and had already told his friends about him, and he didn't even know if he would get the job at all.

“Sounds interesting,” Simon said casually.

Magnus had put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. “I just hope I get the job. I have to pay the rent in two weeks, or three weeks latest, and we're in the middle of exam period. I can't afford to end up homeless.”

Magnus' voice was laced with panic and Clary finally rand her hand down his back in a soothing touch.

“You'll get the job, Magnus. Besides, I'm sure you'll be fine with Alec. You always get along with everyone,” Clary reassured him, and Magnus relaxed. Clary was just one of his best friends.

“Sure, if he wants pick them up,” Maia joked, and Magnus' gaze wandered away from Clary.

His eyes hardened and he growled softly. “I don't want to pick up every person I happen to run into, Maia. Alec is sick, and I will definitely not fall for with the person I have to work with,” Magnus said defensively before he picked up his take-out box and reached for the chopsticks. His pride was hurt, so he ate his noodles in gloomy silence.

“Magnus will do great, I'm sure.” Clary still smiled but continued to eat in the meantime. “Besides,” her eyes fell on Simon and Maia, “we came here to tell Magnus the news.”

Now it was Magnus who tilted his head, and he looked at Simon and Maia. The two exchanged glances before Simon cleared his throat.

“Last weekend... at... the campus party.” Simon started stuttering, and Magnus tried to remember.

“Where you picked up George,” Clary reminded him of the evening.

A smile crept into Magnus' face. “Man, that was a decent one-night stand...” Magnus raved before Maia poked him in the side.

“Spare us the details, please!” Maia begged him, and Magnus grinned at her.

“I was topping,” he finally said, and Simon rolled his eyes.

“Dude, please!” He begged. “That's not what we're here for.”

Magnus laughed, but he nodded and leaned back to eat before Maia took the opportunity.

“While you were retiring with George,” Maia told him, finally looking at Simon with a smile on her face, “our little nerd who's in love with books finally dared to ask if we should to go out together.”

Magnus almost choked on his noodles before looking up in shock. “Wait, wait… you're an item? Officially?” Magnus wanted to make sure, and both nodded after exchanging a kiss.

“That's great! I'm happy for you,” Magnus replied joyfully before looking at Clary, who also smiled at him. “But you didn't have to come around for that... or did you already get engaged?” Magnus asked confused, and Simon and Maia laughed and shook their heads.

“Let's not get carried away,” Maia said laughing, and Simon agreed with a nod.

Magnus finally looked at Clary, who was still sitting next to him and was eating in silence. “Then it's probably just you and me, Biscuit,” Magnus whispered, and Clary looked up.

“What about Raphael?”

“He'll never find a girlfriend. As moody as he is,” Simon interjected as he caressed Maia's back.

“You'd make a dream couple. No offence, Maia,” Magnus teased his friend, and Simon gave him a deadly glare. “Raphael hates me,” he muttered, and Magnus shrugged.

“Maybe he does, yeah.” He stretched out and spread his arms out on the couch.

“You'll text to me tomorrow if you get the job, right?”

“How would I instantly know if they'd hire me?” Magnus replied to Clary's question.

“Maybe you’ll convince them with your charm?” Clary replied, and Magnus laughed quietly.

“Maybe,” he said with a smile before reaching for his laptop to look at his notes. Clary finally looked over his shoulder and skimmed through the text.

“I know why I don't study history,” she said after a few minutes and Magnus smiled before stroking his face.

“I'm afraid I have no artistic streak, Biscuit.” Magnus gave back.

“History is great, Fray,” interjected Simon, who also studied history with Magnus and Raphael.

“I'm on Clary's side. History is the most boring thing in the world,” Maia agreed, and she and Clary high-fived.

Magnus rolled his eyes before he faltered and returned to his records. Maia and Simon meanwhile started making out a little, while Clary looked for inspiration on Pinterest and tumblr for her next project.

“Where is Raphael?” Maia asked after a moment.

Magnus registered her question, but finished reading his sentence before answering. “He's studying, something I should have been doing all the time,” Magnus murmured. His gaze was still on the screen. He couldn't talk to his friends because he really had to study. He knew that his exams were now deciding his future. Fortunately, however, his friends understood the unspoken request and said goodbye a few minutes later. Magnus didn't have to see them out, and wrote another index card.

When he heard the door fall shut, he took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. Magnus was tired. Tired of studying and being alone. Until now, his single life never bothered him, but knowing that there was a new couple in his closest circle of friends made him feels even lonelier in his apartment than before. Magnus took a deep breath before he reached for his phone, and set his alarm for eight o'clock because he _could not_ be late and destroy his chance.

However, it was already half past ten, and he hadn’t had a shower yet. Magnus sighed before he closed his laptop and went to the bathroom. He opened Spotify and started his playlist before getting into the shower, letting the water rain down on him. He sang along to the songs while lathering himself with his beloved sandalwood shampoo. The music was alternating between Queen and Michael Jackson. Magnus enjoyed older music from artists who knew what they were going and who had left this world too early.

Before too long, he stood freshly showered in front of the mirror fogged up with steam. Magnus' body also steamed, and he quickly brushed his teeth before picking up his pajama pants and running out of the bathroom to grab a pair of briefs from his closet. He mentally kept going over the information he needed for the exam, but somehow, he couldn't get his interview out of his head, and Catharina's words.

_Alexander_ was a beautiful name, and Magnus was sure that at the almost same age, he saw the world with completely different eyes. He was interested. He wanted to know so much about Alec, even though he didn't even know him. Magnus tried to process that he would have to work alone with a person he would see several times a week – if he got the job. He realized that he couldn't do this job just for the money, or at least never let Alec show it.

Magnus breathed deeply before lying down in his bed, and spend a few more minutes on Twitter and Instagram. He never cared much for the gossip on Twitter, but he liked to spend time on Twitter picking up all the information about his fellow students. Magnus had been able to land himself a one-night stand on several occasions.

Maia and Simon tweeted about each other, and Raphael complained about the upcoming exam.

Magnus rubbed his eyes before setting his alarm after Raphael had confirmed that he would take notes for Magnus. He at least wanted to get some sleep before he would have to face Maryse Lightwood.

He put his phone on the bedside table and turned onto his side before closing his eyes, and tried to rehash the American Revolution before his thoughts drifted to planning his outfit for the interview. It had to be perfect. At least Magnus hoped it would be perfect. He needed money, and he needed this job. And Alec? He needed help.

* * *

When the alarm clock rang the next morning, Magnus groaned annoyed before switching it off and turning on his back. Magnus definitely didn't want to get up yet, but he had to. With the second alarm, Magnus finally opened his eyes and sat up slowly. He unplugged his charger and headed for the bathroom.

Magnus wanted everything to be perfect for his job interview, so he took another shower, which also woke him. He thought carefully about what he wanted to say to convince Maryse Lightwood of his suitability.

He needed this job more than anything, and Magnus was willing to do anything for it.

As he got out of the shower, he wrapped one of his big soft cotton towels around his hip before going into the kitchen and turning on his coffee machine. At the same time, he grabbed his fruit muesli and elegantly opened the refrigerator with his little fingers. With a quick movement of his hand, he had the milk in his hand as well, and just as he was preparing his muesli, his morning coffee was done.

Magnus' eyes wandered to his watch before he began to eat while browsing Twitter, and texted Raphael to remind him of his notes.

RAPHAEL

_[My God Magnus, I won't forget it, because I don't want you to fail!]_

Magnus smiled briefly. Once he finished his breakfast, he put his cereal bowl in the sink and drank his coffee before went into the bathroom again to brush his teeth and apply his eyeliner. He did his makeup without eye shadow because he didn't know the Lightwoods well enough to know if they would tolerate his passion for makeup.

It had been 20 minutes since Magnus got out of bed. He had to be on his way to the interview by eight fourty at the latest, otherwise, he would be late, but his eyeliner had to fit perfectly. Magnus just needed to look at least a little different than the other people on the streets.

After his eyeliner was applied to perfection, Magnus went into his bedroom and opted for a plain black shirt with a pattern of patches. Magnus then took his black jeans and his dress shoes. For the first meeting, he wanted to keep it discreet and not go like a bull at the gate.

Finally, Magnus grabbed his pad and bag before taking his keys off the board and leaving his apartment.

A look at his phone told him it was already 8:45 AM, and by the time he arrived at the Lightwoods, he would be too late.

“Shit!” cursed Magnus and stroked over his face. His last hope was a taxi, which also took its time in New York, but Magnus had to take the chance.

When he arrived at the main intersection, he whistled to get a shining yellow taxi towards him before getting in.

“215 east 61st street Upper East Side, please,” Magnus told the driver, and the taxi driver set off before looking in the rearview mirror. Magnus was slightly out of breath, but he breathed deeply and leaned back. His deodorant and perfume would save him.

“But you don't exactly look like someone who belongs to the Upper East, especially not to Yorkville.” The taxi driver started yawning, and Magnus just grumbled.

“I don't live there either. I have an interview there right now, so if you could at least go a little faster, I would be very grateful,” Magnus replied hastily.

The driver rolled his eyes before pushing the accelerator further down and keeping an eye on Magnus' meter.

* * *

In the end, Magnus was ten minutes late at the Lightwoods' door, finally realizing why everyone had warned him. He knew that Yorkville was the expensive area in New York City, but he had hoped that the Lightwoods simply owned a larger apartment.

But now Magnus stood in front of a huge townhouse and nervously rang the doorbell before taking a step back.

It was an attractive-looking woman who Magnus turned out to be Maryse Lightwood.

As she stood in front of him, she looked at her watch while Magnus looked more closely at Maryse. She had thrown a leather jacket over her dark green dress and looked unbelievably good for being the mother of three children.

“That'll be ten minutes, Mr. Bane.” she finally said bitterly, and Magnus nodded apologetically.

“Traffic in New York in the morning...” joked Magnus and laughed nervously.

Maryse looked at him with narrowed eyes before she took a deep breath and invited him in.

Magnus entered the house gratefully and looked around briefly before turning back to Maryse and handing her his papers.

“I don't need them, Mr. Bane,” Maryse finally replied before raising her hand and rejecting the documents. Magnus, on the other hand, stood slightly confused in front of Maryse and looked at her questioningly. ”I don't need your grades or your personal achievements, Mr. Bane. You have to convince me, and you have to do it on a personal level. After all, I want you to take care of my son and cheer him up. You don't need a honors degree for that. You need empathy, understanding, and mindfulness.” Maryse ended her sentence with a sad but light smile, and Magnus was amazed to see a little tenderness from Maryse Lightwood.

“I see, ma'am,” Magnus replied quietly.

In response, Maryse shook her head and guided the history student to the living room. ”Let's continue our conversation here,” she explained, and Magnus agreed as he took a seat on one of the leather armchairs.

“So, Mr. Bane,” Maryse began as she sat down with a cup of tea opposite Magnus. ”Why did you apply for the job?”

Magnus swallowed and tensed before he breathed deeply, trying to get his words right. However, he did not want to waste too much time on his answer.

“And be honest,” Maryse stressed again when Magnus was about to speak.

He looked at Maryse before he nodded, and began to speak. ”I lost my job, and since I'm a student in my final year I need really the money... I wanted to make myself useful and help someone who needs my help more than just my hands to pour a cup of coffee.” Magnus still looked at Maryse, who hadn't changed her facial expressions a bit. ”I know it sounds selfish, but this job is my last hope to not to get thrown out of my Brooklyn apartment. I promise you I will do my job as best I can. You have my word, Mrs. Lightwood.”

“Do you have any experience with GBS or do you know how to deal with it?” Magnus didn't know the right answer to that question. Of course, he had no experience with an illness that required daily help. He didn't even know the actual name of the disease.

“No, but I'm ready to learn,” Magnus replied confidently, and Maryse took a deep breath. ”Alec suffers from the Guillain-Barré syndrome, which attacks his immune system and damages his body more each day. He has been suffering from the disease for two years because our job was his passion.”

Magnus listened attentively to Alec's mother and understood only slowly what kind torture Alec must bear mentally and also physically each day.

”He was going to be the new head of the company after my husband and I retired. He was the best man on our team, and he loved it. The disease threw him completely off track. Alec is depressed and can hardly get out of his room. He is not allowed to leave the house because it is very likely that he could get sick and his immune system can't handle it, and we would have to go back to the hospital to save him,” Maryse continued, and Magnus had to swallow. Alec was passionately in love with his job and proud of his work, even though he was only 22 years old. And now his future and his career were taken from him without him being able to fight for it.

“Is it curable?” Magnus asked hastily because he could not imagine Alec suffering all his life. Maryse looked up from her cup, into which she had stared all the time during her explanation, so as not to burst into tears.

“Yes, it's curable, but Alec's health is more critical than we all thought. He hardly lets anyone get close to him, which makes therapy impossible.” Maryse took a deep breath before she continued. “Usually the duration of treatment is 2-4 years. We haven't made any progress with Alec, yet, it all went downhill.”

Magnus watched Maryse as she spoke and still couldn't imagine why Alec wouldn't let himself recover, but it was probably related to Alec's depression. ”Why won't he let himself get helped if he loves his job so much,” Magnus asked anyway, earning a critical look from Maryse Lightwood. “Too hasty?” Magnus mumbled, embarrassed, but with a slight smile and Maryse breathed deeply.

“Alec was a happy man before the disease. We don't know why he fell to the disease, it was probably in our family and has skipped several generations. Alec had a girlfriend since he was 16 years old. Lydia Branwell was her name, but,” Maryse breathed deeply and sat up straight. She closed her eyes, ”the disease has just changed a lot of things in our family.” Magnus felt the pain Maryse was carrying.

“A few months ago, he wanted to kill himself, and if we hadn't been at home, and heard that he had fallen down in his room, then we wouldn't be having this conversation here, Mr. Bane. I want someone to cheer Alec up, who can talk to him without Alec having to hide. He's hardly letting anyone get close. My husband and I have given up on changing his view of the world. His sister is the only person who can get through to him, if his condition allows it.”

Magnus was shocked and didn't know what to say. Alec was trapped in his house; a broken soul who only wanted relief. He had no idea how to make the former bodyguard laugh again.

“Can you see yourself there, Mr. Bane?” Maryse finally asked with a sharp undertone and looked again into Magnus' eyes.

“As I've said before, I have had no experience with that illness, but according to your explanations, your son needs someone to talk to. I only have one question left...” Magnus began to explain himself. His heart began to beat faster than usual, and he noticed how he curled his hands into fists to hide his nerves.

Magnus wasn't a person who was nervous when he had sat through an exam or his first interview for Starbucks, but this was different. Alec was one man Magnus would see every day. And Alec needed help, contact, and a true friend.

“Why do you want a male nurse for Alec?” Magnus asked curiously. ”You emphasized this information,” Magnus explained slowly, and Maryse looked at Magnus again.

“Alec has had bad experiences with relationships because of Lydia, and I don't want him to fall in love again and get hurt, which would only strengthen his suicidal thoughts.” Maryse seemed exhausted when she finished. Magnus looked at her face, her make-up was discreet and still covered the rings under her eyes. Maryse was definitely tired of fighting for her son's life.

Magnus sat up straight and cleared his throat before his next sentence. ”I'm ready for the task, Mrs. Lightwood. I will do my best to meet your requirements and get Alec back on track, so that he will hopefully allow treatment and improve his condition in the near future”.

Maryse looked Magnus up and down, and wrinkled her nose before taking a deep breath. ”When can you start? All the other applicants seemed stupider and more selfish than you.”

Magnus' eyes widened just before he thought. ”I'll have my exam tomorrow. Then I'll be able to take a cab here and start right away. I can come by every day after university if Alec wants me to.”

“This isn't primarily about Alec. Alec won't ask for any visitors. He doesn't know yet that we are looking for help for him, because he is strictly against help. He thinks we'll lock him up because he's not allowed to leave the house, but it's best for his own health if he stays in his section of the house that is cleaned daily, so he can avoid harmful germs,” Maryse threw in immediately, and Magnus nodded without further comment. Mary's phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket.

Maryse skimmed the message only briefly before she looked at Magnus and got up. ”You do have a course at the university anymore, don’t you?” she asked quickly, and Magnus nodded.

“Yes, um,” Magnus started before he got up too. ”My… my friend is taking notes everything important for the exam, Mrs. Lightwood.”

Maryse looked at the open living room door before nodding to Magnus. ”You start tomorrow after your exam, and when would that be?”

Magnus recalled his examination schedule.” At 1:00 p m,” he answered Maryse's question.

She nodded again and typied on her phone. ”Then we can go to Alec now so that I can show you everything for tomorrow. We have to be in Harlem tonight. I don't know if we'll be back tomorrow.”

Magnus tried to understand the words that just came out of Maryse's mouth, but he didn't know if he got the job or not, but Magnus didn't ask anymore, because he didn't want to stretch Maryse's patience any further.

* * *

“His sister's with him right now checking his health. He had a cold last week and still hasn't recovered properly,” Maryse explained as they stood at the door. They were now on the third floor of the house, and Maryse reached for her key card. ”You'll also get a card when we're done here. The whole floor belongs to Alec. He has a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room all for himself. All fully equipped with the latest technology.”

The door opened when Maryse put the card over the counter, and Magnus was astonished, but entered Alec's apartment without comment and was surprised by the design that ruled Alec's apartment. It seemed minimalist and yet stylish, very different from Magnus' student apartment.

Maryse led Magnus into the living area where Alec and his sister were lying on the couch watching TV.

“Alec, Isabelle.” Maryse began quietly when they looked up.

Magnus had to take off his shoes at the door. Alec scrutinized Magnus who was shocked by Alec’s appearance. He looked gorgeous for being sick. His form was slender and he looked exhausted, which probably resulted from the fact that he had not been allowed to do any sport since the disease had become rampant. His neck was adorned with a large black Z, which emphasized his neck perfectly.

“Hello,” Isabelle said, kindly, before she shook Magnus' hand. Magnus smiled at her warmly. ”I'm Isabelle,” she introduced herself. ”You can call me Izzy and,” Isabelle turned around and pointed to Alec, who was wearing an oxygen mask and now got up and stood next to Isabelle, ”is my brother Alec.” She smiled warmly, again, at her brother and Magnus could tell from her looks that they loved each other and were close. Magnus smiled and reached out his hand to Isabelle.

“I am Magnus.”

Isabelle looked at Magnus' face before she smiled and took his hand as well. ”Pleased to meet you,” she replied before looking at Alec, who was watching the situation from a distance. ”I need to check you out right now before you can have a closer talk with my brother. Anything, however small, can send Alec to the hospital.”

Magnus looked briefly at Alec, who had his arms crossed, before nodding. ”I see,” said Magnus and Isabelle looked at her mother.

“Did you hire him?” she wanted to know, and Maryse nodded.

“He seemed one of the most qualified of all.” Maryse's gaze scurried over to her son, who scrutinized her critically.

“I'm sick, not stupid,” were the first words that came out of Alec's mouth, and felt enchanted. Alec didn't just look incredibly good, he had a beautiful, warm, calm voice, even if it seemed irritated at the time. Alec looked hurt. Apparently, he really didn't know anything about getting help.

“Alec...” Maryse whispered, exhausted and worried at the same time. Alec raised his hand defensively before leaving the room in a run before angrily slamming the door to his room.

“I assume he didn't know anything yet,” Magnus remarked drily.

Isabelle took a deep breath before she nodded. ”We thought it would be easier for him if we confronted him directly with you. He would have just closed off more.” Isabelle looked at her mother.

“He could want to kill himself again. He feels like a helpless child because he is no longer allowed to go out alone, he is no longer allowed to cook alone...” Maryse's voice became quieter with every word, and touched, Magnus looked to Isabelle.

“Please Magnus, you have to build trust with him, even though it'll probably be hard for you at first.”

“You can count on me. I won’t leave, even if he sends me away or hates me.” Magnus smiled honestly and warmly at Isabelle, and the young woman also smiled at Magnus before looking at her mother, who stood impatiently at the door to Alec's room and knocked.

“Alexander Gideon! Open the door and meet Magnus! He'll help you!” Maryse's voice seemed threatening and angry at the same time. She was definitely tired of dealing with Alec's situation.

“Help me with not killing myself?! Thank you, too,” Alec yelled at the door before coughing.

Isabelle looked back at Magnus and breathed deeply. ”He really is the best brother I could ever imagine, even though the illness has turned his whole life upside down, he is a good soul, Magnus.”

Magnus put his hand on Isabelle's shoulder. ”I believe you,” he whispered with a smile and Isabelle smiled, too, before Maryse passed them both.

“I have to go now to pack my bags, with Robert and Jace. Isabelle, show Magnus everything he needs to know. He'll come here tomorrow after his exam to take care of Alec,” she said quickly before the door opened and closed again.

Isabelle stood at the door of Alec's room door and listened for a sign of life from Alec. ”Alec... she's gone.”

“And Magnus?” Came the answer back.

Isabelle looked behind her and at the door again. ”Magnus is still here, but he won't hurt you, Alec. I promise you.”

When no further reaction came from Alec, Isabelle walked away from the door and sat down with Magnus at the kitchen counter to explain everything important to him.

“Here are his pills. Even if he has no therapy, the doctor prescribed these so somewhat curb the process of the disease. Always take off your shoes and use this disinfectant spray before you handle his food.” She handed him a tube which lay on the kitchen counter in a bowl. ”Especially since you should never let Alec cook alone. Everything else here is cleaned daily by our housekeeper. Your job is to spend as much time as you can with him. Alec hasn't had a true friend in a long time because the illness limits him. He feels alone when I'm not with him. Alec loves books and movies. He also loves archery, which is why he still plays archery on his console. Just make sure he never overexerts himself. I also have a folder here,” Isabelle got up to get a black ring binder from the bookshelf behind her, ”in which I put everything together, and here are the phone numbers of me, Maryse, Robert, and also Jace so you can reach us in case of an emergency. If he suddenly falls ill – which happens really often – I've described in the back what you can try before you have to call us or the emergency doctor. The number of Alec's doctor is also there.”

Magnus listened to Isabelle's explanations before nodding and breathing deeply. ”These are really… um... this is a lot of information,” he said with a smile. Nonetheless, Isabelle looked at him slightly desperately.

“You can always leave if it gets too much, but it would only be a shame since Alec already seems to trust you.”

“Yes, I understand. And No, I promised your mother you could count on me. Besides, I need money, and Alec needs a friend. Therefore, it's a win/win situation.” Magnus laughed quietly, which made Isabelle smile.

“I'm glad you're willing to help him. I'm sure it will help Alec if you do get through to him and tear down his walls. He's been really closed off the last few years. I hope you at least change him a bit and show him that life still has something to offer.” Isabelle turned her head and looked again at Alec's room door. ”By the way, no door is lockable. But we value his privacy and never barge into his room,” Isabelle explained quietly, and Magnus nodded in understanding.

“Understandable.”

“If you want, you can go for today.” Isabelle handed Magnus one of the house keys. ”I will check on my brother again tomorrow morning, and then text you if you give me your number. Then you are prepared for everything. Today he definitely needs his rest, otherwise, he only drives you mad, although he doesn't mean it that way. His depression is a beast.”

Magnus looked at Isabelle sadly before he wrote his phone number on the newspaper in front of him, and stood up to pat her on the shoulder. ”You're strong, Izzy, so strong.” An encouraging smile sneaked into his lips before he nodded and said goodbye. ”See you tomorrow _Alec_!” he shouted before closing the door behind him and taking a deep breath.

He would definitely not pass the test, but it was worth it. Alec was worth it and the fact that he could help him.

Magnus made his way home and went through the notes that Raphael had sent him via iMessage in a taxi.

It was more than Magnus had expected and he knew he would spend the night to study and repeat everything, but at least he had found a new job where he would not meet countless unfriendly customers, but just a big Grumpy Cat.

But Magnus knew, he could _break_ his grumpiness.


	2. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! 
> 
> Welcome back to chapter number two of Let Me Be Whole Again! 
> 
> I'd like to thank y'all for the amazing feedback and hits. I didn't believe that this story would be so interesting for y'all :)
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>    
> Have fun with the next chapter. I won't spoil anything for you, but you'll get what you wanted ;) 
> 
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> Enjoy, Kim

"Dude, you look like shit," it sounded in Magnus' head, and his gaze wandered to Raphael, who was just drinking his coffee with relish."You pulled an all-nighter, haven't you?" Raphael asked, and Magnus grumbled in response before he also got a coffee from the machine.

"Yes, I did. The Professor really had to overdo it with the amount of information for today," growled Magnus in exhaustion. He just wanted to sleep, but he knew he had to go back to the Lightwoods after the exam.

"Don’t tell me you've been studying all night for the exam because I know you have! Magnus, you've passed every exam, so far, take a breath, buddy." Raphael wanted to reassure Magnus, even though this was probably no longer possible.

"I didn't. I was doing job research," Magnus replied yawning as he sipped his coffee, and burned his tongue. "Damn!" he cursed. "Why is the coffee always boiling hot?"

Raphael couldn't help but smile. "So you really got the job at the Lightwoods? Damn, dude!" Raphael patted Magnus on the shoulder before he looked at his phone. "We leave in 15 minutes. You ready for this? After the exam, you have to tell me more! I have know all the secrets of the Lightwoods!" He finished with a wink and a chuckle.

"I can't tell you anything after the exam. I have to go straight to Alec because his family left today. He is alone, and I have to leave at once to arrive on time," Magnus explained as they stood at the door to the exam room. Magnus rubbed his face with a yawn before reaching into his shoulder bag to pick out his glasses.

"He'll hate you," Raphael said, and Magnus nodded.

"He does, don't worry. I'll be fine. With my charm." Magnus winked at Raphael before he smiled, and both went into the room in front of him to prepare for the upcoming exam.

Magnus sat in the penultimate row before looking at Raphael across the room. Magnus' head pounded with pain, and he knew he would get out of this test with the most severe headache. He also knew he would have to spend the rest of the day dealing with someone who did not want to any of his help.

Magnus saw disaster loom ahead and knew he could not get his admission to the MSc if he did not pass this exam. Magnus rubbed his temples before looking at his professor, who started handing out the examination sheets. His gaze slid over to Raphael, who sat relaxed in his chair and only a few seconds later also looked at Magnus. He immediately noticed Magnus' desperation and smiled at him briefly before shaking his head as he received his examination sheet.

Magnus' last hope was the tasks not being too difficult. His professor walked past Magnus' table and handed him his exam sheet.

"Good luck, Mr. Bane." said his professor, who would soon lay down his job. At least he had always preached this in class. Magnus liked his professor if he was honest. He always brought tranquility into the course and explained the topics so clearly that Magnus could spend his weekends in clubs.

Magnus didn't even notice that he was sinking into nostalgia and was shocked when his professor wished everyone good luck again, and everyone in front of him hectically began to take the sheets apart. Magnus breathed deeply and focused on the test. He read through the tasks carefully, and occasionally looked over to Raphael, who had already started writing with zeal. There was a huge void in Magnus' head no matter how hard he tried to concentrate. The topic was the American Revolution with all important personalities and processes.

Magnus closed his eyes and breathed deeply before leaning back and scratching the back of his head in thought. His thoughts were already on the food he had to prepare for Alec in the afternoon. Magnus couldn't cook. At least Raphael and Simon told him that at least once a week. Magnus simply hoped that Alec could also eat something from a food delivery service, if he wanted to eat anything at all in Magnus' company.

Magnus cracked his knuckles before picking up his pen and finally starting to write after seemingly endless 20 minutes. He tried to concentrate on the tasks and not on the Lightwood boy, with whom he had to spend the rest of the day and somehow build a bond with him.

_A friendship._

Magnus had to get through to Alec and show him that he was not a bad person or a failure, just because an illness determined his life for two years. Magnus was sure that behind that façade, there was an unbelievably lovable person who was waiting to come back into the daylight.

Magnus's thoughts were always digressing, and his concentration crumbled more and more with every minute, but finally, he finished the test and handed it in at the same time as Raphael, before he looked at the clock. He still had about 20 minutes before he had to go to the subway station to arrive at Alec's on time this time.

Besides, in his head, this formulation still sounded strange. He worked for Maryse Lightwood's son, who hadn't even seen him before the final decision. Magnus was also still not sure about the payment, but he assumed that he could live well from the money.

* * *

Magnus threw his coffee cup in the trash can when someone patted him on the shoulder.

"You survived." Raphael rumbled into his ear, and Magnus grimaced.

"Yes, barely," he replied quickly before taking off his glasses and rubbing his temple again.

"You definitely need sleep," Raphael said before leaning against one of the many pillars. He crossed his arms and looked at Magnus while he yawned. "Me too." he continued, laughing softly. Magnus raised his hand defensively and grumbled briefly.

"I had to learn all this information in three days, Raphael. And in addition-" Magnus raised his index finger explaining in the air. "-- I had a fucking job interview with the Lightwoods."

Raphael looked at Magnus and huffed. "Which you have successfully passed, and now you have a new job. Imagine if you hadn't gotten it and screwed up the test."

Magnus looked at his phone and studied the subway connections before nodding absently. "Hopefully I won’t. I don't want to work for the Lightwoods forever and be tied to Alec Lightwood's health." A smile crept around Magnus' lips. "At least not if he stays Grumpy Cat forever."

Raphael rolled his eyes back. "Is he really that bad?"

Magnus nodded. "He didn't know his parents had placed the ad. Of course he hates me."

Raphael tilted his head slightly and scrutinized Magnus critically. "I can't imagine anybody hating you."

Magnus looked up from his phone and gave Raphael a deadly look. "Fuck you, Raphael," he growled before he took a deep breath and locked his phone.

"Not today, Magnus." Raphael grinned at Magnus who rubbed his face.

"I have to go now. Otherwise, I'll be late again," Magnus explained, yawning before turning away from Raphael.

"You weren't late for your interview yesterday, right- At the Lightwoods?!" Magnus could hear Raphael's hand hitting his forehead.

"It was only ten minutes. Besides, it wasn't my fault." Magnus turned around again to look at Raphael. "It was the traffic that held up the cab."

Raphael had to laugh softly at the lame excuse, but then thought of something as Magnus was already a few steps away from him.

"Will you be at the pandemonium tonight?" he shouted after Magnus.

Magnus turned around again and raised his eyebrow. "Party?" he asked with a smile, and Raphael nodded.

"Maia and Simon want to celebrate their relationship. Clary said she was going with me. They are forcing me to go, so could you please support me?"

A mischievous smile crept around Magnus' lips. "A party?! Of course, I'll go with you. But I don't know yet when I'll show up, because I don't know when I can leave Alec alone again." Magnus gave him a thumbs-up. "I'm definitely in! Tell the girls! Oh-and Simon!"

And so he turned away from his annoyed friend and left the university before putting on his headphones and heading for the subway station.

Queen played in his ear, and within a few minutes, Magnus stood in the front of one of the many vending machines scattered throughout the subway station. His choice? Reese's bar. Not a second later, the subway arrived, and the squeaking of the rails penetrated Magnus’ headphones making his head pound painfully. Headaches were the worst.

It had started to rain when Magnus ran up the stairs of the subway station, and the crowds of people with newspapers on their heads ran past him to seek shelter. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief before taking a newspaper from the newspaper stand next to the subway and holding it over his head. He looked briefly around to orient himself before he set himself in motion to get to Lightwood Manor.

Magnus did not know why he was surprised by the immense number of people in the streets. It was Friday, lunch break.

Why were so many people on the streets in Upper East?!

Magnus was annoyed because his headaches didn't get better and the crowds prevented him from getting to the door on time. Also, he was dripping.

Magnus' socks were wet, and he rummaged in his pocket for the key to unlock the front door.

Meanwhile, it continued to rain down on him, and he knew that he would fall ill within the next week. A few minutes passed before he finally found the key and unlocked the door.

He closed the door behind him and heard the single drops of water dripping onto the laminate flooring of the hallway. After the rain had worsened on his way here Magnus was soaked, and his hair was a mess. But Magnus couldn't mope, he had to take care of Alec, or at least get to know him. He took a deep breath. "Let's go," he whispered to himself before running up the stairs after putting his shoes down. He breathed deeply and unlocked Alec's apartment door before putting the key on the cupboard next to the door and taking off his jacket.

"Alec!" he shouted through the apartment before hanging his jacket on one of the hooks and going into the bathroom to dry his hair and wash and disinfect his hands.

Of course, no answer came from Alec.

Magnus dried his hands with a second towel before taking it into the living room where Alec was lying on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother. He had already put on his mask again and Magnus watched him briefly. Alec turned his head slightly in Magnus' direction and narrowed his eyes.

"What the hell happened to you?" Alec growled before slowly getting up and coughing. He looked at Magnus critically and tilted his head.

"It's raining. For your information."

Alec turned his head to the window and shrugged. "Who would have thought that." Alec kept his distance. "You'd better dry yourself off completely. You can also go upstairs to my parents' apartment and get stuff from my brother Jace. They're all cleaned and suitable for the apartment here. He almost only wears black," Alec finally offered and Magnus thought for a moment before he reluctantly agreed.

* * *

After he had arrived back at Alec's apartment all dried up and wearing a simple shirt, Alec was already lying on the sofa again and had continued his marathon of How I Met Your Mother. Magnus knew that he had no interest in communicating with him whatsoever.

"Are you hungry?" Magnus asked nonetheless when he stood behind the kitchen island and looked at Alec. Alec didn't turn his head, but he answered anyway.

"I don't know. Would you be hungry if your last meal was six hours ago," he threw sassily at him, and Magnus breathed deeply.

"Can you eat from a delivery service or do I have to cook for you?"

Now Alec turned his head to Magnus, and he could have sworn that the former bodyguard smiled darkly under his black mask. "No, I can't take anything from the supplier."

That was a lie, Magnus was sure of it, one of many who would still follow to ruin his time with Alec.

Magnus tried to pull himself together and breathed deeply. "What would you like to eat? That might help me." Alec still looked at Magnus before he shrugged and pointed to the folder. "It contains everything you need to know about me, Bane ."

Magnus gritted his teeth quietly. "You can call me Magnus. After all, we're almost the same age. Oh, wait, I forgot. I'm even older than you."

Alec no longer responded to Magnus' comments and returned to his series, while Magnus resigned to his fate and searched through the folder for a recipe. It had to be something Magnus could cook and then eat himself.

After several minutes of leafing through the pages, Magnus decided on spaghetti with meatballs. His gaze kept wandering into the living room as he desperately started cooking. Alec hardly noticed him, but Magnus was not surprised. They didn't know each other yet, but he hoped they would at least talk to each other over dinner.

Magnus prepared the meatballs before washing and cutting the fresh tomatoes. Alec's cough sounded from time to time, and at some point, Magnus heard slow and gentle footsteps. When he looked up from his saucepan, the tall young man stood in front of him and examined his culinary art. Alec had leaned against the open door frames and watched Magnus. "I've never cooked alone in my life. Don't judge me now." Magnus turned back to his saucepan and stirred stronger before reaching for the spices and looking into the folder.

"Two teaspoons," Alec mentioned quietly, and Magnus turned around. The large, hazel eyes glimpsed down on Magnus.

"Thank you," Magnus acknowledged before turning around again to finish the sauce. Meanwhile, the water in the bigger pot started to boil, and Magnus could throw in the pasta.

He breathed deeply and rested his fist on his hip. "Done," he proudly said to himself, but when he turned around, Alec just disappeared back into his room. Magnus watched the door fall shut before taking a deep breath and taking off his gloves.

"You really love challenges, Alec Lightwood," he muttered to himself before setting the timer and quietly leaving the kitchen.

It was time to take a look at his new job. The ceilings in Alec's apartment were extremely high, which made the almost bare walls seem huge. Occasionally there were pictures on the walls showing Alec and his family. Alec was the tallest member of the family. Magnus ran into the big living room where Alec had just held a marathon on Netflix. The TV was hanging on the wall. To the right and left of it were two closets filled with books. Magnus took a step towards the closet and looked at the books. He had to smile because Alec had an enormous collection of historical books.

When he heard music coming out of Alec's room, he stood by the living room window and looked out. The windows let a large amount of light into the apartment, but since it had been pouring for over an hour now, the apartment seemed duller than it already was. Magnus pulled his phone out of his pocket and leaned against the window before logging in to the group chat.

_[Hey, guys - I definitely need the party tonight. I haven't slept for two days, but it will be worth it, won't it Raphael? ;)]_

When Magnus clicked on "Send," it wasn't long before Clary replied.

_CLARY F._

_[I need you to tell me all about your new job when you get here!]_

Magnus rolled his eyes.

_[Don't remind me I have to spend half the day here. He really hates me.]_

_RAPHAEL_

_[No surprise.]_

Raphael had replied and Maia was typing.

MAIA R.

_[Magnus, it can't be that bad. There's something you can talk about, isn't there? Nobody hates you.]_

Magnus smiled at his cell phone before Raphael wrote again.

RAPAHAEL

_[Well...]_

That was enough for Magnus to lock his phone again before running back to the kitchen to stir the pasta. He found that the myth was true. You can never cook the right amount of pasta. The quantity was more than needed. At least Alec had something to eat for the evening, Magnus thought before he called him.

Magnus had no idea if his food would taste good, but they had no other choice. Magnus went to the sink to drain the pasta before disinfecting his hands again and arranging both plates. Meanwhile, Alec came running out of his room before he arrived in the kitchen. It was the first time Magnus could look at him without his mask. He was beautiful. His face seemed slightly gaunt, but his eyes radiated incredible energy that Magnus would love to experience. But it was trapped in Alec, and Alec was trapped within himself asking for help but never knowing how. Magnus couldn't help smiling to himself. He had rarely seen such an incredibly attractive man who was so untouchable at the same time.

"Would you like to eat here or in the living room?" Magnus asked and pointed to the sofa. Alec watched his hand move before laughing softly. "Why should I eat on the sofa when there is a table and chairs right here, Bane ?"

Magnus looked at Alec for a few seconds before he shrugged his shoulders. "Because it's... more comfortable," he finally replied before shrugging again and sitting at the table.

Alec looked at Magnus. "You're weird, Bane," he finally said. Alec grabbed his cutlery before he began to eat slowly.

"Call me weird or crazy, but I enjoy what I have, Alec. Yes, your life has become a nightmare for two years now, but if you don't do something to get out of the vicious circle, then-”

"Then what?" Alec snapped at him and gripped his fork harder. “I die? That's what I want anyway. What the hell are you doing here and what the hell are my parents thinking?"

Magnus swallowed hard. He also didn't know what Alec's parents were hoping for.

"Well... bad subject, you mustn't get agitated. Do you want to play some video games after dinner? We could get to know each other."

Alec looked up from his plate all of a sudden. "I don't fucking want to get to know you. I want to get rid of you, don't you understand? I don't need any help."

Magnus also looked up from his plate. He didn't want to annoy Alec, but Alec didn't realize that he was dying from a dangerous illness. " Alexander ..."

"Don't call me that."

Magnus had found a sore spot. Alec had his arm propped up on the table and Magnus could take a look at his wrist for a brief moment. A white scar covered the entire skin and Magnus could only remotely imagine what had happened here a few weeks ago. It would have been a shame if Alec hadn't made it. He deserved so much better.

"I like your full name. You don't even call me by mine," Magnus said calmly, and before Alec could defend himself, Magnus already continued. He spoke calmly and slowly. "Alec... I don’t’ want to hurt you. I can't imagine what you have to go through every day. And always alone. Yeah, I do this for money, but I want to help you if you want me to help you. I'm not just your support, I want to be your friend, so you can finally have someone to text to or talk to."

Alec remained calm and he ate his lunch in silence. Magnus took a deep breath. It would be a long way to get to through to Alec.

When Alec had finished eating, he got up and went wordlessly back to his room, and Magnus remained exhausted and with a pounding head in the kitchen.

Sighing, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket again to write in the chat again.

 _[You're all gonna have to buy me a drink tonight. My head is about to explode, and Alec just walked without a word into his room_.]

Magnus clicked "Send" and put his phone aside before rubbing his face. He closed his eyes briefly and massaged his temples. How could he possibly endure this every day? Although Alec had hardly any contact with him, Magnus was already exhausted. The act of rejection was something he was not used to no matter what he tried. He needed Catarina's advice. His phone vibrated.

_RAPHAEL_

_[Sounds like you're his father and grounded him.]_

Raphael just loved to piss off Magnus even more.

Magnus didn’t reply. Instead, he placed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher before he got up again. Loud music roared from Alec's room. Magnus looked towards Alec's room door before his gaze fell on the clock. It had only been two hours since he started, and Alec didn't want anything to do with him much less he didn't want to get to know Magnus.

Magnus didn't know what to do or how to enjoy the job. He needed advice, and he could only get it from one person; Catarina.  
Magnus pressed the red button on the coffee machine before dialing Catarina's number. The ring tone sounded, and Magnus leaned against the counter.

“Don't you have to work?" Catarina asked when she took the call, and Magnus had to smile directly.

“I am at work. But I need your help," Magnus explained before scratching the back of his head. At the same time, the coffee machine beeped, and Magnus took his coffee with him before heading into the living room and sitting on the couch.

"You need my help? What happened?" Catarina asked with concern and Magnus calmed her down immediately.

“Nothing happened. He hates me.”

“He cannot hate you, Magnus. He doesn't even know you.” Magnus observed how the individual raindrops raced each other down the windowpane.

“He doesn't want to get to know me. It's bad, Cat. He wants to die. He hates himself so much, and I'm just sorry. And I don't know how much longer I can take this?!"

Catarina remained silent for a while. “He wants to die?”

“I'm hired as a sentry, so he doesn’t do anything stupid, Cat,” Magnus explained the circumstances, and he heard Catarina sigh.

“This is worse than I thought.”

Magnus sipped his coffee before he nodded. “It really is. I need the money, but he keeps ruining my mood even though he is drop-dead gorgeous!"

Catarina had to laugh. “He looks good, huh?" she asked, laughing.

“Yes, he does. Too bad he won't let anyone get to him. He's missing out on my charms.”

Catarina was thinking while Magnus continued to watch the rain, before he slowly sneaked through the apartment. He stopped in the hallway again with the phone in one hand and his cup in the other hand and looked at the photos.

One of the photos also showed a young, petite and small woman standing next to Alec. Probably this photo was taken many years ago because Alec looked still young and no tattoo adorned his neck. Alec had put his arm around her and pressed her to him. He appeared even more astonishingly strong in the picture and above all, he appeared happy and exuberant. The woman next to her smiled as well, and Magnus could only guess that Alec was happily spoken for a few years ago, and maybe still was.

“Don't give up on him, Magnus. He may have a strong armor, but his core will be softer for it. Don't forget that somewhere inside him is the person he was a few years ago. Happy, strong, funny.”

“How do you know what he was like then," Magnus asked while still looking at the photo of Alec and the unknown woman.

“I just suspect it. Promise me you won't give up now. No one said the job would be easy.”

Magnus knew Catarina was right. She was always right when Magnus needed an opinion. “Promise.” he sighed, finally. “I need the money, after all," he added.

“That too.” Catarina agreed. “Magnus? I really have to go. You took half my lunch break with your call.”

Magnus had to smile, but he nodded. “Thanks, Cat.”

“Any time, Magnus.” And that ended the conversation and Magnus was alone again. At least he felt very alone in the huge apartment.

Magnus took the photo off the wall for a moment to have a better look. Alec seemed like a completely different person in every picture. Magnus felt strange. He felt sorry for him. Compassion for a man he barely knew. For someone who didn't want anything from him. Who didn't want to meet him or talk to him?

Magnus decided to clean up the kitchen completely to pass the time. He cleaned out the dishwasher, dried the remaining dishes and put everything back in the right places. He heard despite the obtrusive music that his room door opened and Alec went into the bathroom. Magnus took a deep breath and went down the hall to intercept Alec.

It didn't take long either when the bathroom door opened again, and Alec appeared.

“Do you want to do something? Watch a movie, play a PS4 game? Anything?"

Alec stopped but didn't turn around at first, his back towards Magnus. He was wearing a long black sweater. In addition, grey sweatpants and plain shoes. His back was no longer defined, but he still recognized the shoulder bones that stood out. At some point, Alec slowly turned around.

“Do you know what I want to do? Be alone. In my room. Without getting pissed off all the time.” He smirked at him darkly, and Magnus took a deep breath.

“Why are you such a fucking jackass?" Magnus burst out, and Alec flinched. “I'm just trying to do my job, and offer you opportunities so you can make something out of your life. That you have someone to be around with and see as a friend!"

Alec looked at Magnus before a frown formed in his face. “What if I don't want you here?"

“Your mother hired me. I don't really care if you want me here or not. But I need the fucking money to pay my rent. Otherwise, I will be kicked out of my apartment. I can't afford everything in this world," Magnus said full of energy. It was out.

Alec scrutinized him before he took a deep breath. “I'll be back in my room.”

And with these words, the former bodyguard left the student again, and the door slammed shut. Magnus cursed himself that he had already treated Alec so badly on his first day at work, but he wasn’t used to being rejected like this. Magnus had always been the popular one at university and had gotten into the pants of every man and woman he chose. He had many friends and acquaintances with whom he could celebrate whenever he wanted. But Alec's rejection threw him off his track. Even though it probably wasn't personal, but Alec was just like that.

Rejecting, closed off, and annoyed by the world.

Magnus remembered Catarina's words and breathed deeply before briefly shaking his head and staring into the living room. He reached for his bag to get his laptop out. He had to use the time productively and just had a lot of time to start his presentation. Of course, he also needed Wifi to be able to search the Internet for information. Magnus briefly punched himself in the face before he got up and ran to Alec's door.

Just as he was about to knock, reality caught up with him. Alec would never give him the WiFi password voluntarily. Magnus stopped his hand movement before reaching for his phone and writing a message to Isabelle.

_[Sorry to bother you, but is the Wifi password in the huge folder included? I don’t think Alec would tell me, to be honest.]_

Magnus clicked on the blue arrow and waited for an answer. Meanwhile, he sat down on the couch again and watched the rain as he still dressed in New York City in a dark shadow.

His phone vibrated a few minutes later, however, and Isabelle had answered him.

ISABELLE L.

_[Haha, no problem. Yeah, it's in the folder on page 120. Anything else good with you?]_

Magnus read the message aloud and swallowed. He didn't want to destroy Isabelle's hopes, but he couldn't lie to her either.

_[Well, let's put it this way. It's more complicated than I thought.]_

Yes, that's one way to put it, Magnus thought to himself, before he clicked on the arrow and took the folder to himself. He leafed through the pages that he definitely had to read in the next few days.

As he was typing the last digit, Isabelle's name reappeared at the top of the screen.

ISABELLE L.

_['m sorry to hear that. I hope he doesn't scare you off. I wish that he could finally open someone up again and see them as a friend.]_

Magnus smiled slightly. He wished the same for Alec.

When the Wifi connected to Magnus' phone, he repeated the process on his laptop before opening his browser and taking a deep breath.

“Let's get on with it," he said to himself before immersing himself into the depths of the French Revolution, losing track of time. He searched through several pages full of information and started to work his presentation. He rarely looked at the clock, because history interested Magnus the most. Even though he might love parties, his passion for history was stronger.

At some point, his phone rang, and Magnus yawned and scratched the back of his head. His head was still humming, and he knew that a party would definitely not improve this. But it was a party.

Magnus Bane never turned down a party.

A look at his cell phone reminded him of that, too. It was Simon.

“Dude, where are you?" he yelled into the phone, and Magnus squinted painfully. He looked at his laptop before he looked outside. It was already dark and New York came to life more and more.

“Shit. Shit, Simon, I lost track of time.” He laughed quietly. “I'll be right on my way. Give me three-quarters of an hour," he assured Simon, before hanging up without another answer from Simon.

Magnus saved his presentation before closing his laptop and putting it back in his bag. Meanwhile, it was half past seven and the night fell over New York, but the rain was still pelting against the large windows of the apartment.

Magnus went into the kitchen again to prepare Alec’s dinner. He cleaned his hands faster than usual. Then he took a plate out of the cupboard and filled it with the remaining spaghetti and sauce. Magnus looked briefly around for the microwave, which was installed in one of the cabinets. When Magnus found out how to use it, he warmed Alec's food before putting the pots in the sink and taking a deep breath.

Magnus only noticed now that the kitchen was in complete contrast to the rest of the apartment, which was rather grey and black, but the kitchen was almost all white furniture and white tiles. It was pretty and therefore extremely inviting, which led Magnus to conclude that Alec's mother or Isabelle had to cook for Alec here every day. A black kitchen would have been very depressing.

Before Magnus could analyze the significance of the kitchen, the microwave beeped, and Magnus was startled out of his thoughts. He took the hot plate out of the beeping machine.

“ALEC!" he shouted in the hallway. Of course, he didn't get an answer. Magnus looked impatiently at the watch and tapped the floor with his foot. “I gotta go, Alexander!" he shouted again. He knew that Alec hated that, so the door opened just a few seconds later, and Alec stepped out of his room with untidy hair. His shirt was wrinkled, and he yawned annoyed.

“Should I open the door for you or what do you want from me now, Bane?" growled the former bodyguard annoyed and Magnus narrowed his eyes critically.

“I just wanted to say goodbye to you politely. Your food is in the kitchen, and I wrote my number on a piece of paper if you need me," Magnus explained in a neutral voice before Alec snorted and laughed.

“Yeah, sure, because all I need here is someone who’s drunk. I won't stop you.” Alec pointed to the door. “Have fun," he said with a bitter undertone, and Magnus looked at him again before taking a deep breath and squeezing off the wall.

“Thank you, Alec.” he said before reaching for his bag and going to the door. Alec followed him quietly.

“Take my sister's umbrella with you," he said quietly making Magnus turned around in shock. Alec stood with his back to him in the kitchen and grabbed his plate before turning his head to the left showing the tattoo that flattered Alec's neck perfectly.

“It's raining. Not that you'll catch a cold," Alec quietly drove up, and a minimal smile formed around Magnus' lips.

“The—then you'll drop out," Alec said stuttering as he looked at Magnus. Magnus finally nodded. “Thank you, Alec. Good night," the student replied before reaching for the umbrella and leaving Alec's apartment.

Maybe Alec wasn't an ass _after all_.

* * *

Magnus wouldn't be able to keep to his three-quarters of an hour, he was sure of that. He arrived at his home 20 minutes later before he could jump into the shower.

Magnus normally took a long shower and enjoyed the time under the hot water, but today everything went faster than usual. After five minutes he stood in front of his mirror again and styled his hair. He definitely had to give his hair another shot of color in the near future, because his red strands were nearly washed out by now.

Magnus dried his hair before he took care of his makeup. He painted his fingernails black to make them shine in the lights of Pandemonium as soon as the headlights fell on them. Satisfied with his work under extreme time pressure, he went into his bedroom and opened his closet. His eyes scanned through the different jackets and shirts Magnus had to choose from. He smiled before reaching for a slightly transparent red shirt decorated with gold accents. In addition he grabbed a black coat embroidered with various shiny jewels.

His looks in the club were extremely important Magnus, because this was the only way he could draw attention to himself. When Magnus had dressed, he straightened his hair again and looked at himself in the mirror before nodding contentedly and setting off for the Pandemonium. He was already behind schedule, but Magnus was looking forward to the party and seeing his friends again.

He did not take more than his mobile phone, his keys and his wallet with him. Magnus was in high demand in the Pandemonium. Many men wanted Magnus, but also the women kept their eyes open for the young student from Brooklyn. Magnus called a taxi to the side of the street and got in.

“To the Pandemonium, please," he said before pulling his phone out of his jacket. He clicked on Simon's name and lifted the phone to his ear.

“Simon? I'm in a cab now. If all goes well, I'll be there in ten minutes. Will you order me a martini?" Magnus smiled slightly once he finished talking.

Simon moaned in pain. “Yes, Maia forces me. See you soon!"

Simon had hung up, and Magnus looked at his phone screen before he shook his head and looked out the window. The streets were filled with young people, couples and groups of friends looking for clubs.

“Going to be a long night tonight, huh?” The driver asked, and Magnus looked up. The cabbie was looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

Magnus laughed softly. “It’s Friday. It’s definitely going to be a long night.”

The cabbie smiled. “And it’s my job to ferry all the partygoers home,” he complained.

Magnus looked into the mirror as well to make eye contact with the driver.

“Believe me, you won’t see me again tonight.” Magnus laughed. “Or at least not alone.” He winked at the driver who just pulled over at the Pandemonium before he turned around.

“That'll be $6.70," said the young driver, and Magnus looked at his profile before he bit his lower lip and pulled his wallet out of his pocket.

“Keep the change," Magnus said when he handed over $8. The driver nodded in thanks as Magnus got out of the car to head towards the entrance of Pandemonium.

From outside the music was roaring on Magnus' ears and the anticipation increased with every second that passed. The bouncer at the door had known Magnus for years and only nodded to him before he opened the barrier so Magnus could enter.

* * *

“Magnus!" Simon shouted, surrounded by a mass of people, and waved him over. Both women and men looked at Magnus, who enjoyed the attention. He saw Simon's arm go from right to left like crazy.

“He saw you, Simon,“ growled Raphael. Maia looked at Simon, who was still waving.

“Simon.” Maia finally said and he looked at his girlfriend. “Honey, you're embarrassing us all. He'll be here soon.”

Maia smiled lovingly at Simon as he lowered his arm.

Only a few minutes later Magnus finally came running to the table after already having danced and flirted with several men and women for two songs. He fought his way through the crowd before arriving at their usual table where Simon, Maia, Raphael, and Clary were waiting for him.

“Well, finally,” Raphael said relieved and leaned back with his beer.

“Did you miss me so much, sweetheart?" joked Magnus, before he sat down next to Raphael and took Simon's Martini. “Thank you, Si.”

Simon opened his mouth. “Hey, that-"

“—was my martini, Simon, exactly.” Magnus winked at Simon, and Clary laughed.

“I'll get you a new one Simon, are you coming with me?" Clary asked her best friend, and he sighed before he reluctantly got up braved the crowds again, together with Clary.

Meanwhile, Magnus sipped his cocktail.

“You still look tired, Dude. How long do you want to stay tonight?" Raphael asked curiously, and Magnus looked at him before he shrugged.

“Until I find someone to take home with me to spend a perfect night," Magnus said with a wink before looking around. Magnus' group was sitting at the highest located table in the club, so he had the perfect overview.

“You really want to bring someone back to your bed tonight," Raphael asked annoyed, and Magnus laughed before he shrugged his shoulders.

“After this day?" Magnus asked ironically before raising his hand and pushing his index finger up. “First of all, I completely screwed up the exam today," Magnus explained before lifting his second finger. “And then I had to spend half the day at Alec's. It was horror.”

Maia looked at Magnus, who still looked at Raphael.

“What happened?" she asked out loud, trying to drown out the music. Magnus then turned his head and looked at Maia before he sighed.

“He really hates me. He probably hates himself more, but as soon as I say even one wrong thing, he withdraws completely. I called Cat, and she told me not to give up on him right away. I promised her I'd keep going. But honestly, guys, I don't know if I can really take this for more than a week. He's an asshole to me most of the time and when I told him that, he just went into his room without comment. Which, by the way, I'm not allowed to go in. I got so bored that I started preparing my presentation at some point. He hardly speaks a word to me.”

Magnus sighed again.

“But I think he's a good guy and he can be saved if he allows himself to open up to me. He is also hot and even if I don't know if he has a girlfriend - or even a boyfriend - he definitely deserves someone by his side.”

Magnus finished his explanation as Simon and Clary stood in front of Magnus again with new drinks. With his cocktail finished, Magnus explained to Clary the situation with Alec.

Finally, Clary nodded before compassionately patting Magnus’ shoulder.

“I'm sure you can get through to him. I'm sure he's a great man, even though he's still treating you pretty poorly.”

Raphael laughed while Clary tried to calm her best friend down.

“I can't blame Alec," joked Raphael and caught a deadly look from Clary, who rolled her eyes.

“Stop ruining everything all the time," Clary growled severely, and Simon cuffed Raphael's upper arm.

“If you take away his hope, he will move in with you," Simon remarked, and Maia laughed.

“He's right though…” Maia murmured while holding Simon’s hand.

Raphael also rolled his eyes before he sighed and looked at Magnus who was smiling back at him.

“It's all right. You can do it," he finally admitted, and Magnus nodded contentedly before yawning and looking around. “Did you bring me another drink?" Magnus finally asked Clary, and she nodded before she pointed to the table, on which different drinks were standing. Magnus helped himself.

“But that's not supposed to be an issue today. I won't see him until Monday, and until then, let's drink to Simon and Maia," Magnus shouted before he raised his glass and looked up at the two of them. Magnus was touched by the way the couple looked at each other before they also lifted their glasses smiling.

“Thank you, Magnus,” said Maia, as everyone clinked and took a sip.

“You're welcome. That was probably the best news I received this week," Magnus laughed.

Simon and Maia were still looking at each other before Simon finally bent down a little and kissed Maia's cheek. She smiled lovingly before turning her head and joining their lips into a sensual kiss.

“This is what I call love,” Clary said to Magnus, who glanced at his best friend before he nodded.

“Simon is good for her," Magnus replied quietly so that the two were not disturbed. Raphael looked at his phone and played some trivial mobile phone game, which made Magnus moan annoyed.

“Dude, are you serious?" Magnus said when he turned to him. Clary looked over Magnus' shoulder before she laughed, so Raphael looked up.

“What is it?! I'm not a party person. You know that" Raphael defended himself annoyed, and Magnus looked briefly at Clary before he looked back.

“You can have fun with us or at least with Clary because I have to go back to the dance floor, and find someone who can accompany me tonight.” Magnus looked down to the dance floor where countless young people were dancing together. Closely pressed together, the heat and temperature in the hall continued to rise, but the alcohol ensured that no one cared.

“What is it?! I'm not a party person. You know that" Raphael sighed before nodding and pocketing his smartphone.

“Go hunt, tiger. I'm staying here with Clarissa.”

Clary rolled his eyes. “Just call me Clary, Raphael," she said annoyed, but Magnus raised his hand.

“Don't worry about it, Biscuit. He loves to annoy people because he always gets annoyed by me himself.” Raphael nodded when Magnus had finished.

“We're still here,” Simon remarked and looked at Raphael.

“So you're not alone, honey," Magnus teased his friend before he got up and waved at them.

“I'm surrounded by idiots," Raphael mumbled before he crossed his arms and leaned back.

“Oh, amigo . You are one too," joked Simon and the whole table laughed.

Meanwhile, Magnus went down the stairs and went to the dance floor. With his eye-catching make-up and outfit he was immediately the focus of attention. Many people immediately turned to him and tried to dance with him, but Magnus was picky in choosing his “prey".

The alcohol had a relatively fast effect on this evening, which is why Magnus already made eye contact with someone after a few dances, but they disappeared again and again into the dancing crowd.

Magnus loved challenges - and he wasn't easy to get.

But a few songs later Magnus met the young man again who had him in his sights the whole time. He grabbed Magnus by the arm and turned him to himself before they both stood close to each other.

“Finally," wheezed the young man before Magnus, who smirked at him.

“ _Magnus_.” Magnus introduced himself. The young man in front of Magnus looked at him from top to bottom before he bit his lower lip. A strand of hair hung in his face, which Magnus found sweet and hot at the same time.

“ _Andrew_ ,” his counterpart replied out of breath. “You love challenges, right?" wheezed Andrew and Magnus laughed.

“Have you met me?” Magnus confirmed. He was looking at Andrew. He was about the same size, had blue-green eyes and dark brown hair. Magnus'; gaze wandered to Andrew's hand, which was still closed around his upper arm. He definitely worked out, because his bicep was emphasized perfectly through his V-neck shirt.

“You haven't let me out of your sight all this time," Andrew continued breathlessly, and Magnus smiled darkly before he freed himself from Andrew's grip. He pushed Andrew's chin up with his index finger. In the meantime, they stood next to the dance floor, and Magnus pressed Andrew against one of the pillars that were spread all over the industrial hall.

“You look good too," Magnus remarked with a smile. Andrew looked at Magnus' face.

“And you look even better from up close than I had ever thought," Andrew replied, and Magnus felt flattered.

“Maybe we should go to the bar and keep talking," Magnus whispered in Andrew's ear, and he nodded happily before the two of them completely left the dance floor and went to the bar.

They kept exchanging looks, and Andrew looked at Magnus' face as he ordered their cocktails.

“Your makeup,” Andrew finally confessed speechless when Magnus turned to him. His eyeliner emphasized his dark brown eyes, which appeared almost black in the shadow of the lights.

“-Looks great on you,” Andrew ended his flirt attempt, and Magnus laughs quietly.

“Thank you,” he purred as he handed Andrew his drink.

Magnus' eyes were already shimmering with exhaustion, but he just wanted to enjoy the night and distract himself.

“And, how was your day?" Andrew asked Magnus, who shrugged and looked at Andrew flirting.

“Let's not talk about me. You'd better tell me something about yourself," Magnus whispered into his ear when he had cleverly bent down towards the stranger.

The night could _begin_.

* * *

“He's got someone," Raphael mumbled, still sitting at the table with Clary.

Clary turned around and looked at the bar where Magnus was sitting with a young man flirting.

“That took," Simon started before he looked at his cell phone, “23 minutes flat!" he shouted in joy and high-fived with Maia.

“We won!" Simon shouted, and Maia laughed.

Raphael and Clary begrudgingly paid their wager.

“I told you so. In less than 25 minutes," boasted Simon and stuck out his tongue to Raphael.

“But he needs it today, too," Clary said with a smile on his face, and Raphael looked towards the bar again.

“His day was absolutely shitty, Clarissa," Raphael replied, while Magnus paid for his drinks, and got up together with the stranger.

His gaze went in Raphael's direction, and he nodded at him smiling before winking and shaking Raphael's head before turning around again.

“He has him for sure.”

* * *

Magnus and Andrew were on their way to Andrew's apartment. On their way out of the Pandemonium, they had already got to know each other better and exchanged their first kisses.

“Shit, everybody at the university is right. You're a damn good kisser," enthused Andrew.

Magnus had already noticed that the alcohol had struck him. But he also noticed that he himself was getting warmer and even more desperate for sex to end the day.

“If that's all they tell you…” Magnus whispered in his ear before he bit into Andrews' neck, which made him gasp slightly.

At the same moment, Magnus' phone vibrated, and he risked a look. He hadn't saved the number, but he could tell by the message that it was Alec.

_UNKNOWN NUMBER_

_[What the fuck did you put in the food?!]_

Magnus read the message twice before Andrew took the phone out of his hand and kissed him again. Magnus forgot the message in just a few moments and concentrated on the man sitting next to him. The taxi driver brought them to Andrews' apartment within half an hour, and both got out of the car kissing each other before they made their way to the apartment.

On the way up Magnus looked at his phone again, because it had vibrated for the second time.

_[I'm serious, Bane. Where are you right now?]_

Magnus was about to type his answer as Andrew pulled him into the apartment and pressed him against the first best wall. He was still holding his phone, but couldn't muster the strength to push Andrew away to answer Alec.

“Just ignore the fucking phone," Andrew whispered in his ear as he started undressing. Magnus became hot and cold at the same time, but within a few seconds, his brain stopped working. He just needed this.

When Andrew had thrown Magnus' jacket into the corner, Magnus took care of Andrew's shirt and tore it off his body before Andrew pulled him into the bedroom with him. Magnus'; phone landed on the nightstand and the two men in bed. Magnus lay on Andrew and tried not to think of the news from Alec. He kissed Andrew's sternum down long as he spread his legs further and his hands got caught in Magnus' hair. He literally clung to Magnus.

But this pleasant and satisfying feeling did not last long when Magnus' cell phone started ringing.

Andrew sighed annoyed. “You’re in high demand, Magnus.” he joked slightly annoyed, and Magnus looked up. “Take it," Andrew demanded, irritated, and Magnus smiled.

“Patience," Magnus replied and calmly looked at the number on the screen.

It was Alec.

“ _Alexander_ ," Magnus smirked as he decided to irritate the former bodyguard. “How lovely of you to call, darling. Is everything ok-" Magnus stopped as soon as he heard Alec choking and gasping for air.


	3. Thin Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening/afternoon/morning!
> 
> It's been 3 weeks (I think?) since I left you alone with that enormous cliffhanger. 
> 
> It's time to change that today! 
> 
> Thank you for all your feedback and I'm glad you still love my work! 
> 
> As always you can leave your feedback on Twitter as well with the hashtag #LMBWH.  
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> This chapter is filled with Malec, I hope you'll like it ;)
> 
> I'm excited to see your reaction. Have fun and enjoy, Kim :)
> 
> [CHAPTER 3-6 ARE CURRENTLY IN CORRECTION ]

 

Magnus immediately sat up and forgot everything around him.

 

“Alec?!" he called into the phone and Andrew groaned, annoyed, at the interruption. Magnus' heart was racing.

 

“Help me," Alec coughed before choking again. “Please _Magnus_ …” He whispered hoarsely before choking noises sounded through the telephone again.  

 

Magnus' eyes widened before he got up. “Alec?! I'll be right there. Hang in there, will you? Do you hear me Alec?!" he almost shouted into the phone before he heard a weak  _okay_ from Alec.

 

Magnus immediately got up from the bed and hung up before turning to Andrew, who looked at him, annoyed. “Are you serious now?" Andrew growled bitterly, and Magnus closed the buttons of his trousers before reaching for his cell phone again.

 

“Sorry, but it's an emergency.”

 

“Do you say this to everyone you want to get rid of?" Andrew asked, still laying in the bed, looking at Magnus unimpressed.

 

Magnus took a deep breath before replying. "No. It's a real emergency." By the time he finished the sentence, he was already in the hallway putting on his shoes. "Alec is not a lover of mine. I work for him,” Magnus continued after not getting a response from Andrew. He knew he didn't have to justify himself, but he did out of courtesy. His brain came back to him, and with every second that passed, the situation got worse, and every second counted for Alec.

 

“I'm truly sorry, Andrew, but I have to go now," Magnus shouted in Andrew's direction before he grabbed his jacket off the floor and left the apartment.

 

Within seconds he stood on the street and orientated himself briefly. It took him ten minutes by taxi from Andrew’s apartment to Alec.

 

The student stood impatiently by the side of the road before briefly looking at his phone. It was past three in the morning, and the streets were filled with students and intoxicated people.  A taxi just came around the corner as Magnus raised his hand and the yellow car desperately wavered to him.

 

The taxi braked immediately and stopped in front of Magnus. The history student went in the back and gave Alec's address before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and saved Alec's number. He read the messages and hit his forehead. He was so naive to think Alec could handle himself. He should have pushed Andrew away and answered Alec. He's in charge of Alec.

 

He needed to take responsibility.

 

Magnus felt his breath become faster and more uncontrolled. He was scared… afraid for Alec and his job. It was his first day at work and he already fucked it up.

 

Magnus didn't wait long before redialling Alec's number and hearing the dial tone. “Please drive as fast as you can. I'm in a hurry," Magnus stressed to the driver when he stepped on the accelerator.

 

Meanwhile, Magnus concentrated on the dial tone, which sounded again and again.

“Come on, Alec…” Magnus begged himself.

 

But Alec didn't take the call.

 

There were various scenarios formed in Magnus' head of what could have happened, and with every minute that elapsed, he became more worried about Alec.

 

The student went through every moment repeatedly to what he could have done wrong. He acknowledged he was an inadequate cook, but Magnus couldn't imagine food poisoning Alec. Magnus breathed deeply and closed his eyes before leaning against the back of the back seat. Had he known that this job would steal almost all his sleep, he would have said no.

 

But now he was sitting in a taxi in his party outfit, hair dishevelled, and a throbbing heart. He was worried because Alec's life was probably at stake. He could also lose his job because he hadn't taken care of Alec, but as long as Alec would survive that night, Magnus didn't care about the outcome of the situation.

 

-

 

The taxi braked again and stopped right in front of Alec's house. “Thank you," Magnus said, briefly tied, before handing the driver the money that the rearview mirror had already displayed.

 

Without waiting for another answer from the driver, Magnus opened the car door and ran to the front door. He was digging for the right key in his jacket pocket, and when he finally found it, his hands trembled so hard that he dropped the key. Magnus cursed himself before he bent down and tried again.

 

He breathed deeply, closed his eyes and opened them again a few seconds later.

 

He had to concentrate and not lose his nerve because he still didn't know what was going on with Alec. Of course, he could have called the ambulance long ago or left Isabelle a message, but Magnus acted with his instincts, and they yelled at him to run to Alec.

 

As the key slipped into the lock, Magnus breathed a sigh of relief before opening the door and running upwards. He was glad that nobody but Alec and him were in the house because Magnus' footsteps were so loud that everyone would have woken up from their restful sleep.

 

The student stormed into the apartment only a short time later. He was still wearing his shoes, but his thoughts were just with Alec.

 

“ALEC!" he shouted through the apartment before hurrying to the sink to disinfect his hands. “ALEC WHERE ARE YOU?!" he shouted again before hearing a slight cough from the bathroom.

 

Magnus looked in the direction of the bathroom and saw the weak light barely illuminating the hallway. “Fuck.” cursed Magnus before he dried his hands and left his shoes in the kitchen.

 

The student ran to the bathroom and remained frozen by the door frame. Alec was lying on the floor in front of the toilet. He was pale. _Too pale._ His eyes were closed, but he was still breathing. He was still alive.

 

“Alec!" Magnus shouted as he hurried in and kneeled beside him, but just before he touched his shoulder, he pulled his arm back and bit his lower lip. He should have read the guide. He had no idea what to do or if he could even touch Alec.

 

Magnus thought about it when Alec coughed again.  “W-water," Alec gasped hoarsely before opening his eyes and looking at Magnus. His eyes were reddened and filled with tears. Magnus nodded before getting up and hurrying back to the kitchen to fill a glass with fresh water from the fridge.

 

When he got back to the bathroom, Alec sat against the wall, his eyes closed. A trail of tears rolled down his cheeks and his hands trembled. Magnus sat down next to Alec on the floor and tried to ignore the pungent smell coming from the toilet.

 

“Here…” Magnus whispered before he handed the glass to Alec, who turned his head slightly. He softly smiled before nodding his thanks and taking the glass from Magnus' hands.

 

Alec took a large sip before he lowered the glass and breathed deeply. Magnus was slightly overwhelmed with the situation and did not know how to react. He didn't want to make Alec's condition worse, but he didn't want to look cold either.

 

“Since when have you been sitting here?" he asked slowly in the dark and Alec looked at him again. “I didn't keep track of time while I was taking my supper to the toilet.” Magnus swallowed hard. So it was really _his_ fault.

 

“Alec, I… I followed the recipe exactly-"

 

“You probably had forgotten to prepare the food properly before you had to go to _your party,_ " Alec explained before placing the glass of water on the floor and rubbing his stomach. “I still feel sick…” he admitted, and Magnus frowned his eyebrows together in worry.

 

“Is there anything I can do for you? Should I call an ambulance-"

 

"-No!... not the ambulance, please. I can do this on my own.”

 

Magnus looked at Alec with concern before Alec looked back at the student again and his expression became softer.

 

“W-we can do this on our own, of course," he corrected himself before the former bodyguard noticed how his stomach contracted and water formed in his mouth again.

“Fuck." he cursed before leaning over the toilet again, and the choking noises filled the room. Magnus looked to the side before taking a deep breath and jumping over his shadow. After all, it was his fault that Alec threw up.

 

Magnus moved closer to Alec and gently stroked his back to show him he was there. “Do you have any medicine I could give you?" Magnus asked when Alec chokes disappeared. Alec nodded, still hanging his head over the toilet bowl before leaning back.

 

“Yes, there's a box of medicine in the pantry in the kitchen for me.” Magnus nodded before getting up and leaving the bathroom, but something stopped him. He didn't want to leave Alec alone again.

 

“I'll take you to your room first," he finally said when he turned around again to face Alec, and Alec looked at him critically from the corner of his eye. “I don't care what you think of it. I'm not letting you sit here on the cold tiles. Take my hand," Magnus continued before reaching out his hand. Alec looked intensely at Magnus' hand before he looked into his eyes. “I washed and disinfected my hands if you needed this information for trusting me," Magnus answered Alec's unspoken question. Alec finally nodded and let Magnus help him get up.

 

The student slowly brought the former bodyguard to his room, which he hadn't even seen before. Huge windows equipped the room which certainly gave the room large amounts of light during the day.

 

Alec’s bed was on the right side behind another wall. To the left was a couch and, on the wall, hung a flat screen. Among them was Alec's desk with his iMac. Magnus was flabbergasted, just because everything was well-matched with each other. Alec's room was also very dark, just like the rest of the suite. His wardrobes and his bed were black; the blanket was grey, like the sofa, and the walls were also in a dark grey. Plants decorated the room in contrast to the dark pictures hanging on the walls. Alec also had a corner with various bookshelves that went under the TV, next to his desk. Alec clearly _loved_ books as much as Magnus loved them.

 

Magnus carefully lowered Alec to the bed before opening a window and briefly leaving the room again to take the medicine box out of the closet and a large bowl if Alec didn't make it to the bathroom again.

 

He also grabbed the folder and finally went back to the bedroom where Alec lay trembling under his blanket. Magnus stopped just before the bed and looked around before he placed the bowl next to Alec on the bedside table and took the chair from Alec's desk to sit in front of his bed.

 

Alec coughed from time to time while Magnus leafed through the folder like wildfire to find the right drug for Alec. He didn't want to take the risk of harming him again. Once he read the headline: _Vomit and diarrhea meds_ , he opened the box with the drugs, and soon enough he had the right medicine in his hand. Before he rushed back to Alec to give it to him, the student fetched a bottle of water from the fridge.

 

“Here…  take this," he finally ordered, and Alec obeyed him, sitting up slowly. Alec carefully took the pill from Magnus' hand before setting it in his mouth and swallowing it with water. “Thank you…” Alec whispered hoarsely, and Magnus nodded in response before he sat down again on the chair in front of Alec's bed.

 

Alec laid down again and rubbed his stomach with a painful face. “Was it the food that spoiled your stomach?" Magnus finally asked, and Alec nodded weakly. A light sweat line had already formed on his brow. His body was working flat out to heal Alec's stomach, which weakened Alec.

 

“Can I give you anything to help with the pain?" Magnus asked quietly, and Alec nodded before pointing to the box of medication.

 

"Painkillers…” he whispered, and Magnus nodded hastily before getting up and giving Alec the pill to relieve his pain.

 

Then he read the page about the use of painkillers for Alec. One of the side effects was that Alec became exhausted and was hardly responsive. In addition, Alec's painkillers were able to develop extreme diarrhea. Magnus scratched his head as he read the lines.

 

The student bit his lower lip and looked at Alec, who looked at him weakly. “I won't die…” he whispered, and Magnus tried to smile.

 

“I-I hope so," answered Magnus, before he slowly got up and looked around the room. He liked Alec's taste and the design, which ran through the entire apartment. Magnus finally arrived at Alec's bookshelves, and his eyes flew over the selection. It was noticeable that Alec liked history due to his collection of historical biographies or novels.

 

Magnus turned around again and looked at himself in the mirror next to Alec's bedroom door. He looked exhausted, and the smudged eyeliner and ruined hairstyle proved it.

 

Despite everything, Magnus managed to pull himself together. He went back to the chair and quietly sat down. Alec opened his eyes again before smiling and saying, "Magnus, you look so miserable." Magnus looked directly into Alec's eyes. He had called him _Magnus_ again.  

 

“You don't look any better than I do" Magnus teased back, and a little smile formed on Alec's lips.

 

“I wasn't the one at a party _either_ ," Alec replied hoarsely, and Magnus looked at Alec before he stroked through his hair.

 

"I didn't plan on showing up here again, _either._ " Alec nodded weakly and continued to cover himself.

 

After watching Alec for a while to see any signs of discomfort or the situation worsening, Magnus took a deep breath. He reached for the folder filled with information and turned on the floor lamp behind him. Magnus sighed in relief and leaned back before beginning to read.

 

It took Alec a while to fall asleep, as expected, and by the time he was shifting in bed, Magnus had already read half of the folder. Magnus looked up from the corner of his eye he saw Alec rolled to the side of the bed and choke. Magnus stood up immediately and handed Alec the bowl for him to vomit.

 

Magnus continued to hold the bowl as Alec's powers dwindled. He felt guilty for causing this and for not being able to help Alec in a proper way.  

 

Finally, Alec fell back into the sheets and coughed before Magnus handed him a glass of water. “I'll just clean the bowl," Magnus said quietly, and Alec nodded weakly before rubbing his forehead.

 

Magnus dried the bowl as he heard Alec's voice. “Magnus?” he called hoarsely, and Magnus hurried back to Alec immediately. “I'm here," he said when he came back to bed.

 

Alec breathed out hard. “I'm dizzy."

 

Magnus looked sadly at Alec before putting the bowl down again and reaching for his phone. “Wait a minute," he told Alec before he turned away from the bed and dialed Catarina's number.

 

_She was his only hope at the moment._

 

The ring back tone sounded, and Magnus breathed deeply before the lovely voice at the other end of the line sounded.

 

"You're lucky that my night shift just ended." Catarina laughed at first, but when Magnus did not join, she knew there was something wrong.

 

"I need your help," Magnus quickly spoke before he looked back at Alec, who had rolled back into his bedspread. The bodyguard trembled enough to make his teeth chatter.

 

Catarina raised an eyebrow before clearing her throat. “What happened?" She finally asked, and Magnus began explaining the situation.

 

“I drove to him as fast as I could and found him inside the bathroom. He has probably been throwing up for hours.” Magnus took a deep breath before he continued. “He told me not to call 911, but he's still throwing up.”

 

“And you have no one in his family to help him?" Catarina asked while she took her medical bag out of the locker.

 

“No, his family's out of town. Especially since they'd fire me immediately since it's my fault.” Magnus quickly explained making Catarina take a deep breath.

 

“Stay calm, Magnus. Your voice is already trembling with panic. I'll come around soon. Will you send me the address? So I won't have to go back to the computer to look up his address.” Magnus nodded hastily, even though Catarina couldn't see him. “Yes, of course, I will. Can you stop by at my place and bring me some clothes?" he asked softly. The nurse just smiled at the other end.

 

“Let me guess. You were at the Pandemonium, and you're still wearing your party clothes.” Magnus felt exposed and bit his lower lip.

 

"I wasn't supposed to come back. And! I also had a one-night stand running!" Catarina shook her head.

 

“I'm coming over. Give me 20 minutes,” Magnus released a relieving breath before thanking and hanging up.

 

He went back to Alec's bed, where the young man was still curled up and cramped.

 

"Shall I make you a hot-water bottle, or a chicken broth according to the recipe," Magnus murmured anxiously, but Alec shook his head in a pejorative manner, and raised his hand in the air, rejecting it.

 

"Better not touch any more food," Alec replied, and Magnus nodded. He could understand Alec. After all, the food had spoiled his stomach.

At least Magnus thought so.

 

“I'll make you a hot-water bottle," Magnus quickly said before he left the room and went into the kitchen to prepare the kettle. Nonetheless, he had left the door to Alec's room open so that he could hear if Alec vomited again. Magnus breathed deeply, while the kettle began to boil. He hadn't imagined his night like this, but the student couldn't change anything.

 

He supported himself with his elbows on the kitchen cupboard and waited for the red lamp to turn off again from the kettle before rubbing his face tiredly. He definitely needed sleep, but he couldn't let Alec out of his sight.

 

Magnus grabbed the hot water bottle and filled it with the boiling water before pressing the button on the automatic coffee machine.

 

He needed caffeine, _a lot_ of caffeine.

 

He opened one of the cupboards to get a coffee cup before placing it under the machine and taking a double espresso. While the coffee machine was conveying he black golden liquid into the cup, the student went back to Alec, who had his eyes closed again. Magnus didn't know if he was asleep, so he wouldn't wake him.

 

Magnus didn't think long and sat down quietly and carefully on the edge of the bed before slowly lifting Alec's blanket and wrapping the hot-water bottle in a towel around Alec's stomach. The former bodyguard released a faint hum, but his facial expressions relaxed immediately which took a great load off Magnus’ mind.

 

Magnus watched Alec for a few seconds and looked at his face, which seemed so fragile. But it was beautiful. Alec had incredibly long eyelashes that emphasized his eyes, because Alec's eyes were huge and contained so many secrets inside. His cheekbones were sharp and his dark brown hair, which almost passed as black, fell into his face. Magnus could not recognize his tattoo, because Alec lay on the left side. His lips were slightly pink and just now stood out completely from the rest of his face, which was quite pale. They were filled and Magnus caught himself licking his lips briefly before shaking his head.

 

Alec seemed so fragile, but at the same time incredibly strong.

 

Before Magnus could concentrate on all the details in Alec's face, the sound of the coffee machine went quiet and Magnus stood up silently to pick up his coffee. On the way back to the room he sent Catarina his location via iMessage.

 

Arriving in the room, he sipped his cup before sitting down on the chair and scrolling through Twitter.

 

“So, I fucked up your one-night stand, huh?" he heard teasingly from Alec before Magnus looked up.

 

Hazelnut brown eyes lay on Magnus' face, looking exhausted. A slight smile had formed around Alec's lips, and Magnus opened his mouth briefly before closing it again and shaking his head in shock.

 

“Yes, you could say that.” Magnus grinned slightly. “You owe me," he finally said, and Alec kept quiet for a while.

 

“I owe you my life," he whispered quietly before Magnus looked up from his cell phone again. Alec was still looking at him. Magnus was overwhelmed.

 

Had Alexander Lightwood just claimed that Magnus had saved his _life_?

 

“You don't have to say anything," Alec finally replied to Magnus' questioning look. “Don't think I like you now. I still don't want you here. At least not. . . if I don't have to throw up all the time," Alec explained before Magnus' lips twitched slightly upwards. He nodded understandably.

 

“I see.” Magnus replied before the doorbell rang. Magnus shrugged briefly, for he was still absorbed in his thoughts.

 

“This has to be Cat," Magnus said before he got up and walked to the door. He took another sip of his espresso before pressing the button to open the door for Catarina. Then he opened Alec's apartment door and leaned against the door frame when he heard the footsteps of his friend. Catarina went up the stairs with her bag and smiled at Magnus.

 

“You picked a nice place to work," she noticed when she took off her shoes. Magnus laughed quietly.

 

“Maybe, but I don't live here," he replied.

 

Catarina walked past Magnus before she placed her bag down and crouched down.

“You stink of alcohol and look absolutely miserable. Here are your clothes. You introduce me to Alec now and then you go showering. I'd throw up at that smell, too.”

 

Magnus rolled his eyes before taking the bag of clothes. “Why did you bring me more than one of each?" he asked Catarina and she turned to him again.

 

“Because I know you. Such incidents can happen again and again, Magnus. Especially with GBS patients and you need to be prepared. Especially when Alec is alone and you have to stay here.” Magnus nodded understandingly before putting down his clothes and disinfecting his hands with Catarina.

 

“How is he?" The nurse curiously asked when she was drying her hands.

 

“I made him a hot-water bottle. . . he's weak, but he was awake before you rang the bell.” Catarina nodded before Magnus took her to the room.

 

Catarina stepped over the threshold and looked around for a moment before she walked around the wall and saw Alec on the bed. “Alec, this is Cat. She's a nurse, and she will be able to help you," Magnus spoke quietly, standing next to Catarina. Alec critically examined Catarina with his sluggish eyes. His body visibly was exhausted.

 

Finally, Alec nodded before closing his eyes again. Catarina turned her head to Magnus. “He has a fever, Magnus,” she said, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I didn't touch him any further. I don't know if I'm even allowed to.” Catarina rolled her eyes.

 

“You can go take a shower. I will take care of him." She whispered before sitting on the edge of the bed and tried to keep Alec awake. “Wait! First, bring me another bowl of cold water, please," she ordered Magnus, who was still in the same spot. Magnus blinked briefly with his eyes before he set off and prepared a bowl with a cloth. He hurried and went back to Cat, who had Alec already put up and taken off his shirt.

 

Magnus stopped at the wall and stared at Alec's torso. He was speechless about how incredibly handsome Alec was. However, he also saw the scar covering Alec's wrist. Alec had closed his eyes and seemed unresponsive. His left arm was stretched out next to him. The white scar was sticking out of his skin was also very pale.  Magnus blinked a few times and examined every single spot that Alec had just revealed before Catarina brought him back from his thoughts.

 

“Magnus! The bowl!" Catarina shouted to him, and Magnus shrugged briefly before handing her the bowl. “Watch me," she said, and Magnus sat down on the chair and tried to pay close attention  

 

Catarina turned around the rag and laid it on Alec's forehead before shaking up his pillow and leaning him against the pillow. “Close the window, please. He can’t get a draft," Catarina quietly asked, and Magnus nodded before standing up and closing the window behind him. Alec hummed quietly when Catarina gave him a shot. “What are you doing?" Magnus asked with concern. “I will give him a suitable remedy for his pain. The medicines you gave him only made it worse. He'll be asleep in a few minutes, but he shouldn't have any more pain, and his fever should lower." Catarina explained when she injected the drug into Alec.

 

“Okay…” Magnus replied doubtfully. He just wanted Alec to get better.

 

“You can take a shower," Catarina whispered before turning her head and smiling at her friend. “I'll keep an eye on him for a while.” Magnus also smiled at her before he stood up thankfully and went into the bathroom.

 

Magnus didn't want to take too much time in the shower, so he hurried and grabbed Alec's shower gel, which was perfectly suited to his body, yet had a masculine touch, and smelled incredibly sporty. Magnus liked it. He took off his make-up, and he let the water run over his hair to get rid of the hair gel. He still blamed himself for Alec's condition and hoped, inwardly, that the Lightwoods would not fire him. Although Alec was an asshole to him, Magnus knew he had a soft core and one could laugh with him when Alec wanted to.

 

Because that's what Magnus wanted to see. He wanted to see him laugh, because his smile was already _breathtaking._

 

-

 

The student went back to the bedroom where Catarina placed her stuff back into her bag. Magnus had already put his clothes in the washing machine and disinfected the shower to be on the safe side.

 

“Here I am again," Magnus said quietly, and Catarina nodded before looking at her watch.

“It's six o'clock… I had a short night," she yawned, and just a few seconds later Magnus joined in the yawning.

 

“Who are you telling. I haven't slept in two days.” Catarina looked at Magnus.

 

“Yeah, I can see it, as soon as you stopped wearing makeup.” The nurse looked past Magnus again to look at Alec.

 

“Take care of him. He has his heart in the right place," She whispered to Alec as she placed her hand around Magnus' upper arm. Her lips adorned a warm smile. Magnus looked at her hand before he looked at her questioningly and lifted his eyebrow.

 

“How do you know?" He asked curiously, and Catarina laughed softly before turning away from him.

 

“I have to go home. See you, Magnus, " she shouted to him before she left the apartment, leaving Magnus at a loss.

 

He took a deep breath and looked at Alec, who was sleeping peacefully. He was covered up to his neck again, so he wouldn’t have to freeze. Magnus yawned again before taking the blanket that lay on Alec's couch. It was a dark grey woolen blanket that was soft and cuddly. Magnus sat silently on the chair and covered himself up. It may not have been the most comfortable position, but at least he could keep an eye on Alec. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and turned it on briefly. His battery was almost empty, but he didn't want to steal the cable from Alec's charging cable, so he put the phone right in front of him on the floor and leaned back. Magnus dimmed the light a little more before yawning again and closing his eyes.

 

He needed sleep so badly and simply hoped that Cat's medicine had a strong effect and that Alec would sleep through the night.

 

-

 

 

When Magnus opened his eyes, the sunlight pierced slightly into the room. The blinds held a few rays back delivering the room a golden dark shade. Magnus yawned before he stretched, and his back making an unpleasant noise, and Magnus gasped in pain. “Fuck," he cursed before looking at Alec, who also opened his eyes sluggishly when Magnus woke up.

 

“Damn it. Sorry.” Magnus tiredly mumbled before he stood up quietly. He didn't want to wake Alec because the bodyguard hated him enough.

 

“What time is it? ” Alec hoarsely mumbled the question before he reached for his phone to check the time.

 

Magnus followed his movements silently as he folded the blanket. “I'll wash these as soon as my clothes are dry," he said casually, and Alec nodded.

 

“It's nine o'clock…” Alec answered the question he had asked himself. Magnus reached for his phone, which had run out of battery in the meantime.

 

“My battery's out," he said quietly, and Alec pulled his phone off the power cord.

 

“Plug it in here,” he whispered. He felt extremely weak, but this morning, for once, he didn't want to be an asshole. Magnus looked at Alec holding the cable towards him. “Come on, before I change my mind," hummed the taller one.

 

Magnus blinked twice before briefly laying the ceiling on the floor and connecting his phone to the power supply. It only took a few seconds before Magnus' phone went on and the battery icon was displayed. “Thank you,” he said before he grabbed the blanket and went into the bathroom. He took his washed outfit out of the dryer before putting the blanket in the washing machine and setting the program. Then the student washed his hands and closed the bathroom door to look after Alec again in the opposite room.

 

“Shall I make you some coffee?" Alec shook his head.

 

“I don't bear it. I just need a shower- and I'm hungry.” Magnus smiled slightly at Alec when he had finished.

 

“That's good. I mean— that you're hungry.” Alec nodded weakly before knocking the blanket off and putting his feet on top of it. “Would you like me to prepare the shower, and get you some clothes?” Magnus asked, and Alec lifted his head slightly to look at the student. His head was still booming slightly, but this was due to the lack of food.

 

“No… I can do it on my own. You can make yourself a coffee… or make yourself breakfast… I'll be right there," Alec said before he stroked through his hair. Magnus stared at Alec's tattoo covering his neck. He got lost in Alec's beauty.

 

“ _Bane_ -" Alec hummed before Magnus flinched.

 

“Yes, what?” the student asked after swallowing the lump in his throat. His gaze glided to Alec's eyes, which watched him closely.

 

“I said you could make yourself breakfast. I'll be right there," Alec repeated himself, and Magnus nodded before he left the room and went into the kitchen. He set up a coffee and read through the folder to find something Alec could eat. Magnus found a recipe for French toast that didn't seem too hard. He shrugged his shoulders and frowned his forehead before going to the fridge to collect the ingredients. The student went through every step very carefully, because this time he didn't want to do anything wrong. Before he started mixing the dough, he disinfected his hands again.

 

Meanwhile, the coffee for Magnus ran into his cup the kettle was boiling. Magnus had spotted in the folder the night before that Alec was able to drink tea, so he brewed him a green tea. Magnus read through the recipe as he cracked the eggs and added milk. Eventually, he added some sugar and cinnamon to the dough, before gripping the toast and soaking the toast slices. In the meantime, Magnus put the pan on the stove and turned it on. He heard the shower was still running.

 

 

-

 

 

Alec took his time in the shower because he still felt limp and sluggish. His stomach growled, and his back hurt. He was desperate for vitamins. He grabbed his shampoo and cleaned his body before turning off the shower and grabbing a towel. Alec slowly climbed out of the shower and dried off his body before drying his hair with the towel as well. He finally put on sweatpants and pulled a black shirt over his head. Then he looked at himself briefly in the mirror. He looked like shit. His eye rings were deep and dark, and his cheeks pale. He hated his looks. He missed the old days when every shirt was tight because his muscles filled the fabric. Alec sighed before he grabbed his razor and shaved off his three-day beard with shaving foam. He needed a fresh look.

 

After some minutes, he placed the razor down and turned the tap to wash away the rest of the foam. When he had finished his face, the sharp blade shone on him, and Alec's gaze slid down to his wrist and closed his eyes briefly.

 

But before the bodyguard could pity himself any longer, someone knocked at the door.

 

“Alec? Breakfast is ready," shouted Magnus, and Alec shrugged before shaking his head and putting the razor aside again. He let go of the sink and opened the bathroom door quietly before noticing the smell coming out of the kitchen. His stomach growled again, and the water ran in his mouth.

 

Alec looked to the left through the living room into the open kitchen. Magnus just put the plates on the kitchen island. Alec shook his head with a smile before holding his hand in front of his stomach. His stomach growled again, and Alec swallowed down the water that had formed in his mouth.  

 

“I told you, you didn’t need to do anything for me,” Alec grumbled when he sat down on one of the barstools. Magnus turned around and looked at Alec questioningly before Alec pointed his hand at the plate in front of him.

 

“Oh- no, I had to. You're certainly hungry, and you haven't had anything in your stomach since last night. I just hope your stomach tolerates the French toast?" Magnus looked at Alec questioningly and waited for an answer. He was still holding the spatula in his hand, and Alec could not forbid himself a little smile. Magnus just looked weird. His hair was still wet, and his eyes were only half as dark because his makeup had disappeared. Alec looked at Magnus' face for a while. He looked stunning, even without makeup. His cheekbones were sharp, and his skin could be described as bronze. Alec closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't explain why he looked at Magnus for so long, but his appearance captivated Alec. Magnus simply emphasized his body comprehensively well.

 

All he had on was a plain shirt and black sweatpants. Alec was surprised that the student had normal clothes at all because so far, he had only seen him in unusual clothes.

 

Alec finally nodded silently before pulling the plate towards him and grabbing his fork.

 

“It should work," Alec said quietly before cutting a piece of his toast with his fork.

 

“I don't know if it's edible or not, but I did follow the recipe very closely," Magnus explained, while Alec chewed slowly.

 

It tasted so good.

 

“You can eat it" Alec commented quietly, and Magnus looked at Alec, who was already taking the next bite. Magnus was proud of himself because he had managed to cook something enjoyable.

 

 

-

 

 

They continued to eat in silence before Alec took a deep breath and sat down upright. “Tell me about yourself," he finally mumbled, and Magnus raised his head before tilting it slightly.

 

“What should I tell you?" he asked Alec and shrugged his shoulders before looking at his watch.

 

“I don't know, but I want to enjoy the time before my parents come home and bother me again.”

 

Magnus' gaze also slipped to the watch. It was just before ten o'clock. In about an hour, Alec's family would be back and Magnus' job would be done. “Your parents only care about you, Alec," Magnus tried to calm the bodyguard, and Alec rolled his eyes.

 

“They haven't worried about me for a long time. My parents just don't want themselves to find their son dead," Alec bitterly growled as he ate his French toast. Magnus swallowed hard, but he did not interrupt Alec. He breathed deeply for a few seconds and rubbed his temples. He had his elbows resting on the table.“Be that as it may. What do your parents do?" Alec wanted to know in order to bring the subject back to its previous question.

Magnus swallowed his bite before standing upright. He stood across from Alec and looked at him because didn't know whether to lie to Alec or not. Alec had pissed him off often enough, but perhaps a conversation could develop between them.

 

“I never met my father, and my mother passed away five years ago. I had to live with Catarina for a year, so she's like a big sister to me.” Alec watched Magnus directly into his eyes, while he ate.

 

“She seems to be a good friend," Alec remarked. “Sorry about your parents," Alec continued, but Magnus raised his hand to interrupt him.

 

“It's okay, believe me. I miss my mother, but I never met my father.” Alec nodded understandingly before taking his last bite. “Do you at least have something that reminds you of your mother?" Alec asked curiously, and Magnus froze for a moment. Alec recognized this kind of reaction and immediately withdrew his question.

 

“If it's too private, you don't have to answer me," he said quickly, but Magnus shook his head.

 

“No, it's okay. She gave me a necklace when I was 12 years old. It should always strengthen me in difficult situations. When my mother passed away, it also reminded me of her. Unfortunately, I lost it a few weeks ago one of my colleagues stole it back at my old workplace. It wasn't exactly a cheap one either…” Magnus ended, but Alec didn't answer yet. He looked at Magnus' face, watching the eyes carrying so many stories.

 

“Alec?" Magnus brought him back to the present, and Alec blinked briefly.

 

“Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment," Alec said before moving his plate to Magnus, who grinned at him slightly.

 

“While you were staring at me, huh?" teased Magnus before he turned away and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Alec shook his head stunned but smiling before he got up.

 

“I should get a mask for my mouth. I guess you can manage this on your own, Bane?" Alec asked when he was already on his way to his room. Magnus just nodded. He called him Bane again, which meant that Alec had fallen back into his _Grumpy existence_. But at least he was fine.

 

Magnus continued to put the dishwasher away and started the program before going back to the bathroom and throwing Alec's blanket, which he had used that night, into the dryer. Magnus has never been as productive in his life as he has been in the last two days. He prayed that the Lightwoods would appreciate his work and Alec not telling them about the incident.

 

Or Magnus would just ask Alec if it could stay among them.

 

A few minutes later the student went into the living room, where Alec was already lying on the couch. He had tucked himself in and put on a mask. In his hand was the PlayStation - controller and on the flat screen ran a _Need For Speed_ game. Magnus had never been interested in video games and their fascination, but what else would Alec do all day long?

 

“I didn't know you were so good at driving," Magnus teased, and Alec looked up at him.  Magnus stood behind the sofa and watched Alec play.

 

“Well, after two years— you’ll get better. Believe me.” Magnus laughed.

 

“Sad but true.” The student briefly looked out the window. It was raining again.

 

“Damn it.” Magnus cursed while the rain continued dripping down the window. Alec looked at Magnus again. “I have the umbrella in my apartment," Magnus explained before rubbing his forehead.

 

“It's all right. Izzy's not going to kill you, Just bring with you next time," Alec casually spoke as he drove his car across the finish line, first.

 

“Alec - about yesterday. I know you want to get rid of me, but could we possibly—“ Magnus started before Alec interrupted him.

 

“It stays between us Bane.” he said emotionlessly. “After all, I would still be lying in front of the toilet without you," he finished his sentence before pausing the game and turning his head to Magnus, who smiled slightly at him.

 

“Thank you.“ Magnus replied relieving.

 

Alec turned his head back and started a new round while Magnus walked into Alec's bedroom. He opened the windows and ventilated again, even though the rain was annoying, the air was clear and fresh. He then took care of Alec's bed and lifted the pillow again before folding the blankets and laying them over the bed. He pulled his phone off the charger cable and put the rest of his clothes in the bathroom in one of the many cupboards with almost nothing in them.

A glance at his mobile phone also told him that it was just before 11 o'clock and that Alec's family would be at the door in a few minutes.

 

Magnus left the bathroom after putting on his normal pants from last night and joined Alec with his mobile phone.

 

At a certain distance, of course.

 

“They'll be here soon,” Alec grumbled bored, and Magnus nodded.

 

“But you have a good relationship with your sister, don't you?" he asked.

 

Alec nodded. “She is my one and only and I promised her years ago that I would always protect her, but for two years now she has had to protect me.” Alec sighed. “I'm just tired of being a burden on my family.” Magnus looked up from his cell phone. He had his head supported with his left hand on the armrest, and he looked over to Alec.

 

“You're not a burden to your family Alec. They love you," Magnus assured him.

 

Before Alec could answer annoyed, the apartment door was unlocked, and Magnus turned his head to the door. Isabelle was the first to enter.

 

“We're home, Alec!" she shouted joyfully. She spotted Magnus on the couch, who just got up and walked smiling towards Isabelle.

 

“You survived," she said, still smiling, before pulling Magnus into a hug.

 

“I think I survived it," grumbled Alec under his mask and Isabelle stood on her tiptoes to look over Magnus' shoulder. She rolled her eyes.

 

“Come on, Big Bro… it couldn't have been that bad. Besides-" Isabelle looked at the kitchen and picked up the smell of French toast. “He even cooked you something!" Alec shook his head.

 

“Yes, it was an adventurous night," Alec threw back at her, and Isabelle looked at Magnus before pulling up an eyebrow.

 

“Adventurous?" she asked, and Magnus nodded.

 

“He hid half the night in his room before his hunger had lured him out of his hiding place. No big deal," Magnus explained before turning around and looking at Alec, who was also looking in his direction. Their eyes met.

 

And Magnus could swear that Alec _smiled_ warmly at him under the mask.

 

“I’m glad to hear that. Mom and Dad are upstairs, Alec. They’ll come down later, okay?" Alec just nodded, and Isabelle looked at Magnus again. “Well, you can go home now if you want. You look really tired," Isabelle remarked with concern, and Magnus nodded yawning.

 

“Don't remind me. I'm extremely tired…” Magnus looked out the window. “It's still raining…” he murmured quietly.

 

Isabelle followed his gaze, “I can drive you home if you want. Our car is still on the road.” Magnus nodded.

 

“That would be perfect for me if it doesn't bother you, my dear Isabelle,” Magnus replied, and Isabelle turned red.

 

“Don't call me that, I'm flattered. No, it doesn’t bother me. Alec, you’ll be okay?" she shouted to her brother when Magnus put on his jacket.

 

“Yes, I'll just stay here," he said sarcastically, and Magnus couldn't help smiling. “I’ll see you on Monday then, Alec!" Magnus said goodbye and Alec raised his hand to throw him a peace.

 

“See you on Monday, Bane.” he murmured and Isabelle and Magnus left the apartment together.

 

 

-

 

 

“When was the last time Alec left the apartment?" Magnus asked Isabelle on the way to his house. Isabelle thought for a while before answering.

 

“Last year for Christmas because it snowed, we took him out. After that, he was in the hospital for two weeks because he got pneumonia. He was in a bad state. I was with him every day. The doctor told me it would be better if he didn't leave the apartment.  Since then he is practically trapped in his four walls. I wish I could change it, but he doesn't allow a therapy," Isabelle quietly explained. Magnus listened to her attentively before he looked out the window.

 

He couldn't imagine being trapped in his apartment all day. He needed the fresh air on his balcony, the parties in the pandemonium and his friends visiting him with take-away food.

 

“That sounds so unimaginable,” Magnus finally said when Isabelle turned into his street.

 

“It is. I sincerely hope he can open up with you. He needs someone to talk to because I can't be with him all the time. I know you have a job too, but Alec looked the same today. Not bad, but not better. It's gonna be a long road, but I think you can make it. You seem like a great person, Magnus Bane.” Isabelle pressed on the breaks slowly and stopped right in front of Magnus' front door.

 

“Here we are.” she smiled at him. “I still have your umbrella in my apartment. It rained yesterday when I wanted to go home, so your brother told me to take it with me," Magnus explained.

 

“Should I get it for you? It will just take a few minutes,” He politely asked he opened the door, but Isabelle refused in the same polite manner.

 

“Just bring it back on Monday. That’s fine by me," she said with a smile.

 

He unlocked his door and entered the staircase before noticing his neighbors arguing. Probably the same problems as every time. Money, sex and alcohol.

He went up the stairs and unlocked his door before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly. He had made it. He had survived the night with Alec and was not dismissed.

 

At least not _yet_.

 

The rain had still not subsided, and Magnus yawned as soon as he walked towards the couch. He put his phone on the coffee table before turning on the TV and sitting comfortably on the sofa. It didn't take long either before his eyes got heavier and heavier and he concentrated less and less on the sitcom that was on TV. He went through the last night again until he realized something.

 

Magnus had left his one-night stand alone.

 

He'd never dropped a one-night stand before because he had to go. It was probably due to the fact that it was his job, but Alec could just as well have called the ambulance or his sister.

 

But he called Magnus.

 

Magnus opened his eyes before reaching for his cell phone and saving Alec's number.  He opened the chat with Alec and wondered if it was really necessary to text Alec again. Magnus gave himself a jolt and clicked on the input window.

 

_[Thank you for covering for me.]_

 

Magnus clicked Send before he put his cell phone aside again and looked at the TV. He had respect for Alec, because if he were in his place, he really wouldn't want to live anymore. But maybe he really gave him hope. Or at least a will to fight again.

 

He only noticed now that _How I Met Your Mother_ was on TV. Magnus used to hate sitcoms, but since he saw them at Alec’s place, he finds them less annoying for some reason.

 

His smartphone vibrated briefly.

 

 ALEC

_[I only did it because the French toast tasted good. Have a nice weekend, Magnus Bane.]_


	4. Abyss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back y'all!  
> I hope you had great days :) 
> 
> Anyway, I'm back with the next chapter of #LMBWA!
> 
> As always, leave your reactions on Twitter with #LMBWA and tell me what you think! :)  
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> This chapter includes many little background details to the characters. More Malec content in the next chapter ;)
> 
> Have fun and enjoy reading! See ya, Kim!

**Four**

 

 

 

Magnus opened his eyes when he kept hearing the doorbell ring. A look at his phone told him it was almost eight o'clock. Magnus hummed as the bell rang again along with a knock on the door.

  
The student slowly got up before he stroked his hair and made his way to the door. He was still yawning and still extremely tired. When he arrived at his door and opened it slowly, he looked into the eyes of Clary and Maia.    
  
“There you are!" Clary grinned at him, and Magnus looked at her extremely unimpressed.

 

”Where else would I be on a Saturday night?" Magnus asked ironically. He frowned  as he leaned his head against the door frame. His back still hurt. Probably the couch wasn't the best decision after all.  
  
Maia looked at Clary, looking at Magnus from bottom to top. “With Andrew?" Clary teased before she stuck out his tongue.

 

“You have to tell us everything!" Clary continued, not even waiting for a reply before she stormed into the apartment. Magnus just looked after her questioningly with an eyebrow raised before he turned his head back to Maia, who was still standing in front of the door. She just shrugged her shoulders.

 

“She didn't want to come alone. I don't want to know everything about your one-night stand.” Maia reassured magnus with a weak smile, and Magnus returned the smile before asking her in and closing the door once she agreed to come in.  
  
“I can't tell you much because nothing happened," Magnus said surprisingly fast when he sat down again. Clary’s eyes looked at him in shock, while Maia chuckled.  

 

“He wasn't your type, was he?" she asked, and Magnus rolled his eyes annoyed.

 

“Please- he looked stunningly good. No, it wasn't his looks, it was the fact that Alec had called me," Magnus explained moaning, and Clary listened in horror.

 

“What about Alec?" Clary asked with an eyebrow up. Magnus had put his legs on the coffee table before he threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes briefly and recalled the last night into his head before moaning annoyed and rubbing his forehead.

 

“It was an emergency, and I had to see him. He couldn't stand the food I made. He was lying in front of the toilet, throwing up all the time.” Magnus sighed briefly before looking at Maia and Clary, who looked at him attentively. “I took care of him and called Cat, so I had to leave Andrew alone.” Magnus ended his explanation and turned his head to Maia and Clary, who looked at him with big eyes.

 

“You left Andrew alone for your job?" Maia asked, and Magnus nodded.  
  
“I know this isn't really my style-” Magnus said trying to defend himself, but Clary interrupted him.

 

“-Shush! That's great Magnus! Your job is more important than some stupid one-night stand. You're growing up, Magnus," Clary beamed at him, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders before staring at the ceiling again. Has he really matured?

  
“I agree with Clary, Magnus. Your life and your job are seriously more important, and realizing it subconsciously," said Maia, and Magnus squinted briefly at the two of them.  
  
“Doesn't matter. At least he's better now and his family's back with him. What do you want from me now on my day off?" Magnus grumbled annoyed before he closed his eyes. He got obnoxious as soon as he got tired.

Clary looked at Maia, who then boxed Magnus. “You disappeared from the party way too early last night. Simon, Clary and I want to go back to the Pandemonium today, so we are inviting you to come with us.”

 

Magnus opened his eyes suddenly and straightened up. “Is tonight another party?" he asked directly, and Clary laughed.

 

”Yes. It's party week at the Pandemonium, Magnus, they're open every night," explained the red-haired girl with a smile, and Magnus stretched out shortly before he got up and went into the kitchen.

 

“What time? And what about Raphael?" Magnus asked while pouring himself a glass of water and bringing them a glass as well.

 

“Thank you,”  Maia said before she took a sip and lifted her finger.

  
“Raphael canceled right away. He said yesterday was enough for the next five months.”  
  
“Boring.” Magnus commented before rolling his eyes.  
  
“We were going there at half past nine.” Maia continued, and Magnus nodded.

“Until then, I will choose my outfit and shower. My hair looks terrible," Magnus lamented before he ran his fingers through his black hair and a strand fell into his face. Clary slightly giggled before she got up.

 

“You should wear something fancy, Magnus. Maybe Andrew's there, too.” Magnus shook his head before stroking his strand from his face.

  
“I don't think so. I ruined the poor boy's night and ruined his idea of the perfect one-night stand." Magnus replied before going into his bedroom.

  
  
Clary turned to Maia, who just shrugged her shoulders and stood up. “I still have to get Simon, he's was taking his nap, and now he’s probably in front of his computer," she said quietly to Clary, which made her smile. Simon was her best friend since they both sat in the sandbox. They had their first kiss together because they had sworn this to each other when they were ten. It may not have been the best first kiss, but it was honest and better than any random kiss with her first boyfriend.  
  
Clary also wasn't with him for long before she realized that she found women more attractive than men.  
  
Simon remained her best friend despite everything and went through thick and thin with her. She was happy for Maia and Simon, even though she didn't have a steady relationship with whom she was really happy.  
  
She had first told Magnus that she felt attracted to women and could remember Magnus' reaction very well. He smiled warmly at her before he got up and pulled her into a soft hug and whispered into her ear.  
  
“ _I've always known it would be like that._ ”  
  
Clary could never thank him enough for just accepting her.

 

 

-

 

 

While Maia and Clary made jokes about Simon, like what a jerk he was sometimes, Magnus came back to the living room. He held two hangers in his hand, and Maia looked past Clary's face.

  
“Oho-" she didn't whistle badly. Clary also turned her head and was amazed.  

 

“I don't know what to wear," complained Magnus, annoyed, before he held the two hangers in front of him.  
  
The first coat hanger was equipped with a black suit trouser with a pattern and a pitch black coat, which emphasized the wine red, wide cut, shirt stunningly. The pants had different carabines on the sides, which flashed in the light.  
  
“How far is the shirt cut out, Mr. Bane?" Maia asked laughingly. “You're attracting all the attention," she went on, and Magnus laughed.

  
“It's cut out to the stomach. Of course, I want all eyes to be on me.” He winked at Maia, and the students retreated insulted and shocked.

  
“Why am I even asking." she said ironically with a smile before looking at Clary, who was still looking at the outfit.

  
“Show me the other one?" she asked Magnus.  
  
The student held the second coat hanger in front of him. It was also black pants, but without any pattern. The coat was further exposed than the first, and the shirt was black and white patterned. Clary turned her head slightly and looked at the outfit critically. “Maybe you can put this on if you're forgiven or soon to be married. But the first is definitely your style," she finally said.

 

Magnus smiled. “Thank you, Clary.”  he thanked before he turned around and stowed the stuff away.

 

“But doesn't it work too little if only your shirt shines?" Maia asked when Magnus sat down again.

 

Magnus raised his hand.“I will also dye my strand of hair red, and put on enough jewelry to attract attention. Don't worry about it, Maia," he explained before putting his arm over the couch fiefdom. Maia just nodded before looking at Clary, who was still thinking.

 

"But your nails will stay black, right?" she asked, and Magnus nodded.

 

“Of course. I'll have to get ready right away, or I'll be late again.” Maia laughed.

 

“We also have to pull Simon away from the computer. He's doing a Star Wars marathon on Netflix right now.”  

 

Magnus shook his head amusedly. “He'll always be our little nerd.”

 

Magnus brought them to his door before he turned around and looked towards his bathroom. “Then let's get to work," he said to himself before stretching out and stretching his hands. Tonight the night wasn’t supposed to get destroyed. It was supposed to be perfect.

 

-

 

  
“Mum and Dad wanted to come over today too," Isabelle explained as she placed the plate of soup in front of Alec's nose. He wrinkled his nose before reaching for his spoon and beginning to eat.

 

“I have nothing to do today. Shall we play cards?" she finally asked. “Or Need For Speed? Even though I always lose. I can go up, and we can play Overwatch?"

 

Alec smiled slightly before he looked up and shook his head.

 

“Playing cards sounds good. No technology at all.” Isabelle smiled honestly at her brother before she gave him a small nod. “But you know I'll beat you at UNO. I'm a professional," she said proudly.

 

Alec smiled before he shrugged his shoulders. “I want to see this, Isabelle Lightwood.”  

  
His sister smiled at Alec. ”Get ready for a few rounds of UNO. If I win more than five, you give me money for new shoes.” - “Haven't you had enough?" Alec asked smiling before he ate his last spoonful of soup. Isabelle twisted her eyes.

 

“A woman can never have enough shoes, and I'll be flying to Paris soon to represent Mom and Dad at the conference. I have to look good," Isabelle explained before smiling proudly at her brother, who smiled back sadly before looking into his bowl.  
  
He was happy for his sister, but Alec also knew that it had been his calling. He had been the one to represent his parents at conferences. He had been the one running the company for a long time, but now his brother got his role. Since Alec sat locked up in his apartment, Jace's face had become a stranger's face.

 

“I can say hello from you if you like,” Isabelle finally said when she realized that her brother was sinking into thoughts, but Alec shook his head before he shoved the bowl over her.

 

“Thank you, but you don't have to," the former bodyguard smiled before he heard the apartment door and Isabelle went into the hallway. Alec remained sitting on his chair because it was only his parents who desperately tried to keep up their role as good, caring parents.

  
“Mom. Dad.” Isabelle said quietly, and Alec rolled his eyes before getting up to go into the living room. He didn't want to deal with his parents. Not today.

 

"Have you eaten?" Maryse asked, and Isabelle nodded before Alec appeared next to his sister. The black breathing mask covered his face, and his facial expressions looked anything but happy.

 

“I'm glad.” Maryse smiled before she looked at her son. ”How are you? How was the time with Magnus?" she asked, and Isabelle felt her brother tense.

  
Isabelle turned her head and looked at Alec, who looked right into Maryse's eyes. “Terrible. He hit me and didn't cook me anything to eat," Alec finally said ironically before turning around and sitting on the couch. Robert had to smile when Maryse turned to her husband and looked at him angrily. Maryse closed her eyes before furiously storming past Isabelle and stopping in front of the couch. Alec had turned on the TV and was watching Gordan Ramsay.  
  
“Alexander Gideon Lightwood," she started angrily, and Isabelle could swear that Alec's complete body twitched when her mother pronounced his full name.  
“Magnus is here to keep you company, so you can laugh again! My God Alec, look at what you've become. “ Isabelle closed her eyes and breathed deeply.  
  
“Mom...“ she started quietly, but Robert held her back.

 

“Your brother must hear these things, Isabelle," he whispered to her, but Isabelle knocked his hand away, which lay on her shoulder in the meantime.

 

“You're just hurting Alec, can't you see that?” she spoke at her father through gritted teeth, but Alec noticed and looked at Isabelle.

 

“Look at me, Alexander!" said Maryse directly and lifted her finger. Alec's eyes flew over Maryse's entire body before they tightened on her face. “I hardly recognize you, Alec. You used to be such a. . . happy person. Just give Magnus a chance," she ended her announcement to Alec, who tilted his head before laughing ironically.  
  
“Do you know how pathetic you sound? You can't even tell when your son's lying to you. You hired Magnus, and he's doing this for his money, of course, he took care of me. He cooked me something to eat from the binder and made me breakfast. My God Mother you are really pathetic if you think that he wouldn't care about me when you paid him for it," Alec hit back, and Maryse stood speechless in front of her son before blinking and shaking her head.

 

She looked at Isabelle, who was still standing awkwardly in front of Robert, who just shrugged his shoulders. “Is that true Isabelle?" Maryse asked her daughter, and Isabelle nodded.

“Trust Magnus, Mom. He's a good man," she said, and Maryse took a deep breath.

 

"Alec... I'm just worried," Maryse admitted before sitting on the couch next to her son. There was a certain distance between them because their relationship with each other had been put to the test for two years. Over and over again.

Alec felt useless and forgotten by his family, while Maryse felt helpless as Alec did not accept any help. Robert hardly supported her either, which is why both fought over and over again. She often verbally took her anger out on Alec, even if it was wrong.

  
"Worried about what? That I will try to kill myself again? Ha, won't happen if you've banished all the scissors and razors from my apartment and I have to be supervised when I want to shave or cut my hair." Alec snapped at his mother before he got up.

 

He wanted to go to his room.

  
"You can't always run away from your problems, Alec," said his mother, who was still sitting on the couch, and Alec froze before turning around and angrily sparking at her.

 

"Says the one that's hard to see since I can't work for you and your fucking company anymore? Who locked me in an apartment because I can't get fresh air without dying straight away? Who concentrates more on Jace, who hasn't even congratulated me on my birthday yet? Who's gonna hire someone to be my friend so I won't be so alone? Who's doing this, by the way, just for money. I see, Mother. You're _definitely_ not running away from your problems."

 

Alec took a deep breath. His hand cramped, and he formed a fist before closing his eyes. His heart was racing. “Alec. . .” whispered Isabelle, who was still standing in the hallway with her father.

 

“Isabelle is the only one in our family who still really cares about me, mother," Alec continued when he reopened his eyes. “You just don't want me to be a burden anymore-”

 

“Alec!" interrupted his mother in a loud and firm voice, and Alec looked at his mother.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that you're not a burden! You simply don't want to take any help! Therapy could help you and heal you. You could work again," she continued, and Alec snorted before he folded his arms in front of his chest.

  
“Jace is already in charge of the company. My dream is over, and so is my reputation. No one would want me on duty anymore anyway.” Alec looked at his sister before he turned around and disappeared into his room without another word.  
  
Maryse took a deep breath before she got up and smoothed her dress. She looked at Isabelle shaking her head. “You're hurting him. Both of you. That's your son!" she said angrily.

 

“What am I supposed to do, Isabelle? He won't take any help," Maryse defended herself, but Isabelle laughed.

 

“I wouldn't either, in his place. He can't feel your love anymore, Mom. He never has.” Isabelle turned to her father.

 

“You always told him that he'll carry a heavy load on his shoulders someday! That he'll take over the company and be at the top. That he's gonna be an important person,but then what happened? You forgot! I'm with him and with mom every day! You're so busy with the company now! That's just. . . disgusting.” Isabelle gave space to her anger.

Robert looked at his wife, who breathed deeply and rubbed her temples. “You should go," Isabelle finally said and sparkled angrily at her parents. “He doesn't want to see you today," she added, and Maryse nodded. Robert still didn't say a word.

 

“Yes. . . we should. Take care of him, Isabelle," Maryse finally said, passing by her daughter.

 

Isabelle didn't turn around, but heard the door fall into the lock. A stone fell from her heart before she took a deep breath and went to Alec's bedroom door. She knocked softly and put her forehead against the wooden door. “They're gone, Alec. . .” she whispered. She knew Alec could hear her. “You can come out if you want. . . I'll clean up here until you're ready, I don't want to go up yet," she explained quietly before turning away from the door when Alec didn't answer her.

 

-

 

  
Magnus went through the big door into the pandemonium, which greeted him with a loud bass and the typical smell of sweat and alcohol. Magnus felt right at home. He breathed deeply and stretched out before finding his table on which Clary and Maia were already dancing together on the table.  
  
Yeah, that was definitely the kind of friends Magnus needed.

Magnus went up the stairs and also climbed the table before he started dancing. Maia and Clary just laughed, while Simon's eyes grew bigger and bigger. “Guys, this is a glass table," he remarked, but Magnus just laughed before he jumped on the couch and sat down next to Simon. “You seem to be in a good mood.” Simon laughed before he handed Magnus a glass. “Your martini, I picked it up five minutes ago.”

  
Magnus looked at the glass before he grinned, and Simon elegantly removed the glass. “Thank you, my dear Simon. Yes, I slept all day - I feel better. Probably I would have slept even longer if your adorable girlfriend hadn't shown up with Biscuit in her luggage. Why are we celebrating again?" he asked before sipping his glass.  
  
“Because last night, after less than thirty minutes, you found someone and disappeared," Simon explained, while Maia and Clary were walking to the bar.

 

“Oh Simon, don't remind me of Andrew. I ruined the boy's night," Magnus laughed before he emptied his glass and also got up.

 

“I don't want to hear any details Magnus," Simon warned his friend, and Magnus grinned at him.

 

“Neither will you. Nothing happened.” And with that, the student left Simon with a question mark on his face.  
  
Magnus also went to the bar, watching the dancing crowd in front of him. He shouldn't reaffirm that he would find someone to spend the night with. Alec could write him any second, even when his family's back.

 

Magnus was jostled by a young woman.

  
“Oh, sorry," she shouted to him before moving on, and Magnus shook his head to get out of his mind and back into reality. Alec wouldn't call him if he had his sister with him. He should focus on his friends and the party and not on Alec, who probably watched _How I Met Your Mother_ with Isabelle.  
  
“Magnus!" Clary called him over, and Magnus wanked to her before he fought his way to the two at the bar and ordered his drink.

 

“Did you leave Simon alone?" Maia asked amusedly, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

 

“He won't be kidnapped. This is Simon we're talking about. He knows how to defend himself," he said before paying for his drink. Maia looked up at Simon, who was on his cell phone.

 

“He's probably playing some card game on his phone again," she said casually before looking back at Clary, who was also paying for her drink.

 

“Andrew's here too, by the way.” Clary finally said, and Magnus listened.

  
“Andrew?" Clary nodded and sipped her drink before she got up.

“He just got himself a drink," she said, pointing to the dance floor.

 

Magnus followed her gaze and bit his lower lip. “I have to apologize to him. . . I just left him like that tonight," he said, and Clary nodded to him.

 

“That's what you should do. Otherwise, he'll tell lies about you on campus, how bad you are in bed.” The student winked at her friend, and Magnus stuck his tongue out at her.

 

"You too, Fairchild,” Magnus said laughing before he got up.

 

“Take care of Simon, he's confused," Magnus said and patted Maia on the shoulder, who looked at him questioningly. “He doesn't know anything about what happened with Andrew yesterday.” With that Magnus made his way to the dancing crowd.

 

 

-

 

 

“He just left Andrew behind?" Simon asked, shocked, and Clary nodded.

 

“Wow-” he said shocked, and Maia stroked through his hair.

 

“We didn't believe it at first either, but Alec's health comes first," Maia said before putting her head against Simon's shoulder.

 

Simon thought for a moment before he looked at the dance floor. “Is he looking for Andrew?" Simon finally asked, and Maia nodded.

 

“He wants to apologize-”

 

“I doubt Andrew's gonna accept the apology," Clary said, giving consideration, and Simon tilted his head slightly in confusion.  

 

“I think he found him," Simon said quietly, and Maia straightened up immediately.

 

“Really Hon?" she asked, looking in the same direction as Simon.

 

“He is talking to a young man who looks a lot like Andrew.”

 

Clary stood up briefly and looked over the railing down to the dance floor. She spotted Magnus relatively quickly in the crowd. He was easily noticed because of his redshirt with the huge neckline caught all the attention. His hair shone in the spotlight, and his chains and rings reflected the light as well.

  
“Yes they are talking to each other," Clary finally said before she sat down next to Simon and Maia again, who were busy with themselves and exchanged little kisses. Clary smiled at them silently. She was happy for the two of them, yet she often felt lonely. Magnus also often has partners in bed, although he's single all day, he's still popular. Clary always held back. She believed in true love and did not want to sleep with an infinite number of women without falling in love with them. And Clary stuck to her thesis that Magnus would fall in love as well, because even though the student had a one-night stand every week, Magnus was a faithful, unconditional-loving soul.  
  
At the same time, Magnus had a serious conversation with Andrew on the edge of the dance floor. Andrew wouldn't listen to Magnus at all, but his eyes tied him up.

 

“Listen, I'm really sorry I had to leave you like this. It's just my new job-"

 

“I thought you worked at Starbucks!" Andrew yelled at him.

 

Magnus looked at his anger and took a deep breath to keep himself calm. “Andrew… I'm really sorry. . . I didn't want to leave you like this without explaining myself properly, but I lost my job at Starbucks a while ago, and I'm working for a family now. I'm the contact for their son. It's my job to help him wherever I am and whenever.” Magnus could not really believe that he was saying this, but he meant every single word.

 

Maybe Alec didn't really like him, but last night Magnus showed that Alec had a soft core after all.

 

“Think of a better lie, Bane," Andrew said bitingly before pouring his drink over Magnus' chest and turning on his heel. Magnus looked after him before he looked down at himself. The student took a deep breath before he also turned around and went back to the stairs.

  
“Oh, that didn't look good," Simon said when Magnus sat next to him.

 

“It wasn't, but I tried," Magnus said before taking his drink off Simon's hands and expelling it.

 

“Hey! Dude!" growled Simon, and Magnus raised his hand pejoratively.

 

“I deserve this," Magnus said when he turned down his glass making Simon roll his eyes.

 

“Ohw Magnus…” Clary said quietly. “He hasn't had a major role in your life yet.”

 

“Still, I don't want to hurt the people I get more intimate with. He was also looking forward to my breathtaking body.” Simon pulled out his disgusted face.

 

“Dude!" he complained, and Maia laughed before she kissed Simon.

 

“Don't get so upset, honey. You'll get forehead wrinkles.”

  
Magnus watched them smiling before he put his arm over the sofa tendon and pulled Clary towards him. “I guess we'll always be singles. Nobody just wants us," joked Magnus, and laughed Clary.

 

“Don't tell me you wanted something from Andrew," Simon groaned annoyed, and Magnus shook his head.

 

“Nah. . . Andrew was too young and inexperienced. I just want to enjoy my life a little before I settle down with someone.” Simon shook his head laughing before he turned to his girlfriend again and kissed her.

 

“I am glad that I have settled in the meantime," he said quietly, and Maia grinned at him happily.

 

“Me too” she replied gently before kissing him back.

 

“Are you really sad about Andrew?" Clary asked, and Magnus turned his head to his best friend.

 

“No… I‘m not,” Magnus said smiling. “Because Alec lives, and that's all that matters.” Clary smiled.

 

“You care about him," she remarked quietly, and Magnus looked right into her eyes before he laughed.

 

“I'm still doing this for money, Clary, but yes, I'm worried about Alec because he's still a human being after all. A broken soul or whatever you want to call it, but he has feelings and a soft core.”

 

Clary smiled at her friend. “I'm glad for you Magnus,” she said quietly, and Magnus smiled at her warmly. “But no feelings for him, all right? You're working for him," Clary stressed in detail, and Magnus pulled his arm back before he sat straight up.

 

He was lost in thought.  
  
Even if Alec was extremely good looking,  Magnus had sworn to never get involved with anyone involved in his work. Especially since he didn't even know if Alec was interested in men at all, or even interested in love.

 

“Magnus?" Clary flipped back and forth in front of his face until the student flinched briefly before blinking and shaking his head.

 

“Yeah- I mean, no, no, that's not gonna happen. I only work for Alec," he assured Clary before patting her on the back.

 

Clary tilted her head. “Okay, he looks extremely good, but he had a girlfriend. Besides, he's very secretive, and I work for Alec. Therefore, I'm not interested.”

Clary looked at Magnus critically, but then nodded and looked at the dance floor. The hall trembled with the recurring beat, and Clary felt the need to dance.

 

“Let's go dance as singles!" she smirked as she reached her hand out for Magnus. The student laughed before he knocked on Simon's thigh and stood up.

 

"We'll leave you alone for a while,” he said, and Simon just nodded absently. He continued to concentrate on his girlfriend in front of him.

 

Magnus and Clary moved onto the dance floor and danced carefree to the music before they could forget their worries, and only the night and the fun counted.

 

 

-

 

  
“How can you always win?" Isabelle growled at her brother, who could only laugh when he leaned back.

 

“Iz, this is already our seventh game. . . you're not better than me," he laughed, and his sister sparkled at him.

 

“But I wanted new shoes,"; Isabelle said sadly, and Alec smiled at his sister.

 

“Pick some and I'll order them for the conference, yeah?" Alec smiled warmly at his sister because he loved her so much. The younger one looked up and had a grin on her lips.

 

“You know I'd hug you now to thank you. You're the best, Big Bro.” Alec nodded.

 

“I'll do anything for my little sister," he said lovingly.

  
Isabelle put the cards together while Alec got up and made herself a cup of tea. It rained again, which perfectly reflected Alec's Saturday mood.

 

“Now, seriously, Why are you so good at card games? What did Lydia teach you back then?" His sister asked when Alec put his fingers around the steaming cup and looked out the window. Alec froze for a moment when he heard his ex-girlfriend's name.

 

Isabelle recognized his reaction immediately and wanted to withdraw the question directly. “Alec, I-I'm sorry. If you don’t want to talk to about her-" she said directly, but Alec took a deep breath before he took a sip of his tea.

 

“We used to play cards a lot when I got back from work. I'd say it had a lot to do with luck, but Lydia showed me her tricks.” Alec tried to smile, but Isabelle saw that he swore.

  
“Alec, we can talk about something else if you want” Isabelle whispered empathetically, but Alec just went on.

 

“I trusted her. I trusted her that she wouldn't leave me like everyone else.” Alec bit his lower lip. He closed his eyes for a moment before turning to his sister.

 

“You're the only person who comes to me every day.” Isabelle looked on the floor for a moment. She understood Alec because all his life he found it hard to trust people.

 

“Alec…” she started walking toward him.

 

“She was my fucking girlfriend. I had to marry her to fulfill mom's and dad's wishes. It was never about me. And what prize did I win? I lost my girlfriend, my attachment to Mom and Dad, and my best friend who grabbed my ex-girlfriend!" Alec let his anger out, and his heart raced again. Isabelle just looked at him because her brother wasn't finished yet.

 

“Do you think they'll get back to me? Raj's been in touch once since it happened. One time Izzy! To tell me he's with my ex-girlfriend. And Lydia? The last time she was here was when she broke up with me. And for which reasons?! Because she's afraid she might hurt me. That I could get sick because of her. That I could be a burden to her as soon as I got sicker and sicker. Great support she gave me.” Alec breathed deeply, and clasped the cup more strongly, almost scalding his fingertips.

  
“Are you feeling better?" asked his sister, who was standing right in front of her brother, and took the cup from him.

 

“Your fingers are red…” she said when she put his hands in hers. Alec's body had gotten used to Isabelle by now. Alec looked at his sister, who looked at him sadly as she stroked Alec's extremely soft hands. “I miss the old days too, Alec. I miss the times when we would look out someone together. The time we secretly went out for pizza. The time when I never had to worry about anything bad happening to me because you were always with me. You always protected me, Alec." whispered Isabelle before she saw in Alec's eyes that looked glassy. Alec gasped silently for air and looked up, trying not to cry.

  
He hated his illness so much. He cursed himself that he couldn't take care of his sister anymore.

 

“I'm so sorry…” Alec whispered in a broken voice, but Isabelle just shook her head.

 

“No, you don't have to be sorry, Alec.... I'm sorry because I can't help you. I can't take the pain away from your soul. I would love to to switch my life with yours because out there... there's your life," Isabelle explained, and Alec drew his sister to him. He wrapped his arms around his sister and closed his eyes. He placed his on her head and enjoyed the closeness. The warmth that Isabelle radiated and the protection that lay in her embrace.

 

“Thank you…” Alec whispered to her, and Isabelle clawed into Alec's back. She missed it so much. She missed Alec so much.

 

“I am always there for you and I will always be your big brother, whether this disease is in my way or not, yes? And if you ever have a boyfriend, you still have to introduce him to me," Alec said threateningly but smiling, before he separated from Isabelle and grabbed his teacup. Isabelle looked at her brother for a while before she bit her lower lip. Alec pulled an eyebrow up.  
  
“Do you want to tell me something?" Alec curiously asked before he went on the couch. Isabelle followed him inconspicuously and sat down diagonally next to Alec. She supported her elbow on a cushion mountain and looked at her brother, who meanwhile started his Playstation and clicked through Netflix.

  
“You could say so," Isabelle talked about the subject. Alec turned his head and looked at his sister who was grinning at him.

 

“Come on, tell me!" Alec urged his sister. “Do you already have a boyfriend, and are engaged to him, or are you pregnant, and want to tell me first," Alec asked, and Isabelle had to laugh before she boxed him.

 

“No," she finally said seriously, and Alec looked at her seriously as well, before Isabelle took a deep breath.

 

“I think I’m attractive to girls.” She finally admitted, and Alec stopped clicking through Netflix.

 

“Really?" Alec asked although he believed Isabelle.

 

“Yes, really,” Isabelle repeated. She smiled slightly because her brother was confused. “Everything okay?" she asked, and Alec finally nodded.

 

“Yeah... sure, I-I just... I didn't expect that. What made you think of it?" he wanted to know, and Isabelle thought for a moment.

 

“I don't know. When I was on duty with Mom and Dad, I saw a lot of beautiful women at the fashion show... There were also beautiful men there, but I only paid attention to the women. I think you realize after a while that you don't necessarily like the opposite sex. Especially when you start to think more about women as soon as you find them attractive," Isabelle explained confidently, and Alec thought about the morning when he had been observing Magnus longer than necessary.

  
“I'm happy for you," Alec said with a smile. He was really happy for his sister. “So you don't mind?” Isabelle asked, and Alec shook his head.

 

“You're the first person I've told," Isabelle explained, and Alec reached for Isabelle's hand.

 

“And I'm so proud of you," he whispered to her before turning on his show and watching Isabelle relieved her brother.

 

“Then I can only hope Jace, Mom and Dad will understand it too…” she said quietly.

 

Alec shrugged bored with his shoulders. “And if they don't accept it, you don't have to care, because it's your life," he strengthened his sister before she nodded.

 

“Thank you, Alec... for everything.” Isabelle still looked up to her brother, for she was infinitely grateful to him for everything she had learned through him.

 

Alec concentrated on the TV again, and Isabelle smiled at him for a while before she turned to the TV as well. Both quietly saw the show and Isabelle was playing Candy Crush on her phone while Alec was reading a story on his tablet.

  
If one faded out Alec's illness even just for a short moment, it looked like a normal Saturday evening.

 

 

-

 

 

Several hours passed during which Magnus and Clary strolled to the bar again and again and let Cola-Whisky mix together. Magnus enjoyed the time with his best friend, but at some point Maia tapped him, and the student turned around. Maia pointed to her wristwatch and pointed to Simon, who stood behind the railing and yawned. Magnus pulled his eyebrow up questioningly, and Maia yawned.

  
“We're tired," Maia announced loudly after the several cues she had given Magnus, and Magnus understood before touching Clary, who had been dancing with a lady for a few songs. Clary also immediately turned around and smiled at Maia before approaching them.

 

“They are tired," Magnus explained in a loud voice, and Clary nodded before she looked at her watch as well. “It's half past two already." Clary finally said, looking at Magnus shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Well, I’m still able to do longer," he laughed, and Maia rolled her eyes before pulling Magnus and Clary off the dance floor.

 

“But you won't say that on Monday on campus if you don't sleep well now," she said with concern, waving Simon down, who immediately went down the stairs.

  
So the group of friends went together out of the pandemonium. Maia and Simon walked closely side by side and had their hands tied, while Magnus had put his arm around Clary, who had cuddled herself in her jacket. Meanwhile, the rain had stopped, and the group could come home in the dry.

  
“Will you sleep with me?" Simon asked, and Maia nodded yawning

 

“If Clary doesn't have a problem with that," she whispered quietly, and Simon looked at Clary nodding.

 

“Sure. I would prefer if you don't spend your intimate time in our flat." She said laughing, and Magnus grinned as well.

 

“Good to know, Simon,” he said to Simon and this he turned red.

 

“We thought you'd come home later…” Simon defended the situation that had happened back then. “Well, you’ve thought wrong!" Clary said with a grin.

 

“It'll never happen again," Maia swore afterward.

  
Meanwhile, the four had arrived at the roadside, and Simon called a taxi to him, and Maia while Clary said goodbye to Magnus. She lived just a few blocks from the club and had declined Magnus’ offer to take her home. “I am old enough Magnus. The night is still young, and I don't have to go through small alleys, but I can leave you an SMS when I get home." She explained, and Magnus finally nodded.

 

“I insist!" he said sternly, but he smiled softly. Clary was like a little sister to Magnus. A little sister he had always wanted, but never had.

  
Then the paths of the four friends separated. Magnus also called a taxi for himself before he gave his address, and took a deep breath, and sat down on the seat. He closed his eyes. The alcohol had arrived in his body, and he felt that the heat was increasing more and more. The night was more than good, but he also knew that he had to start preparing his presentation on Monday, although his afternoons were now always planned out with Alec. He simply hoped that at some point Alec might even be able to help him because Alec's knowledge of history interested the student tremendously.

 

Magnus finally opened his eyes again and turned his head slightly to the side to look out the window. He didn't know what happened to Alec or how the former bodyguard had spent his Saturday night, but he hoped Isabelle had joined him and he wasn't alone.

 

He might think he likes Alec because even though Alec was rather calm, yet quickly irritated most of the time, there was a warm soul in him who still understood humor, and was at least a little thankful that Magnus was with him.

 

Magnus smiled slightly as he saw the houses racing past him. Maybe he could build a friendship with Alec after all. It would just take a lot of time. It would take many small steps before Alec no longer sees him as a helper who gets money for the job but rather as a real person who cares about Alec and sees him as a friend.  
But Magnus was sure it was possible.

 

 

-

 

 

Isabelle was standing in the apartment door when Alec had brought his cup into the kitchen before he went back into the hallway. “It was a nice evening with you, Big Bro,” Isabelle said quietly, and Alec smiled gently at her.

 

“I agree.” Alec crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the wall.

 

“Don't let Mom and Dad get you down, okay?" he said quietly, and Isabelle nodded softly.

 

“I won't. They don't know who they're dealing with," she joked, and Alec chuckled.

 

“Exactly.” he smiled before taking a deep breath.

 

“Alec, Can I ask you something?" Isabelle asked suddenly, and Alec looked at her openly waiting.

  
“Did nothing really happen with Magnus?" Alec thought for a moment. He had promised Magnus to cover him, but he could also count on his sister that she wouldn't say anything.

 

“Let's put it this way…” Alec started quietly, and Isabelle raised an eyebrow. “He tried to cook something, and I couldn't stand it…” Alec continued quietly, and Isabelle drew the air sharply.

 

“Are you okay?" she made sure, and Alec nodded. “Otherwise, I wouldn't be standing in front of you, would I?" Alec smiled softly.

“I called him when I couldn't get out of the bathroom, and he came a few minutes later. He was with me all night looking out for me. He even called his friend, who's a nurse. She took care of me and gave me something to make me feel better. When I woke up the next morning, Magnus was still in my room. He slept on my desk chair. You know the rest of the story", he finished his summary, and Isabelle's lips played around a smile.

 

“You like him more than you want to admit, huh?" she asked with a wink, and Alec rolled his eyes.

 

“I didn't say that, Isabelle,” Alec said growling and Isabelle laughed quietly.

 

“It's good for you, Alec. And he's worried about you too, or he wouldn't have come. Maybe you should open up a little more for him when he does his job so well," she finally said quietly and Alec's eyes met Isabelle's and silence lay in the room. A lump formed in Alec's throat and he had to swallow it.    
  
“Sleep well, Iz,” he said quietly, and his sister smiled at him.

 

“Sleep well, Alec," she replied just as quietly before leaving the apartment and closing the door behind her.

 

Alec breathed deeply again before turning around and stretching. He was terribly tired and still exhausted from last night.He couldn't imagine that he could just open himself up to Magnus just because he was nice to him once. He had quickly made it clear to him that he needed the money and that he didn't care whether Alec wanted him there or not because his mother had hired me.  
  
Alec walked back into his living room and put the sofa back together, folded the bedspread and put the pillows back up before turning off the light in the kitchen with _Alexa_ and closing the windows in the living room. He finally went into his bathroom and took a hot bath.  
  
As the bathtub slowly filled, the former bodyguard stood in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth as he looked into his exhausted face. Alec sank relatively quickly into thoughts and thought about Isabelle's words.  
  
Could he really open himself up to Magnus and acknowledge him as a friend. Could he trust Magnus after being abandoned by so many people?

 

Alec's toothbrush stopped, and he spat out the rest of the toothpaste before cleaning his mouth and drying his hands. The bathtub was already full enough, and Alec turned off the tap. Then he took off his clothes and threw them directly into the washing machine before getting into the tub and closing his eyes. He enjoyed the feeling of warmth that completely absorbed his body. Alec went underground and let the water run over his head so that his hair also got wet.  
  
He let his thoughts circulate and cleaned his body before getting out of the bathtub and drying off. He had his hair dried in the air and put on his sleep shirt before grabbing his phone and getting into his bed. The former bodyguard clicked his way through YouTube before he started yawning.  
The tiredness caught up with him slowly, but he couldn't stop thinking about Magnus. Isabelle's words were still echoing in his head, but Lydia was also anchored in his head.  
  
He trusted her, even though he was never in love with her. At least he just called it love for his parents. He knew Lydia for a long time really love her, and her family had a good reputation. A wedding would have kept the family reputation clean. Alec took a deep breath and put his phone aside.  
  
Isabelle had told him that she liked women, which immediately threw Alec back into his thoughts and he began to question everything. If Isabelle was into women and was so open about the subject that she could tell her big brother, then it was possible that Alec did not feel true love for Lydia for a completely different reason.

  
Maybe he just didn't feel anything for women.  
  
Alec closed his eyes and called Magnus into his memory. His incredibly handsome face. His distinctive jawline and his dark eyes that stole his breath. Alec caught himself licking his lips before gasping for air and sitting up straight. His heart raced, and his hands trembled as he looked down. “Fuck…” he quietly cursed as he closed his eyes and thought of Magnus once again.  
  
He thought of the loving words Magnus always carried on his tongue, of the disheveled hair he had when he slept in the chair. He thought of his face without makeup while preparing breakfast for him. Alec opened his eyes again and lay back on his pillow before taking a deep breath. Isabelle's words came back into Alec's memory.  
  
_I think you realize after a while that you don't necessarily like the opposite sex._  
  
Alec rubbed his forehead before pulling his pillow over his face. “Shit...” he whispered again. He had to get rid of the idea that he found Magnus attractive because he would never be able to do anything with Magnus, or even to let himself open up.  
  
More minutes passed in which Alec rolled from one side to the other. He couldn't find sleep, so he suddenly reached for his phone.

_[Sorry for the late interruption. . . I hope your Saturday night was pleasant.]_

Alec stared at the flashing line bar before clicking Send, and just when “ _Delivered_ " appeared under the message, Alec wanted to turn back time. Why the hell did he write Magnus at three in the morning just because he couldn't fall asleep?

 

Without thinking further about the message, he put his phone back and rolled to the side before covering himself and closing his eyes convulsively. He wasn't allowed to see Magnus as a friend.  
  
He _couldn't_ start liking him.  
  
No matter what would happen.  
  
He wouldn't let himself allow to open himself up.


	5. Getting Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! 
> 
> After the last chapter, which was filled with background stories, we're back with some Malec interactions!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it and don't forget to leave your feedback here, or if you'd like to Live-Tweet while reading use #LMBWA! 
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> Have fun and enjoy, see you next time, Kim :)

**Five**

 

_"Sorry for the late interruption... I hope your Saturday night was pleasant."_

 

Magnus read over the message once again before looking up and letting his gaze gliding outside. The sun shone through his windows and soaked his bedroom in a warm orange color. Magnus yawned and stretched before his back cracked briefly, making him moan in pain.

  
Magnus looked back at his cell phone screen. Alec had really taken the time to write him; at 3 am in the morning. Alec's actions made Magnus wondered if the message was addressed to him in the first place or if Alec had sent it by mistake. The student stood up, still holding his mobile in front of him as he went to the kitchen to prepare his coffee.

  
When the cup stood under Magnus' coffee machine, which had been given the affectionate name “ _Petite Surprise_ " after breaking - two weeks after purchase - the night before his exam, Magnus sat down on his bar stool and stared at his phone.

 

He pondered for quite a while before his coffee machine told him that the coffee was ready, and Magnus reached behind him to get the cup from the platform. He sipped his drink for a moment to start his Sunday before reaching for his cell phone again and looking at the empty TextBox. The little blue line kept flashing, showing Magnus that it was waiting for his input and Magnus shook his head before he started typing.

  
_[Good morning, Alexander. Well, my evening was pleasant, thank you for asking. I hope your evening was nice, too. However, my Sunday will be less pleasant, because I have to prepare my presentation. What do you usually do on a Sunday like this?]_

 

Before Magnus noticed his mistake, he had already sent the message.  
  
“ _Delivered_ " appeared only a few seconds later under the message, and Magnus pulled the air sharply. He had written to _Alexander,_ and by then he knew that Alec hated nothing more than being called Alexander, although the student found his full name indescribably fitting and beautiful.  
  
Magnus took a deep breath before clicking on the text field again.  
  
_[Alec*]_ appeared as the second message directly under the first, and Magnus slurped his coffee again.

 

He felt the caffeine slowly warming his body and waking him up. Magnus stood up and opened his fridge before picking up an apple from the bottom shelf. He needed vitamins for today, which he would spend most of his time in front of the computer.  
  
Another look told him that Alec had read the message. The three points jumped up and Magnus' heart stopped for a moment when he saw that they did not disappear immediately. The student bit off his apple at the same time while still waiting for Alec to answer.  
  
But this one failed to appear.

 

After two minutes the dots disappeared, and Magnus' message remained unanswered causing the history student to sigh in disappointment. He simply hoped too much from Alec after spending one night helping him.

 

Magnus finished his breakfast before getting up and taking a shower to wash the dirt off last night. From time to time he checked his phone in the hope that Alec might have answered, but that didn't happen.

 

So Magnus made it his business to do his big presentation and to distract himself from the thoughts of Alec.

 

 

-

 

 

Several hours passed, during which Magnus was on the phone from time to time taking breaks before he met Raphael at his favorite pizzeria in New York to finish the evening.

 

"So Andrew threw his drink at your face and left?" Raphael asked amusedly. Magnus nodded in response as he ate his bite of pizza making Raphael burst into laughter.

 

“I would have loved to have seen that!" he finally said, after getting a deadly look from Magnus. Raphael apologetically raised his hand in the air, but in spite of everything he was still smiling.

 

“That image is just too good, but that doesn't matter. How is the problem-one going?" Raphael finally asked, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

  
“I would also like to know because he didn't write me back this morning even after writing to me Saturday night. He wanted to know if my evening was good.” Magnus' voice bit his lower lip before Raphael boxed him into the side and Magnus looked up in shock.

 

“Don't think he wants something from you just because he's bored and he texted you once, Magnus," Raphael destroyed all his hope, and Magnus looked at him with his mouth open before closing it and lifting his finger into the air.

 

“I don't hope he wants anything from me, my friend. I just thought he'd at least take a little interest in my life.” Raphael rolled his eyes before closing his pizza box.

 

“Nobody cares about your life, Magnus.” Raphael laughed devilishly, and Magnus looked at him growling.

 

“Say that to my three thousand followers on Instagram." Magnus defended himself with a wink before closing his box as well and jumping off the wall where they had sat to enjoy their pizza.

 

“What I mean to say," Raphael said calmly, and Magnus looked at him. “Don't hope to end up in bed with him just because you helped him once. Remember your motto; you don't want to get with people involved in your work," said Raphael, and Magnus nodded before pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket.

 

Alec still hadn't answered, and since it was already seven o'clock, it wouldn't happen anyway.

 

“Don't worry, Raphael. I don't even know if he'd be interested if he wasn't sick. I don't want anything from him," Magnus said confidently, although there was a part of him that did.

 

A friendship.

 

Alec seemed honest, mysterious, adventurous, as well as beautiful and incredibly polite and cautious. The bodyguard was exactly the type of man Magnus always found impressive, but the student desperately tried to come to terms with the idea that he would never become more for Alec than a worker. A day's help. A fake friend.

 

“Have you started your presentation yet?" Raphael asked when they both turned into Magnus' street. Magnus nodded silently.

“I'll do the rest at Alec's tomorrow. He will ignore me most of the time anyway and leave me alone," explained Magnus, and Raphael nodded before stopping.

 

“Well, at least you won’t forget it.” Raphael laughed, and Magnus nodded before he pulled his keys out of his pocket.

 

“Thanks for the pizza,” Magnus said thankfully, and Raphael nodded.

 

“You're welcome, my friend. See you tomorrow," he said before Magnus unlocked his front door and went upstairs.

 

He spent the rest of the evening in front of the TV, and on his mobile, before he decided to go to bed relatively early because Monday was already around the corner, and Magnus knew that the day would belong.

 

 

-

 

 

The next time Magnus opened his eyes, his cell phone rang continuously, and the student moaned annoyed before muting his phone and turning to the other side.

 

The weekend was definitely too short, and Magnus definitely got too little sleep.

 

After another five minutes, Magnus finally sat up slowly to start his day. He took a cold shower before he put on makeup and put his hair back in a decent position. He then chose his clothes for the day and packed his bag. He pulled his MacBook off the charger cable before storing it in his backpack. Then he grabbed his coffee to go cup and left the house to catch the next best subway to college.

  
However, it was overcrowded, and Magnus was pushed into one of the corners before he took his headphones out of his pocket, and with Queen bridged the trip to the university. Nonetheless, the subway was incredibly loud, so Magnus hardly heard anything from the song playing into his ears. He was already annoyed by that day and tried to stay calm as the subway became fuller and fuller.

 

After another ten minutes, however, Magnus was able to get out and free himself from the narrowness. He breathed deeply before looking at his famous university and finally making his way to the entrance. Raphael had already written to him that he was waiting for him outside the lecture room, and Magnus emptied his coffee cup before he went to the room and saw Raphael standing outside the door.

  
“Good morning, sunshine.” Magnus smiled at his friend, who rolled his eyes in a tangle.

 

“Yes, good morning," Raphael said quietly. It was all the same.

 

Magnus was awake, although he had not slept enough in the last few days, and Raphael was annoyed by everything.

 

The lecture could begin.

 

“Are you ready?" Raphael asked, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

 

“It gets boring anyway," Magnus replied neutrally, and Raphael agreed with him with a nod. “Every day I wonder why we chose history” he sighed quietly, and they both went into the hall before sitting in the last row.

 

The hours passed by slowly, and Magnus noticed how he nodded off again and again before Raphael woke him.

“Dude, you need sleep," Raphael whispered to him, and Magnus nodded yawning before rubbing his eyes.

 

“Will it at least be over soon?" Magnus murmured sleepily, and Raphael nodded. “Yeah, the 90 minutes are almost over, and then your day's over, remember?”

 

Magnus sat up straight and looked at Raphael in shock before realizing that he only had one class every Monday, but then he remembered that he had to spend the rest of the day with Alec.

 

And the remaining days of the week as well.

 

“Ah shit.” Magnus cursed eventually. “I have to get back to Alec," he went on, and Raphael laughed.

“I feel really sorry for you," he said mockingly, and Magnus closed his eyes. Magnus turned his head to Raphael and rolled his eyes before smiling slightly. He couldn't tell Raphael that he was secretly looking forward to Alec and didn't have to spend his afternoon alone.

 

“You're smiling.” Raphael noticed, and Magnus shook his head.

 

“Yeah, because I think about how pathetic your life is when you don't come to parties for weeks.”

 

Raphael shrugged his shoulders. “A life with Netflix is also very pleasant.”

 

Magnus thought about it for a moment and actually wanted to make a bad joke, but decided against it because Raphael was his best friend.

 

“I'll just do my presentation and order something and hope he can eat it.” Raphael laughed.

 

“Yeah, you definitely shouldn't be cooking anymore.” Magnus pulled out and punched Raphael's shoulder.

 

“Listen, I can cook, yeah? Alec's immune system is just extremely sensitive." Magnus defended the situation before remembering the consequences of his last attempt at cooking.

 

The student suddenly realized that he was also defending Alec and stared at his professor who was writing the last words of the lesson.

 

Raphael observed Magnus for a while before he smiled slightly and patted him on the shoulder.

 

“You'll do it, big boy,” he quietly said before they were dismissed, and Magnus blinked. He looked to his right and smiled nodding at Raphael before taking his bag and getting up.

 

A look at his phone told him that the subway would leave for Alec's apartment in ten minutes, so the young student had enough time to buy a cup of coffee before he made his way to the subway station. He even got a seat this time and leaned back relaxed before opening Spotify and closing his eyes.

 

-

 

The train, unfortunately, braked much too hard in Magnus' opinion, so Magnus suddenly opened his eyes and noticed that the train had just stopped.

Magnus stood up directly and sought his way out before breathing in the fresh air. The rain had washed the dirt off the streets, and the streets were crowded with people as he turned into Alec's street. His stomach growled briefly, and Magnus put his hand around his stomach before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked if Alec had answered him by now.

 

Of course, he hadn't answered him.

 

Magnus wished that Alec would not be stubborn this time to not order pizza.

 

The student finally stood in front of Alec's door and unlocked the apartment door before walking up the stairs and taking off his shoes in one sweep and opening the door.

 

“Alec?" he shouted in the hallway. Magnus put his bag down before he took off his coat and hung it on the hook. Alec lay on the couch with his Playstation 4 controller in his hand and a headset on his head. He gave instructions on how his team should proceed, and Magnus heard the click of the joysticks before turning his head to Magnus and nodding to him.

 

Magnus briefly raised his hand before going into the kitchen to wash his hands. He listened passively as Alec just won the round in Overwatch.

 

Meanwhile, Magnus dried his hands, and a few seconds later he went back into the living room before stopping in front of the sofa. The word “VICTORY" just appeared on the screen, and Alec thanked his team for the lap. Magnus stood next to the couch with his arms crossed and watched Alec, waiting for a reaction from the young adult.

 

Alec finally turned his head and looked at Magnus for a while before taking a deep breath and looking back at the TV. “I have to stop now. See you later!" He said quietly before closing the game, pulling his headset off our heads.

 

He looked at Magnus again, still standing in front of the couch with his arms crossed, before putting the controller on the table and getting up.

 

“Morning.” he finally said as he stood in front of Magnus. He looked down at him as Magnus stood his gaze. Alec remembered the message Magnus had sent him before he dodged Magnus' gaze and walked into the kitchen.

 

Magnus finally turned around and went after Alec inconspicuously.

 

“You didn't answer me," he said while Alec poured himself a glass of water and leaned against the counter.

The bodyguard took a sip of his drink before he looked unimpressed at Magnus and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I was busy," he finally said dry, and Magnus tilted his head before lifting his eyebrow.

 

“With your video game?" he asked, and Alec looked at Magnus just before he nodded.

 

“Is there a problem with that?" Alec eventually asked ironically, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I’m just saying that if you always ignore messages, then you can never get to know anyone in real life," Magnus replied, and he felt Alec tense.

Magnus had hit a sore spot.

 

Alec put down his glass and looked at Magnus seriously. Magnus couldn't see what storm was raging behind Alec's eyes, but the bodyguard turned away from Magnus a few seconds later and looked out the window.

“Maybe I just want to ignore your messages," Alec finally explained to end the unpleasant situation.

 

But Magnus didn't let go so easily.

 

“Oh yeah? Until you're puking in front of the toilet again and can't get up? Then I'm good enough again to get a call?" Magnus said bitingly. He didn't understand Alec, but he wanted to understand him.

 

“You sound like my mother,” Alec said murring, still looking out of the window, but Magnus didn’t say another word.He wanted to meet the real Alec who lived behind the façade.

  
Alec swallowed hard before slowly turning around and looking at Magnus, who looked at Alec challenging, yet serious. Alec closed his eyes. He couldn't believe Magnus didn't give up. That Magnus wouldn't just request money and leave Alec alone.

 

  
_Forever._

  
  
“Okay. I'm sorry, yeah?" Alec finally said before looking honestly at Magnus. Magnus breathed deeply before dropping his arms down and taking a step into the kitchen.  
  
“Are you hungry? I've been starving for hours," the student finally asked, leaving Alec's apology in the room. “I wanted to order something today because I assume you lied to me the day before yesterday. And I'm sure you don’t want to eat something I made again.” Magnus took out his phone and grabbed the folder.

 

“I also found the flyers in the folder where I can order something from suppliers," he also said, and Alec crunched his jaw briefly.

 

The bodyguard briefly eyed Magnus, who leafed through the flyers, and then raised his head to look at Alec, who was still standing unchanged in front of the student.

 

“So I will order a pizza now," Magnus finally said before he turned away from Alec and called up the website of the ordering service.

 

Alec looked at Magnus in shock. “I apologized, _Bane_.” Alec finally said, and Magnus turned his head for a moment.

 

“I know.” he teased Alec, and Alec looked at him with his mouth open.

 

“And?" he asked, and Magnus pulled up an eyebrow.

 

“And what?" Magnus said charmingly before looking at his phone and picking out his pizza.

 

A few seconds later, however, he noticed a slight pressure on his arm. Magnus turned his head and looked at Alec, who had put his hand around Magnus' forearm. Magnus looked briefly at Alec's hand before taking it away and breathing deeply.  
  
“Listen, I'm sorry, Magnus," Alec quietly said when he took a step back, and Magnus lowered his cell phone.

 

“Oh, right now you are?” Magnus replied, and Alec closed his eyes before turning his hand into a fist and breathing deeply.

 

“I'm just not used to anyone taking care of me. That someone is interested in my day, if I leave my sister out of it, okay?" Alec defended himself before he looked at Magnus honestly. The dark brown eyes of the student scrutinized the former bodyguard for a while before a slight smile formed on his lips, and he nodded.

 

“You should start to realize that there are people who care about you, Alec Lightwood," Magnus replied quietly. Alec blinked a few times before Magnus nodded, closing his eyes for a short amount of time.

 

“Apology accepted," Magnus said quietly. “After all, I can't stand it when we keep ignoring each other again, and you hide in your room," Magnus replied with a smile.

  
Alec looked seriously at Magnus after his sentence for a while before a little smile formed around his lips. “I'll have a pepperoni pizza," he said afterwards before leaving Magnus behind and going to his room to get his laptop from the desk.

 

Magnus, meanwhile, stopped at the edge of the kitchen and ordered the pizzas before he put his cell phone back in his pants and sitting on the sofa. Only a few minutes later Alec also came back from his bedroom. A respirator mask adorned his face, and in his hand he held his MacBook, reminding Magnus that he had to continue his presentation.

 

However, his stomach growled again, and he decided that he first wanted to enjoy his pizza before he went back to his work.

 

Magnus laid back and put his head on the back of the couch before staring at the ceiling. Alec also lay stretched out on the couch surfing the Internet before Magnus heard quiet sounds coming from the MacBook. He turned his head slightly to Alec, who watched an interested Youtube video before peering up and looking at Magnus.

 

“You still haven't told me if your Saturday night was nice," Magnus finally teased when Alec couldn't take his eyes off Magnus.

 

The younger one quickly looked back at his MacBook before shrugging his shoulders.

 

"Well, I don't know what you mean by nice, but my sister and I ate before getting annoyed by our parents. Then we played UNO, which by the way I won all the time!" Alec remarked, and Magnus continued to watch Alec as he had his eyes fixed on the screen, his tattoo on his neck lit up by the bright light, and his hair appearing darkly and beautiful.

  
“Your parents were here?" Magnus asked amusedly, and Alec had to smile.

“Yes, it was a miracle. You've been here more often than my parents have in the last three months," Alec replied emotionlessly, and Magnus thought for a moment. He did not want to intrude more than he was able to, but he was interested in Alec's relationship with his parents.

 

“And what did they want from you?" the student asked interestedly, and Alec looked up again before he had to swallow hard. A lump had formed in his throat as he thought of what his mother had told him in the argument the previous day. He remembered Isabelle, who had defended him, Robert who hadn't said a word, and Maryse who told Alec that Magnus was trying his best, and Alec should give him a chance.

 

“Oh, the usual. How I am about, and what I did with Iz. Nothing special." Alec shrugged trying to cover up the situation.

 

He did not want to think about his parents' failures. All he wanted was to focus on the people who really cared about him: his sister and _maybe_ a student from Brooklyn.

 

 

-

 

 

When the pizza delivery girl finally interrupted the silence in the apartment, Magnus stood up and was ready to get his wallet out of his pocket when he heard Alec's voice.

 

“There's money in the kitchen. On the kitchen island. Take it!" he shouted to him, and Magnus turned around briefly.

 

“Alec, I can't take the money," he tried shouted back in a soft voice as the delivery teen rang the bell again making Alec look up from the screen.

“You work here. We've got enough money. Take it, and pay for both pizzas with it." he explained, and Magnus finally gave in, took the money from the kitchen island and opened the door for the pizza delivery girl before taking the warm boxes and closing the door with his foot.

 

“Do I have to do anything with the boxes?" Magnus asked Alec, who denied it before switching his MacBook to standby mode and getting up. He put his mask aside and walked to the kitchen, where Magnus had already taken two plates out of the cupboard, and the boxes lay open on the table so that the steam could draw off and cool the individual slices.

  
“Do you know how long I haven't had a pizza?" Alec asked when he sat down on the chair and grabbed a piece of his pizza. Magnus shook his head.

 

“For months. Iz always forbids me to have pizza, because she thinks it only makes my illness worse. I think they can't save me anyway, and I want to enjoy my last years in peace." Alec  replied, and Magnus looked briefly at him before he also reached for a slice.  
  
He couldn't believe that Alec had already finished with his life so much when it hadn't even started properly.

 

“If you would've started therapy, you could have been saved, Alec,” Magnus remarked quietly, and Alec looked at him before he raised his hand and waved.

 

“For who should I start therapy? For my parents, so that they can use me again for their dirty work while they lean back? For my sister, who I would have to protect again at every turn because my parents think that she cannot defend herself?" Alec growled annoyed.

 

“For yourself,” Magnus replied quietly, and Alec looked directly at him.

  
“I now know from you that you would do anything to fix anything, but you have to fix yourself, and as long as you don't want to, no one in this world can force you to start the therapy. You have to want it yourself, Alec. Only you alone decide what you want for your life, but it would be a pity if Isabelle would lose her big brother just because he is too proud to accept help, and would rather someday just sit in a wheelchair, and die later than accept help. You don't even want me here yet. I know that it's hard when you've trained all your life just to take care of your own worries and tasks, and when you used to protect others and never had to rely on other people. Alec, it's okay. It's okay if you're looking for help, that's all I want to tell you. Perhaps, that is what your parents are trying t make you realize.  They don't want to lose you because you're their son. They love you.”  
  
The room became quiet when Magnus finished his explanation.

 

Alec was introverted, so he ate his pizza for quite a while without saying a word, and Magnus gave him his time. Because as long as Alec thought about Magnus' words without reacting aggressively, Magnus was already a whole step ahead.

 

“I'm just tired of being their sidekick for everything, and that's exactly what I'd become again.”

 

“I thought you’d have taken over the company?” Magnus asked when Alec started talking again. The younger one shrugged his shoulders.

 

“My father already told me as a little child that I only get the company because Jace is younger than me. I've always had to do the dirty work. I'm used to it.”

 

Magnus tilted his head slightly and smiled sadly at Alec before taking a deep breath. “I'm sure you would have done a great job and run the company perfectly," he wanted to cheer him up. “And that if you were well again, Alec, you'd still get that position.”

 

Magnus meant every word exactly as he had just said it. He wanted to show Alec that he was more than someone who worked for his family. That there were so many secrets in him and his true self guaranteed so many facets.

 

Alec cleared his throat shortly before he pushed his plate away and looked over to Magnus, who had also eaten his last piece. “Thanks for the pizza," Alec said quietly before getting up and disappearing into the living room. Magnus looked after him and breathed deeply before quietly getting up and rinsing the plates by hand. He always kept in mind that he had to continue his presentation, but he tried to repress the idea of actually starting to work on it again.

 

Alec had meanwhile turned his PlayStation back on and started Borderlands, while Magnus cleaned the kitchen and took his bag out of the hallway to unpack his laptop. He had to be productive until Isabelle would come back from her work and replace Magnus.

 

The student finally went into the living room with his laptop too and sat down on the couch before opening his presentation and looking over at Alec while his game was stuck in the loading screen.

 

“What do you have to do?" he asked after a few seconds, and Magnus looked over at him.

 

“My final presentation about my master thesis. Nothing special. It just takes an extremely long amount of time.” answered Magnus, and Alec smiled. “History?" Alec asked again, and Magnus nodded.

 

“I didn't think you were that type of man," Alec said afterward. Magnus rolled his eyes before he looked briefly at the television.

 

“I am in my last year, and after that, I can finally write books," Magnus said with anticipation, and Alec stopped his character shortly before he looked over at Magnus, who looked at him questioningly. There was a little smile on his lips.

 

“You want to write books after a miserably long study? You can do so much more with graduation than just sitting at home and writing," Alec finally replied, and Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

 

“My buddy Raphael wants to be a teacher. I don't feel like working with annoying kids.”

Alec smiled slightly. “Children don't necessarily have to be exhausting, Bane," He replied amusedly before continuing his game, and Magnus bit his lower lip.

 

Did Alec Lightwood just really have a conversation with him?

 

“How can you know that? You'd always get the kids down with your _pissed off_ attitude." Magnus replied after a short while before laughing quietly.

 

“Right, then the kids aren't really exhausting when they're afraid of you." He continued, and he saw in the corner of his eye that Alec was smiling. He hadn't put his mask back on yet.

 

“I always wanted to be a teacher or a professor," Alec finally said, and Magnus looked at him in shock.

 

Alec turned his head just before he shrugged his shoulders. “What? I always liked history, and I told my sister about everything when we were kids, but when I was 14, my parents involved me in the company and started training me," Alec said with a sad undertone.

  
“And when I was 16, I got together with my girlfriend. At my parents' request of course.”

 

Magnus was still looking at Alec who was concentrating on his game while he was talking to Magnus. "And you didn't want her?" Magnus asked, but Alec's jaw cramped before he closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He remembered the last night when he barely got an eye closed because he was overthinking due to what his sister had told him.

 

“You should concentrate on your presentation and not be interested in my boring life," Alec finally changed the subject, and Magnus pinched his eyes slightly. He didn't want to do his presentation, especially when a person like Alec lay next to him telling him about his life.

 

Maybe even started trusting him.

 

“I can't concentrate on my work anyway when you're lying next to me playing your game. I thought you'd continue to ignore me and just squat in your room, listening to unbearably loud music and coming out only when Isabelle walks through the door," Magnus explained before closing his laptop and looking at the TV.

 

Alec still stared at Magnus and didn't move his hand a bit, so Magnus' gaze hit his.

“What is it?" Magnus wanted to know with a grin, and Alec shook his head stunned, but with a smile.

 

“You're really weird, Bane," Alec said before he got up and took the second controller off the shelf. Magnus looked at Alec questioningly and tilted his head slightly when Alec handed him the controller.  “You can play it in pairs. Isabelle and I are quite far into the game, but hopefully you'll find yourself quickly, Bane," Alec said challengingly before gently grinning at him.

 

Magnus blinked briefly at the controller before nodding and accepting it. A click on the PS button in the middle of the controller made the controller blink, and Magnus appeared on the screen right next to Alec.

 

The bodyguard had meanwhile sat down again and explained the controls and the next mission to Magnus before he looked for a weapon for him and they went off.

Magnus was initially overwhelmed with the game and died far too often, but Alec remained calm and said it was okay.

 

After a few hours in which the two had played the game without any worries or side conversations, Magnus felt more comfortable with the controller in his hand. He had even managed to fire the last shot at the opponent while Alec had to reload.

 

“Wow, Bane!" Alec exclaimed in shock, and Magnus smiled silently. “You're not so bad, are you?" Alec teased him, and Magnus turned his head towards the bodyguard.

 

“Simon has shown me a game or two before. I wasn't that inexperienced after all.” Magnus winked at Alec, who just nodded.

 

“Simon is your, uhm, friend?" he asked, and Magnus nodded before he got up and took a glass of water from the kitchen.

 

“He's the nerd of my group. He loves Star Wars and video games, comics, and Asian food." explained Magnus as he sat down again and handed Alec a glass as well.

 

“Thank you,” Alec quietly said as he picked up the glass. “How does Asian food make him a nerd?" he asked amusingly. Alec had sat up and sat cross-legged in front of Magnus.

 

The student took a big sip of his glass before lifting his finger.

“He hates parties, not as much as Raphael, but Simon's always clumsy at parties. Since he is together with my friend Maia, he is more often in the Pandemonium, but mostly he only sits on his mobile phone. Raphael, on the other hand, is the one who hates everyone and goes to a party once every five months to get upset about everything and everyone," Magnus explained, and Alec was looking at him amused.

 

“Your group of friends seems interesting," he quietly said, and Magnus nodded.

 

“There's also Clary. She's still single like me, and she has a big chance if she would only take it. She likes women and is waiting for the perfect dream woman, but at least she loves parties as much as I do." Magnus revealed, and Alec listened.

 

“She's into women?" Alec directly asked making him want to slap himself. He didn't want to be interested in Magnus' life and his friends. But Isabelle triggered something in him. She triggered a certain rethinking in Alec's head.

 

Magnus just nodded before putting down his glass on the glass table. “Yes. Nowadays she stands by it, she used to tell me first because I'm bisexual, and she knew I wouldn't react negatively," Magnus explained, and Alec nodded before he sank into his thoughts.

 

He couldn't believe Magnus was so open about his sexuality and could talk proudly about it without having to be afraid.

 

The former bodyguard weakly smiled before he looked at his hands and began to talk. “My sister told me yesterday that she likes women. She also told me first because she was afraid of how our parents would react," he said quietly, and Magnus looked at Alec for quite a while before he smiled.

 

“Maybe we do have something in common after all," he said with a small smile, and Alec looked up. “We both have an open ear and people trust us," Magnus continued, and Alec smiled gently.

 

“Seems so," Alec replied before looking out the window.

 

It had started raining again, and Alec remembered that Magnus had borrowed his sister's umbrella. “You forgot the umbrella, didn't you?" Alec changed the subject before Magnus was able to continue.

 

The student followed Alec's gaze out of the window before he hit his forehead and cursed. “Damnit, yeah, I did. Sorry Alec,” he apologized, and Alec nodded.

 

“Isabelle has enough umbrellas, don't worry about it. Just bring it with you when you think about it.” Alec said with a mocking smile making Magnus open his mouth in shock before laughing.

 

“Hold on. Don't assume that I'll never bring it back! I'm not that forgetful!" Magnus defended himself against the unspoken accusation, but Alec's smile only broadened before he reached for his mask and stood up.

 

“Isabelle should be back any minute now. It's six o'clock," Alec remarked, and Magnus looked at his phone.

“That's right, and I haven't done anything productive," Magnus said disappointedly.

 

“Not you, but I've moved on in Borderlands," teased Alec before he went into his room and closed the door. Magnus stayed back on the couch and shook his head slightly with a smile before getting up and putting the controllers back before going to the kitchen and shredding the pizza boxes and putting them in the trash. Besides, he made himself a cup of coffee and Alec a cup of tea.

 

A grasp into the medicine cupboard and Magnus took vitamin D tablets from the cupboard to put them into Alec's tea so that the bodyguard could at least have some vitamins.

  
Magnus leaned against the counter and took a sip of the hot coffee that warmed his body while waiting for the tea to get ready and he could call Alec.

 

While he was waiting, the door was unlocked, and Magnus went into the hallway with his coffee cup to look into the face of a smiling Isabelle.

“Good evening!" She shouted to Magnus before she waved at him, and Magnus nodded to her greeting.

 

“Good evening, my dear!" smiled Magnus, and Isabelle looked around.

 

“Where's my brother?" Isabelle asked, and Magnus was just about to start talking when Alec came out of his room and went into the kitchen to get his tea.

 

“Hi, Iz.” he smiled weakly, having pulled down his mask. Isabelle smiled lovingly at her brother.

 

“Did you have fun?" she asked curiously, and Magnus turned to Alec, who was sipping his tea.

 

“I played Borderlands with him, and we had pizza," Alec replied, and Isabelle looked shocked at Magnus.

 

“Magnus-"

 

“It's not bad, Izzy.” Alec cut off Isabelle, who had turned to Magnus.

 

“I'm still alive, right? I'm fine," he said quietly before looking at Magnus, who thanked Alec.

Isabelle thought for a moment before taking a deep breath and putting her hand around Magnus' upper arm.

 

“I appreciate your help, but I prefer it when Alec gets fresh food. How about you cook together tomorrow? I can buy you anything, and you can get to know each other better," she suggested, and Magnus' eyes widened briefly.

 

“Isabelle I-I can't really cook. I'm a student, and you know that." Magnus explained with doubts. He didn't want Alec to have to spend the night in front of the toilet again.

 

“Don't worry about it. Everything is described in detail in the folder, and Alec also knows the recipe for the pasta. Nothing can go wrong," Isabelle said, and Magnus turned his head to Alec, who had to smile.

 

“We can try. If something goes wrong, then Magnus can still order something." Alec finally replied, and Isabelle smiled warmly at her brother.

 

He slowly thawed when Magnus was there, and Isabelle wished for nothing more.

 

“That sounds great," Isabelle said before looking at Magnus, who took a deep breath.

 

“I can't promise anything. It'll probably taste absolutely crappy, but we'll try." he replied, and Alec laughed quietly before Magnus quickly turned to him.

 

Alec laughed. His laugh was audible for the first time, and Magnus could see his teeth. They shone bright white on him, and Magnus could swear that he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

 

The student smiled at Alec before hearing Isabelle's voice again.

 

“If you want, I can drive you home, Magnus. Alec doesn't seem to have any worries at the moment," she said quietly, looking at her brother who raised his hand and refused.

 

“I'm fine, don't worry,” he confirmed Isabelle's guess, and Magnus nodded.

 

“Sure." Magnus said before he took his laptop off the coffee table and put it in his bag.

 

He took his coat off the hanger before he dressed and bent down to reach for his bag. Alec was still standing at the edge of the kitchen watching every movement of the student.

 

When Magnus bent down, Alec's gaze slipped right down at him before looking at his sister, who knowingly smiled at him, and formed the words _“You’re staring”_ with her lips.

 

The bodyguard blinked briefly before shaking his head and turning away from Magnus and Isabelle. “See you tomorrow then, Bane.” he simply said before he went to his room, and he heard just one more, “See you tomorrow, Alec!” from Magnus before he closed the door behind him and sat down on his couch. He was still holding the tea in his hand.

 

Was he really _staring_?

  


-

 

 

“Thanks for the ride," Magnus said as they stopped outside his apartment. Isabelle nodded to him smiling as Magnus opened the door. Just as the student was about to quit, Isabelle held him back for a moment, and Magnus looked at her.

 

“I must thank you," she said, and Magnus raised his left eyebrow inquiringly. “That you spend time with him," Isabelle explained. “I should give you this," Isabelle said when she delivered him a letter. “Your first check," she explained when Magnus still looked at her questioningly.

  
Magnus' gaze became softer as he delightedly accepted the check before thanking her. “You don't have to thank me for spending time with him. Maybe I do it partly to stay in my apartment, yes, but Alec is still a person, your brother. And I know that under his hard shell there is a normal young man who hates nothing more in this world than himself, and I don't want him to hate himself, Isabelle." he quietly said, and Isabelle smiled at him sadly before nodding.

 

“He is incredibly caring. He protects the people he loves with his life, and he would do anything to make up for something he screwed up. I couldn't think of a better brother. Next week is Halloween, and I don't know yet if I will find the time to make preparations with Alec. Could you possibly prepare the house with Alec? We used to carve pumpkins together, and I bought him, sweets, he could actually eat.”Isabelle's voice was quiet and tender.

 

She had hope in her eyes. Hope that Magnus also possessed.

 

“I will do my best to get this side out of Alec again, and yes, I can help out before Halloween, but unfortunately I already have plans for Halloween. Big party in the Pandemonium," he promised her before he looked outside, and could see a slender figure walking up the stairs to his front door.

 

Magnus smiled before he looked at Isabelle. “This is my friend, Clary," Magnus said before Isabelle saw Magnus' looking to his front door, and Magnus opened the car door and got out at the same moment.  

  
“Clary!" he shouted to her and Clary turned around. Her hair shone in the light of the street lamp. Isabelle looked out the window and watched Clary run down the stairs and hug Magnus.

 

“Clary, this is Isabelle, Alec's sister," he said quietly before turning to Isabelle's car and waving to her. Isabelle had switched on the light inside the car and waved to them.

 

“She's cute," Clary said quietly, and Magnus turned to her with a smile before leaning down to her ear.

 

“And she likes women, Biscuit," he whispered in her ear, and Clary’s eyes widened before she looked back at the car and Isabelle smiled at her.

 

“You’re working with handsome people, Magnus," Clary finally said before Magnus turned to Isabelle's car and gave her a sign she could drive.

 

  
“She's incredibly nice, Biscuit, and she takes care of Alec every day once I'm gone. What were you doing at my front door anyway?” he asked when he unlocked his front door and looked at Clary questioningly. Clary shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I thought I could stop by? My Monday has been boring, and I don't have anything to eat, so I was wondering if you wanted something from Subway?" Clary asked before biting her lower lip.

 

Magnus looked at Clarissa from top to bottom and briefly asked her to come in so that he put his bag down.

“How was your day with Alec?" Clary asked as she stood in the doorway while Magnus collected his money and took his key.

 

He shrugged his shoulders before leaving his apartment and walking down the street with Clary to get to their tribal Subway.

 

“Actually, okay? We had pizza, and he showed me his video game. I told him about our group, and he was kind of nicer? He called me Bane again, but I think he's starting to feel more comfortable around me," Magnus explained on the way to the subway, and Clary listened attentively. “Isabelle wants me to cook noodles with him tomorrow? I can't cook, Biscuit," Magnus complained when they arrived at the shop. Clary had to laugh.

  
“I'm sure you can cook. As well as you get along with Alec, someone who doesn't want anything from you and is in a bad mood all the time, can't leave the house and is seriously ill. You dropped your One Night Stand for Alec and drove all the way to him. You took care of Alec and even called Cat so she could help him. You may think you can't cook, but once you do something with Alec, you're a different person, Magnus," Clary reassured her best friend when they arrived at the Subway door. Magnus thought about their words before he opened the door and ordered their sandwich.  
  
They ate in peace while Magnus thought about Clary's words.

 

“Do you really think I'm different when I'm with Alec?" he finally asked, and Clary swallowed her bite before zipping her Coke and nodding.

 

“Yes, you're different now. You think about my words, and you worry that you can't cook. You think that you can't do the job properly even though Alec's parents are rarely there, and Isabelle seems to like you. You're worried that you might disappoint Alec, even if you're just doing it for the money, huh?" she asked, and hit a point in Magnus’ thoughts.

 

Was Magnus really doing it just for the money?

 

“I-I'm not doing it just for the money. At least not anymore-”

 

“Not since you were with Alec the whole night and were able to see his real self?" Clary asked, and Magnus looked her in the eye before he nodded.

 

“Yes, he-he's different from the men I've known before, and not because he's sick! He's just- so full of secrets and unpredictable talents. And he looks good!"

  
Clary raised her hand directly and interrupted Magnus. “Forget it, Magnus! You work for him!"

 

“Have you ever seen him before? He's tall, and he's got a tattoo on his neck that emphasizes it incredibly. He is still muscular, not as much as before his illness,  but still trained. He has dark, tousled hair that still looks incredibly good. His eyelashes are extremely long and accentuate, and his big eyes and generally, he's just-”

  
“Sexy?" finished Clary Magnus' description, and Magnus stared at Clary for a moment before taking a deep breath.

 

“I should just stop getting my hopes up. Alec doesn't even see me as a friend. I'm probably just a means to an end for him, so he doesn't have to play Borderlands alone. I don't know, Clarissa, but there's something about him that makes me curious. He makes me curious.”

  
Magnus let his sandwich sink before he took a deep breath as Clary laid her hand on Magnus’ back.

 

“This is all new to you, isn't it?" she asked quietly, and Magnus raised his head a little bit to look at Clary. “The whole thing with Alec. Knowing you can't have him when everyone else wants you. You love challenges, but only when you are hard to get, but with Alec, it seems to be the other way around. He gives you no sign that he wants anything from you, behaves like an asshole most of the time, and despite everything, he called you because he needed you and because he trusted you, Magnus.”

 

Magnus looked at Clary as she smiled slightly at him.

 

“Don't give up, Magnus. Just because he doesn't want you in that way doesn't mean he's just using you. It is your job to be a friend for him, so just make the most of it, and maybe at some point, the job will be marginal, and Alec could actually become your friend.”

 

Magnus let Clary’s words go through his mind while he ate his sandwich and they left the place together. Magnus had still not said a single word and thought about the first days with Alec. He liked him even when he was cold with him. Magnus knew it wasn't Alec's intention to be.

 

Clary watched Magnus as they walked back to his apartment. Magnus bit around on his lower lip and sank more and more into his thoughts until Clary pulled him back to her as Magnus was about to walk past his apartment door.

 

“We're here, Magnus," Clary quietly said, and Magnus blinked for a moment before taking a deep breath and fixing his eyes on Clary, and then smiling.

 

“Thank you for the Subway, my dear Clarissa,” he whispered to her before he took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

 

“Magnus," Clary held him back for a moment, and the student turned to her. “No matter what happens between you and Alec, and I know something will happen to you, don't let it come between you and Alec. He needs you," she replied, and Magnus took a deep breath before closing his eyes and nodding.

 

“Thank you, Biscuit. I will see you tomorrow," he whispered exhausted, and Clary nodded smiling before she let go of Magnus' arm and took a step back. Magnus looked at her for a moment before he opened the door and went upstairs.

 

When Magnus entered his apartment, he went straight into the bathroom before taking a cold shower and then crawling into his bed immediately afterward, thinking about Clary's words.

 

_“No matter what happens between you and Alec, and I know something's gonna happen to you. . . don't let it come between you and Alec. . . he needs you.”_

 

Magnus had no idea what Clary meant, but he knew his best friend was right about everything.

 

And he hated her for it.


	6. Art Museum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening and welcome back to #LMBWA :)
> 
> we just hit 100 Kudos and I wanted to thank y'all once more for your support! 
> 
>  if you wanna check out the playlist to the fanfic, you can find it [here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)
> 
> as always, if you want to live-tweet me your reactions use #LMBWA!  
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> But now, enjoy reading and I'll see you next time :)

**Six**

 

Magnus unlocked Alec's apartment door before taking a deep breath. He placed his bag down, and before he could warn Alec that he was in the room, he saw the young man sitting by the windowsill reading a book; a cup of tea on the ground. The early afternoon light of the sun broke through the room allowing be Alec's physical features to be more prominent. With tangled legs and leaning against the wall he continued reading his book; deeply immersed.

 

Magnus almost flinched when Alec glanced up to greet him.

 

Had Alec noticed that he was observing him in his peaceful state?

 

Not many seconds later his question was answered by Alec devoting all his attention to the book again. Magnus let out a breath he had been holding and went to the kitchen to start on his first task of the day.

 

Magnus glimpsed through the various ingredients that were spread all over the worktop. He stared at the noodles and proceeded to read the instructions for use before looking at the vegetables and seeing the various spices that he had never seen before in his life.

 

"Please don't say you've never cooked a real pasta in your life." Alec's teasing voice notified Magnus of Alec's presence in the situation. He turned around as if the sentence were a command, and looked at Alec's amused face. Magnus was still holding the noodles in his hand explaining Alec’s facial expression.  

 

Magnus looked at the pack of noodles before he shrugged his shoulders. “I haven't even had to pick up a pack of noodles since I've lived in my apartment. Student life doesn't offer many opportunities." Magnus defended himself against the accusation before Alec smiled and shook his head.

 

"Let me get ready first. Then I will help you, before you burn down the apartment," Alec teased with a stupid smirk that made Magnus raise an eyebrow.

 

He was careful enough not to burn the luxurious apartment. Right?

 

Magnus' thoughts consumed his mind, and without realizing it, he was watching every move of the younger male. He saw Alec leave the kitchen, pick up the book from the sofa and then leaving the room without saying another word.

  


"You have to show him what you got!" Magnus whispered after debating with himself. The student began to read the cooking instructions before looking for a chopping board and pulling a vegetable knife out of the knife block next to the large fridge. He was showing Alec he did not need him!

 

Then he proceeded to read the instructions placed on the counter next to where he washed his hands. Once he cleansed his hands, he collected the tomatoes that were needed.

 

Not a while after, Alec entered the kitchen willingly to teach Magnus some cooking skills.

 

“At least you can wash vegetables." teased Alec with yet another stupid smirk when Magnus turned to face him making Magnus roll his eyes.

 

“Don't think so badly of me, okay?" Magnus snarled with a confident smile before Alec took the tomatoes out of his hand.

 

“How can I not? I hate to remember Friday," Alec challenged before Magnus swallowed heavily and nodded.

 

“You're right." the student murmured down allowing Alec to win this time.

 

Alec turned to the cooking island before reaching for the chopping board and began to cut the tomatoes. “You can fill the pot with water," Alec kindly offered the student before he nodded to one of the many cupboards next to him and Magnus followed his gaze.

 

"I can do that." Magnus confirmed before opening the closet to grab a saucepan.

 

"Do you often cook with your sister?" Magnus asked trying to start a conversation without sounding inquisitive.

 

No matter his effort, silence fell into the room again. Perhaps Alec did not want to talk to him anymore, so he decided to focus on pouring water into the pot.

 

"In the beginning, I resisted..." Alec started, allowing Magnus to look up and acknowledge Alec who had just filled a bowl with freshly cut tomatoes. "Did not want to move a finger in the kitchen because the new food and everything always burned." Alec closed his eyes, remembering everything from the start. The pain, the tears, the screaming, and the darkness.

 

"But Iz," A sound of hope came out of Alec just as his eyes opened once again revealing the glassy light hazel eyes. "She never gave up on me." A small smile formed once he finished that sentence, and Magnus never took his eyes off the taller male in front of him.

 

"Which is why I can now say that I like to cook! Of course, I don't enjoy to cook alone, but I can get creative when I cook, and I am open to trying new things, as far as my illness allows," He finished with a small laugh barely audible for Magnus.

 

And Magnus _smiled_.

 

"And what about you, Bane?" Alec asked as he continued to place the tomatoes in the blender. He had told Magnus his story, and now it was the student's turn to share his reasoning, but this one just shrugged his shoulders and placed the pot on top of the heated hob.

 

"You don't like to cook, or don't have time?" He insisted when Magnus did not provide an answer, yet Magnus continued to shrug his shoulders wondering if his response would be valid.

 

“I'm a student," He started. "And the Subway is down the road from my home. Delivery services are easier than cooking something. Besides, I can't cook-" Magnus was interrupted by the loud sound of the mixer.

 

"Everyone can cook, Bane," Alec replied before taking the mixer out of its holder and putting the mashed mass into the pan. This movement allowed Alec and Magnus to be close enough to make their shoulders touch slightly, even with the height differences, Magnus was quick enough to notice this situation and withdrew quickly.

 

“If you have someone to keep you company in the kitchen, cooking may be fun," Magnus replied to avoid the feeling arising inside of him.  Then he ripped the ribbon noodles open and put the noodles in the boiling water.

 

Alec was silent for a while before he took a deep breath and let the sauce boil up.

 

”My ex-girlfriend liked cooking," he started quietly, and Magnus looked at him in shock.

 

Alec wanted to tell him about _Lydia._

 

 

"She loved cooking! She always tried something new every day and always surprised me with her new creations," he murmured while he swung the wooden spoon, and grabbed the spices to distract himself from thinking too much.

 

"Do you miss her?" Magnus dared to ask in the most careful tone.

 

Alec shook his head before he looked at the noodles. “Have you ever stirred noodles?" he asked Magnus, and the student followed Alec's instructions before looking at Alec, who's thoughts dominated him.

 

When Alec didn't answer after another minute, Magnus breathed deeply. “Sorry if the question was too intimate," Magnus apologized wanting to change the subject, but Alec raised his hand and shook his head.

 

“I don't miss her." He took a deep breath, controlling his thoughts, feeling, and emptiness. "At least not the way you miss the person you used to love. I miss me her being herself around me, yeah. But I also miss my best friend, the one I lost with her. I- I never loved her. I've always seen her as a little sister. I protected her just as I protected Isabelle. I couldn't imagine a marriage with her. At least not how my parents imagined it," explained Alec quietly, and Magnus realized that Alec was living for his parents.

 

“They never cared about what I wanted. My parents didn't care that Lydia was a best friend. They wanted me to be with her, marry her, and have kids with her. Lydia's family is in close contact with my parents, and there wouldn't be a risk of damaging our reputation," continued the bodyguard as the sauce simmered before his eyes. Magnus stood motionless next to him and watched his body tense more and more. His fingers clawed around the edge of the worktop before closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

 

“No... I don't miss her." he finally said before leaning off the countertop and trying to curve his lips to give a small smile to Magnus, who was worried and felt pity for Alec. He sensed his pain, and he could notice this inflicting pain behind Alec's hazel eyes.

 

“I'm very sorry, Alec.” the student tried to express his sympathy, but Alec raised his hand pejoratively before grabbing a spoon and trying the sauce.

 

“Don't be," he said quickly before reaching for two plates.

 

“Thank you for telling me about her," Said Magnus nevertheless, and Alec turned briefly to Magnus, who smiled weakly at him.

 

“I mean, I need to tell you something about my boring life, Bane." Alec teased the student before he put the plates on the kitchen island, and poured Magnus' noodles when the timer ran out.

 

The student had not cooked as much as he wished, but instead, he had observed Alec spice the sauce with high attention. Magnus closed his eyes sightly while he watched the sauce cooking not wanting to bother Alec's concentration.

 

Because Magnus enjoyed the time with Alec when the bodyguard didn't hate him.

 

“Lunch is ready," Alec announced when he sat down on his chair, and Magnus was still standing in the same spot.

Magnus blinked briefly and came back from his thoughts before he cleared his throat and sat next to Alec.

 

“Are you okay?" Alec asked when Magnus stared thoughtlessly at his plate. “Or are you afraid to eat something I’ve made?"

 

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes that looked at him questioningly before the bodyguard pulled his eyebrows up and pointed to Magnus' steaming plate.

 

“Oh, no, I just can't imagine that your parents have never realized that you don't want what they wanted you to do,” Magnus finally said, and Alec's jaw hardened before he shrugged his shoulders and pulled his respirator off his mouth.

 

"Look at what I've become. My parents don't care about me, Bane." Alec replied, and Magnus quickly shook his head.

 

“If they wouldn’t care about you, I wouldn't be sitting here. Your mother put the ad in the newspaper, Alec." Magnus defended the parents of the young bodyguard, and Alec's eyes closed short.

 

“If you say so, Bane,” Alec growled before he grabbed the fork and spoon and started eating.

 

He knew Magnus was right, but he wouldn't admit it.

 

Alec chewed listlessly on his food and swallowed his bite before he put his spoon on the edge of his plate again and turned the noodles little by little. He looked briefly at Magnus, who also took his first bite and his eyebrows shot up.

 

Alec didn't know what to expect from this reaction, so he paused and kept looking at Magnus, who was still chewing before he caught Alec's gaze and had to smile.

 

“I can't really tell from your gaze whether you like it or not," Alec noted, and Magnus swallowed his bite before taking a sip of his water. He did not turn off the glass but still held it in his hand as he looked back at Alec, who was still waiting for an answer. He looked at Magnus with his big, open eyes, tried to interpret the reaction and finally narrowed his eyes to a thin line before taking a deep breath.

 

“Alright then, Bane.” he moaned annoyed before devoting himself to his food again. Alec was not used to not getting an answer, so he ate offended in silence while Magnus' gaze was still on him.

 

“It's delicious, Alec,” Magnus said after another minute of silence.

 

He loved to irritate Alec with his behavior. He wanted to know how far the bodyguard went, and how much he allowed. The bodyguard paused again and looked up. Magnus still smiled slightly at him before Alec's cheek color changed to a light pink and he also smiled softly.

 

He hadn't received a compliment for his food in a long time.

On the one hand, because he always ate alone, on the other hand, because Isabelle knew all his dishes.

 

Alec looked smiling at his plate before he opened his mouth briefly and he left a quiet “Thank you" out.

 

Magnus still smiled at the bodyguard as he shook his head for a moment. Magnus was aware that Alec was fighting himself. Every little reaction, every little emotion in his body was something bad for him.

 

And Magnus would do anything to show Alec that it was okay to take compliments, even if he was disabled.

 

“So are we even know? I’m better at cooking than you?” Alec asked with a little grin on his lips, and Magnus opened his mouth offended before he clicked with his tongue.

 

“You can teach me how to cook," he winked at him, and Alec's eyes briefly met Magnus'. Magnus could swear that Alec would draw in the air sharply.

 

“Only if you want, of course.” Magnus quickly added, not to force Alec. The bodyguard nodded on it.

  


“I'll think about it. Maybe I don't want to risk you letting my apartment burn down," Alec replied with a quiet laugh before he pushed his plate away and got up from the chair. Magnus looked at him shortly afterwards. The laughter of the bodyguard captivated the student more than he wanted to admit, especially since he heard it so rarely.

 

Alec's laughter was one of the most beautiful and honest he had ever heard.

 

And he had heard _many_ laughs in his life.

 

-

  


They spent the rest of the day on the sofa again. Alec was busy with Overwatch for quite a while, while Magnus was busy with his lecture, but he was stuck and didn't know what to do. He didn't want to annoy Raphael either, although it itched into his fingertips.

 

Magnus briefly looked over to Alec, who had his headset back on his head and moved his fingers quickly over the various buttons on the controller. His voice occasionally sounded with abbreviations that Magnus could not define. Every now and then he heard shouts like “Mercy point!" or “Bastion Payload" and Magnus had no idea what Alec was talking about, but his voice gained intensity and became louder every now and then before he had to cough.

 

Magnus' gaze quickly turned over to Alec, who raised his hand to give him a sign that everything was okay. Nonetheless, Magnus got up and went into the kitchen to prepare him a glass of water. He couldn't afford Alec to get sick just because he overexerted himself.

 

He could still hear Alec's voice giving instructions, and guiding his team through the match, and Magnus could gradually imagine how Alec must have been the perfect bodyguard. His announcements were clear and quick. He was perfectly coordinated. Alec exactly knew what to do to win, even if it was just a video game.

 

Magnus placed the water bottle back in the fridge, yet Alec's voice continued to get louder until had to cough again, and Magnus said nothing. Instead, he went back to the living room with the glass and put it on the glass table in front of Alec.

The bodyguard only nodded shortly before giving his team giving new instructions. Magnus sat back on the sofa before pulling his MacBook on his lap and glancing at the screen. Alec's team just seemed to win, but Magnus couldn't know. He derived the assumption from the fact that Alec did not just squeal, but looked highly concentrated at the screen. His eyes kept jumping from one corner to the other, and his lips were slightly open. Magnus looked at Alec for quite a while, just because the bodyguard didn't notice it. The rune on his neck was tense, and Magnus could see his neck vein under the black ink through which the blood was pumped. He wondered the meaning behind the rune. His side profile seemed almost flawless.

 

To be honest, Magnus couldn't even detect a flaw.

 

Alec was _perfect._

 

His strand of hair fell in front of his forehead, his inconspicuous freckles accentuated his cheek, his lips were full and soaked in a delicate pink, and his eyes were fixed on the screen. The only thing Magnus could tell was that Alec looked tired.

 

Incredibly tired.

 

“Thank you.” Alec brought him back to the here and now, and Magnus blinked just before he nodded.

 

“No problem." Magnus replied before looking at the screen on which _VICTORY_ just appeared. Alec drank his glass directly before making a relieved sound and putting his controller aside for a moment. He stretched out and yawned before looking at Magnus, who was still staring at him.

 

“Everything okay, Bane?" he asked amusedly, and Magnus caught himself still staring before blinking and looking back at his laptop.

 

“Yeah, sure. Your game is just...confusing, and I'm stuck with my lecture," Magnus quickly replied before seeing Alec smile.

 

“Guys, I'm going to take a break, okay?" he said into his headset before pulling it off his head a few seconds later and putting his respirator on his mouth before he got up and turned off the PlayStation.

 

“What is the lecture about?" he asked Magnus, and Magnus looked up briefly as he saw Alec standing at the bookshelf.

 

“Uh, about the French Revolution, why?" Magnus asked before he pulled up his eyebrow, and came back to Alec with two books.

 

“Because I don't want to be responsible for a low grade in your class just because you have to hear me scream," he quietly replied as he sat next to Magnus. Magnus looked at Alec's hands embracing the books. They were large, and the veins were also very pronounced here.

 

“I just have to get my glasses," Magnus said before he got up and left Alec on the couch. Magnus went to his bag and rummaged for his glasses before putting them on and running back to the bodyguard who had already sunk into one of the books. Magnus stopped just before the couch and watched the scenario.

 

“You really want to help me?" Magnus asked, and Alec looked up.

Alec's lips were surrounded by a small smile that Magnus couldn't see thanks to the pitch-black mask on his mouth. Magnus looked incredibly intelligent and stunningly attractive with his glasses. It flattered his face. Alec just nodded.

 

“What else does it look like?" he finally said, and Magnus also gave a small smile before he sat down in front of his laptop again.

 

“Where do you need help?" Alec asked, and Magnus breathed a sigh of relief before explaining the subject of his presentation to Alec and getting to work.

  
  
  


-

  
  


Time passed faster than expected, but Magnus quickly realized that with every second that passed, Alec was yawning more and more and he had to rub his temples more and more. Nevertheless, he did not give up and helped Magnus with his presentation until he asked for an aspirin.

 

“We don't have to finish it today, Alec," Magnus said as he handed him the glass with the dissolved tablet, but Alec shook his head. “We're almost done," he said, exhausted, but Magnus insisted that he needed to rest.

 

“Isabelle should be right back, which means I can go home. Thank you for your help, Alec, but I don't want you to overexert yourself. Get some rest and let the pill take effect. I'll clean up this mess.” Magnus looked seriously at Alec, who could do nothing else but breathe deeply and nod before he got up and drank the glass within one shot.

“See you tomorrow then?" asked Alec and Magnus felt that Alec hoped Magnus would nod.

 

And he did.

“See you tomorrow," Magnus added with a little smile before Alec left the living room and went to his room.

 

“Alec-" Magnus stopped him, and Alec stopped in his room door before turning and looking in Magnus' direction.

“Thank you," Magnus whispered to him, and it took Alec a few seconds before he smiled gently and went into his room without another word.

 

Sometimes a gesture can do more than a _thousand_ words.

 

Magnus ventilated the living room before putting the cushions back on the sofa and bringing the glasses to the kitchen. Then he set his laptop back in his backpack and put the books back in their place. Magnus realized that the books were sorted by name and wondered how much time Alec had spent sorting the books before he realized that Alec had all the time in the world since he could never leave the apartment.

 

He just needed some activity every day.

 

“Hey!" suddenly a voice frightened him, and Magnus shrugged briefly before turning to Isabelle.

 

“Isabelle my dear.. don't scare me like that next time.” Isabelle laughed honestly before patting Magnus on the shoulder.

 

“Is Alec in his room?" she asked, and Magnus nodded.

 

“He had a headache, and I gave him a pill. He's gone to bed.”

 

Isabelle nodded before she saw Alec's room for a moment. “Yes...he's asleep," she said quietly before sitting on the bar stool in the kitchen.

 

“What have you been up today?" Isabelle asked when Magnus handed her a glass of water.

 

Magnus shrugged his shoulders and began talking about their daily routine before pointing into the kitchen for the rest of the meal. “-and Alec can definitely cook better than I can." he finished his summary, and Isabelle laughed gently.

 

“Yes, my brother specializes in his cooking skills. I'm glad you had fun together. He slowly opens up to you, doesn't he?" Isabelle wanted to know, and Magnus briefly thought back to all the little moments when he had seen the right, _vulnerable_ Alec. With the cunning smile, and the unforgettable sound of his laughter.

 

The student shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Maybe?" he asked Isabelle before she smiled and nodded.

 

“Yes, I think he did,” she remarked before getting up from her chair and leaving a note on the counter that she would bring Magnus home if Alec woke up.

  
  


-

  


 

Magnus spent the next two days in college longer than he fancied. Raphael could tell that Magnus was bored during the lessons, in which he was already sitting on his laptop and browsing blogs and websites publishing information about Overwatch.

 

“What the hell?" Raphael asked Magnus, and they both got devastating looks. Magnus rolled his eyes before closing his browser and focusing again on the lesson.

 

“How long have you been involved with Simon's games?" Raphael still wanted to know when he heard Magnus growl.

 

“Alec plays the game every day. He seems to be good at it, and I wanted to know which character he plays," Magnus explained his situation, and Raphael stared at him in shock.

 

Magnus just shrugged his shoulders before looking at Raphael, who still looked at him with a shocked face. He seemed almost frozen. “You really care about Alec?" he asked, and Magnus bit his lower lip before Raphael caught him nodding. “He changes you, Magnus. In a positive sense.” Magnus briefly looked over at Raphael before rolling his eyes.

 

“He's not. I'm still the old one," growled Magnus quietly.

 

He knew he was _lying_ to himself.

 

Raphael scrutinized his student friend before mutely patting his shoulder. “I'm glad you're finally interested in someone, even if he wasn't in your bed," he added before her professor dismissed them. Raphael first got up and left the room while Magnus sat for a few more minutes thinking about Raphael's words before taking a deep breath and closing his laptop to make his way to Alec's apartment.

 

 

-

 

 

Magnus just unlocked the door when a young gentleman came towards him. “See you next week, Alec!" he shouted, before turning in Magnus' direction and nodding to him. He had a suitcase in his hand and on his shirt hung a sign with the name “ _Cleaning Company Velasquez_ " and a few centimetres below Magnus could read the name.

 

_Bat._

 

Magnus looked at him confused for a moment as Bat stopped in front of him and cleared his throat.

 

“You must be Magnus," he started quietly and Magnus raised his eyebrow before nodding critically.

Did Alec tell his cleaner about _him_?

 

“Isabelle told me about you." Bat continued before smiling.

 

What else did Magnus expect Alec to tell every person about him directly? Magnus was perhaps known on the campus of his university, but Alec only accepted him. Maybe he respected him in the meantime, but Magnus didn't want to talk about esteeming him yet. The student took a deep breath before nodding and reaching out his hand to Bat.

 

“I just cleaned the apartment, so you don't have to worry about the condition. If you'll excuse me, I have to go further," said the young man right in front of Magnus, before the student nodded and stepped aside.

 

Bat walked past Magnus and closed the door behind him, while Magnus put his bag next to the door and took off his coat. “Hey.” he shouted to Alec, who was watching TV. He briefly raised his hand and let two fingers shoot up to send Magnus a sign of _peace_ as a sign of greeting

 

After Magnus had washed his hands, he joined him, just like the day before on the sofa and leaned back groaning. “Busy day?", Alec asked amusedly as he zipped his tea and took his pills. Meanwhile Magnus rubbed his hand over his temples and nodded with his eyes closed. “I hate long university days. Long, miserable hours next to Raphael and the professors who only talk the same stuff," the student complained.

 

Alec looked at Magnus before he slowly sat up and put his teacup down. “Be glad you have work to do. I slept way too long today until Isabelle brought me lunch and chased me out of bed," Alec explained to Magnus, who turned his head to the bodyguard, which made him stumble. A red strand of hair fell into Magnus' face and his brown eyes looked attentively at him. His fingers, decorated with rings, were still hanging on his temples and gently massaging them.

 

“Why did you sleep so long?" Magnus finally asked and caught Alec's gaze again, which was stuck to his mouth.

 

“I had a tournament in Overwatch that lasted until two o'clock," Alec explained, and Magnus had to stifle his laughter because apparently, this game was very important in Alec's life.

“But it doesn't matter.” Alec took a deep breath. Why did he even tell Magnus about his life? The student didn't care anyway, especially since he only spent time with him for money.

 

“Hanzo is the name of your character, right?" asked Magnus and Alec looked surprised into Magnus' eyes, grinning at him.

 

“Yes...how do you?" Alec was more than confused, but Magnus just shrugged his shoulders before tying his hands behind his head and breathing deeply.

 

“Told you I hate long university days. I got smart.”  He winked at Alec, who still looked at him in shock. “So Hanzo. Why him?", Magnus wanted to know more, and Alec blinked a few times before he cleared his throat and went inside himself.

 

Magnus gave him time, and if he was honest, he did not expect an answer from Alec.

 

“Hanzo..is an archer. The only one in the whole game. He can climb walls, and he is incredibly agile and skillful. He aims precisely, and he kills his opponents almost silently. I just play best with him and... he reminds me of my past... when I was on duty," Alec replied a few minutes later, and Magnus opened his eyes to look directly at him. “I... always used bow and arrow to protect people from afar, when my sister had taken care of the close protection. I loved being in camouflage and still keeping an eye on things. I think I can at least catch and keep something from my old life with Hanzo.” Alec breathed deeply and looked at his hands, which trembled slightly. His heart raced just when he thought of his old job.

 

He missed the time with Isabelle.

 

“Wow…”Magnus finally said impressed. “I really didn't think you'd give me an answer to that question. Thank you, Alec.” he replied before he sat up and yawned. “You should show me the game. Maybe I am a natural talent, like in Borderlands," he teased Alec, who smiled only weakly.

 

“Don't expect so much from you, Bane," he finally said colder, as he wanted to drop the subject. Alec stood up and took the books from his cupboard, which he had already held in his hand two days ago. “We still have to finish your presentation.”  he wanted to change the subject, and Magnus took a deep breath.

 

“We don't have to do this today, Alec-”

 

“-It's Thursday. You have the presentation next week, right?" Alec asked seriously, and Magnus looked at him with concern.

 

“I don't want to be the reason why you have to fight migraine again," Magnus said before he got up from the couch and stood right in front of the bodyguard. Alec caught his eyes and lost himself in Magnus' eyes, who still looked at him with concern. The student crossed his arm, and Alec realized only now how much the eyeliner emphasized his eyes.

 

Nevertheless, Alec stuck to its plan. He shook his head briefly and looked at the floor.

 

“I insist," he said before putting the books in Magnus' hands and turning around to get his mask out of his bedroom. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief before he sat down on the couch again and began to flip through the books.

 

Yeah, Alec Lightwood was _definitely_ a fan of history.

 

 

-

 

 

“-and done!" Magnus joyfully shouted when he had written down his last key point, and Alec could finally close the book relieved. His head pounded, but of course, he wouldn't tell Magnus.

 

He was glad he could help Magnus.

 

That he could ever help anyone again.

 

And it felt good.

 

As if Alec was _important._

 

Magnus breathed a sigh of relief and closed his laptop before he got up and went into the kitchen. Alec followed him. Magnus' shirt was tight and adorned his arms muscles. When Magnus stretched, his shirt rode up revealing Magnus back dimples. The bodyguard was trapped by Magnus' beauty that he couldn't take his eyes off Magnus. Magnus was like art, and Alec was sure he had never seen a more beautiful person in his life.

 

Magnus seemed just too perfect for this world and Alec knew he deserved better than wasting his time every afternoon with a former bodyguard.

 

Did Magnus ask himself the same question as Alec?

 

Did he wonder if Alec could still be _saved?_

 

"So, are you showing me your game now?" Magnus interrupted his thought process before Alec had to blink. Alec shook his head briefly and fixed Magnus, who had sat down next to him with two glasses of water. He smiled at him warmly, and Alec couldn't help but smile at him before taking a deep breath and looking at his hands.

 

Could he really trust Magnus just because he read something about Overwatch?

Just because he was interested in Alec?

 

Alec closed his eyes and felt his heart throbbing. Magnus confused him with every second that passed. He wouldn't trust him, but his heart cried out for help.

It screamed for a feeling that was new to Alec. A feeling of closeness, of warmth. Why did his heart jump every time Magnus stretched? If Magnus walked past him and Alec smelled a whiff of sandalwood.

 

Why did Alec think at night about Magnus, and what he probably just did while Alec was simply lying awake in his bed?

 

Alec had so many questions to which he had no answers, but there was one thing he knew.

 

He wanted someone. He _needed_ someone.

 

But was that someone _Magnus Bane_?

 

The bodyguard opened his eyes, but he didn't look at Magnus before nodding. “Yeah, sure." he said quietly as he picked up his controller and Magnus sat back and relaxed. He had his hands crossed over his head and watched Alec play as he lost himself in his thoughts, and after a while, he limited his attention only to Alec, how he had closed his eyes slightly to concentrate more on the round in Overwatch, how his mouth was slightly open because he was neglecting his muscles, and how the strand of hair had fallen into his face covering his forehead. Like his fingers holding the controller like it was dying without it,and  his whole body was tense as the last seconds appeared on the screen. Magnus had to smile. Alec had no idea how incredibly beautiful he was.

 

And how _precious_.

 

“Do I have something on my face or why are you looking at me like that?" Alec finally asked, and Magnus briefly jerked up when he realized that he had been staring at Alec the whole time. Magnus shook his head before he heard the apartment door just unlocked, and Isabelle kicked through the door.

 

“Good evening!" she shouted to them, and Magnus cleared his throat just before he got up.

 

“Thank you for showing me the game," Magnus said quietly before looking at the screen. “And that you gave me the reason why it's absolutely Hanzo.” Magnus' smile is weak, but it was honest. Alec just nodded before taking a deep breath and shutting down the PlayStation.

 

His sister observed the situation from the hallway and could see that Alec's body tension was different. He seemed tense, stressed, _confused_.

 

”Everything okay with you?", Isabelle asked, and Magnus turned slightly shocked to her as if he had forgotten her again. He smiled at her, but Isabelle knew the smile wasn't meant seriously.

 

“Yeah, sure,” he quietly said before he took his bag and his coat off the hook. “I met Bat today," Magnus explained as he put on his coat, and Isabelle looked critically at the student before her eyebrows shot up. Magnus looked at her for a while before he tilted his head slightly and breathed deeply. “Nothing happened. I promise you that. He helped me with my presentation, although I said he didn't have to help me if he wasn't well.” Magnus' voice was still troubled.

 

“I think he has a headache, but he insisted on helping me," Magnus explained, and Isabelle finally gave in.

 

The petite lady in front of Magnus breathed deeply and nodded. “I'm just worried," she said quietly, and Magnus nodded.

 

“Me too. Me too.” Magnus put one hand on Isabelle's shoulder before he smiles.

 

 

-

 

 

Alec hadn't closed the bathroom door and got the whole conversation. His hand slipped down the wall before he lowered his head further. The cold tiles of the bathroom wall cooled Alec's forehead, and he could finally relax again.

 

That his sister was worried wasn't new to Alec.

 

But Magnus was _new_.

 

The bodyguard took a deep breath. Magnus had told his sister that he was worried too, but did he really do this or did he just say it because he got paid for the job? Alec's hand cramped at the thought that Magnus was only playing with his charm to build a bond with him, so that time with him became more bearable.

 

He wanted to trust the student, but his thoughts told him that this was a bad idea. That he'd get hurt, just like he did before in his life.

 

And Alec didn't want to get hurt anymore.

 

Trust was something that Alec had a hard time giving away because the danger of being disappointed was too big.

 

Alec opened his eyes and turned his left hand slightly towards him before seeing the light scar that went over his wrist. It disgusted him because it reminded him of his weakest time.

 

And Alec hated being weak.

 

When he closed his eyes again, Alec thought about how the student distracted him and made jokes about cooking. How he was able to help him with the lecture, and how Magnus was interested in Overwatch. For the first time since his illness, he didn’t feel like a burden, but like a human being.

 

A person who deserved to have a _normal_ life,

 

who deserved to _love_ the way he always wanted to,

 

and who was able to make his _own_ decisions.

 

Alec moved a step back from the wall and breathed deeply, trying to suppress his trembling in his hand before turning around and undressing. He just wanted to shower and sleep. He wanted to forget the day and the conversation between Magnus and his sister.

  


But he _couldn't._

 

He couldn't get the student out of his head, and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for wanting to spend time with Magnus enough that he wanted to show him more of Overwatch.

Alec went on dangerously thin ice. He opened up to Magnus.

 

He _changed._

 

Alec's hand closed again to a fist, and within a few seconds, he hit the tiles with an incredible force. He screamed, but when he felt the pain, he hit the tile again. The pain ran through his entire arm, and his knuckles turned purple. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

 

It should all just stop.

 

Alec supported himself with his hands and dropped his head between his shoulders. The cold water flowed over his body and dripped directly down in front of his forehead, but he felt nothing.

 

He just felt empty.

 

_Loneliness._

 

He was lost.

 

He was lost in his hope of a better life. Hope Magnus would stay in his life because he made him happy.  

 

All Alec felt was the pain in his hand and his heart pounding with an indescribable force. A force that Alec could not explain, but always aroused when he thought of Magnus.

 

Alec lifted his head slightly and looked at his hand before taking a deep breath. Isabelle would hate him if she saw his hand.

 

And Magnus?

 

Magnus would probably take care of him and would bring him a blanket, and make him some tea. Then he'd tell him about his stupid friends and complain about his college.

 

And Alec wouldn't wish for anything more than having Magnus with him right now, but at the same time he never really wanted to see him again.

 

Because his heart was playing a _devilish_ game with the bodyguard.

  


-

 

When Magnus stepped into Alec's apartment the next day, he felt something was different. Alec didn't sit in the living room playing Overwatch, he was in his room, and the music echoed through the apartment. Magnus pulled his eyebrows up before putting his bag down and cleaning his hands before knocking on Alec's door.

 

“Alec?" Magnus' hand slowly slid down again, but the volume of the music did not decrease. Magnus wondered why Alec was suddenly so reluctant to him, but Magnus backed away from the door to appreciate his privacy. Magnus took a deep breath and went into the kitchen to make himself a coffee.

 

He spent the rest of the afternoon on his phone and in front of the TV. He left Alec alone because he didn't want to force him into something he didn't want. He knew he had good days and bad. This Friday was probably one of the worse days.

 

Magnus opened his chat with Alec and let him know that he was in the living room if Alec needed anything from him, but Alec didn't answer. The bodyguard read the message almost immediately after Magnus had sent it, but Magnus got no answer.

 

Magnus saw _How I Met Your Mother_ while writing with Catarina and Raphael. He wanted to distract himself, but he rather wanted to watch Alec play.

 

_“We have to carve the pumpkins next week. I'll buy them with Isabelle on Monday.”_

 

Magnus sent the message and waited for an answer, but it failed to come. The student breathed deeply and threw his head back to stare at the ceiling. He wondered what he had done wrong.

Had he treated Alec wrong?

Was it too early to be interested in Alec's hobbies?

 

Magnus didn't know and couldn't react to Alec's behavior. But he stayed.

 

He spent the whole afternoon in the living room in case Alec's opinion changed.

 

-

 

Alec didn't answer him over the weekend, and the situation didn't improve any further on Monday. Alec lay on the sofa watching a sitcom while Magnus sat silently beside him trying to start a conversation. But he failed.

 

Slowly Magnus wondered if it was just him or Alec just had a bad week, but Magnus missed the time to talk to Alec about everything and the bodyguard opened up to him.

 

Magnus looked at Alec and saw how tense he was as soon as Magnus moved. “Is everything okay, Alec?" Magnus finally asked, and the bodyguard looked directly at him. His hands began to tremble, and his heart pounded. He just nodded before he looked back at the TV. Magnus' did not take his eyes off Alec at first, but the student breathed deeply before the front door opened, and Isabelle entered.

 

“Magnus! Ready to pick up the pumpkins?" she asked with a broad smile, and Magnus turned his head slightly. He looked to Isabelle as Alec's gaze also changed, and he looked to Magnus. He looked at the student's side profile. His neck looked incredibly tempting, and Alec caught himself licking his lips. His make-up emphasized his striking face, and he looked stunningly good, like every day.

 

“Let's go, then,” Magnus said before he got up and waved at Alec.

 

“See you later, Alec.," he said quietly before taking his coat and leaving the apartment with Isabelle. Isabelle looked at Magnus as they ran down the stairs. The student seemed absent and absorbed in his thoughts.

 

“Is everything okay with you?" Isabelle asked when they were both sitting in the car, and Magnus turned his head to her. He was still trapped in his thoughts because he didn't want to disappoint Alec and do his job well. Even though this probably sounded ridiculous, Magnus got money.

 

Money because he spent time with Alec.

 

Even if he would spend time with him even without money, if he did not depend on it.

 

Because Alec stood out from the crowd. Alec was different.

 

Alec thought differently and brought Magnus back to the ground of facts. Without alcohol or parties.

 

Magnus stared at his hands before taking a deep breath to answer Isabelle. He seemed to be visibly tense and didn't want to address the topic, because he didn't want to disappoint Isabelle. He didn't want to lose his job.

 

“Alec... is strange.” Magnus started the subject, and he heard Isabelle holding her breath. The student sat upright before continuing.

 

“I don't know why either, but since we drove home on Thursday, he's different to me? I don't really know why, but on Friday - he was only in his room and didn't answer my knocking or my messages. Over the weekend, I got no sign of life from him either. I don't know if I behaved differently towards him or said something wrong," it gushed out of Magnus, and Isabelle concentrated on the traffic light that glowed red in her face before briefly looking at Magnus.

 

“Listen…” she started and took a deep breath. Magnus was already counting on the worst.

 

“Alec has good days and bad. Sometimes he even ignores me for a whole day. It may seem bizarre to you, but I think the situation will improve soon.” Isabelle smiled slightly as she got the car rolling again as the traffic light switched to green. Meanwhile, Magnus looked out the window and shrugged his shoulders. Isabelle thought about the weekend and had to find out that her brother did not show any abnormalities. He seemed normal and cooked lunch with Isabelle for Saturday and Sunday. Also, Alec bought a new game in the PlayStation Store, and he ordered the new shoes with her. So he seemed as always and by no means withdrawn or absent.

 

But Isabelle couldn't tell if it was Magnus, so she generalized the situation for Magnus.

 

“Don't worry about it. He'll be alright," she cheered Magnus up as they drove into the parking lot of the shopping mall. “And if he doesn't, then I can talk to him. If you think it's because of your behavior, I can tell you right now that you're doing your job incredibly well, Magnus. Everyone else would probably have given up because Alec is so stubborn, but you're still here, and you are with him every day.” She smiled honestly at the student to give him courage.

 

Magnus returned the smile before taking a deep breath. “Thank you, my dear," he finally said before looking out the window. “Let's buy some pumpkins then.” Magnus said with a smile.

 

“And candy,” Isabelle added before she pulled the key from the car and opened the door. Magnus' concern for Alec's behavior did not go out of her head, but she tried to distract herself together with Magnus. After all, she wasn't there for Halloween, and he wanted to make sure Alec got his favorite candy, and the house was still decorated.

 

The Lightwoods simply had traditions that had to be kept.

 

“How did your Halloween go when you were kids?” Magnus asked, leaning on the cart and slowly pushing it in front of him. Isabelle wore a black leather jacket that matched her silky hair, and her black high heels clicked across the floor. In her hand, she held her telephone, on which she had written down the various foods and sweets she needed.

 

The bodyguard turned to the student and briefly clicked her tongue against her palate before opening her mouth.

 

“Alec and I carved out pumpkins every year, while Jace was always busy finding the best outfit to scare people. Alec and I used to walk the streets together. Jace was always alone, even if he was younger than Alec. Our parents always said Jace could take care of himself.”

 

Magnus slowly realized how early Alec had learned to look after his sister, while Jace had always been the lonely fighter of the family.

 

“When we joined the company, Alec and I swore that we would keep the tradition. Every year since then we carve the coolest pumpkins and put them in front of the door. Ever since Alec fell ill, however, I have had to expose her alone. He didn't want to do it at first, but when I explained to him how important our traditions are to me, he gave in.” She smiled at Magnus as she picked out two large pumpkins and placed them in the shopping cart with Magnus.

 

“And you are sure that it will still be the same for Alec if you are not there, and he has to carve the pumpkins with me?” Magnus asked and looked at Isabelle with concern. He didn't want to destroy any of their traditions, especially when Alec was being rather dismissive of him, but Isabelle looked at him with an encouraging smile.

 

“I just want my brother to have some reality in his life, even when he's sick. He should simply look forward to certain things and events. And even though I might not be able to be there this time, he can still look forward to it. Besides, I'm sure you'll like it, too. Carving pumpkins is fun.” Magnus was critical of Isabelle.

 

“Fun?” His eyebrows pulled up, and Isabelle giggled. “You've never carved pumpkins before, have you?" Isabelle asked with a smile, and Magnus laughed negatively.

 

“I haven't gotten to enjoy it yet, no," he said, and Isabelle patted Magnus on the shoulder.

 

“Sometimes is always the first time. Alec is a professional. He can certainly help you," Isabelle cheered the student up, and Magnus shook his head in disbelief.

 

“Where isn't Alec a professional, please? He's a pro at PlayStation, he probably knows more about history than I do, and he's also perfect at pumpkin carving," joked Magnus, and Isabelle, laughing, shrugging her shoulders. The shopping cart was well filled in the meantime, and they stood at the checkout to pay.

 

“My brother is very ambitious. Especially since my parents always said he had to be able to do more, that he had to get better and better. The doctors still don't know why my brother got sick, but I think that the stress my parents caused every day just because Alec was supposed to take over the company. Stress is definitely one of the reasons," Isabelle explained with a sad smile, and Magnus breathed deeply.

 

“He really deserved better…” Magnus said when the two of them stood at the car and loaded this. Isabelle silently agreed with him before she closed the trunk and returned the shopping cart.

 

As she sat next to Magnus in the car again, she buckled her seat belt before putting her hands on the steering wheel and breathing deeply. Magnus watched them do it. “Everything okay?" he wanted to know, and Isabelle nodded.

  


“I just hope... that one day my brother will be able to love himself again, and that at some point in his life he will be... happy again? I love him so much, and I miss him every day when I walk out the front door and go to work. I miss seeing his laughter, and it kills me inside every time I open the door to his apartment, and he just lies... on the sofa. There's nothing he can do, but let the day pass him by, but I am all the happier that you are here now, and that you are interested in him, that you cook together, and maybe he can even tell you about his life." she said quietly, and Magnus didn't know what to say. Isabelle was desperate and just wanted her brother to feel better again.

  


And Magnus wanted to do exactly the same.

 

He wanted Alec to love life again.

 

And himself.

 

“I... I hope I can really help your brother. I just hope he won't exclude me from his life again," Magnus finally replied, and Isabelle smiled at him.

 

“I hope so, too," she replied before starting the engine. “I'll drive you home, okay? I'm free now anyway," she said, and Magnus nodded to her.

 

“Sure, I've got everything," he said, pointing to his bag in the back seat. Isabelle nodded before she parked, and Magnus drove home.

 

When the two stopped in front of Magnus' apartment, Isabelle smiled hopefully at the student, and he unbuckled himself silently before he opened the door, and wanted to get out directly. He was so lost in thought because he didn't know what to say. He wanted to do everything right because he didn't want to hurt or disappoint Alec.

 

Just like _everyone else_ in his life has.

 

“When do I have to carve the pumpkins with Alec?" Magnus suddenly asked, and Isabelle looked at Magnus confused for a moment before she clicked in her tongue.

 

“The day before. So on Wednesday, you can schedule that. You can also decorate the apartment with him. I'm leaving on Wednesday night, so I'll put the decorations there for you Tuesday night," Isabelle and Magnus explained, thanking him before he got out and pulled his bag out of the car,

 

“See you tomorrow," he said, and Isabelle waved goodbye to him before she drove past him and saw Magnus' gaze following her.

 

Halloween with Alec Lightwood.

 

Somehow this event seemed beautiful and not strange _at all._


	7. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to LMBWA!
> 
> Normally this chapter was planned for Saturday, but since my Beta is faster than ever (@Lakritzwolf) I'll post this chapter today! ;) 
> 
> Thanks for beta'ing @wolf! 
> 
> Have fun and enjoy the chapter and don't forget to leave feedback if you wanna share your thoughts! <3
> 
> Kim x
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
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> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> 

Alec tried to suppress his damaging thoughts about Magnus, but when he came through the door, his body immediately tensed, and he had to swallow hard.  
His grip around the controller became stronger, his gaze glued to screen. Magnus stopped in the hallway and greeted Alec, but the former bodyguard remained silent.

“Alec?” Magnus shouted again before going into the kitchen without comment to wash his hands.

When he still hadn't received any reaction from Alec, he turned on the tap and allowed the warm water to run over his hands while he watched the TV in the background. Alec still didn't react to Magnus’ presence, and Magnus tried to remember Isabelle's words that Alec might only have a bad day.

Magnus turned off the tap before reaching for the towel and looked into the living room. “Shall I order us some pizza?" Magnus asked, and Alec looked briefly in his direction.

“Not hungry," Alec grumbled before turning back to the TV to freeze Magnus off. Magnus took a deep breath before grabbing his laptop and sitting on the bar stool. He unfolded his Mac Book and turned his back to Alec.

Two could play that game.

Magnus wanted to talk to him, but he couldn't force him. And coercion wouldn't help either.

Alec needed time. A long time to get used to Magnus.

Alec turned his attention back to his series again before he reached for his controller and started the PlayStation. He felt distressed for ignoring Magnus, but he could not _allow_ him to open up any further. He couldn't let it happen.

Alec closed his eyes after looking at Magnus. Maybe Magnus genuinely wanted to be his friend, but he could be just like Lydia. He might as well take advantage of him and then leave him.  
Alec's grip tightened, and his hand began to tremble before he noticed a hand lying on his shoulder.

Alec opened his eyes before he jumped off the couch and turned around in a second. He was still holding the controller in his hand, staring at Magnus' hand, still hanging in the air. Alec's eyes caught Magnus' gaze, which was full of concern.

Magnus looked at Alec's hand, which had firmly embraced the controller. His knuckles were purple and blue, and Magnus had to swallow hard. He couldn't explain what had happened the previous day, but his concern grew with every minute that passed.

“You…were shaking. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Magnus explained calmly, holding his hands in the air. He didn't want to hurt Alec. He wanted to show him that he cared.

Alec's eyes slipped from Magnus' hands to his face and back to his hands. His eyes radiated panic and Alec could swear that he was still feeling Magnus' touch.

“I'm fine," he finally said before he put the controller next to the TV, and went into his room without another word. Magnus remained where he stood while his eyes followed Alec. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He could feel Alec moving further and further away from him. The trust he had built up gradually disappeared.

And Magnus wanted to do exactly the opposite.

* * *

When Isabelle entered the apartment, Magnus was still sitting in the kitchen typing on his laptop. Alec was still lying on his bed throwing a ball against the ceiling before catching it and repeating the process. He got bored, which he hardly did lately, as Magnus always took his time and distracted him. But Alec avoided him. He wanted to avoid him all the time until he left the apartment.

Alec threw the ball against the ceiling again and caught it with his right hand. His left arm was under his head, supporting him. The evening sun shone through his window and bathed his room in a dark shade of orange, while the TV was running silently. Alec's laptop was lying next to him playing quiet music. Alec was lost in his thoughts and still felt the warm hand on his shoulder. Alec caught the ball again and closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. Why did he even think about Magnus? Why couldn't he just forget him?

Alec could imagine Magnus still sitting in the kitchen. How his fingers slid quickly and elegantly over the keyboard. How his eyes stared at the screen when he was lost in his thoughts. How the sun in the kitchen also shone in his face and his skin was cast in gold.

Alec cursed himself and rubbed his face. He couldn’t get Magnus out of his head and Alec didn't know why.

Did he want to see Magnus as a friend after all?

Magnus was definitely new to his life. Alec's life had looked rather dreary and listless during the last two years. But Magnus was new. He was different and s full of joy and life. He gave Alec… _hope._

Just as the next song began to play, there was a knock on Alec's door and Alec took a deep breath before throwing the ball against the ceiling again and elegantly catching it with his hand. He wouldn't open the door for Magnus, lest even talking to him.

Actually, he just wanted to sink into his bed and never talk to anyone again.

“Alec? Magnus just left, can I come in?" asked a lovely voice behind the door and Alec released a relieved groan. It was Isabelle.

“Yes," Alec replied emotionlessly, and a few seconds later his sister opened the room door before leaning against the wall that separated Alec's bed from the rest of the room. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest and watched the situation silently. She looked briefly at the television, which was still running silently, and heard the music play softly while the lyrics revolved around heartache, suicidal thoughts and self hatred.

“Once again in the mood to hear sad music?" Isabelle asked and Alec shrugged.

“More in the mood to build up suicidal thoughts," he replied seriously and Alec heard Isabelle holding her breath before catching the ball and turning his head. “That was a joke," he tried to save the situation, but Isabelle just shook her head and sat on the bed next to her brother. Alec knew she saw his hand. That she could see his ankles.

“What did you do when I brought Magnus home on Friday?” Isabelle asked, and Alec immediately felt his throat constrict, and it was hard for him to swallow. He stared at his hand and didn't know what to tell his sister. He knew that lies were useless, because Isabelle could always see through them. Especially since there was nothing to hide here. The situation was clear. Alec had hurt himself because he hated himself. Because he hated his _feelings._

“I took a shower,” he finally said, hoping that Isabelle would not mention his injury even though Alec's eyes were still on his hand.

Isabelle tilted her head slightly before taking a deep breath, and reached for Alec's hand, which lay loosely on his stomach. Alec wanted to back off at first, but it was useless. Once Isabelle was worried, she was worried.

“And what happened here?" She wanted to know, and Alec looked at her silently. What did she want to hear? How much Alec hated himself? How he wouldn't open up to Magnus? How scared he was to get hurt? How much he cursed his illness? How much he wanted his old life back? How much he wishes he could confide in Magnus?

Alec closed his eyes before he pulled his hand back with a hum, and sat up. “Nothing," he murmured before turning off his music and looking back at Isabelle, who looked at him sadly.

“That doesn't look like _nothing_ to me, Alec.” she replied. She knew she couldn't force Alec to answer, but she wanted him to know that she was there for him.

As best as she could.

Alec looked into her eyes and hoped that Isabelle could see how much he was suffering. Without him having to say a word. Isabelle and Alec had known each other for so long that they could read each other like an open book.  
When Isabelle had experienced her first kiss, Alec had been able to tell by the look her in the eyes that her first kiss had not been exactly pleasant. When her heart had broken for the first time, Alec had taken her out of the mission and together they had gone for ice cream to soothe the heartache. When Isabelle was afraid, Alec could take the fear away with words. Now it was Isabelle's job to do the same.

Alec looked at her for a few seconds before he could no longer stand her gaze and looked down. He turned his hand slightly and looked at the colors of his bruises before shaking his head.

“What are you afraid of? Of Magnus?" Isabelle hit the bull's eye and got to the point without beating about the bushes. Alec looked up in shock and into Isabelle's eyes. Isabelle saw the storm raging behind Alec's eyes and he looked at her like a scared deer.  
Isabelle put her hand on Alec's shoulder, which made him twitch briefly. He was lost in his thoughts. Magnus' name caught him off guard.

Isabelle didn't pull her hand back, however, but stroked over Alec's shoulder caringly and gently before tilting her head slightly and smiling. “You're afraid to trust Magnus, aren't you?" she asked quietly and Alec swallowed audibly before he nodded and his head sank further down. He was ashamed that he was afraid.

“Alec… look at me," she asked her brother and he took a deep breath before lifting his head and looking at his sister. Isabelle's finger was still gliding over his shoulder in a soothing manner.

“Magnus already talked to me on Monday. You've been weird to him since Friday. You've been avoiding him ever since, and your hand's been hurt ever since. He's worried, Alec. He cares about you. He doesn't care about the money anymore. He's not like Lydia. He won't walk out on you just because you're not like everyone else.” Isabelle smiled warmly at her brother, who tried to smile.

His heart warmed when he thought of Magnus, but with a short shake of his head he drove away all thoughts of him. Alec got up and turned away from Isabelle. He stood by the window and looked out at the evening sun hanging over New York.

Isabelle watched her brother as his back tightened and his breathing became heavier. She got up as well and stood next to Alec.

“You have to trust him. Your heart has been doing it for a long time, only your head tells you it's wrong.” Alec looked at her, but Isabelle kept looking out the window before she continued.

“I have a very good feeling about Magnus. He's the one for you, Big Bro. He's gentle, he cares about you, and he just wants you to feel better.”

Alec had to laugh. “He can't help me," Alec said before shoving his hands in his pocket.

Isabelle took a deep breath. “He can help you if you let him," Isabelle said slightly irritated and Alec looked at her in shock, so she withdrew her words directly and turned to her brother.

“Listen… I know it's incredibly hard for you to trust him, but Magnus didn't do anything wrong. You should give him a chance. A real chance. If he hurts you, he'll have to answer to me.” Isabelle smiled. “But as long as he's good for you, you should let him. You've been better since he got here. Ever since he distracted you and you spent time together at the Playstation, or when you could help him with his presentation.”

Alec took a deep breath before looking at his sister and nodding. “You're right…” he murmured, exhausted, before rubbing his face. “I should trust him.”

Isabelle smiled at her brother before patting him on the back. “And don't push him away just because it feels good," she added before leaving the room. “I brought you food from upstairs and the decorations are in the kitchen. Magnus and you can decorate the apartment tomorrow and don't forget the pumpkins. I still have to pack my suitcase," she shouted to Alec, who turned away from the window and also went into the kitchen.

“Will you come back before your flight?"Alec asked quietly and Isabelle turned to him before she smiled warmly at him.

“Of course!" she said before clearing her throat. “I'm just packing my suitcase and you can think about what I advised you to do," she explained, before Alec nodded and Isabelle left the apartment and Alec stayed behind with a throbbing head.

He had so many questions. So many feelings flowing through his body and he didn't have a single answer to any of it.

* * *

When Magnus walked up the stairs the next day and unlocked the door, he had already expected with the worst. That Alec had crawled into his room and loud music was coming through the door.

But that wasn’t the case.

Magnus unlocked the door and found Alec in the kitchen opening a chocolate pudding and taking a spoon out of his drawer. He turned around just as Magnus entered the kitchen and stopped for a moment.

“Good morning.” Magnus said, slightly confused.

Alec nodded and sat down on the bar stool. “It's half past two, but good morning," he said with a gentle smile before shoving the spoon into his mouth.

Magnus put his bag down before washing his hands, then he took an apple from the tray before taking a bite and leaning against the counter. A look to his left told him that Isabelle had really brought the decoration over.

“You have to show me how you want the apartment to be decorated," Magnus wanted to start a conversation, but he looked at Alec, who was once again lost in his his thoughts and still stared at Magnus. Magnus wondered if Alec was staring at him to intimidate him or if his clothes weren't right.

“We need to talk," Alec finally said, and Magnus stopped chewing for a few seconds before swallowing his bite and looking at Alec silently. A lump formed in his throat because he didn't know what to discuss with Alec, but every conversation starting with the words _‘We need to talk’_ usually ended badly.

Magnus walked away from the bar and took a few steps towards Alec before stopping. ”If it's about you firing me again, I'll tell you again that your mom hired me and you're not just fir-”

“No, I don't want to fire you. I want to apologize," Alec interrupted Magnus and Magnus closed his mouth to listen.

Alec took a deep breath before pushing the chocolate pudding aside and concentrating on Magnus. “I've been an asshole for the past few days," he started, looking at his wrists. “I wanted to suppress my feelings and hide them behind my fear. I'm still afraid to trust you. I'm afraid of you taking me for a ride, but Isabelle has opened my eyes and showed me that I need you, because you somehow give my life meaning," Alec explained in one breath before it became very quiet in the room.

For a hot second Magnus got disturbingly distracted because the thought of ‘taking Alec for a ride’ took a very inappropriate turn, but when he managed to focus again, Magnus couldn't believe what he had just heard.

Alec needed him?

“What?” He asked, shocked, and Alec looked at him, but was not able to form another sentence.  
“You- need me?" Magnus asked to make sure he hadn't misheard.

Alec just nodded. He knew what he had said was stupid.

“Alec…” Magnus finally said before sitting next to Alec on the bar stool. He felt Alec's body tense. As every little movement of Magnus made him twitch inwardly. “You don't have to be afraid of me. I never want to hurt you," Magnus said with concern and he meant it. “So many people have hurt you already. I don't want to become one of them," Magnus continued, and he felt Alec's tension slowly ease.

“I want you to feel better. That you can finally laugh again and learn to enjoy your life. That you don't see me as someone who is only here because of money, but who's here because he wants to. Yeah, I'm getting money for this, but I'm still trying to get you out of this pit. Otherwise, I could just ignore you and spend my time on the sofa while you're sitting in your room, right?" Magnus smiled warmly at Alec, who was still staring at his hand. Magnus gathered his courage and took his hand. He felt Alec trying to pull his hand away for a tiny second before he relaxed and closed his eyes.

Magnus carefully brushed over the injured hand, and felt Alec begin to tremble slightly. He gently stroked his thumb over the irritated skin and noticed how Alec’s face twitched with pain.

Alec suffered.

He suffered in silence.

Magnus couldn't imagine how much Alec hated himself and how much he suffered that he felt like hurting himself, but Magnus vowed at that very moment that he wouldn't let Alec suffer any more. He vowed to himself that he would to protect him as best he could.

“We can work this out, Alec. Together. If you let me," Magnus offered quietly and Alec turned his head to Magnus, before taking a deep breath and clicking his tongue.

“Okay.” he replied quietly before smiling as well. It was just a little smile, but it was honest and not hidden. Magnus gave him hope.

So much hope.

Magnus still didn't take his hand from Alec's, but let it still brush light as a feather over Alec's skin. He didn't want the moment to end. He wanted to show Alec how much he wanted to help him and that Alec was no longer alone.

Alec's hand stopped trembling and Alec's eyes lay on Magnus' hand. The warmth that Magnus radiated overflowed his body and calmed him down with every second that passed. Alec's heart pounded wildly in his chest, but he tried to stay calm. Magnus was incredibly close to him and for the first time since Magnus had come into his life, Alec didn't want the touch to end. His body had so many different feelings at that moment that Alec did not know what to do.

Should he pull his hand away and retreat in silence?  
Should he try to start a conversation by cracking a joke?  
Or should he just thank Magnus?

Alec closed his eyes as Magnus let his thumb slide over the soft skin.  
Alec hadn't felt any tenderness for a long time. Actually, he couldn't even remember the last time he had received tenderness. In his relationship with Lydia, everything always seemed posed and forced. Lydia was his best friend, but Alec waited on her hand and foot without asking for anything in return.

This was probably one of the reasons why Alec didn't know how to deal with feelings. He didn't know any _real_ feelings. He did not know what security was, what love felt like, what it was like to fall asleep next to someone who loved him. Like arms wrapped around his body to protect him. How someone would place little kisses on his bare shoulders to calm him down. How a hug filled with love felt. He didn't know why he got hot and cold at the same time as soon as Magnus got too close to him. He didn't know why he felt sick as soon as Magnus smiled at him. What he knew was the fact that he didn't felt sick because Magnus disgusted him.

Alec's head began to hurt before he opened his eyes and looked at Magnus, looking silently at Alec's hand. His hand was still resting on Alec's, although minutes had passed. The atmosphere was tense, but Alec's body was unexpectedly relaxed by Magnus' touch.

Eventually, Alec took the first step and slowly pulled his hand away from Magnus before fixing his eyes on Magnus' face, who also looked at him. He kept quiet, because he didn't know how to thank him. Alec had rarely felt so helpless when it came to communicating with people.  
He opened his mouth and tried to form words that would express his gratitude.

“ _Magnus_ , I-” Alec stammered.

Magnus thought he had misheard, but Alec deliberately chose to call him by his name.

“Thank you,” Alec whispered quietly and Magnus' smile widened. Alec accepted him. He respected him and he was grateful to him.

It was a start.

The beginning of their long journey.

Magnus nodded before taking a deep breath. “You don't have to thank me for anything, Alec. You deserve to be happy again. And if you need help with that, I'm here.” Magnus noticed how Alec's hand stiffened, which was still on the table. Magnus' eyes slid on Alec's hand once more.

“Hey…” Magnus said and Alec turned his head slightly to look at Magnus, who was smiling at him. “It's okay to accept help, Alec. It shows no weakness. It shows your will that you want to change something in your life," Magnus tried to get through to Alec to help him getting rid of his bad thoughts. Alec closed his eyes before rubbing his temples and nodding.

“Yes… you're right.” He smiled weakly and Magnus slapped the palm of his hand onto the table, which made Alec flinch.

“Then we'll get to work, I suggest? Do you want to do the pumpkins first or do you want to decorate the apartment first?" He asked before he got up from the chair and walked around the counter. He bent over to the box with the decorations and searched through the things before reappearing with two small pumpkins, and Alec rolled with his eyes.

“Can't we just skip that?" Alec asked annoyed, but Magnus shook his head.

“Forget it,” he said before he took even more stuff out of the box and started decorating the kitchen. Although he had no artistic streak, Magnus knew exactly how to decorate an apartment.

Magnus turned his head to Alec, who was still at the kitchen island from where he watched Magnus place the various decorations. He was in his element, yet he did not ignore him. Alec did not take his eyes from Magnus either. He watched him bending over the box and walking out of the kitchen, gradually adding a Halloween-like touch to the apartment.

Magnus didn't force Alec to help him, but he could tell by the look on his face, which was now attached to the box, that he wanted to help.  
The box held many memories of his childhood, of his old life.

The word ‘ _Halloween_ ’ decorated the side of the box, although the color was faded by now.

Magnus watched Alec for a while before he bent down again to take a string of pumpkin-shaped fairy lights out of the box. Then he turned towards Alec and pushed the box with the fairy lights towards him and Alec picked it up. His eyes lay on the box while Magnus hugged himself and leaned sideways against the kitchen island.

Alec was thinking about his past.

He let the memories come.

“Does that look familiar to you?" Magnus asked with a soft grin and Alec looked at him briefly, before concentrating again on the box he was holding.

“I-" Alec began before he swallowed. “I've always had this string of lights hanging over my bed. Isabelle insisted that I hang it on the wall above my bed. I hated it for years," he explained in a low voice and Magnus looked down at the hallway.

He hadn't been back to Alec's room since the incident, but a smile formed on his lips as he thought about Alec lying on his bed staring at the chain of lights before slowly accepting them.

The way he slowly started to accept Magnus.

“Do you want to hang them over your bed again? Isabelle said traditions are important to the both of you." Magnus asked cautiously and Alec breathed deeply, before he got up and turned away without answering Magnus' question. Still holding the box in his hand, he went to his room. Magnus was unsure if he should follow him, but he did it in silence.

Alec got on his bed and pulled the string of lights out of the box before he started to secure the pumpkins on the nails sitting in the wall. Magnus watched him while he was leaning against the wall. Alec knew he was being watched, but for the first time it didn't bother him.

No, actually, he was glad he wasn't alone.

“So she told you about our traditions?" Alec's voice didn't seem annoyed, rather amused.

Magnus opened his mouth and clicked his tongue before tilting his head to watch Alec still standing on the bed. The string of lights was now in place and cast a warm orange light on Alec's profile.

“Of course. After all, we went shopping together for Halloween.” Magnus smiled, because Alec also smiled at him before he jumped off bed and pulled his sweatshirt straight down again.

“She really can't keep anything to herself," Alec replied before Magnus chuckled.

“Let's put it this way," Magnus began as he walked a few steps away from the wall. “She loves talking to me," Magnus explained. Alec didn't need to know that Isabelle and he were actually _always_ talking about Alec.

Because they were both worried about him.

Alec shook his head before passing Magnus and going back to the kitchen to look for a certain item in the box.

Alec came back to his room a few minutes later and held a statue in his hand. It was an angel aiming with a bow. But his head was adorned with a pumpkin. Magnus raised his eyebrow before remembering Alec's past.

Alec _loved_ archery.

Alec placed the statue on his chest of drawers, which was right on the opposite of the bed. Alec took a close look at the statue before turning to Magnus, who also examined the statue. He wanted to understand the story behind the statue. He wanted to know so much more about Alec. But he was patient. Alec would tell him everything if they got this far.

Alec seemed nervous, because Magnus couldn't take his eyes off the statue.

What did Magnus think of him? What did he think of his behavior? What did he think of the statue? What did Magnus think of his room?

Alec swallowed before he turned to the statue again and adjusted it slightly so he could see it better from his bed.

Magnus realized in the meantime that Alec felt like he was being watched and that he felt more and more uncomfortable, so Magnus took a deep breath and headed for the door.

“I'll prepare everything for the pumpkins, yeah? Just come out when you…" Magnus looked around the room again. Alec had a really good taste. “…when you’re ready.” Magnus finished his sentence before he left the room and closed the door behind him. He was glad Alec let him slowly into his life, but he had to be careful.

Alec had to start trusting Magnus by himself. He had to decide for himself when it was too much for him and when he needed Magnus.

But Magnus was with him.

He was willing to help him.

* * *

Magnus had put the pumpkins on the kitchen island before picking out suitable knives and laying out spoons. He then continued to decorate the apartment, and when the box was empty he placed it in the hallway so that Isabelle could take it with her as soon as she returned.

As he went back to the kitchen, he heard Alec's door and a few seconds later Alec stood in front of him again. His mouth was covered with the black mask, he had put on another, even darker sweater. Nevertheless, his tattoo lit up in the afternoon sun and Magnus stopped when he saw him.

Alec's eyes focused on Magnus before he smiled slightly. He knew that Magnus found him attractive and thanks to his mask Magnus could not imagine how much Alec now had to grin.

Alec hugged himself and leaned calmly against the wall. He enjoyed the moment when someone couldn't take his eyes off him. His eyes fixed Magnus and Magnus felt helpless. Alec's gaze nearly pierced him, so Magnus cleared his throat and looked briefly on the floor to gather his thoughts.

“Are you ready?" he asked slightly nervously and Alec tilted his head before nodding, and pushed himself off the wall. When he passed Magnus the latter stopped as if he was frozen, and inhaled Alec's scent, which got stuck in his mind every time.

He smelled _incredibly_ good.

Alec sat silently on his chair and began to cut open the pumpkin. Magnus followed him after a few seconds and did the same. He kept looking at Alec as he elegantly moved his fingers and handled the tool as if he was carving pumpkins every day.

Magnus, on the other hand, was rather clumsy.  
He wouldn't admit he'd never carved a pumpkin before. He observed Alec and tried to copy him, hoping not to be discovered.

“You've never carved pumpkins before, have you?" Alec remarked after a few minutes and Magnus stopped moving. His eyes were wide open and his hand had firmly enclosed the spoon in the pumpkin. Alec laughed quietly. He had caught Magnus off guard.

“Let me guess," Alec began before he lifted his pumpkin-covered spoon “Student life?"

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes. He knew that Alec's beautiful lips were surrounded by a smile.

Lips he'd love to touch-

Magnus shook his head before dodging Alec's gaze, and returned to the task of pumpkin carving.  
“You could say that. That and a more difficult family life," explained Magnus and Alec nodded.

“I see.” he said, before he continued with his own pumpkin.

Alec didn't pay much attention to Magnus blushing, but he noticed. Meanwhile Magnus concentrated so much on his pumpkin that he didn't even notice Alec's looks anymore. At the same time, Alec forgot his pumpkin more and more. He looked at Magnus, who concentrated on trying to carve two eyes into the pumpkin with his knife. He had pulled his eyebrows together and his lips were slightly parted.

The eyeliner emphasized his dark eyes even more. The black nail polish shone again and again through the carved holes of the pumpkin. He was wearing a Navy shirt that emphasized his biceps and his hair was gelled up to a Mohawk.

Magnus was just so incredibly beautiful that Alec couldn't put it into words.

Alec sank more and more into his thoughts, until he was startled, because Magnus joyfully shouted “ _Done!_ ”. Two eyes looked grimly at Alec and the mouth was also perfectly carved. Alec looked at the pumpkin before critically pulling his eyebrows up and looking at Magnus.

“You've never carved pumpkins before?" Alec asked before he also started carving. Magnus denied with a shake of his head before he got up and washed his hands.

“And I didn't inherit the artistic vein either." Magnus explained as he dried his hands. Alec turned his head slightly before he smiled.

“Then I guess you're a natural, Magnus Bane.”

Magnus turned around and watched as Alec made his cuts and the pumpkin gradually took shape.

Did he just praise him?

“Thank you, Alec." Magnus replied before turning on the coffee machine, and found himself a cup.

Alec did not answer, but concentrated on his work, before he also made the last cut and turned the pumpkin in Magnus' direction. He grinned at him cheekily, but Magnus could not recognize his facial expression. Completely stunned, he stared at the masterpiece that Alec had just created. His cuts were exact, fine and exact. Magnus was sure that Alec and Isabelle had really cultivated this tradition since their childhood, because his pumpkin was indescribably creative and perfect.

“Wow-” Magnus breath caught as Alec stood up and took off his gloves before throwing them in the trash can. “It looks perfect, Alec!" Magnus continued before stepping closer to both pumpkins.  
Alec smiled before reaching for the candles that Isabelle had also provided and placed one in each of the pumpkins before looking at Magnus.

“You can put them out now and light them,” said Alec gently and Magnus nodded before setting down his coffee cup, and put the pumpkins one by one in front of the door where he lit them. Magnus breathed deeply before wiping his forehead.

He had made it.

They made it.

_Together._

Magnus pulled his phone out of his pocket, which told him it was just before five o'clock, meaning Isabelle was coming back soon. The time passed surprisingly fast with Alec after they had spoken.

As Magnus stepped through the apartment door, Alec lay on the sofa and slept soundly. Magnus stopped in the hallway and looked at the scene. It had been eleven days since Magnus last saw him so peaceful, so relaxed.  
He slowly walked into the living room and looked at the television, which was running very quietly. The day had been exhausting for Alec, but he still wanted to make it.

For Magnus.

For himself

Magnus leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and watched Alec for quite a while. His chest rose and fell slightly. His hand lay on his stomach, still marked by his auto-aggressive behavior. His left arm hung loosely down and Magnus had to smile at how fragile Alec looked when he slept.

And how Magnus would love to lie next to him and put his hands around his waist to show him he wasn't alone anymore…

Magnus shook his head. Why did he think of being close to Alec just because he could touch him? Could have been there for him?

Magnus walked a few steps away from the wall and sat silently on the couch before spreading out the blanket, carefully covering Alec. Alec wrinkled his nose and grumbled briefly, which made Magnus falter. He didn't want to risk waking him up. Alec was still wearing his mask, which made his breathing more difficult, as Magnus could hear that he was lightly snoring.

Magnus bit his lower lip before he found the courage to get up and remove the mask to Alec could breathe easier. Alec narrowed his eyes and turned slightly, causing Magnus to hold his breath for a few seconds before he was sure that Alec would not wake up.

Magnus watched Alec for quite a while before he got his coffee from the kitchen and sat down next to Alec on the couch again. He concentrated on the TV and looked at Alec from time to time, who slept quietly for a while before he became restless, his head turning from one side to the other. Magnus looked to his right before putting his cup down and concentrating on Alec.

“ _I'll do better_ ,” mumbled Alec. His body tensed and he curled his hand into a fist. Magnus got up before he sat next to Alec. He was now on eye-level with Alec and saw how his closed eyes flickered, how quickly his chest fell and rose.

Alec had a nightmare.

“Hey…” Magnus decided to wake him up and put his hand on Alec's shoulder, which startled Alec awake. Within a few seconds he sat upright on the sofa and looked around. His eyes caught Magnus' eyes. He stared at him in shock, unable to say anything. Magnus still had his hand in the air, showing him he didn't want anything bad.

“You had a nightmare," Magnus explained. Alec's eyes were still on him, but Alec didn't move at all.

Alec could hear his own heartbeat, felt the blood rushing through his ears, but above all he felt one thing the most.

Magnus' hand on his shoulder.

The shock in his eyes didn't fade and Alec felt his throat getting tighter and tighter, his breath getting more and more shallow, and he struggled for air. His hands began to tremble.

“Hey, Alec, breathe.” Magnus tried to calm him down before he sat next to him. Alec closed his eyes and tried to focus on himself, on his breathing, but he got less and less air with each breath.  
Magnus saw Alec's hand tense, his fingernails cutting into the palm of his hand.

Magnus acted fast and all fears of contact were forgotten for a short moment. He reached for Alec's hand and put it in his.

“Look at me," Magnus said to him calmly and Alec turned his head to Magnus. He looked at him. “ _Breathe with me_.” Magnus continued before he began to breathe deeply. Alec resisted at first, but finally he joined and followed Magnus' instructions until he began to calm down. He wouldn't let Magnus' hand go. He had to be sure he was with him.

That he wasn't alone.

Magnus began to smile gently when Alec's breathing had returned to normal and he closed his eyes.

Alec breathed deeply before opening his eyes again, and looked at Magnus. He also smiled thankfully before nodding and pulling his hand away.

“Thank you.” Alec whispered in a trembling voice.

Magnus also nodded. “I'll get you a glass of water," he said before he got up and went into the kitchen.

A moment later he came back with a glass of water for Alec, who was rubbing his forehead. His head pounded. His illness was getting worse because he was overexerting himself.

“You should rest… it's late," Magnus suggested quietly and Alec nodded, holding the glass in his hand.

He didn't want to argue with Magnus, because Magnus was right.

“You're right…. I should… yes, I should go to sleep," Alec said quietly before taking a deep breath. He stood up and stretched out for a moment before putting down his glass and turning off the TV.

“Shall I order you something to eat?" Magnus asked anxiously, but Alec shook his head. He walked slowly in the direction of his room.

“You don't have to. Go home, Bane. But thank you," Alec said quietly before disappearing into his room and leaving Magnus behind. Magnus took a deep breath. A weight slowly lifted from his shoulders and he finally got his breath back. His tension fell away from him.

Alec asked for help.

It was a small step, but an important one.

* * *

“Football with toy cars?" Magnus asked when he settled on the couch. Alec had been sitting in front of his Playstation for hours and playing _“Rocket League"_. Magnus understood the game basics relatively quickly, but couldn’t wrap his head around why it had to be cars with speed boost and colorful paint.

Alec just shrugged. “Playing Overwatch every day is also boring," Alec joked before throwing a controller at Magnus.  
“Show me what you got, Bane.” he challenged him.

Magnus grinned at Alec just as provocatively. On the table was a bowl with the sweets that Alec could eat and that his body tolerated.

“Is this a challenge?” Magnus asked with a shocked look, and Alec tilted his head with a shrug.

“Maybe?" Magnus connected his controller to the Playstation before Alec started a private game, and Magnus showed what he had learned from Simon.

He knew Rocket League.

But Alec didn't need to know that.

The two battled each other for hours and Alec had to realize that Magnus was not inexperienced.

“Did you practice secretly, Bane?" Alec laughed when he lost again, but Magnus shook his head.

“Secretly? No. With Simon? Yes,” he replied, but then the door bell rang. Magnus threw his head back in annoyance. “Why is Halloween always so exhausting?” He complained before Alec paused the game and Magnus got up to satisfy the kids with sweets.

When he walked up the stairs again, his phone was humming.

 _“Don't forget the party.”_ Simon had texted him, and Magnus could only roll his eyes.

He never forgot a party. Especially not a big one.

 _“I've been ready for a long time. I'll be there in an hour,"_ Magnus texted back before reopening the door to Alec's apartment. The bowl with the sweets was almost empty by now. At least the one for the kids. Both had already eaten dinner. There were some Asian noodles from the delivery service left.

Isabelle would probably kill Magnus for that, but Alec was happy that Magnus let him eat things he hadn't eaten in a long time.

“Alec?” Magnus called into the living room as he went into the bathroom to straighten his hair and freshen up his eyeliner. “I have to leave soon to get to the party on time. So this will be our last game now, right?" Magnus shouted still at the same volume, but when he turned back from the mirror, Alec stood in the doorway with his arms crossed and a critical look on his face, which made Magnus startle.

“The Halloween party?" Alec asked and Magnus nodded.

Alec's eyes roamed Magnus from top to bottom, as if he had to give his blessings first so Magnus could leave him like that.

“Okay." he finally curtly before turning away from Magnus again and going back into the living room to sit on the couch. Alec ignored the fact that his stomach felt strange and he was feeling too warm. He also ignored that his heart became heavier at the thought of Magnus having to leave soon, so he would spend the rest of the night alone.

Magnus looked at him in confusion before turning off the lights in the bathroom and following him.

Why had Alec given him such a critical look? What had he meant to say before he turned it into an ‘ _okay_ ’?

Magnus picked up his controller again and leaned back.

“Then I guess I'll finish you off one more time." Magnus said with a challenging smile.

Alec also smiled at him before he stretched his legs and the two started their final round in Rocket League.

Three…

Two…

One…

The lap was over faster than Alec liked, and Magnus looked at him while Alec turned off the Playstation.

“I turned off the doorbell. No more annoying children will bother you," Magnus explained encouragingly. He felt that Alec didn't want to be alone. That Alec enjoyed the day with Magnus, but Magnus had to leave. He also wanted to go, even if something deep inside him said that the evening with Alec in front of Playstation could be just as good.

“Thank you. Have fun at your party," Alec said quietly before he got up to carry the bowl of candy back to the kitchen.

Magnus’ looked at him with sadness in his eyes.

He felt guilty because Magnus wanted nothing more than to be able to ask Alec if he wanted to come to the party so he could distract himself.

But Alec wasn't allowed.

* * *

“And how was your day with Alec?" Clary shouted in Magnus' ear, who smiled immediately.

“He's getting used to me, slow but steady. It's still a long way to go, but we'll make it,” he replied while sipping his cocktail.

The two were standing in the middle of the dance floor, while Maia and Simon were hiding in one of the many corners.  
Clary was dressed up as a zombie bride, while Magnus looked as elegant as always He didn't need a disguise. All he needed was a confident appearance.

“And what about his sister?" Clary wanted to know, but Magnus just shook his head before he laughed.

“This, my love, is not my job.” He winked at her before she cuffed him.

Clary looked past Magnus and recognized a well-known person who had been watching Magnus since he had stepped onto the dance floor.

Andrew.

“Andrew's here," Clary remarked, and Magnus thought he had misheard, so he didn't turn around yet.

He pulled his eyebrow up and looked at Clary critically. “Andrew?" he asked, and Clary nodded and pointed at someone him. Magnus didn't waste time thinking, especially when he had already had a few cocktails. He elegantly turned towards Andrew and handed the glass to Clary.

_Alcohol was a dangerous friend._

Magnus fixed Andrews' gaze and went straight towards him before he pushed him against the nearest wall and looked deep into his eyes.

“Will you shower me with your drink again today?" Magnus asked darkly and Andrew laughed quietly.

“No, not today. How's the man who ruined my night with you?" Andrew asked growling before his hand slipped over Magnus' chest. Magnus also growled before kicking his leg forward, making Andrew wheeze.

“Good.” he replied shortly. ”Otherwise I wouldn't be here," he added.

Magnus’ gaze wandered over Andrew’s face before it roamed lower, and his brain stepped back more and more to let his desire take over. Andrew placed his glass on the next best table before putting his arms around Magnus' neck and the two of them started dancing.

“Will you ask me even more about him or will we focus today on what we both wanted to do eleven days ago," Magnus whispered in Andrews' ear, which made him tremble. Magnus' voice was so different, so much darker and more mysterious.

“The whole night?" teased Andrew back and Magnus nodded before he started kissing his neck, which made Andrew moan right in the middle of the dance floor.

God, Magnus had missed this.

“The whole night," Magnus replied in a growl and Andrew’s hands glided over Magnus' back, clawing his hips. He enjoyed the closeness, the touches and the tension that lay between them. “But not here.”

Magnus' hand slipped over Andrew's arm before he finally detached himself from him and grabbed the drink Andrew had previously put down and knocked it back. Andrew licked his lower lip before running up to Magnus and kissing him. The taste of alcohol reached his lips and Magnus also got lost in the kiss. Don't hold back. No interruptions.

This was _his_ night.

* * *

“Do you have your phone muted?" Andrew asked between the countless kisses, while Magnus took off Andrew’s shirt and turned his attention to his pants.

“No.” Magnus faltered as he continued to kiss his way down. He couldn't mute his phone because he always had to be available in case of emergency.

“What if your problem calls again?" Andrew wanted to know and Magnus stopped kissing him before he looked up.

“Do you want to sleep with me, or do you want to complain about my work? Besides, he's not a _problem_ , he's a normal person who just needs help.” Magnus took a deep breath before pulling his phone out of his pocket and putting it on the bedside table.

He knew that Alec was already asleep, hopefully, and he would not be disturbed during the night, yet since the incident he always worried when Alec was alone.

“Sorry.” Andrew brought him back to the present. Magnus turned his head to Andrew before closing his eyes and trying to shut off his brain. He wanted this.

He wanted to enjoy it without having to worry.

Magnus concentrated again on the man under him, kissed and caressed him, freed him from the annoying clothes and let himself be freed before his brain could almost completely stop thinking and he could finally devote himself passionately to Andrew.

But something in his brain, something very small, did not stop Magnus from thinking of the man sitting on the sofa with the Playstation controller in his hand playing the most curious games. How his eyes shone and his tattoo shone as soon as light came up. How he had specifically carved the pumpkin or seasoned the tomato sauce. How he had gently smiled at Magnus or thanked him because Magnus was there for him.

Magnus thought of Alec even as he fell asleep next to Andrew.

Why couldn’t he get Alec out of his mind? Why did Magnus' thoughts stick to Alec if it was just a job?

A friendship that slowly but surely developed.

His thoughts remained with Alec until Magnus fell asleep, embraced by Andrew, but in his dream by someone completely different.

Andrew had put his head right behind Magnus' neck and his breath was ghosting over Magnus' skin. It was pleasant, but Magnus dreamed that Alec was behind him.  
That he had his arms wrapped around him and Magnus could play with his fingers.  
That he could tell him he wasn't alone anymore.

Never again.

Was this perhaps more than the beginning of a friendship?


	8. Daydreamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to #LMBWA! 
> 
> having no school atm is really relieving and gives me a LOT of time to go into my chapters, haha. 
> 
> I hope y'all are going to enjoy chapter 8, which is by far my favorite one! 
> 
> with 9,4K words this chapter is the first one being longer and I'm kinda proud of it :) 
> 
> for live-reaction, use #LMBWA on Twitter or just DM me! I appreciate every single bit of feedback! 
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> Thanks to @Lakritzwolf for beta'ing again! <3
> 
> Have fun, Kim x

“I was thinking about you,  
Thinking about me,  
Thinking about us,  
What we gonna be,  
Open my eyes,  
It was only just a dream”

* * *

_Magnus felt two hands around his belly, gently running over the soft skin. Magnus had tightly wrapped his pillow into his arms and cuddled his nose in the soft fabric. The morning sun tickled his skin and woke him up very slowly. Magnus enjoyed the closeness to the person behind him and wanted to enjoy the moment as long as he could._

__

_Magnus turned his head slightly to be able to sink even more into his pillow. He felt the warm breath of the man lying next to him and his fingers slid over Magnus' stomach. Magnus hummed quietly as his breath passed his neck and tickled him._

__

_A smile formed on his lips as he thought of what happened last night. The mattress lowered slightly before Magnus noticed the lips on his neck and he became soft. He grumbled again and reached for the man's hand to entwine their fingers._

__

_“Give me five more minutes,” Magnus grumbled into his pillow, but in reply he received only a soft laugh. Magnus' smile widened before he decided to turn around slowly. His partner’s hand was almost pulled away. Magnus turned to his other side and opened his eyes slowly to see Alec smile lovingly at him before raising his hand and stroking Magnus' hair._

__

_“Good morning, sleepy head.” Alec murmured with a grin. Magnus giggled slightly before reaching for Alec's hand and freeing it from his hair._

__

_“Slept well?” asked Magnus hoarsely, still taken by fatigue. Alec nodded weakly before resting his hand on Magnus' cheek and stroking his thumb over the soft skin. Magnus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch with a gentle hum._

__

_“Next to you is the best place to sleep,” Alec replied before sliding closer to Magnus._

__

_Magnus' smile widened before he rolled his eyes. “You're so hopelessly romantic,” he teased, and Alec's eyebrows went up as he looked at Magnus with an unimpressed look._

__

_“I'm hopelessly romantic?” Alec repeated the statement before he straightened up and didn't take his eyes from Magnus until he was leaning over him. The tips of their noses almost touched and Magnus' hand glided over Alec's arm before he let it run through Alec's hair. Magnus noticed how everything around him seemed blurred and the outside noises were barely audible._

__

_But it didn't bother him, because Alec was leaning over him, bent down more and more and rested his forehead against Magnus'._

__

_“You're the one who can't keep his hands off me,” whispered Alec as Magnus ran his hands over Alec's back, moving them over the soft skin of his neck and caressing the tattoo, illuminated by the morning sun._

__

_“You're probably right…” Magnus whispered with a grin before he tried to catch Alec's lips, but Alec withdrew for a moment._

__

_“Is someone getting brave?” Alec grinned at Magnus cheekily, which made Magnus moan annoyed before he dropped his head back into the pillow. He closed his eyes and felt Alec approaching above him once more and his breath tickled his nose. “Okay, fine. Come here,” Alec whispered quietly and Magnus opened his eyes._

__

_Dark brown met hazel._

__

_Both smiled at each other before Alec closed his eyes and blindly searched for Magnus' lips. But when they met and the fireworks exploded in Magnus, he became aware of something._

__

__

_It was a dream._

Magnus went up being extremely shocked. He looked to his side and discovered Andrew lying on his back and still sleeping safe and sound. Magnus looked at his hands, which trembled slightly. Did he really just dream about Alec?

Magnus breathed deeply. His heart was racing. He could still feel Alec's lips on his. He stroked over his dry lips before licking over them and looking at his cell phone. He took it silently from the bedside table before driving over his face, turning his cell phone on. It was just before 1 pm.

Magnus closed his eyes before looking at Andrew, who had meanwhile turned onto his back and dropped his head in his pillow. His chest rose and fell very slowly. He didn't notice Magnus' situation, who still sat upright in bed and calmed down only slowly.

He worked for Alec.

Alec had just started to barely trust him.

Why did Magnus' brain play a trick on him?

Magnus slowly pushed the blanket aside and stood up almost silently from the bed before looking for his clothes and getting dressed. His back hurt and his head pounded.

Maybe it was just the alcohol that had given him the dream?

When Magnus was dressed again, he looked around the room and looked at Andrews' desk. He quickly searched quietly for a piece of paper and a pen and left a message.

_“Thanks for the night, tell your friends the myths about me are true ;) x”_

Magnus put the note where his phone had been before, then he left the room and stood on the street a few minutes later. Magnus looked around to get his bearings until he remembered it was Friday.

He should be in class.

 _“Fuck!”_ he cursed before his hand flew against his forehead and he painfully distorted his face. His last lecture had started 30 minutes ago, and Magnus decided relatively quickly that he would skip college for today.

Magnus took a deep breath before leaving Raphael a message that he had overslept and would not come back, before calling a taxi and giving Alec's address.

He couldn't explain why he went to Alec, but his apartment was only a few blocks away from Andrews' apartment.

Besides, he'd rather be with Alec than alone at home.

* * *

Magnus knew that Alec's parents were still not back and that Isabelle was still on her mission in Los Angeles, and even though she should be back by today, Magnus wasn’t sure when she exactly would be back.

But he didn't know if Alec was still sleeping or already on the couch and playing Rocket League. Magnus searched in his pocket for Alec's apartment keys before unlocking the door and entering the building.

He felt limp and the alcohol was still messing with him. His head pounded and his stomach growled. He really needed to eat something, but first of all he needed a shower. Secretly he hoped that Alec was still asleep and Magnus could take a shower without further ado. Fortunately, his clothes were still lying in the bathroom, just waiting for him.

Magnus slid Alec's apartment key in the keyhole before quietly opening the door and putting his head through the crack. Alec's apartment was still and silent. Only the midday sun fell through the windows and cast a warm light on the dark furniture. Magnus pulled up his eyebrow before quietly entering and closing the door behind him. The apartment was so quiet that Magnus could hear his own breath. He took a quick look around before heading for the bathroom. Magnus tried as hard as he could not to make any noises, because Alec was definitely still asleep.

He opened the door and closed it behind him before taking a deep breath and heading for one of the closets to get his clothes ready before slowly undressing and walking into the shower. Of course Alec had a ground level, fully equipped shower with LED waterfall and built-in radio. Nothing couldn’t surprise Magnus anymore at this point.

But although Alec had all these things and probably tons of money, he was not happy.

For what was the use of wealth and luxury if you had to face every day alone and were punished with an illness that kept you from leaving the house to catch some air?

It was that moment that Alec opened his eyes as he heard noises from the bathroom. Within seconds, he sat upright in his bed before reaching for his phone to check the time. It was 1:30 pm on a Friday afternoon. Alec raised his eyebrow critically. Magnus was still in university and Isabelle wouldn't be back until Sunday. His parents, too.

Alec reached for his sweatpants before slowly getting up and getting dressed. He put on his mask and grabbed a baseball bat, which was behind his closet so he could always defend himself, even if he wasn’t a bodyguard anymore.

He stepped up to his room door. His bare feet were padding over the linoleum, making it impossible to move soundless, but after all this was his apartment.

Alec grasped the door handle, and as he opened the door the noise became louder.

The shower.

Alec stopped in the door frame and his hand flew up to scratch his head. Why would a burglar turn on his shower?  
His heartbeat accelerated, and he took a deep breath before he approached the bathroom door. He had his baseball bat ready and was also willing to use it. His gaze kept gliding across the hall into the kitchen to check that there weren't more people in his apartment.

When Alec was sure that no one but him and the person in the bathroom were in the  
apartment, he took a deep breath and straightened up. His hands gripped the baseball bat tightly, and Alec just waited for the door to open. He heard the shower being turned off and could hear someone softly humming a melody. Alec really wondered who was in his apartment.

A few minutes later the door opened quietly and Alec lifted the baseball bat before stepping in front of the door, and looked into a shocked face.

Magnus stood before him. His hair hung in his face, which clean and un-styled. No trace of makeup. He wore a solid and plain black shirt and simple jeans with a loose fit. His eyes were wide open and he was frozen as he stared at Alec. The air was fogged behind him and Alec could tell from the smell of his own shampoo that Magnus had been showering.

“Alec-,” Magnus stammered, as Alec was still holding the bat right in front of his face.

Both looked at each other silently for a few seconds before Alec lowered his arm and cleared his throat.

“What are you doing in my apartment? You're supposed to be in college until three,” Alec wanted to know. He had pulled his eyebrows together and looked at Magnus critically, whereupon he just chuckled and shrugged.

“I woke up in another apartment and overslept. Your apartment was closer than mine. Besides, I had to take a shower to battle the hangover,” Magnus explained, while Alec took a deep breath, dragging a hand down his face before putting the baseball bat aside.

“Just text me the next time before you break into my apartment,” Alec joked quietly before turning away from Magnus and walking slowly into the kitchen, knowing that Magnus didn't take his eyes off him.

“I didn't want to wake you up,” Magnus said when he also went into the kitchen. “Besides, I didn't break in. I have a key,” Magnus explained before sitting down on the bar chair with a grin on his face. Alec opened one of the cupboards and placed two bowls on the table before reaching for his cereal and opening the fridge.

He grabbed the milk and an apple before closing the fridge with his back and turned to Magnus again.

Magnus was yawning just before he stretched out and looked at Alec, who was still standing next to the fridge. He still held the milk and the apple in his hand and his eyes were fixed on Magnus' face. Magnus' bare face did not seem strange. It was breathtakingly beautiful.  
Alec blinked and Magnus pulled up his eyebrows.

“Do I have something on my face?” he asked with a grin and Alec caught himself swallowing hard, trying not to blush.

“No- I-,”

Alec stuttered before he put the milk carton on the shelf and took his apple to the sink to wash it. “I just think that you...” Alec stopped again and tried to find words to express what he wanted to say to Magnus, without showing too much emotions. He stood in front of the sink and let the water run over the apple before he took his mask off his face and continued talking.

“…that you look beautiful. Even without makeup.”

Alec closed his eyes and was ready to endure Magnus' laughter as he had just offered him a cheap compliment without looking at him, but his only answer was silence. Alec's heart was hammering. He didn't know why it was so hard for him to express what he saw in Magnus, but he wanted Magnus to know, because he deserved to know that he was beautiful.

Alec still didn't turn around, but he noticed a soft giggle. Magnus' giggling.

“Thank you, Alec,” Magnus replied gently, and Alec felt a load fall of his shoulders. He could breathe again and the lump in his throat slowly dissolved.  
“Was it so hard for you now? I get compliments from men and women every day,” Magnus wanted to know, and Alec slowly turned around before looking at Magnus with big eyes.

Magnus slowly realized _why_ Alec had so much trouble making someone a compliment.

“You've never complimented anyone before, have you?” Magnus asked carefully, and Alec scratched the back of his head before biting his teeth and starting to blush.

“This is absolutely embarrassing,” Alec whispered in embarrassment, but Magnus smiled at him before he shook his head. Magnus could understand that Alec was ashamed of it as soon as he allowed himself to feel. Alec had to learn from scratch that it was okay to say someone was beautiful. That it was okay to love and to have a crush. That it was okay to be himself.

“It's not, Alec. I'm glad I got to be the first one to hear a compliment from you.” Magnus smiled at Alec in encouragement, before Alec took a deep breath, casting his eyes briefly down. He knew Magnus was right, but he wouldn't let him know that he found Magnus so incredibly fascinating. That every move Magnus made looked elegant. That his outfits were always so impeccable. That he was smart and mysterious at the same time. That he was openly handling everything so easily, something Alec could only ever dream of.

He wanted to tell him so much, he wanted to give him so many compliments because Magnus was exactly what Alec always wanted to be.

Proud.

Just as Alec was about to say something, Isabelle entered the kitchen and looked at the two men in surprise. She carried a large paper bag filled with rolls and croissants in her hand. Her eyes jumped from Alec to Magnus and back to Alec.

“Magnus?” she asked, confused but with a smile on her face. “I didn't know you were supposed to be here so early today?” Isabelle stepped into the kitchen and put the bag on the kitchen island in front of Magnus' nose before she took off her jacket, and Alec stepped away from the sink to make room for his sister so she could wash her hands.

“I overslept and didn't wake up at my house, so I just… thought I might as well come here,” Magnus explained and Isabelle laughed quietly.

“I bet Alec got really afraid,” she joked before she looked at her brother, who was leaning against the counter and rolled his eyes.

“He was standing in front of me with a baseball bat when I came out of the bathroom,” Magnus confirmed Isabelle's statement, which made her laugh, and she slapped Alec’s arm while the latter cast her an offended look.

“Were you a little scared?” Isabelle's voice was still vibrating with laughter, and Alec couldn't help but laugh as well.

“No, I was just protecting my apartment,” Alec defended himself before biting into his apple, avoiding Magnus' gaze. Isabelle smiled at her brother for a while before she looked back at Magnus, who now also looked at Isabelle.

“I bought bread rolls and croissants. Actually, I wanted to have breakfast with Alec, but now that you're here…” Isabelle pointed to the bag in front of Magnus. “…You two can have breakfast? Then you don't have to eat cereal,” she continued before she left the sink and opened the bag, a gust of steam rising from it as she did so. Magnus could smell the butter croissants, and when Isabelle took the pastries out of the bag to put them on a plate, Magnus saw all sorts of croissants.

“Iz-,” Alec hummed before Isabelle turned to face him. She looked at him questioningly and Alec remembered her words.

“Oh, if I'm bothering you, I'll take the next subway back to Brooklyn,” Magnus replied calmly before he got up, but Alec took a deep breath, not taking the look from his sister.

“No, it's okay. Stay here,” Alec said quietly and Isabelle smiled gently before nodding.

Magnus looked at them critically as the siblings just looked each other in the eye. As if they were communicating with their minds. He didn't want to interrupt them, but he still really wanted to know why they looked deep into each other's eyes without saying a single word.

“Then Iz can have breakfast with her friends,” Alec continued, before finally blinked and looking at Magnus. Magnus smiled slightly at him before Isabelle also looked at Magnus.

“We'll probably have lunch at this time of day,” she explained, before reaching for her handbag, before she hugged Alec and left the kitchen.  
“See you later, big bro and Magnus!” she called back to the kitchen as she was already standing in the hallway straightening her hair while looking into the mirror. A few seconds later she left the apartment and Alec and Magnus were alone again. Alec still looked at Magnus before he looked at the plate on which the baked goods were lying.

Magnus' gaze also slipped on the plate before looking back at Alec again, who struggled with himself for a moment before taking a deep breath and pulling plates out of the cupboard to prepare breakfast. Magnus wanted to help him and stood up to put the cereal back and make a cup of coffee. Alec had some water while digging jam and cheese out of the fridge.

“Do you want ham or chocolate spread?” Alec asked quietly, but Magnus shook his head. He had everything he needed.

Alec closed the fridge before reaching for the butter standing on top of the fridge and sat down next to Magnus on the chair a few seconds later. There was an unpleasant silence in the apartment while both sliced up their buns, and Magnus wished at that very moment that he had magic to be able to turn on the radio without having to get up.

But instead he reached for the butter before he lathered his bread roll with jam. Alec put a slice of cheese on his roll before he closed it, and began to eat silently.

He felt bad about having been woken without warning, and that he had threatened Magnus with a baseball bat. Alec wanted to apologize for his action, but he knew Magnus didn't blame him. After all, this was his apartment here and Magnus had just entered without warning to take a shower at his place.

Alec looked at Magnus holding his roll in one hand and his phone in the other. He scrolled through Twitter and started to like and retweet the tweets from his university colleagues. A smile adorned his lips. Probably he read something totally stupid, which made him smile nevertheless.

Alec bit his lower lip before he looked away from Magnus. He had been watching him for far too long again. Had studied him and memorized his facial features. Magnus fascinated him and Alec wanted to learn so much more about him. Wanted to hear his story. His secrets. But above all, he wanted one thing.

Calling him his friend.

Or maybe even--

“And what shall we do today?” Magnus interrupted his thoughts. Alec stopped breathing for a second before he looked at his bread roll and his heart beat faster for a short time.

_We?_

He included himself? He planned on spending his Friday _here?_

Alec swallowed his last bite from the bun before looking to the side and catching Magnus' gaze. Alec didn't hold the gaze for long, and silently grabbed a croissant before reaching for the jam jar while inhaling deeply.

“I wanted to finish my book today before I sit down in front of Playstation to try my new game. If you want, you can watch me. Tonight I wanted to watch a movie and make some popcorn. Isabelle wanted to watch the movie with me. What about you? Don't you have plans for a Friday?” Alec’s lips pulled slightly upwards and a cunning smile formed on his face.

Magnus looked at Alec and his jaw dropped, then he emitted an offended snort.  
“I _always_ have plans when I want to. But since I already had my party yesterday, I can skip for this weekend. Besides, it's much more interesting to watch you play,” Magnus teased, and Alec felt the blood rise into his cheek.

Magnus just couldn't stop himself from slight flirting. He had to risk it. He had to show Alec over and over again that he was special.

And Alec began to ignore more and more that he was sick. That every tiny germ could take him to the hospital. That he could die.

He forgot his illness as soon as he spent his time with Magnus.

Because Magnus didn't keep on reminding him that he was sick. He accepted Alec and still treated him like a normal person. A healthy person.

“I see,” Alec said with a smile before he ate his croissant. He wanted to apologize anyway, but Magnus just got up to get the chocolate spread out of the closet. Magnus sat down on his chair again, knowing that Alec's gaze rested on him. “Then I can postpone my book session and start gaming right away, if that's alright with you,” stuttered Alec quietly.

Magnus nodded and finished his coffee. “Sure. Show me your inner nerd,” he joked before he got up and cleared the table. He put the plates and his cup in the dishwasher before opening the fridge and putting back the jam and cheese. Meanwhile Alec drank his glass of water before he pushed it over to Magnus and left the kitchen.

“Did you take your vitamin pill?” Alec had just sat down on the couch when Magnus' voice sounded. He denied with a shake of his head and a few minutes later Magnus was sitting next to Alec on the sofa. He put two glasses on the coffee table and pushed Alec's glass over to him.

“Drink up” he said quietly, and Alec rolled his eyes and picked up the glass. Magnus watched him as the annoying music from the Playstation main menu blared from the speakers.  
Alec lowered the glass before picking up the controller, and started Devil May Cry 5. Magnus pulled his eyebrow up in confusion.

The game set a completely different atmosphere. It was bloody and filled with demons. Loud techno-metal music accompanied the fights between half-demons and demons. It didn't take Alec long to figure it out, and within an hour he slaughtered every demon as if he had never done anything else in his life.

“Have you played this before?” Magnus wanted to know, and Alec could hear his admiration. He grinned slightly, showing him he was proud of himself before he nodded.

“I know the previous games. Devil May Cry has always fascinated me,” explained Alec before he finished the level and looked at Magnus, who still looked at him questioningly.

He wanted to know more about the game.

But most of all, he wanted to know more about Alec.

* * *

Hours later Magnus and Alec were lying on the sofa playing Rocket League. Alec had stretched out his legs and almost touched Magnus' right arm, who was sitting on the left side of the sofa. The pillows were piled at the back of his neck, supporting him as he won the match. Alec growled quietly before lowering his controller, and dragged an hand down his face. He was tired and overexerting, but he had fun playing against Magnus. Magnus was better than Alec ever suspected. He was a challenge, and Alec thanked him for it.

“Are you giving up?” Magnus asked with a big grin. He never thought he'd beat Alec.

“For now, yes,” Alec replied before reaching for his phone. It was already half past six and his stomach was slowly starting to complain. He looked at Magnus, who was on his phone, answering someone. The controller rested on his chest. He had never seen Magnus so natural before. A normal dark grey shirt, black skinny jeans, and no makeup. His hair had dried in the meantime and he had styled it slightly upwards using Alec's hair gel. He definitely had to cut it again soon, because without the hair gel it hung into his face.

Alec put the controller on the table before he stretched, and got up to go into the kitchen. His stomach growled and grumbled, telling him how hungry he was. Alec opened the fridge before staring into space. He needed supplies of food.  
Alec turned around and wrote down a sticky note for Isabelle with things he needed, to be able to provide for himself.

“Uh-” Alec shouted helplessly into the living room to catch Magnus' attention, who then slowly went into the kitchen. The Playstation now played Alec’s Spotify playlist, so both were no longer annoyed by the pesky music from the main menu.

“My fridge is- _empty,_ ” Alec explained, and Magnus laughed.

“Your fridge isn't empty. I'm a student, Alec. I'll be able to conjure something up for us,” Magnus explained with a cunning grin, and he asked Alec out of the kitchen before he dared to approach the fridge. Alec watched Magnus from the living room. He had leaned against the couch and crossed his arms before giving Magnus his attention.

Magnus meanwhile put the ham on the table before he searched for toast. He also found a can of sliced pineapple, which he opened and drained into a container. Then he took the toast and prepared the pan to roast it. Magnus reached for the ketchup he had also taken from the fridge before pouring it onto the toast slices, before rolling up the ham and gently laying it on the toast slices as well, before laying the pineapple on top and reaching for the cheese lying next to him.

Magnus prepared everything so carefully that he almost forgot that Alec was behind him and watched his every move. Not because he didn't trust him, but because he admired him. He admired Magnus for his careful arrangement of the ingredients. For his precise work and his elegant movements.

When the toast was lightly fried, Magnus prepared the oven before carefully placing the toast slices on a tray and putting them in the oven for another 10 minutes. He clapped his hands joyfully before turning to Alec, who smiled at him before nodding.

“Maybe your student life isn't as useless as I thought it would be,” Alec admitted, and Magnus' grin grew bigger. He had convinced Alec, which made him kind of proud.

“A student always has to make the best of the little things,” Magnus explained before he cleaned up the kitchen, and Alec quietly passed Magnus to prepare popcorn.

He took a bowl out of the cupboard before opening the bag of corn, and a few minutes later the whole kitchen smelled of sweet popcorn while Magnus arranged the toasts on two plates.

“Do you want some more ketchup?” Magnus turned to Alec, who dropped some popcorn in his mouth before he declined. He took the plate and bowl into the living room, and sat down on the couch before looking back at Magnus, who looked at him confused while still leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Don't you think we should eat in the kitchen?” Magnus asked, slightly amused, since the picture was more than confusing him, but when Alec shook his head and put his legs on the coffee table, Magnus followed him with his plate.

“Isabelle is not here and my parents will not visit me for the next three weeks. So why should I eat in the kitchen when it's much more comfortable here?” Alec protested when Magnus had just sat down with a smile.

“I'll be the last one to forbid you to do any of this,” Magnus explained before he took a bite of his toast. It was crispy, sweet and salty at the same time. It may not have been perfect, but there couldn't be anything better.

Alec closed his eyes while he ate his toast with relish. Meanwhile Fast and the Furious 8 started up and Magnus leaned back before putting his legs on the table in front of him as well.

* * *

The movie had been running for an hour and Alec had laid down on his side, the tips of his hair touching Magnus' right arm. Magnus wasn’t bothered, because they could both share the bowl of popcorn. Magnus and Alec first discussed the scenes before Alec fell silent, and Magnus noticed the quiet snoring after another 40 minutes. A glance at the watch told him that it was already half past nine and that Alec was probably more exhausted than he initially wanted to admit. His hand lay under his face and supported him while the other one loosely hung down beside him.

Magnus didn't think long and took the blanket to drape it over Alec's body. He didn't want to wake him, because the movie was soon to be over and Magnus could put him to bed. While the final scenes were running, Magnus picked up the remote and changed the volume before ignoring the film and looking at Alec, whose face looked so soft and peaceful as if no one in the world could ever hurt him. He turned his head slightly, causing it to hit Magnus' arm, and while Magnus could not describe what was happening with his body, it was definitely not normal.

Alec triggered things in Magnus that he hadn't felt in a long time.

And he knew it was _dangerous._

Magnus' smile did not fade from his face, even when he turned off the Playstation and turned on the floor lamp behind the sofa, he still looked at Alec grumbling as Magnus moved and his arm away.

“Alec…” Magnus whispered as he turned back to him. He had to go to bed, but Magnus wouldn't carry him. “You have to get up and get into your bed,” he continued, but Alec just hummed again before he turned slightly and turned his face downward before burying his nose into the fabric of the sofa.

“You really want to spend your night here on the sofa? Your back will hate you for that,” Magnus explained with a grin and a few seconds later Alec slowly opened his eyes before looking at Magnus.

Magnus was illuminated by the dimmed light of the standard lamp, which surrounded him with a soft golden haleo. Alec stopped breathing before he could pull himself together, and then he yawned.

“You're probably right…” he murmured before he stretched out, popping his back for a moment. Alec pulled his face, which briefly worried Magnus, but Alec raised his hand. “All good,” he said quietly before trying to get up. It was a mistake to fall asleep on the couch next to Magnus, because his bones were more than tired; his legs felt like jelly and he literally collapsed as soon as he tried to get up.

Another reason was of course his illness, but Alec ignored this fact.

Magnus immediately hurried to his side and supported Alec without another word on his way into his bedroom, where he settled him on the bed.

“I have to go back to the bathroom.” Alec looked at his phone before rubbing his flat hand over his face to wake up. Magnus watched him and just nodded before he opened the door for him, and Alec stood up with wobbly legs and went into the bathroom.  
He grabbed his toothbrush and looked at his scar before turning his hand slightly and brushing his teeth. Alec didn't want to think about his past, but every time he looked at his left wrist, he was reminded how weak and lonely he was.

Alec closed his eyes as he brushed his teeth while he remembered the day with Magnus. The way they both had lain on the couch together and just had played together for hours. How they had cooked and watched the movie together. How comfortable Alec felt even though he had fallen asleep next to Magnus. He simply didn't feel alone.

Alec rinsed his mouth out before freshening up, and changed his clothes.  
When he went back into the hallway, he heard Magnus gather his things. It was already so late that Alec was reluctant to let him go home alone.

Magnus had tidied up the couch and turned on the dishwasher. He had already put on his jacket and stood waiting in the hallway. When he saw Alec, he smiled slightly.

“Ready?” he asked and Alec nodded silently before he rested his hand on the back of his head, and he bit his lower lip. He didn't want Magnus to leave. He didn't want to be alone. Magnus still had his eyes on Alec, which made him blush before he avoided his gaze.

“It's… it's pretty late.” Alec stuttered, and Magnus tilted his head slightly.

“Indeed, but I'll just call a taxi,” Magnus explained, so Alec didn't have to worry. Magnus was happy that the former bodyguard was worried at all, but he was no longer a child and could make his way safely home.

“No,” Alec said immediately and Magnus stopped breathing for a moment, because Alec's tone was serious and desperate at the same time.

“I-I don't want to be alone,” Alec almost whispered, and Magnus had to make sure he hadn't misheard. Probably Alec was just so exhausted and tired that his thoughts just shot out of him without him being able to hold them back.

“Alec…” Magnus smiled. He was touched that Alec wanted him with to stay over. That he didn't want to be alone. That he trusted Magnus enough to feel comfortable with him.  
“If you want, I can spend the night in the living room.” He smiled encouragingly at Alec, but Alec shook his head briefly before turning his head to the side, looking at his room.  
Magnus understood the request, but wasn't really sure if Alec really meant it.

“I should sleep on the couch?” Magnus asked and Alec nodded shyly before turning away from Magnus.

“Sorry, that sounds totally stupid,” Alec apologized, but Magnus just took off his jacket before he went up to Alec and shook his head. He stood in front of Alec and waited for Alec to look at him again. As Alec slowly lifted his chin, he saw his dark brown eyes lovingly looking at him.

“No, I understand you. I also often feel lonely and just wish I had someone with me.” Magnus smiled before he also looked at Alec's room door.  
“No one is waiting for me. So I don't mind sleeping here, especially if it helps you,” Magnus explained before Alec also started smiling.

“Thank you, Bane.” Alec whispered with a shy grin. His heart was beating much faster than usual, but he was happy that he had not frightened Magnus with his request.  
On the contrary, Magnus wanted to stay here. With him.

Alec still looked at Magnus with a smile before he took the first step and entered Alec's room again. Alec followed him directly and closed the door, feeling slightly awkwardly, before Magnus looked around his room again. Magnus found more and more things he hadn't discovered before. Alec had an exceptionally simple taste, yet it was stylistic and modern. He didn't need much, even if he had enough fortune to have everything gilded. He liked it simple and monochromatic.

Magnus sat down on the couch before looking at Alec, who was still standing at the door looking at Magnus. He didn't know what to say. He was incredibly grateful for Magnus' decision to stay with him. He wasn't afraid to go to sleep because he knew that for the first time in more than two years he wasn't alone anymore.

Magnus spread out the bedspread that lay on the back of the sofa and adjusted his pillows to be comfortable, but Alec immediately felt bad. Bad that he could sleep in his comfortable bed while Magnus had to spend the night on the cheap couch. He looked at the floor before he swallowed the lump in his throat and breathed deeply.

What was wrong with him?

He was 22 years old, a former bodyguard who was to take over the company from his parents but was now suffering from GBS. He was never at a loss for words, because Alec always knew how to verbally defend himself.

So why was he now groping for words once he was in a room with Magnus? As soon as Magnus did something nice for him or assured him that it was okay to not always be perfect.

Why did his heart beat faster when he just thought of Magnus and how perfect he was?

Why did he feel so incredibly comfortable near him and could even fall asleep next to Magnus without any problems or fear?

“Magnus-” Alec had found his words again and now looked at the couch without looking back at Magnus. “If you want, then you can sleep with me in bed - I mean the couch is very uncomfortable and my bed is big enough,” stuttered Alec awkwardly before he scratched the back of his head nervously. When he looked briefly into Magnus' eyes, he could see the confusion.

“And I-I could sleep better next to you,” Alec finally admitted, and Magnus felt his heart stop for a moment. As his pupils grew in size and his breath faltered briefly.

Alec could sleep better next to him?

“Alec-” Magnus didn't know what to say. He wanted to help him as good as he could, but he also had to listen to himself. To his thoughts that were yelling at him because it was a bad idea. Magnus knew how to react to certain actions of persons. How his heart reacted.

And that request definitely triggered one of them.

“If it helps you, then I can lie next to you until you fall asleep,” Magnus finally said, and Alec met his eyes again before nodding in relief. Maybe it wasn't what Alec wanted, but it was the compromise Magnus could offer him so that his heart wouldn't fall further in love with something unattainable.

Alec was _out of reach._

* * *

About twenty minutes passed during which the two of them lay in the darkness. The moon shone down on them through the shutters, so that Magnus could see that Alec was still in the same position next to him. His back was turned to Magnus and his shoulder rose and fell very slowly. He wasn't snoring yet, so Magnus knew he still hadn't fallen asleep. Magnus also lay on his side and watched Alec. He had no idea what was going on in his head, but knowing that Alec could sleep better once Magnus was with him meant a lot to him.

“I'm sorry,” Alec whispered just at that moment and Magnus' eyes slid from Alec's back to the back of his head. He did not know whether he had opened or closed his eyes, but he knew that he was still wide awake.

“What are you sorry for?” Magnus asked just as quietly and curiously. Alec still didn't turn around, but he breathed deeply.

“That I threatened you with a baseball bat. It's just my nature to always be on my guard. I was trained to keep an eye on things.” Alec slowly turned to Magnus and looked into his eyes.

A smile appeared Magnus' lips. “I know.” Magnus replied. “I'm sorry that I just came without a heads-up. I should have texted you, but I just wanted to let you sleep,” Magnus explained in a whisper. Alec had to chuckle quietly.

“I think we're even, huh?” teased Alec and Magnus put his head on his right hand.

“Oh, are we?” Magnus teased as well and Alec just shook his head before he laughed.

His laughter vanished after a few seconds and he looked at Magnus for quite a while before lowering his gaze and looking at the blanket that covered him. Magnus was still lying on the blanket not to fall asleep, but the tiredness caught up with him more and more.

“Thank you again,” whispered Alec now, before he straightened his pillow and closed his eyes. “Good night, Bane.” were Alec's last words and Magnus smiled silently at him.

He would love to run his fingers through Alec's soft hair. He would love to hold him in his arms and put his head on his chest and caress his back. He would love to spend the morning with him as his dream had already shown him. He'd love to show him that he didn't have to be afraid to be alone. Because he wasn't anymore. He had Magnus as a friend.

Magnus did not answer until he was sure that Alec had fallen asleep.  
He didn't take his eyes off him and when the first quiet snores could be heard, Magnus softened. He had helped him without him doing anything. He was just there for him.

“Good night, _Alexander,_ ” whispered Magnus, hoping that Alec really couldn't hear him anymore, knowing that Alec hated his full name.

Magnus placed his head on the second pillow and closed his eyes briefly. He wanted to wait a while before going back to the couch to make sure Alec wouldn't wake up and fall into a deep sleep.

But fatigue was his enemy and pulled him further and further into oblivion, enveloping him and also weighing him to sleep.

To a restful sleep next to Alec.

* * *

Alec was the first to open his eyes. He was still in the same position, staring into Magnus' soft face. He was still sleeping deeply and when Alec remembered the day before he had to smile.

Magnus' plan to sleep on the sofa had not been successful.

Alec stretched briefly and his back cracked again, and his legs felt weak. His illness was rearing its head again, although he really didn't need that now. He didn't want to think that he could wake up any way unable to his legs any more. It scared him.

Alec sat up slowly and pulled his up, felt them slowly being supplied with blood again, and his body woke up. He looked at his phone to check the time. His lock screen showed 10:34AM. Another look at Magnus followed, before he quietly got up to leave the room. He had rarely slept so deep and restful.

After taking a shower to wake up, he just went back to his room with a towel around his hip to look for clothes. He looked briefly to his right to check that Magnus was still asleep before going to his closet and pulling out a new, plain shirt and sweatpants and grabbing a pair of underpants. He closed the closet quietly and dropped his towel to get dressed. When he reached for his T-shirt, he heard a soft voice behind him.

“Good morning.” Magnus muttered sleepily, and Alec spun around before Magnus smiled.

He saw Alec's upper body for the first time and found that his dream had not lied to him. Alec looked stunningly beautiful.

Alec put on his T-shirt within seconds and blushed again.

“Suits you,” mumbled Magnus after yawning, and leaned against the wall that separated the bed from the rest of the room. Alec looked briefly at his hands before his gaze slipped back to Magnus and he nodded.

“Thank you. Did I wake you up?” Alec asked immediately, but Magnus denied it with a shake of his head and pointed to his stomach.

“More like my hunger did,” he explained, before he turned around to make the bed. Alec still stopped in front of his closet and watched Magnus shake out the blanket and fold it up before putting the pillows upright. Then he cracked the windows open to let in the morning air.

“My plan to sleep on the couch didn't work out,” Magnus said as he walked out of the sleeping area and prepared the sofa. Alec's gaze still rested on him, because the fact that he did not know how much Magnus had seen drove him crazy.

Had he seen it in the towel yet? Had he seen him naked? Or just his upper body?

“It's not a bad thing-” Alec finally said and Magnus turned his head to look at Alec, who was still staring at the floor. He was ashamed of his body and knowing that someone else had seen him. That Magnus had seen him, who loved himself, who knew exactly how to accentuate his body to look good, made him lose his mind.

“I haven't slept so well in a long time.” Alec blinked a few times before tightening his shoulders and looking at Magnus.

Magnus smiled encouragingly at him before turning his back and going into the kitchen. He really needed a cup of coffee and something to eat.

Alec also found his way into the kitchen and a few minutes later both men sat again at the kitchen island and ate cereal. Magnus drank his coffee while Alec sipped his tea. 

“I am glad that my presence could help you," Magnus finally said, to finally end the silence. Alec looked at Magnus for a moment before he swallowed and nodded.

“Yes, it was pleasant.” A smile surrounded Magnus’ lips before he looked into his bowl again.

From the corner of his eye, Alec could see the rings on Magnus' hands that he hadn't taken off over the night.

“I haven't asked you yet why you have to wear so many rings,” Alec finally said, and Magnus now looked at his hand and the rings as well. He giggled quietly before raising his hand and looking at his rings again.

“My mother passed her rings on to me, and for my 16th birthday she had me make two rings with my initials,” Magnus explained, before pointing to the two larger rings with the letters _M and_ _B_ on them.

_____ _

“They're the last things I have of her. I only have the rings, and her necklace I got when she passed away shortly after my 18th birthday.” Magnus' hand slipped to his neck and he briefly closed his eyes to repress the pain.

“I loved the necklace because it was unique, but some son of a bitch must have stolen it from me when I was working at Starbucks. That was a little over two months ago, which is why I got fired. Somebody must have stolen at the store, but my boss blamed me and kicked me out. Since then I have only the rings, which I will probably never take off, except when I have to take a shower or go to sleep,” Magnus explained in a weak voice. The memory of his mother hurt him because he had loved her.

“I'm… sorry.” Alec replied, concerned, but Magnus raised his hand to interrupt him.

“It's okay. I've gotten used to the loss. It gets easier with time. Never easy, but easier.” He smiled sadly at Alec. “Losing a person you love is the worst thing that can happen to you. I couldn't save my mother because the lung cancer slowly but surely killed her. The doctors diagnosed the disease too late and it was impossible to help her.”

Alec knew what Magnus was getting at. He knew that Magnus wanted to help him, to save him.

“You can still be helped, Alec. Your illness can be cured. Don't let Isabelle lose you or your parents who love you, even if they don't show it.” Magnus meant every word he said and he could see Alec thinking about his words.

“I have my routine check at the doctor's next Wednesday,” Alec replied quietly as he emptied his cereal and pushed the bowl away. Magnus pricked up his ears.  
“Every 6 months I sit down with him and he examines my vital signs, my muscle quality, and my breathing. Every six months he tells me it's still curable. That I can still change something,” Alec continued before taking a deep breath. “I just don't know why I should change anything if I'm just gonna be my parents' sidekick again.”

“You're 22, Alec. Your parents can't treat you the way they used to. You're a grown man and you have the right to make your _own_ decisions. You have the right to live as you want to live.” Magnus' tone was serious, yet gentle. He didn't want to force Alec, but he wanted to open his eyes.

“Besides-” Magnus raised his hand. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, either. No matter which path you choose, I will support you as best I can. You don't have to go through everything alone anymore.” Magnus smiled at Alec, who could only nod.

"Thank you, Bane-I don't know how to thank you. I-", Alec wanted to say so much more, but Magnus cut off the words by putting his hand on Alec's shoulder.

“You don't have to thank me all the time, Alec. I can help you, and even get money for it, learn more and more about video games, so that I don't look like the worst loser next to Simon, when he gets it into his head that he needs to brag about his knowledge about video games, until everyone but Maia leaves the refectory. Additionally I have someone who is fascinated by history as much as I am.”

Magnus’ words warmed Alec’s heart as he let them sink in. He was more than just a simple job for Magnus. He was as much a help to Magnus as Magnus himself was a help to him.

He healed Alec while Alec supported Magnus.

“I'm glad I'm still useful to some people despite my illness,” Alec explained before sipping his tea. When he looked out of the window, he noticed for the first time the rain that pelted against the windows and once again turned New York into a grey city. Magnus would be stuck here for a while.

“Do we want to play chess?” Alec eventually suggested, still looking at the window. Magnus followed his gaze just before he nodded.

“If you teach me,” Magnus joked quietly and Alec looked at him.

“You can't do chess?!” Alec asked in horror and Magnus just shrugged. Of course he couldn't play chess, who still played chess in 2019?

“You are missing out on so many things in your life, Magnus Bane,” Alec replied offended.

“I'm not the only one who misses so many chances in his life,” Magnus replied and Alec knew exactly what he meant. He dropped his head briefly before he got up and went to the wall unit to pick out the chessboard.

He had loved chess since he was a little kid. His mother had taught him when Alec was just six years old. These were the first hours of training for his education, as Alec learnt step by step how to avoid his opponents and how to proceed strategically. He knew all the tricks to win, but he wanted to really explain the game to Magnus, and show him how much fun it could be.

* * *

After they had played for a few hours and Alec had taught him chess as best he could, Isabelle came back with the shopping and filled the fridge and pantry with Magnus while Alec took a nap.

Isabelle was pleased that the two had fun even without her, and that they perceived each other’s company no longer as strange.

“Shall I give you a lift home? You'll catch a cold in this rain.” Isabelle closed the freezer before looking at Magnus, who was leaning against one of the counters and sipping his coffee. By now it was half past three.

“If you tell Alec I went home, sure. We haven't had lunch yet, so you'll have to cook. I can get a hot dog somewhere.” Magnus took another sip of his coffee before running a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath.

“I'm glad you stayed with him tonight,” Isabelle finally admitted and Magnus smiled warmly at her.

“My dear... it also pleased me that Alec didn't want to get rid of me,” Magnus explained with a big grin. “Maybe he doesn't hate me anymore,” he joked then before he put his coffee cup in the sink and put on his jacket.

No, Magnus knew Alec didn't hate him anymore.

“Ready?” he asked as he stood in the hallway. Isabelle nodded and left Alec a note that she was driving Magnus home.

“Do you want to come over tomorrow as well?” she asked when the two of them walked through the underground garage and got into Isabelle's black car. Magnus thought briefly about Isabelle's words.

Why not? He enjoyed the time with Alec and for the first time in his student life he didn't think about parties or alcohol, but rather about which movie he could watch with Alec, or what they could cook together, which stories Alec would tell him, and which game they could play together again.

“Sure, I'd love to.” Magnus smiled weakly when he fastened his seat belt and looked straight ahead. He could see from the corner of his eye that Isabelle was smiling at him. She was happy that Magnus came even if it was outside his working hours, which meant that he was here voluntarily. That he wanted to spend time with Alec of his own free will.

Magnus pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket before scrolling through his chats, which he had completely ignored.

SIMON  
_[Yo!! The girls and I are going to a new club tonight. Are you in or are you still in bed with Andrew?] Yesterday, 3:32PM_

__

Magnus lifted one eyebrow at the line of aubergine and peach emojis.

__

_[Magnus?] Yesterday, 4:14PM_

____

_[Last chance, we're leaving right now] Yesterday, 7:38PM_

_____ _

CLARY F.  
_[It’s is so cool, especially cause it's so small. Drinks here are much cheaper! Where are you anyway? Maia and I have been to your place and tried to get hold of Andrew. Get in touch! X] Yesterday, 11:44PM_

______ _ _

Magnus took a deep breath before texting the group chat that he had spent the whole of Friday at Alec’s without telling anyone. He also explained that he had spent the morning there and was now on his way home, but would be back with Alec the next day.

______ _ _

He withdrawing out of the group. He turned down parties. He forgot the weekly cocktail he drank with Clarissa every time.

______ _ _

He just didn't need it right now because Alec needed him.

______ _ _

With a sigh he locked his phone again and looked out of the window. The rain had still not subsided and the streets of New York were rarely as empty as on they were on this Saturday, but Magnus could hardly remember such a pleasant and beautiful morning.

______ _ _

He rarely woke up later than the person sleeping next to him. Most of the time Magnus was the first to open his eyes to hightail it.

______ _ _

But Alec was different. He thought differently, felt differently, lived differently. He thought outside the box. He had no idea how gorgeous he was. He didn't know he had his heart in the right place. He didn't know he was good enough. He didn't know how beautiful his character was, how valuable.

______ _ _

And that is exactly what made him so incredibly interesting for Magnus.

______ _ _


	9. Facing Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all and welcome back to #LMBWA
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed the finale :) now that the fanfics are the only thing keeping this fandom alive, I hope everyone will stay here and enjoy reading on AO3! 
> 
> enjoy the next chapter and let me know what you think via comments or live-reactions on twitter using the hashtag! 
> 
> once again thanks to @Lakritzwolf for betaing!
> 
> See ya next time, Kim <3
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> 

ALEC

_[Isabelle mentioned that you had fun playing chess.] 11:17AM_

Magnus was just sitting in the second lecture and couldn't hide his grin. His hand was hidden under his table, so the professor wouldn't discover his phone. So Isabelle had told her brother about the conversation in the car.

_[Did you think I'd hate something just because I lost? I'll beat you as soon as I get the general idea ;)] 11:19AM_

Magnus briefly looked up to see what his professor had written on the blackboard before looking down again as his phone was vibrating the same moment.

ALEC

_[Good luck with that, Bane. Aren't you sitting in your lecture?] 11:20AM_

Magnus’ lips pulled into a slight smile before he could type his answer. The thought of Alec still lying in his bed or sitting on the sofa, holding his phone in his hand and writing a message to Magnus because he was bored confused him. Not that he was complaining, on the contrary: he was happy.

_[Aren't you the one who wrote me first, EVEN THOUGH you knew I'm sitting in the lecture right now?] 11:20AM_

Magnus tapped on the blue arrow before locking his phone and looking up again. Raphael sat a row behind him, but was focussed on the lecture and not on what Magnus was doing. Magnus was fine with that, because he didn't want to listen to snide comments from his friend again.

Magnus was happy when he got a message from Alec, because this meant that Alec wanted the contact. That he wanted to talk with him, without coercion.

Of course, this didn’t mean anything.

_Right?_

Magnus shook his head briefly before looking at his phone once more. The lecture faded more and more into the background with every passing second.

ALEC

_[Hm, I thought you wouldn't answer until after your lecture. When are you done?] 11:22AM_

Magnus glanced over his shoulder back to see if Raphael was still looking at the blackboard, now but his gaze was on Magnus. Magnus quickly looked straight ahead again. His professor now briefly summarized the lecture while some students were already packing their laptops.

“Dude, are you actually listening to the lecture?” Raphael turned to his best friend after leaning slightly forward. Magnus blinked a few times before locking his phone, and tried to focus during the final minutes. Raphael watched him before he shook his head and folded his laptop when the professor dismissed them.

Magnus got up first, and actually forgot that he wanted to have lunch with Raphael, Clary and Simon during their lunch break. It was when Magnus was standing in the middle of the campus that Maia ran past him, and she pulled Magnus back by his arm. Magnus just looked at his phone and stared at the message from Alec. He felt caught when Maia looked at the phone and discovered Alec's name.

“What are you doing here? You were supposed to have lunch with Simon, Clary, and Raphael, weren't you?” She immediately realized that Magnus was stressed, though, and Magnus blinked at her before he put his phone in his pocket, then took a deep breath.

“Yeah, that's right. I wanted to…” Magnus looked at his hands.

“Are you okay, buddy? I have to go to my biology lecture, but if something happened, then I'm here for you,” said Maia with a cheeky grin, but Magnus just shook his head with a smile.

“No, it's nothing, my dear Maia. I'll go find the others and get some food.” Magnus nodded

before he turned away from her, and made his way to the cafeteria. He didn't know why the text from Alec confused him so much, but the idea that Alec Lightwood was sitting there with his phone, texting with Magnus, confused him. He remembered only too gladly their first days back, when all Alec wanted was to get rid of him. Said he didn't need it, that he didn't need any help.

_Oh, how things have changed._

When Magnus opened the cafeteria door, he immediately saw Clary wave at him. She was sitting at their usual table with Simon and Raphael, and had already taken out her food. Magnus looked at his phone again before slipping it into his pocket, and sat down next to Clary before putting his arm around his red-haired friend with a smile.

“There you are,” Simon said before he shoved a sandwich across the table. Magnus accepted this gratefully and bit into it in with relish. He nodded before he swallowed and looked at Raphael, who looked at him knowingly.

“Our Magnus must have been a little distracted by someone.”

Magnus shot him a dark glare and shook his head. While Simon didn't understand what Raphael was trying to imply, Clary looked straight at Magnus and slapped his shoulder.

“Andrew?!” She immediately wanted to know, and Magnus had to laugh.

Why would he text Andrew? He never exchanged numbers with his one-night stands, wanted to disappear from people's lives as quickly as he had come.

“No,” Raphael answered Clary’s question, and Magnus bared his teeth at him for a second. His gaze practically _pierced_ Raphael, who understood the gesture and nodded slightly. So Raphael had noticed that Magnus had texted with Alec, but he hoped that Raphael wouldn’t say anything yet.

Magnus was aware that he could quickly get out of the situation by saying it was business, but their conversation had not been business.

“Seems like Magnus received a message from Alec that caught him off guard.” Raphael smiled devilishly at Magnus, who curled his hand into a fist and gritted his teeth. Clary immediately looked at Magnus and saw his tension.

“Magnus, that's great! Not that you should be texting in class, but if Alec texts you out of your working hours, it means he doesn't hate you anymore, right? What's his sister doing?” Clary grinned broadly at Magnus, who rolled his eyes and took another bite off his sandwich.

“I'm not gonna tell you what's up with his sister, Biscuit.” Magnus winked at her. Clary inhaled deeply before she threw her hair back, and concentrated on her sandwich. Raphael sipped his coke while Magnus gave him a deadly look. They didn't have to exchange words to communicate.

“Where is Maia anyway?” Simon wanted to know before he looked around the cafeteria.

Magnus swallowed before taking a sip of his coke. “In her biology lecture,” he replied before raising his hand and pointing to the other building. “You know the professor, Simon,” Magnus added immediately, when Simon got up and unceremoniously left his food.

Simon turned around again before his shrugged, slightly tilting his head. “So? I want to see my girlfriend,” he explained with a grin and turned around, to immediately run into a group of students, muttering apologies as he left.

Clary laughed before she shook her head, and looked over to Magnus who had pulled his phone out of his pocket. The messenger was still open and his fingers flit across the display. Clary smiled at him, nudging him with her fist, and he looked at her.

“Just answer him already,” she said quietly.

Magnus caught her meaning and looked at his phone again. Then he asked Clary and Raphael, “Are we up to something today?”

Raphael was the first to say no before Clary tilted her head in thought.

“Maia and Simon wanted to go to the movies today. I wanted to go to the gym, and Raphael…” Clary's gaze went over to Raphael, who looked up from his phone.

“I'll watch Game of Thrones. Alone.” Raphael muttered, annoyed.

Clary smiled before looking back at Magnus, who looked back and forth between the two before answering Alec’s text.

_[I'm having lunch right now, and then I’m done. Should I come over so I can beat your ass at chess?] 12:13PM_

Magnus hit _send_ before he put his phone on the table to eat his sandwich.

“You are so gone over that bodyguard,” Raphael commented in a bored voice, and Magnus looked at him, feeling attacked. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but he couldn't deny that falling asleep next to Alec was more than relaxing. He had also dreamed of Alec. About their morning together.

As a _couple_.

Magnus shook his head in disbelief and cleared his throat before turning his phone face down, and propped his elbows onto the table.

“I'm not. I work for Alec, have to take care of him, and spend time with him,” he defended himself before he folded the box of his sandwich, and finished his drink.

“And that's why you didn’t text us this weekend, and you didn't go to the club with Simon and Clary, and now you’re texting him in class?” Raphael had known Magnus long enough to know when Magnus had a crush on someone.

Clary agreed with Raphael with a nod before looking at Magnus again, whose gaze slipped over to his phone at that very moment. Magnus turned the phone over within a second and looked the message that popped up.

The redheaded student couldn't see much, but she could see Alec's name.

“Well, then I'll be on my way to my _job_ ,” Magnus said before he got up to collect his stuff.

At that moment Simon and Maia came running hand in hand into the cafeteria, grinning broadly. Clary leaned slightly to the left to look past Magnus and Raphael before raising her eyebrows.

“I thought Maia was in her lecture?” she asked, and now Raphael and Magnus turned around too. Maia and Simon ran towards their table and Simon patted Magnus on the shoulder.

“Did you just kidnap Maia from her lecture?” Raphael asked casually as they sat down.

Feeling slightly confused Magnus just stood next to the table, but Maia just smiled at him and waved his concern aside.

“Nothing important. Besides, lunch is much better than microbiology,” she explained before grabbing Simon's hand, caressing it with hers. Simon leaned over the table a few seconds later and gently put his lips on Maia's. She had sat down on Magnus’ place, who now lovingly smiled down at the two of them.

“I'm about to die,” Raphael commented on the situation before Simon looked at him, feeling attacked.

“Dude?!” He complained loudly before Magnus raised his hand to prevent the verbak skirmish between the two from escalating.

“If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work. Have a nice day. And Simon?” Simon looked at Magnus.

“Take Raphael to the movies. There's a discount for three.” He winked at the four at the table, and while Raphael made gagging noises Clary had to laugh, and Maia giggled. Simon was laughing as well, and shook his head as he waved Magnus goodbye. Then Magnus left the cafeteria and the campus, and within a few minutes made his way to the subway station.

Magnus put his headphones on and started his playlist as he opened the message from Alec, telling him that Alec would finish him off at the next game of chess.

_[You know I'd beat you in Rocket League] 12:36PM_

It didn't take long until his phone vibrated again to tell him Alec had answered him. Magnus caught himself immediately opening the message and smiling as he read Alec's words.

ALEC

_[Has it ever occurred to you that I’m letting you win?] 12:37PM_

Magnus bit his lower lip. Did Alec Lightwood just tease him? He closed his eyes for a moment. His fingers were already hovering over the screen and Magnus knew what he wanted to type.

_Maybe I'll let you win in chess only because I love those bright eyes as soon as you're proud of yourself._

But he couldn't.

He couldn't tell Alec what his heart wanted. He had to keep reminding himself that he worked for Alec. That he wanted to be Alec's friend. No more, no less.

 _Never start anything with the people you work for_ \- that was his motto.

The train slowed down and he took a deep breath, only vaguely perceiving the background noise around him, because the volume of his music almost drowned out everything else.

Magnus opened his eyes before typing and sending his message.

_[Wanna bet?] 12:40PM_

ALEC

_[About what? And why?] 12:40PM_

The reply popped up a few seconds later, as if Alec had just been waiting for Magnus to text back. A smile crept onto Magnus’ lips.

_[Want to bet I can beat you in the next game of chess? And when I win, you have to stop calling me Bane.] 12:42PM_

Magnus read the message again before he sent it, and at that moment the subway came to another stop again. He had arrived in Lexington and had to get out. Magnus elegantly got up from his seat and put his phone in his pocket before getting off the subway and heading for Alec’s street. It was raining, and Magnus realized again that Isabelle's umbrella was still at home.

Fortunately it was just a drizzle, and Magnus was able to get to the apartment without much trouble. He loved autumn, but he also hated it. Rain was Magnus’ mortal enemy. Especially if he didn't have an umbrella.

Magnus’ phone vibrated in his pocket. Alec had answered him again.

ALEC

 _[So you really think I'd stop calling you that just because you want to? I'm not gonna make a cheap bet on you, Bane.]_ 12:45PM

Magnus didn't know if Alec was mad at him or teasing him. Magnus shook his head and turned into Alec's street before he put his phone away to search for the key to the apartment.

* * *

 

“You're a killjoy,” Magnus said as he walked into the living room. Alec was just lying on the couch, eating the rest of Friday’s popcorn leftovers. He looked unimpressed at Magnus for a moment before a small smile slipped over his lips, and then he shrugged.

Only a few seconds later Alec looked at Magnus again, and was almost blinded by his looks. Even though his hair was slightly damp from the rain, and with his jacket on his shoulders also darker from the rain, Magnus looked stunning. Single strands of hair appeared golden, his eyes were accented by a fine line of eyeliner, and golden glitter was dusted below his eyelids. Magnus had styled his hair up, but by now it was so long that the front was hanging forward a little into his face. His wine-red shirt was also decorated with gold accents. That the shirt was slightly transparent didn't seem to bother Magnus at all and Alec caught himself unintentionally staring at Magnus’ outfit for longer than he actually wanted.

His eyes glided slightly upwards again, saw the shiny black nail polish shining on his fingers, which were adorned with the familiar rings like every day. Alec's eyes finally went back to his face. His right ear was decorated with a snake-shaped ear cuff.

“Alec,” he heard Magnus suddenly say, and Alec closed his parted lips before shaking his head and staring at his popcorn.

He really couldn't take his eyes off Magnus, especially when he looked _that_ good.

“I'm not a killjoy. I'm just not making a bet with you, Bane,” Alec explained, before he cleared his throat and concentrated on his film again that was running quietly in the background.

Magnus smiled silently at Alec before taking off his jacket and hanging it over the back of the couch so it could dry.

“Have you had lunch yet?” Magnus finally asked and Alec shook his head before putting down the bowl of popcorn.

“I'm not hungry either. Do we want to cook something tonight?” Alec asked before stretching out and looking over to Magnus, who stood a little helpless in the kitchen while looking into the fridge, which was still full to the brim.

“Sounds like a plan. What should we cook?” Magnus asked back before he looked over his shoulder and caught Alec's gaze. Alec, who had gotten up in the meantime and had also ventured into the kitchen, was now leaning against one of the counters.

“How about a burger? From scratch?” Alec's suggestion came unexpected and Magnus spun, closed the fridge with his foot and leaned against the fridge before he folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Pasta,” he replied, and Alec had to snort.

“We had pasta last week, and the week before,” Alec replied,slightly annoyed, but Magnus only lifted his chin a bit and looked at the closet in which the chessboard stood before he had an idea.

“Fine. We’ll play chess. The one who wins two out of three games can decide what we cook,” Magnus suggested with a grin, and Alec crossed his arms in front of his chest as well, before he scrutinized Magnus critically.

“Am I making a deal with the devil right now?” Alec had to laugh before he shook his head and looked at Magnus unimpressed who was holding out his hand. Alec's eyes fell to his hand and he looked at it questioningly.

“When you place a bet, you also have to give me a handshake,” Magnus explained, and Alec shook his head, dumbfounded.

“You really are something else, Bane,” Alec replied, but Magnus did not lower his hand.

He meant what he said.

When Magnus still held his hand in Alec’s direction after a few seconds, he finally gave in and grabbed the hand to seal the bet.

Magnus _challenged_ him.

And Alec didn't know when he last felt so challenged in his life.

“You'll lose,” Alec warned, but Magnus just shrugged before pulling out the chessboard and sitting on the couch.

“We'll see about that.”

* * *

 

The score was one to one. Magnus had won the second game and given Alec a challenging, sparkling look. Alec wrinkled his nose before leaning back to wait for Magnus’ next move.

Magnus had propped his elbows on the table and put his chin on his hand. He had pulled his eyebrows together and thought long and hard about his move. The strand of hair hung right in front of his eyes and Alec watched his shoulders rise and fall.

“You know I let you win, right?” Alec said, not taking his eyes off Magnus. Magnus’ hand moved across the board to complete his move, and then he also leaned back. He smiled at Alec before reaching for his glass and taking a sip of his Coke.

“Of course.” Magnus winked at him before putting down his glass, and Alec's gaze slipped to the board before moving the king and knocking the queen off the board.

“Checkmate,” Alec said nonchalantly, and Magnus’ eyes widened before he looked back and forth between Alec and the board.

Meanwhile Alec leaned back and stretched before yawning and looking to the kitchen.

“So burger, yeah?” He grinned at Magnus, who was still staring at the board, trying to understand what mistake he had made. Which move had been too hasty or too rash? His eyes wandered across the field before he lifted his chin a little, and he looked straight into Alec's eyes. The gold was shimmering around his dark eyes, making them shine. Alec had to swallow before he took his eyes off Magnus and cleared his throat.

“Burger, yes,” Magnus finally replied before he got up to gather the game pieces together. His voice sounded disappointed. He was disappointed by himself that he had lost, although he had learned chess only on Saturday from Alec.

Alec tilted his head slightly before observing Magnus. Every move of Magnus’ fingers seemed elegant and noble. His wrist was decorated with various bracelets. Magnus stood up, lifting one leg slightly into the air, supporting himself only on one leg, before putting the board back in the cupboard. Then he made his way to the kitchen to find the folder with the recipes.

“You're not really looking into how to make burgers, are you?” Alec had also gotten up and brought the glasses to the kitchen, and he was wearing his black mask again. Magnus looked up and smiled sadly at Alec. He already missed his lips. The light smile Alec wore as soon as his eyes beamed with pride.

“I don't want to risk you having to go to the hospital early.” Magnus pointed to the calendar hanging on the wall. In two days, Alec had an appointment at the hospital with his doctor. Alec took a deep breath before opening the fridge to pick out the ingredients. It was only half past three, but the meat still had to be seasoned and the vegetables washed and cut.

When Alec had placed the ingredients on the counter, he supported himself briefly and closed his eyes. He got dizzy, but he didn't want Magnus to notice anything. His head got heavier and he felt the blood rushing into his legs, and they felt incredibly weak and fragile again. Alec tried to take a few steps back, but he staggered. He closed his hand and sought support at the counter so that he would not collapse, but he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Alec? Are you in pain?” Magnus asked, and Alec wanted to deny it first. He wanted to refuse, saying everything was okay, but his heart decided differently.

Alec nodded briefly before he let Magnus lead him onto one of the bar stools and sat down on it. Magnus quickly prepared a glass of water which he pimped with a vitamin tablet, then grabbed an apple that he washed and sliced for Alec.

“Chess is pretty exhausting, huh?” Magnus pushed the plate with the apple pieces over to Alec, who had meanwhile pulled down his mask to sip some water. He rubbed his temples, exhausted and silently cursing himself.

“Sorry… I... this wasn't supposed to happen. Especially not if you want me to help you with cooking,” Alec explained, while Magnus leaned against one of the counters. He hugged himself and didn’t let Alec out of his sight, as the latter began to eat his apple before he downed the glass in one swallow.

“Don't worry about it. You just lie down and I'll finish the burgers, wake you when they’re done so you can sleep.” Magnus smiled encouragingly at Alec. Alec found it hard to smile back at first, but he couldn't resist Magnus’ charm. His lips pulled slightly upwards and he had to snort gently before nodding.

“Sounds like a plan,” Alec whispered before he ate his last piece of apple, and slowly turned around. Magnus was immediately by his side, however, and helped him up, which turned out to be a really good idea, as Alec's legs immediately gave way. If Magnus hadn't been next to him, Alec would have collapsed.

“Alec!” called Magnus before he caught him, and Alec cursed again. He held on to the edge of the counter with one hand before he pulled himself up with the help of Magnus and breathed deeply.

“Can you walk? Can you feel your legs?” Magnus wanted to know. He looked at him with concern, but Alec nodded in his direction to calm him down.

“Yes, I just need your help to get to bed,” Alec explained almost tonelessly. It was more than embarrassing for him to ask for help, but he knew Magnus was here just for that.

To help him.

Magnus supported Alec up to the bed without any objection, and even helped him to remove the mask and pulled back the blanket for him. Alec watched in silence before taking a deep breath and lying down. He didn't know how to thank Magnus.

He had never needed help in his life. Alec was always the person who helped other people.

“Shall I get you anything? Water? Some kind of vitamin pill? Or should I call Isabelle?” Magnus almost rolled over with the questions and Alec had already closed his eyes. When he raised his hand to interrupt Magnus, Magnus immediately fell silent to let Alec speak.

“Just… just stay here. Please,” Alec whispered. His voice was already taken by fatigue and Magnus nodded in response before stealing the chair from Alec's desk and sitting next to the bed.

Alec hadn't turned away from Magnus. His hand was under his head and his face relaxed a bit more with each breath. Magnus could not help but observe Alec in precisely these situations. When he couldn't pretend. When he was completely normal, completely natural.

When he couldn't hide behind a _facade._

Magnus had tilted his head and let his eyes roam over all the details in Alec's face. He memorized everything. From Alec's full lips, his dark hair, to the scar on his left eyebrow. He smiled. Alec was so incredibly perfect that it was almost illegal that he had no partner at his side.

When Magnus was sure that Alec had fallen asleep, he quietly stood up to go back to the kitchen to prepare the burgers. Alec would be hungry when he woke up.

Magnus read through the folder again until he came across the recipe for hamburgers. He quickly got to work after washing his hands, and started with washing the vegetables. He also looked at some tutorials from Gordon Ramsay to understand how to fry meat at all. Magnus was completely new to cooking, but he was willing to learn something every day as long as he could help Alec with it.

If Alec already changed for Magnus, then Magnus could do exactly the same.

* * *

 

“Alec…” Magnus whispered quietly. He had placed the plate with the burger next to Alec’s bed on the night stand and sat down on the chair next to the bed. While the meat had been on the stove, Magnus had been looking out for Alec to make sure he was still breathing. He had tilted his head slightly and smiled sadly at Alec, who was still lying on his side. His face twitched and he turned his head slightly. His nose touched the pillow and his face sank gently into the pillow.

“Food is ready, come on,” Magnus tried again, before Alec slowly opened his eyes and looked into Magnus’ smiling face. Alec hummed briefly before he tried to push himself up. His bones were still asleep, but his head didn't feel as heavy as it had before.

Alec looked briefly at the plate before he pulled his legs up, and leaned against the headboard, before Magnus handed it to him.

The burger steamed and smelled delicious, considering Magnus had never made burgers before. He had put a small wooden skewer through the burger so that it would not fall apart. Magnus got up again and left the room, to return with a glass of water for Alec. Meanwhile, Alec had put the plate on the blanket and picked up the burger before looking critically at Magnus. He still hadn't said a word.

“I followed the recipe and even looked up stuff on YouTube to see if I fried the meat properly,” Magnus explained nervously before Alec’s lips quirked up.

“Did you, yeah?” he teased Magnus before he cleared his throat and bit into the burger once more. Magnus could hear the cracking of the salad and the meat made a juicy sound. Alec closed his eyes briefly before making a surprised sound. Magnus immediately looked him in the face before Alec opened his eyes again and nodded.

“Tastes delicious, Bane,” Alec said quietly and Magnus felt the warm feeling around his heart. He didn't think Alec would like the burger. Even though Magnus had exactly followed the. The braised onions fell out of the bun, while Alec had problems holding the burger in his hand because it had turned out quite big.

“Don't you wanna eat?” asked Alec after swallowing, but Magnus denied with a shake of his head before crossing his legs and pointing back over his shoulders.

“My burger is still in the kitchen. I wanted to make sure that you were well and that the burger is good,” Magnus explained with concern, before Alec placed the plate on the blanket and grabbed a napkin from the table next to the bed.

After Alec had cleaned his fingers, he reached for the glass of water and took a big sip before he took a deep breath, and looked at Magnus.

“Get your burger. It’s edible, after all.”

Magnus’ lips formed into a soft smile before he nodded and got up to get his burger out of the kitchen.

“You know your room will smell like burgers,” Magnus said, but Alec just shrugged. He pointed to the windows before taking another bite.

“We can air out,” Alec explained calmly before he continued eating his burger, and Magnus just nodded. He kept looking at Alec to capture every emotion in his face. Any reaction to his food. Apparently Magnus had done a good job, because Alec didn’t complain once.

Magnus also began to eat his burger, and the two enjoyed the companionable silence before Alec put his plate down and stretched out. His back hurt, and his head still felt heavier than normal. In the meantime his legs were really supplied with blood again, but Alec was not sure if he could get up again.

“What time is it anyway…” Alec asked with a yawn before he pushed back the blanket and carefully placed his legs next to the bed on the floor. Magnus reacted immediately and put his plate down so that he could stand next to Alec.

“Half past six. Isabelle should be here any minute. I have to go home, too,” Magnus explained before he helped Alec up, and Alec thanked him.

“I really slept through the whole day, and left you alone in the kitchen,” Alec complained as he reached for his plate and carefully carried it into the kitchen. Magnus grabbed his plate and Alec's glass after opening the windows, and heading into the kitchen as well. Alec stood by the sink and cleaned his hands. A few seconds later he put on his black mask and turned to Magnus, who had meanwhile taken a seat at the kitchen island and to eat the rest of his burger.

“I let you sleep longer. You were extremely pale, Alec.” Magnus had swallowed his bite and sipped his Coke. Alec had leaned against the counter and hugged himself. He looked past Magnus, couldn't look him in the eyes. He felt bad that he could not spend the time with Magnus and Magnus had to leave in a few minutes.

Alec _didn't_ want him to go.

He wanted to play Rocket League with him, play chess, watch a movie, or go over history with him for his upcoming exams.

“Sorry that I wasn't there and time didn't go by faster,” Alec said quietly, but Magnus looked up from his plate and turned his head slightly so that he looked at Alec who had his eyes on Magnus.

“I mean, I was able to read up on something, and keep my presentation going. And I started reading a book about the French Revolution. I hope you don't have a problem with that?”

Alec noticed the apartment being just unlocked before he shook his head, and walked away from the counter to greet his sister, who just rounded the corner and greeted them both with a big grin.

“Good evening!” she almost shouted before putting her bags down in the hallway, and took off her jacket. Alec stepped a few steps away from the sink to give her space, so that Isabelle could wash her hands before she could give her brother a hug, stroking his back as she did so.

“Did everything go well? I see you made burgers.” She still smiled and looked at Alec, who just looked at Magnus. Magnus knew Alec didn't want his sister to worry.

“He beat me at chess. Again. So I had to make burgers for us,” Magnus explained just Alec was about to start talking.

Magnus could only see half of Alec's facial expression, but Alec smiled thankfully at him.

“I'm glad to hear you had fun.” Isabelle smiled at her brother before patting Magnus on the back. Magnus nodded to her before he picked up his plate to put it in the dishwasher.

“I'll head back home now,” Magnus said with a smile as he closed the dishwasher. Alec looked at him without a comment, but his face showed a trace of sadness. Isabelle smiled at Magnus and nodded to him before turning back to Alec and smiling at him broadly.

Alec also looked at his sister, but kept an eye on Magnus as he gathered his things in the living room and packed his bag, before he lifted his arm to wave at them both.

“See you tomorrow!” shouted Magnus before he left the apartment and the siblings behind.

Alec looked away from Isabelle and looked at the wall, behind which Magnus just walked past to leave the apartment.

And all he felt was emptiness.

* * *

 

New York was doused in rain, while Alec sat on his windowsill, holding his phone. Magnus was at university until late in the evening and had no time to pass by, so Alec had withdrawn with a hot chocolate, a blanket and many pillows. His phone kept vibrating more often, and faster. Magnus was bored in his lectures and would have preferred to spend time with Alec. He asked how Alec was, if his circulation was fine, and if he had eaten anything.

Alec smiled as soon as he received the news from Magnus.

It was new that someone cared so _deeply_ for him.

BANE

_[You have your doctor's appointment tomorrow. Are you excited yet?] 4:35PM_

At first Alec wanted to answer with a simple _no_. But he was excited.

Or even worse.

He was _scared_.

Afraid of what the doctor might find. Alec's condition didn't get any better. He was getting a little worse every day. His legs had not given way since the last incident, but he felt that he was lacking vitamins. Winter was the worst time for Alec, precisely because there was less and less sun shining through the window.

Alec's fingers hovered above the screen before he took a deep breath and started to write his message.

_[Kinda. I don't know what he'll say yet.] 4:38PM_

BANE

_[I'm positive. Maybe there are new possibilities to help you.] 4:39PM_

Alec smiled as he read the message before his front door opened and Isabelle stood in the door frame with a plastic bag in her hand. She smiled at her brother.

“I brought us some food,” she said joyfully before she lifted the bag, and Alec could see the take-away box, filled with Asian noodles. He looked again at his phone and decided to answer.

_[Maybe. Isabelle will drive me there tomorrow and back home again. My appointment is at ten o'clock. I should be back at one o'clock.]4:41PM_

Alec pushed back the blanket before he got up, and went into the kitchen. His sister had already prepared everything and was sitting down on one of the chairs. She slapped on the chair next to her with a big grin while Alec washed his hands before he sat down next to her.

“It's half past five… why are we eating already?” he asked confusedly before Isabelle raised her hand. She swallowed her bite before she drank a sip of her water.

“Because I know you. Magnus didn't come by today, did he?” Alec answered with a nod before his sister continued. “So you haven't eaten anything yet, and we have to get up early tomorrow to get there in time.”

Alec's phone vibrated again, and the siblings both looked at the screen at the same time.

BANE

_[Whatever happens, I'll be at your side, Alec.] 4:43PM_

Alec stopped chewing as he read the message, and felt his sister's eyes rest on him. She smiled at him and before he could say anything, she put her hand on his shoulder with a gentle squeeze to express her understanding.

Alec closed his eyes for a moment before shaking his head slightly, and swallowed his noodles. He opened his mouth, wanted to explain himself, but Isabelle forestalled him.

“You don't have to explain yourself, Alec. It's okay if you text. I'm not blind, Big Bro.” Isabelle smiled lovingly at her brother and stroked his back before Alec turned his head slightly towards her, a smile on his lips.

“Thank you,” he whispered almost tonelessly, and the two of them sat in silence. Alec's gaze, however, kept wandering over to his phone, hoping that Magnus would text again. That he would ask any question, so Alec had to answer. That he didn't have to worry about what Isabelle would think.

“Alec, your food will get cold if you keep staring at your phone,” Isabelle giggled after a while, and Alec blinked before he looked back at his food and continued eating.

Isabelle, on the other hand, gently shook her head, causing her hair to fall forward.

“Just answer him and stop being afraid to open up. If you want him as a friend, you have to do something about it, Alec,” she finally said, and Alec slowly started to understand.

Isabelle was right. Friends didn't just appear out of nowhere. Alec had to work for it, so Magnus wouldn't lose the will to fight for something that had long been lost.

But here was the problem.

Alec had gotten lost a long time ago.

At least that's what he always thought.

But maybe Magnus was different. Maybe Magnus hadn’t just stepped into his life for the money, but to help Alec to change himself, stand by his side when everything went downhill.

* * *

 

“Alec!” There was a loud knock on his door, and Alec hummed annoyed before opening his eyes. He was still holding his phone in his hand.

Alec pressed the home-button and saw the last message from Magnus.

BANE

_[You fell asleep last night, but I wish you the best of luck with your doctor's appointment. You can do it.] 7:40AM_

Alec slowly straightened up before rubbing his face. He had spent half the night exchanging messages with Magnus, although he should have been sleeping for a long time.

But he enjoyed the time with Magnus. The stupid jokes Magnus cracked because he was bored on his couch at home. He told Alec about his attempt to make casserole, but that had forgotten it in the oven. That he definitely also needed a Playstation to secretly train for Rocket League. However, Alec advised him against the idea, as Magnus rather needed his own chessboard.

“We have to leave in half an hour.” Isabelle's voice sounded again, and Alec rolled his eyes before he dragged himself out of his bed and opened the door. Isabelle stood in front of him and tilted her head. She smiled at Alec.

“Slept well?” she joked. Alec gritted his teeth before stroking through his messy hair, and stretched out.

“Hmm, kinda.” Alec rubbed his eyes before heading to the bathroom to get ready. Alec hadn't left the house since the last visit to the doctor, or even his apartment.

When he went into the living room, Isabelle was already standing there with his jacket in her hands. Alec had put on his breathing mask and already equipped himself with a sweater.

He grabbed the jacket before Isabelle handed him a scarf and gloves as well. Alec looked at Isabelle critically before he looked out the window. It was raining cats and dogs, and the wind whipped against the windows. He knew it was for his own safety, but Alec hated wrapping himself into layers of clothes as if every gust of wind could kill him. Any contact with any stranger.

Without further comment he took the scarf and the gloves before he finished dressing and went into the underground parking garage with Isabelle. Every step outside his apartment felt strange. Alec couldn't even look forward to the trip to the doctor because he couldn't get any fresh air. He would sit in the car with Isabelle, wasn’t allowed to open a window, only watch the city through a window pane.

Isabelle kept casting brief looks at her brother, who stared out of the window and occasionally looked at his phone. He just wanted to get the appointment over with and sit in front of Playstation with Magnus for the rest of the day, and watch how he struggled to win.

“And what do you think he'll say?” Alec turned his head to his sister, who wanted to interrupt the silence. Alec looked briefly at the radio that was playing at low volume; the radio announcers were just talking about the weather and complaining that New York was completely grey in grey because of the rain. Alec hugged himself because he was cold, before he turned his eyes back to the street to watch the city rushing by.

“I don’t know.” Alec shrugged briefly before taking a deep breath. He suspected that there would be bad news, but Isabelle didn't know about his breakdowns yet. It remained Magnus’ and Alec's secret.

Isabelle turned into the street of the hospital. and Alec took a deep breath again.

“I just hope it will be over quickly,” Alec explained bored as Isabelle drove into the hospital garage and parked close to the entrance. Alec didn't want to be here anymore. Even though he hadn't left his apartment in six months, he didn't want to be here.

He hated the hospital.

Isabelle just removed the key before she unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.

“It'll be alright, come on,” she told Alec. Alec breathed deeply and closed his eyes briefly before opening the car door and entering the hospital with his sister.

* * *

 

“And that's it!” Noah, his doctor, sat down on his chair again and started typing the results into the computer. Alec sat across from him and looked around the doctor’s office. The tests took longer than Alec would have liked.

Noah kept looking at Alec before taking off his glasses and turning the screen in his direction.

“Your vital signs have stayed the same. However, your motor skills continue to decline, Alec.”

Noah looked at Alec. They had known each other since Alec had gotten sick. Noah was only a few years older than Alec, which is why the two saw each other as friends. Alec took a deep breath and leaned back.

“I know.” Alec whispered quietly before stretching his legs. They felt even weaker after the tests than before.

“I… I've been feeling tired these past few days, to be honest. Winter is already giving me a hard time,” Alec explained quietly, and Noah wrote down Alec’s statements.

“Have you had any recent contact with anyone other than your family?” asked Noah, and Alec looked up from his hands before nodding.

“Yes, my mother hired someone for me to spend his afternoons with me so that I wouldn't be sitting all alone in my apartment. He's a student.” Alec was glad he was wearing his mask because a smile crept on his lips as soon as he thought of Magnus.

Noah clicked his tongue before typing his keyboard again. “Does he do a good job?” Noah smiled slightly as Alec had to laugh for a moment.

“Yeah. Yeah, he is. I didn't want anything to do with him at first, but…”

“But you need him?” Noah interrupted Alec, and caught Alec off guard with the question.

Did Alec really need him or did he just feel infinitely comfortable in Magnus’ presence?

Had Magnus become more than just someone who worked for him?

Alec blushed. His hand slipped back and he scratched the back of his head.

“I… I don't know. Magnus makes me forget that I'm even sick.”

Alec only noticed after he had finished that he had used his name.

“I… I feel like a normal person when he cooks with me, or when we play chess,” Alec explained nervously. He scratched the inside of his palms to distract himself.

Noah nodded before typing something into his computer again. He made thoughtful noises before taking a deep breath and turning back to Alec.

“You are aware that if we do nothing, your illness will continue to progress. I'm not gonna force you to do anything, Alec. I can only tell you over and over again that your family won't watch you keep destroying yourself. It's still curable. At the moment, you mostly lack vitamin D. I'd suggest that you take walks with Magnus, that's his name, right?” Alec nodded briefly before Noah continued.

“That you'd go for walks with him. Best through Central Park. In November is still enough sunshine for your immune system to benefit from vitamin D. Magnus can take care of you. If you prepare properly, it shouldn't be a problem. Likewise, I can only recommend the various therapeutic options.” Noah reached for his flyers, which he had stored in his desk.

Alec looked critically at the flyers before he looked at Noah, who was just holding the flyers towards him.

“Alec…” Noah pleaded. Alec knew Noah only wanted what was best for him. That he wanted to see him happy again. Healthy.

“I'm sure your family would be very happy if you started therapy. And so will Magnus, if he's already treating you as a healthy person. At least take them with you, read it through and think about it,” Noah continued.

Alec looked away for a moment, and thought about Magnus’ message. No matter what he decided, Magnus would support him as best he could.

Alec did not want to be weak in front of Magnus, although he knew that Magnus did not judge him, but did he really want to start a therapy to become the sidekick of his parents again?

“I'll think about it,” Alec finally said before he took the flyers. Noah smiled at him with relief, although Alec always said that he would think about it, and that they reached exactly the same point every six months.

“And you're sure I can go outside? I thought it was strictly forbidden,” Alec asked doubtfully, thinking about the idea that he would walk through the park and get to breathe the fresh autumn air, that he could see squirrels looking for nuts to bury for the winter. How he could hear the birds flying over his head.

Noah breathed deeply and straightened his lab coat before clearing his throat.

“If you ask me like that, I'd have to forbid you to have contact with Magnus, too. Your body isn't used to him, yet he seems to be good for you. If you prepare properly and take your medication, nothing should happen. You just make sure you're not out for too long.”

Noah printed out the prescriptions for Alec's medication before he smiled encouragingly at him.

“You're strong, Alec Lightwood. I've known you for two years now and rightfully you should be sitting in a wheelchair in front of me. But you're different. Your body's fighting the disease even though you're doing nothing. Maybe your will to live is still there after all.” Alec had to smile before he put on his mask and took the recipes.

“Thank you, Noah.” Alec slowly got up and went to the door before Noah's voice sounded again.

“And… Alec?” Alec's hand was already on the door handle. He looked over his shoulder and waited for Noah's voice.

“Take care of yourself.” Noah's voice was full of hope, but also concern. He didn't wish for anything more than to tell Alec he was cured. That he could go out without being afraid of getting sick. That he no longer had to walk around with a black mask to avoid inhaling harmful substances or bacteria.

Alec nodded to him before he opened the door, and walked the long corridor back into the foyer. Isabelle was still sitting in the waiting room reading a magazine about GBS patients. Alec's legs still felt weak, but he only had to make it back home before he could lie down.

Alec cleared his throat, and his sister looked up and smiled at him. Isabelle knew that Alec wouldn't tell her anything about his condition, so she put the magazine aside and the two picked up the medication before they drove back.

There was an unpleasant silence in the car, while Isabelle quietly hummed the melody of the song the radio played, Alec leafed through the flyers. The offers were countless, but in the end Alec threw the flyers on the back seat. In the corner of his eye, he could see Isabelle's shoulders falling into disappointment.

“I'm sorry.” Alec whispered before he turned his gaze back to the street. It had started to rain and the streets were slowly emptying. Isabelle took a deep breath before putting her hand on Alec's thigh.

“It's alright. We'll make it someday.” She smiled sadly at her brother, but Alec looked only at her hand before he put his hand, protected by the black leather glove, on her hand and closed his eyes.

He couldn't promise her that everything would go back to the way it was. He could only try to get back to normal, but he would never again become the old Alec Lightwood who loved his life.

Except for his relationship with Lydia.

“You won't tell me what Noah said, huh?” Isabelle turned into their street. Alec thought for a moment before he looked at her. She didn't have to hear about the negative news.

“I'm supposed to take Magnus for a walk. Through Central Park to get some sunshine before winter is here completely,” Alec explained quietly as Isabelle drove into the underground garage to park the car.

“That sounds great!” Isabelle pulled the key from the engine and opened the door. The two got out and went back to the house before Alec pulled her back.

“You think it's a good idea? You're not worried something might go wrong?” Alec was visibly surprised, but Isabelle only smiled before taking him in her arms and stroking over his back.

“I know Magnus can take good care of you. If it helps you, I'm definitely not stopping you. I trust Noah as much as I trust Magnus. He'll take care of you if I can't. And besides, you've been wanting to see Central Park for a long time. This is your chance, Alec. Don't let it screw you up because you don't trust yourself anymore. You don't need my _okay_ if you want to do something.” Isabelle took a step back and smiled at her brother before he slightly raised his hand and extended a fist in her direction.

With a giggle, Isabelle reached out her hand as a fist and the siblings fist-bumped before Isabelle unlocked the door and Alec went into his apartment. Isabelle had an appointment, so Alec was left alone. He took off his jacket and took off his gloves and scarf before noticing a pleasant smell, coming out of the kitchen.

Alec pulled his eyebrow up critically before turning around the corner, and looked into the kitchen.

Magnus was standing by the stove, preparing lunch. He hummed to the song playing on his phone before turning around and looking in surprise into Alec's face.

“Oh! Hey, Alec!” Magnus smiled broadly at the confused Alec before putting a plate on the kitchen island. Alec looked at the plate with Teriyaki Chicken before he looked again at Magnus who just filled the second plate.

“What are you doing here?” Alec asked confused before he sat down and reached for a fork. He had put down the flyers next to him. Magnus sat down next to Alec and also grabbed a fork.

“Told you I'd be by your side.” Magnus smiled honestly at Alec as Alec's lips opened. He was shocked that Magnus really came here, had cooked something for him and himself and was waiting for him to support him.

“So if you want to tell me what the doc said, I'm here. If not, I played Rocket League while you were gone and the food was cooking. I'm warmed up to finish you off.” Magnus took a bite of his food and Alec watched him praise his own food with his expression.

Alec had to smile and his heart warmed up. Maybe Magnus really was different. Maybe he really wasn't here to just get money anymore.

“To be honest… the doc suggested something to me,” Alec finally said and Magnus turned his attention to him.

“He said I needed vitamin D. For this... I should go outside, walk through Central Park.”

Magnus pulled up his eyebrow. “Alec, I thought you weren't supposed to leave the apartment,” he interrupted him, confused, but Alec raised his hand.

“With the right preparation and timing and…” Alec looked at Magnus, “with you by my side, it shouldn't be a problem.” Alec smiled weakly at Magnus, but Magnus returned the smile.

“If that's what you want, it would be an honor to accompany you on your journey. You haven't seen Central Park in two years. Though not much has changed.” Magnus laughed briefly before he looked at Alec and smiled at him again.

“But I'm sure you'll love it.” Magnus smiled encouragingly at Alec before he ate his lunch, without another word, leaving Alec in his thoughts. Meanwhile Alec looked again at the flyers before he looked at Magnus. His food went cold, but Alec couldn't take his eyes off Magnus.

In the meantime Magnus had already emptied his plate and stood up to clear his plate and go into the living room. Magnus patted Alec on the shoulder as he passed Alec.

“Eat up, and let's play Rocket League. I'll end you,” he challenged him before he threw himself on the couch and turned on the Playstation. Alec followed him with his eyes and he had to smile.

With Magnus, he could definitely walk through Central Park.

Alec finally got up and took the flyers with him, and put them on the coffee table before sitting next to Magnus. He took the second controller and started on the game. In the meantime Magnus read through the flyers and Alec could see how big his smile became.

“Alec, the possibilities sound great! Have you already decided on a type of treatment?” Magnus asked hopefully, but Alec stared only at his hands and Magnus realized again that Alec had already given up.

Magnus’ smile disappeared before he laid his hand on Alec's shoulder.

“Promise me you'll think about it.” Magnus’ voice was quieter than usual. It was filled with hope, concern and support. He wanted to help Alec so much, but he didn't want to lose him.

Alec closed his hands and wanted to scratch the palms of his hands before Magnus’ hands lay on his hands.

“Please, Alec.” Magnus whispered urgently, and Alec turned his head slightly. Magnus smiled hopefully at him before Alec had to smile too.

“Okay,” Alec replied. “I'll think about it.”

Alec's smile grew slightly as he felt Magnus’ tension loosen.

“But, can you promise me something, Bane?” Alec took a deep breath. He hated to ask for help, but with each passing day, he realized how well Magnus was doing him. How much he enjoyed his time with Magnus. How alive he felt once Magnus was with him.

Magnus looked at him questioningly and openly.

“Will you promise me you'll get through this with me? No matter what happens to me?” Alec's voice broke at the thought that it might have been too late for a long time. He had to hold back the tears because he didn't want to collapse before Magnus did. At least not mentally.

Magnus nodded before stroking the back of Alec's hand and carefully opening Alec's hands. Alec looked at his hands, which were covered by Magnus’ hands.

“You can't get rid of me so easily. No matter what happens, I'm by your side, Alec.”

Alec looked again at Magnus, who smiled at him warmly. Alec had to blink a few times before nodding and looking back at Playstation. Words just couldn't express how grateful he was for Magnus.

“We should start gaming,” Alec explained, interrupting the silence before Magnus took his hands off Alec's hands.

Magnus laughed quietly before taking his controller, and put his legs on the table.

“Exactly. I wanted to show you that I would finish you off,” Magnus proudly said before the two jumped into the game. Alec's thoughts, however, remained with Magnus’ words and the way he had touched him

Magnus was so precious and Alec swore to himself that he would not let his illness cause him to lose Magnus. He would fight for survival. For Magnus and himself. He wanted to heal in order to live a normal life. Outside these walls.

“Dude, you're breaking the rules,” Magnus complained a few minutes later when Alec kept destroying him to get the ball. Alec laughed quietly before leaning forward and reaching for the candy that had been left over from Halloween.

“Rules were made to be broken, Bane.” Alec said dryly and Magnus caught himself smiling. So Alec, who was a former bodyguard, explained to him that rules were made to be broken.

“Oh, yeah? Well, Alec. What you can do, I can do better.” Magnus grinned challenging at Alec before the two went into the next round, and the next hours were busily spent destroying each other. The ball became secondary.

* * *

 

When Magnus was on his way home, his phone rang.

Magnus pulled his phone out of his pocket while he held on to the bar in the subway with his other hand.

“Isabelle my dear! Is everything okay with Alec?” Magnus almost had to shout into the phone, because the noise in the subway was almost unbearable.

 _“Yes, don't worry! Everything's fine with Alec. He's already gone to sleep. The day was pretty exhausting for him. I wanted to ask you something, so I just called.”_ Isabelle's voice sounded exhausted, but she had to talk to Magnus. It couldn't wait any longer.

“Go ahead,” Magnus said as the subway stopped squeaking and he had a hard time holding on and not falling into the older lady in front of him.

 _“I've just learned that I have to go to Los Angeles with my parents for two weeks. We're leaving on the 16th. The problem is that Alec is now only completely alone for two weeks, because Jace is already in Las Vegas for the next three weeks, but Thanksgiving is coming. It's always been our tradition to spend Thanksgiving together, but this year…”_ Isabelle took a deep breath. Magnus could feel her despair, so he interrupted her.

“I can handle it.” He smiled slightly. “Let me guess, you always have a turkey and a delicious dinner.”

Isabelle laughed quietly. _“In a manner of speaking, yes. You think you can do this? I've already tried to find a break between missions because two weeks is extremely long and I don't want you to have to spend your whole life with Alec. After all, you still have a life when you don't have to take care of Alec.”_

“Isabelle, my dear.” Magnus interrupted her again. “It's okay. I like spending time with your brother. I'm not a star chef, but we’ll make it, I'm sure.” Magnus smiled as the subway pulled up at his stop, and Magnus made his way home.

_“Thank you, Magnus. I don't know how to thank you.”_

Magnus shook his head. “I get paid by you, I can help Alec not to feel alone, you can do your job and I don't have to get drunk on Thanksgiving in the Pandemonium because I don't have a family. I don't think you have to thank me. It feels good to help Alec, believe me.” Magnus smiled as he thought of Alec lying next to him on the couch being annoyed when Magnus had won five laps in a row. He even called Magnus a cheater.

 _“I hope my parents will allow you to go to college anyway. You know them. They're… special.”_ Isabelle laughed briefly before clearing her throat. _“Thank you, Magnus. See you tomorrow, then?”_

“I'm looking forward to it. Take care of Alec,” Magnus said with a smile before ending the call. Having reached his front door, Magnus reached into his pocket for the key to open the door. He remembered the previous day, and that a few weeks ago he had never thought about not spending Thanksgiving in a club.

He had already changed. He texted with Alec at university, cancelled parties to spend time with Alec, prepared lunch for him, read recipes on the subway, secretly trained for Rocket League and chess, forgot that his friends wanted to explore new clubs with him, and meanwhile spent weekends with Alec.

Magnus blinked before he unlocked the door, and went into his apartment. He couldn't get Alec out of his head, that much was clear. Maybe he just wanted to do his job incredibly well, but Magnus’ heart knew that this was about much more than that. Magnus wanted to show Alec how special he was. How precious life could be and how much he could have if Alec just dared to risk something.

That he could love the way he always wanted to.

Magnus bit his lower lip. He should stop reading too much into Alec's gaze. But Magnus knew how to interpret certain signs.

Magnus went into the bathroom to distract himself. He took a warm shower and let the hot water warm his body as his thoughts wandered back to Alec. How his lips always parted slightly when he wanted to say something, but didn't know which words to use. How quickly he blushed when Magnus complimented him. How he pulled his eyebrows together when he needed to concentrate. How his big eyes often looked up at him when Magnus approached him.

Magnus closed his eyes and dropped his head forward against the cold tiles.

“ _Fuck.”_ Magnus cursed with his eyes closed. His hands rested beside his head and the water flowed down his neck. He was falling deeper and deeper for Alec. For his big heart, his laughter, his jokes, his wisdom and his experiences.

Magnus’ hands clenched to fists before he turned around and leaned his head against the tile again. He breathed deeply and thought back to the morning with Andrew. He hadn’t been dreaming about Andrew, he had been dreaming about Alec. He had dreamed of snuggling up with Alec after they had spent an unforgettable night together.

He had kissed him in a dream.

Magnus felt his blood flow slowly south. He bit his lower lip again before changing the temperature of the shower, and ice-cold water poured down on Magnus within seconds. Magnus could not admit that he felt something for Alec, although his heart had long since admitted this.

He wanted Alec. He _wanted_ him so _bad_.

But he didn't only want him to sleep with him, no.

He wanted to hold him in his arms when everything around them seemed to fall apart. He wanted to stay with him as long as Alec would let him. He wanted to support him until Alec had gathered enough strength to heal himself. Magnus wanted to be the reason why Alec fought in the first place. Magnus wanted to help him, love and honor him. Treat him the way Alec deserved.

As soon as Magnus closed his eyes again, he saw Alec’s hazel eyes of. Magnus caught himself licking his lips, realized how shallow his breathing became, and how hot he got.

Magnus was aware at the time that Alec had conquered his heart without doing anything about it. But Magnus knew he couldn't do anything with Alec. He worked for Alec. He helped him.

He wasn't allowed to love him. He couldn't break his rule.

But then he remembered Alec's sentence.

_Rules were made to be broken, Bane._

Magnus opened his eyes and looked down briefly before looking at his hands, which trembled slightly. He could hear his heart beating.

Alec was right. Rules were made to _break them_.

 


	10. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride Month y'all! 
> 
> To celebrate Pride Month, let's continue with the journey of #LMBWA :) 
> 
> I guess Chapter 10 has a special place in my heart from now on. Let's see if everyone will feel the same. 
> 
> Changes are ahead for Alec - but you'll read more about that in the following <3
> 
> Don't forget to live-tweet on Twitter using the hashtag or just DM me if we're mutuals! 
> 
> As always, thanks to Wolf for beta'ing and keeping up with me, haha! (@Lakritzwolf)
> 
> Enjoy reading! 
> 
> Kim, x 
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> 

“Look what I found!” Isabelle stood in front of Alec with a photo album in her hand. It was an old, wine red album which was laced shut with a black ribbon. All the cupboards in the living room had their doors open. Isabelle had a day off and was clearing out the closets to occupy herself. She stumbling across memories from their childhood.

Alec looked up from his phone. He had stretched out his legs and lay horizontally on the couch. His arm rested behind his head and supported him while his phone rested on his chest.

“Our... family album?” Alec pulled his eyebrow up and looked unimpressed at the photo album before Isabelle closed the closet with her foot and settled on the couch. Alec slowly straightened up and straightened his mask before sliding towards her and taking a deep breath.

He knew this was going to be embarrassing. He could remember very few of the pictures, because the last time Alec looked at them was probably more than five years ago.

“It's been far too long since we looked at those pictures.” Isabelle smiled broadly at her brother before tugging at the black silk bow and opening the photo album within seconds. The pages were separated from each other with a protective film. Alec followed Isabelle's hand movements before he looked at her. Isabelle smiled gently before stroking one of the photos with her fingers. It showed the family long _before_ training had begun.

Alec had Isabelle sitting on his shoulder and both smiled broadly into the camera. Jace stood next to the two with sunglasses on his nose. Their parents stood beside the three and watched the spectacle.

“Do you sometimes wish that we could just turn back time and be children again? Without worries and without responsibilities?” Isabelle looked at her brother, who had his eyes on the picture as well. Alec nodded silently before taking a deep breath and raising his hand to turn the page. He didn't want to be reminded of the time _before_ everything went downhill. Before his childhood had been over and before he had to train every day. Before he had gone to a private school, before he had been through six hours of archery training every day.

Alec did not want to be reminded of the time when he had been a child, because this time had ended too quickly.

Because it ended at the age of 13.

The following pages mostly only showed Isabelle and Alec. Jace had enjoyed his personal education in Los Angeles. A few years ago, Alec's parents opened a second company there, so Jace went to Los Angeles again and again for several months.

Alec knew that the job was one of the reasons why his relationship with Jace was so broken, but no matter what he tried, Jace didn't seem interested anymore.

“Oh! My 16th birthday!” Isabelle suddenly called out and Alec twitched. He blinked briefly to repress thoughts of Jace before focusing on the photo under Isabelle's finger. Alec smiled softly.

It showed Alec sitting on a sofa with a rose stuck behind his ear. Behind him stood Isabelle, smiling into the camera. Alec's facial expression was more than surprised, but he smiled happily. It was days like these on which the siblings could celebrate without worrying about their job.

Alec sank into his thoughts, into the time before he fell ill, which is why he didn't even notice that Isabelle turned the page and the embarrassing pictures followed.

Alec disguised as a pumpkin, while Isabelle stood next to him and grinned broadly into the camera as a zombie bride. Alec rolled his eyes and leafed through. The next pictures showed Isabelle and Alec cooking. Alec could remember the day particularly well, because he had sat on the couch with Isabelle and they had forgotten about the noodles, which got burned and made them throw away the saucepan. Isabelle had her Polaroid camera with her every day when they weren't on duty. She loved to capture memories.

“Our first attempts at cooking in your apartment,” Isabelle commented laughing. Alec couldn't help but laugh heartily as well. He loved his sister, even though he couldn't do the same things with her company as the two of them once did.

“It didn't end well,” Alec finally said and Isabelle nodded before closing the photo album and looking at her brother. A sad smile crept on her lips when she thought of how much she missed the time with her brother. How much she missed working with him. The flights to their appointments together, secretly sneaking out as teenagers on weekends to meet with friends of Isabelle. The eternal debates at their old snack machine because they could never decide on a candy.

Isabelle turned her head back to the photo album before clearing her throat and getting up. She went back to the closet and put it back in the old place before pulling out another photo album.

Alec tilted his head a little before he looked at the album. It had a dark green cover and a white ribbon.

His sister sat down with a big grin next to her brother again and opened the album before she looked at him.

“Our childhood. Do you remember when I sprayed shaving cream into your hand while you were sleeping and then tickled you with a feather on your cheek?” Her grin widened and she pointed to the photo in front of her.

Of course Alec could still remember the moment, but when he looked at the photos in front of him, the siblings burst out laughing. Alec put his arm around his sister, who put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. They rarely shared such intimate moments since Isabelle had been forced to take over Alec's work.

“But I took revenge for it. Can you remember that, too?” Alec laughed and flipped through the photo album to point to a picture. It was Isabelle's 10th birthday. She had just been about to look at her cake when Alec came from behind and pushed her face into the cake. The moment was captured by her mother and thus remained forever in her memory.

Isabelle growled next to Alec and rolled her eyes. Yet she smiled as the memories of her childhood were incredibly beautiful.

“Yes, and I'm grateful for every single prank we've played. I'm extremely grateful to call you my brother, Alec.” Isabelle took her head off Alec's shoulder and smiled proudly at her older brother.

“Because I can't imagine a funnier, stronger, braver or better brother,” she finally said and Alec raised his hand defensively.

“Don't let Jace hear that, or his ego will break,” Alec replied quietly before he laughed. He knew what Isabelle meant by her statement and he appreciated it very much. He just couldn't cope with the fact that he could never again be the big brother to Isabelle that he once was.

Isabelle shook her head and opened the next page before the two had to laugh again and sank into memories. They enjoyed their time together, because Isabelle would soon disappear for two weeks and just in those moments when Alec just seemed healthy and calm, she enjoyed the time even more.

* * *

 

 

Magnus just opened Alec's apartment door when he heard Isabelle's gentle laughter as Alec asked her to open the next page with a laugh of his own. He stepped into the apartment and closed the door quietly behind him before tilting his head to watch the scene in front of him.

Alec sat next to his sister desperately trying to turn the page, while Isabelle had put a hand on her belly to suppress the pain of laughter. Alec laughed again and again before he had to cough briefly. Magnus was able to see relatively quickly that it had to be a photo album, as Isabelle repeatedly brought individual words over her lips before she had to laugh again and wipe the tears out of her eyes.

Magnus slowly stepped into the living area before he cleared his throat and the two siblings turned their attention to him. While Isabelle was still laughing, Alec fell silent within seconds and his eyes focused on Magnus before his mask moved slightly upwards. He smiled at Magnus.

Magnus raised his hand briefly and wavered to them. “I see you two are busy?” Magnus smiled at them before he went into the kitchen to wash his hands.

“Yes!” Isabelle shouted from the living room.

Magnus just dried his hands and stepped back into the living room. Alec’s eyes immediately came to rest on him, while Isabelle only slowly looked away from the photo album.

“We’re just reminiscing about childhood moments from Alec! He hates that, but I love remembering the things that happened before. You should have a look at the photos!” Isabelle patted the couch next to her.

Magnus briefly looked at Alec, who looked at his sister critically and rolled his eyes. Then he smiled boldly before nodding and making his way to the sofa.

Isabelle turned the photo album in Magnus’ direction, while Alec breathed deeply.

“Please not again,” Alec complained, while Isabelle pointed to the photos and explained the embarrassing moments again. Only a few minutes later Isabelle broke out laughing again and infected Magnus. Alec's childhood was filled with funny moments between him and his sister. Isabelle looked over to her brother from time to time, who had put his eyes on Magnus.

His eyes were bright because he rarely saw Magnus so happy. So full of joy and hope.

“I see you had a good childhood,” Magnus said when Isabelle closed the photo album and Alec could finally breathe a sigh of relief. He hadn't even taken his eyes off the other two, had faded out the photo album and Isabelle's voice.

Magnus also looked over to Alec from time to time. Isabelle sat between the two men and plunged deeper and deeper into the stories of her childhood, while Alec directly dodged Magnus’ gaze. He wouldn't let him know he couldn't take his eyes off him.

“We did, yes. At least before we had to start training,” Isabelle explained quietly before she looked at her brother, who looked at Magnus again. Magnus, meanwhile, looked at his phone and answered his messages before he put the phone on the table and Isabelle got up to put the photo albums back.

“Okay, since I’m done with cleaning and clearing out, I'll leave you two alone.” Isabelle winked at her brother and disappeared from the apartment within a few minutes.

Magnus looked at the door for a few seconds before turning his head and looking at Alec straightening his mask before stretching out and turning on the TV.

“I hope my sister hasn't changed your impression of me,” Alec muttered a few seconds later, when he noticed Magnus’ gaze on him. Magnus’ lips glided up immediately before he shook his head strands of his hair swaying slightly. He laughed quietly before he got up and went into the kitchen.

“No, I actually think it's pretty cute that you ran into a door as a kid because you played catch, and that's why you have the scar on your eyebrow.” Magnus reached for his bag and pulled out a plastic bag. Alec looked from the couch into the kitchen and heard the bag rustle before slowly getting up and going into the kitchen. Magnus just pulled a bowl of large blueberries out of the bag and placed it on the table before a bowl of strawberries followed.

“ _Cute?_ You think I'm cute?” Alec looked critically at Magnus, who stood at the sink and cleaned the fruits. Magnus turned around briefly and looked at Alec within seconds. He had leaned against the counter opposite the sink and hugged himself, looking defensive. His voice was filled with confusion and surprise.

“I meant the whole story, but yeah - you're cute, too.” Magnus grinned at Alec briefly before turning off the tap and placing the fruits on the kitchen island. Alec shook his head briefly and thanked the protective mask. Magnus couldn't see how red he was or that he didn't notice how fast his heart was beating and how warm he was getting.

“I'm not cute,” Alec finally said as he sat down on one of the chairs and grabbed a strawberry. Meanwhile Magnus was looking for a bowl and several ingredients. Magnus had found a recipe for pancakes on the Internet and wanted to try it out. Alec had all the necessary ingredients and was able to eat them, according to the folder, so Magnus wanted to give it a shot.

When Magnus found a mixing bowl and put it on the table, he looked at Alec, who was still nibbling on the fruit.

“You're incredibly cute, especially when I beat you at Rocket League and you try to hide how mad you are.” Magnus winked at him before he took the bowl of fruit from him. Alec looked at him offended.

“These are for our Pancakes. Not to be eaten by you,” Magnus explained before pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening the recipe. He quickly gathered the ingredients and stirred the batter while Alec sat quietly on the bar stool watching him. Magnus decided to make the batter without the Kitchen Aid, so Alec could see Magnus’ shoulder muscles working. He made the batter with a hand whisk and kept looking at Alec, who quickly looked down at his fingertips so Magnus wouldn’t notice his stare.

But Magnus felt Alec's gaze lay on him as soon as he turned back to the work surface.

And he knew that Alec wasn't staring at him because he wanted to sleep with him, as almost all of his one night stands did, but because he thought he was beautiful as a person. It wasn't about beauty. It was about the trust, the security of each other, the support that Alec received from Magnus.

“Pancakes?” Alec finally asked when Magnus finished the batter and pulled a pan out of the cupboard. Magnus briefly looked back at Alec before turning on the stove, as he simply nodded as an answer.

“With blueberries and strawberries. Unfortunately, I didn't buy any cream you could spray on it in bulk. Just like you always did when you were a kid.” Magnus giggled quietly while Alec rolled his eyes.

“I hate my sister,” Alec grumbled annoyed before he ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath.

“I think your sister is incredibly affectionate. And very talkative. Without her, I probably wouldn't have heard any of your childhood stories. Now I can always tease you with it!” Magnus now laughed out loud before turning his head to Alec, who looked at him with his eyebrows drawing together.

“I'm sure there are also embarrassing photos and childhood stories of you, Bane,” said Alec, as Magnus formed the first pancake in the pan. Magnus thought for a moment. His lips pulled together to a small pout before he tilted his head and made a thoughtful sound.

“Maybe they exist, yes. But who said I'll ever show them to you?” Magnus looked at Alec again for a moment, smiled boldly at him before Alec made an annoyed noise and got up.

“What goes around, comes around, my friend.” Alec moved into the living room and sat down on the couch before turning his attention to Kitchen Nightmares.

Magnus looked at Alec as he sat down on the couch while he prepared the pancakes and placed them on two plates. He poured the next ladle into the pan before turning to the kitchen island and placing the strawberries and blueberries next to the pancakes.

Magnus got himself some syrup from the fridge, which he took in his right hand while balancing both plates in his left. In the meantime, Gordon Ramsay yelled at the owners of a burger restaurant because the burgers were still raw.

“You can apply with your cooking skills” Alec muttered while he played Candy Crush on his phone. Magnus just sat next to him and placed the plates on the coffee table before Alec looked up from his phone and looked at the food.

“Try before you send me to the Hell's Kitchen. I've been practicing,” Magnus proudly replied. He had squared his shoulders to show his pride. Alec pulled down his mask from his mouth and grabbed the cutlery Magnus had brought with him.

While Alec was examining the pancakes, Magnus watched Alec, as his eyebrows kept lowering out of insecurity, his fingers wrapped around the fork to stick through the soft dough of the pancake, his lips slightly parted, and his eyes on at the pancake to examine it closely.

For Magnus, every moment he could watch Alec without the annoying mask was as if he was looking at him for the _first time_. There was not a single flaw in Alec's face. It was perfect and yet so untouchable.

When Alec finally put a piece of the pancake on his fork and tried it, his eyebrows pulled up before he turned his head to Magnus with a sound of delight.

“They're good!” he mumbled with a full mouth before he slapped his hand in front of his mouth. Magnus giggled quietly before he also reached for his plate and began to eat.

“I'm glad you like it,” Magnus said after his first bite. He looked over at Alec, who was already at his second pancake. He seemed to be hungry even though it was only half past eleven.

“You didn't have breakfast today, did you?” Magnus asked quietly and Alec stopped chewing before he looked at Magnus. He shook his head a few seconds later and swallowed his bite.

“Isabelle came at nine and wanted to clear out the closets and then we came across the photo albums relatively quickly, completely forgetting the food.” Alec didn't know why he was telling Magnus the whole truth - or even answering his question - but it didn't feel bad. It even felt very good because he could trust Magnus.

When the two had emptied their plates, Magnus grabbed the controllers and threw one to Alec. Alec caught him and tilted his head before looking at Magnus questioningly.

“It's Friday,” Alec replied with his eyebrow raised. Magnus nodded to him before stretching his legs out on the couch.

“Don't you have a party tonight?” Alec asked amusedly, but Magnus denied it with a shake of his head.

“Nothing is planned. Simon and Maia are with Maia's parents in Ocean City and Clary is at an art exhibition tomorrow morning. Raphael is probably still watching Game of Thrones,” Magnus explained before connecting his controller to the PlayStation.

“So I can come by tomorrow and beat you over and over again.” Magnus winked at Alec challenging and Alec shook his head before he smiled and started the game.

Normally, Alec would have to pull up his mask again, but he forgot.

Especially since he liked it when he didn't have to breathe through the fabric of the mask when he was lying on the couch with Magnus. Alec's body slowly got used to Magnus’ presence, so Alec didn't get any problems just because he didn't breathe through the mask for once.

* * *

 

When Magnus unlocked the apartment door the next day, he already heard the loud tumult of voices. He perceived Alec’s loud voice relatively fast, while Maryse’s voice appeared just as loud. Magnus stopped in the door and was visibly confused by the turmoil. In fact, he only wanted to game with Alec all day and continue his presentation, which he had to give in six days, but now Magnus was in the middle of a dispute between Alec and his mother.

“He's not gonna skip college, Mother!” Alec's voice was filled with anger and horror.

“He won’t have a choice, Alexander! I'm not going to let you be alone all day. Isabelle isn't here to take care of you,” Maryse shouted back and Alec fell silent. Magnus saw that Alec swallowed and turned to the couch to sit down. He was running out of strength. Only God knew how long they had been arguing. Magnus could already see from the hallway how tense Alec was as his hand ran through his hair.

“I'm not a baby, Mother. Yes, I'm sick, but Magnus still has to go to college! You can't ask him to miss lectures for two weeks just because you think I can't manage to live without him. I know how to make cereal and I also know that he always comes here after lectures.”

Magnus smiled as he heard his name. Alec defended him.

“He's being paid by us. He should be doing something for his money, too.” Maryse had her arms crossed in front of her and stood before her son with immense authority. Her words did not allow any rebuttal.

Magnus finally cleared his throat. He has slowly come a few steps closer to the living room. Maryse turned her head in Magnus’ direction and emitted a sound of surprise.

“It's Saturday, Mr. Bane. What are you doing here?” Maryse wanted to know directly. Magnus briefly looked at Alec, who rubbed his temples before looking back at Maryse.

“I didn't mean to interrupt, Mrs. Lightwood. But Alec had invited me today to play some rounds of chess with me.” Magnus lied, so Alec had to laugh quietly. They wanted to play Rocket Leauge, as usual. But Magnus could already imagine that his mother would not be enthusiastic about it.

Maryse turned to her son before raising her voice again and pointing to Magnus. “You know we're paying him, right? What the hell is he doing here this weekend?! Do you think I'll pay more just because you want him here this weekend?” Maryse’s voice was poisonous, she was so angry at Alec. Magnus looked at Alec, saw his hands begin to tremble.

“Mrs. Lightwood,” Magnus finally interrupted her, and Maryse looked back at Magnus, who was still in the same spot.

“I'm here voluntarily, because I want to be. Because I want to spend extra time with Alec. Alec has nothing against it and if that were so, then I would also immediately go on the weekend. I don't want more money just because I spend more time with him. But I have to tell you, I can't just skip the two weeks. Alec is right; I have to go to university, but I will come every day after my lectures and cook with Alec and spend time with him. I've already talked to Isabelle and told her I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with Alec.” Magnus’ voice was quiet and civilized. He had used his hands to assist in explaining the situation before he looked at Alec, who also looked at him in the meantime. He smiled weakly at him.

Weakly, but grateful.

Maryse couldn't see her son smiling at Magnus, but when Magnus smiled back, she turned her head back to Alec, who immediately looked at her and his smile disappeared. She breathed deeply and rolled her shoulders before clicking with her tongue and continuing speaking.

“All right. But even if the smallest thing happens and I find out that you weren't here when it happened, then you're fired,” Maryse explained poisonously before she ran past Magnus and the apartment door slammed shut after a few seconds. Magnus closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath at the same time as Alec before the tension fell from them.

“Sorry.” Alec apologized. “She just wouldn't stop arguing when I told her you wouldn't stop going to college just because nobody's in the house for two weeks.” Alec still rubbed his fingers over his temples. His hand still trembled slightly and Magnus quickly fetched him a fresh glass of water, which Alec thankfully accepted and emptied immediately.

“It's okay. Let's just not think about it anymore, okay?” Magnus laughed briefly before he sat down on the couch next to Alec.

“Ready to rumble? Or would you rather rest?” Magnus was worried about Alec, but Alec put his glass down and grabbed the controllers.

“Forget it. I'm not going to sleep all day just because my illness thinks it's better for me. I must show you that I have practiced,” Alec replied and Magnus pulled his eyebrow up.

“You've been practicing? Why?” he asked confusedly while the game started and Alec had to smile.

“Because you're good, Bane. You are a challenge, so I had to practice my skills to beat you again,” explained Alec proudly and Magnus laughed.

Unfortunately he lost the laughter relatively fast, because Alec had really trained and destroyed Magnus in every lap.

* * *

 

As the sun slowly set and the two had stopped killing each other in Rocket League, Magnus prepared a cup of tea for the both of them. The was still steeping and steamed before them while the two watched Lucifer. Magnus had his laptop resting on his thighs and read through a variety of articles for his presentation. Next to him lay Alec's books, which he looked into from time to time in search of information. Alec also helped him by asking him again and again what he had just written.

Time passed relatively quickly and Magnus had ordered burgers for the two of them. Alec had to do without the burger sauce, but he couldn't say no to a tasty burger, especially when he had been watching Kitchen Nightmares for days and every third restaurant was a burger restaurant.

When the food deliverer boy rang and Magnus placed his laptop on the table, Alec looked at Magnus shortly after, before he grabbed his laptop and read through what Magnus had written in the presentation. He only changed small things, added some information here and there, but on the whole the presentation looked perfect. He was sure that Magnus would do a great performance and get a good mark.

When he heard that Magnus was walking up the stairs again, he put the laptop back and looked at the TV again.

“It's raining cats and dogs,” Magnus finally said, pointing to the windows. As it got dark, Alec could barely see the rain, but after Magnus had mentioned it, he heard the dull sound of the rain.

“Do you have any money for a cab?” Alec asked when he went into the kitchen. Magnus nodded.

“I always have. Especially on weekends,” he explained before handing Alec his burgers. Alec smelled the steaming burger before he picked it up and bit it in. He closed his eyes with relish. He hadn't eaten a burger from a delivery service for a long time, so this one tasted twice as delicious.

When he had swallowed, he pointed his head behind him to the couch. “I've been looking over your presentation. Looks great,” Alec praised Magnus and Magnus looked at Alec in surprise. A smile formed on his lips, which Alec returned directly.

“Thank you, Alec. That means a lot to me,” Magnus finally replied. They smiled at each other for a while before Alec looked back at his burger again and quietly ate it. Magnus finally did the same thing.

They spent the rest of their time on the couch with tea in their hands. Avatar was on TV and Alec had made himself comfortable next to Magnus. A soft cashmere blanket lay over Alec's body while he had put his head on a pillow next to Magnus. His hair touched Magnus’ thighs again, and it was stealing Magnus’ breath. Magnus had meanwhile closed his laptop and put it on the coffee table and concentrated on the film. There was a mountain of pillows behind him, which also made him comfortable.

The two lost track of time, but Alec started yawning more and more and when he finally closed his eyes to doze, he fell asleep. Magnus also struggled with fatigue and when commercials were shown on TV, his eyes fell closed as well. He had turned a little bit to Alec and put his head in one of the pillows. His hand was also under his face. He knew it was wrong and that he should go home, that he should wake Alec up, because the couch was not good for his nerves, but the tiredness tore him deeper and deeper into his sleep and finally took him completely.

* * *

 

When Alec opened his eyes the next time, he felt a hand lying on his shoulder, but he couldn't tell who it belonged to. Alec yawned briefly before turning his head slightly, and it dawned on him what had happened. He had fallen asleep on the couch, which was why his back hurt so much.

But Magnus had been next to him when he had still been awake.

Alec looked up and saw Magnus lying next to him. _His_ hand lay on Alec's shoulder, and he was still sleeping soundly. His face was sunk in a pillow, but his position had hardly changed since the last night.

However, Alec's hand was on Magnus’ leg, which he quickly pulled away. Alec had to get out of this unpleasant situation without waking Magnus up.

He turned his head slightly so that he lay on his back. Magnus’ hand slipped on Alec's blanket and his heart stopped for a moment. Alec could not deny that apart from the back pain there was no other issue with his condition, and that felt safe in Magnus’ company.

Nevertheless, he had to get up before Magnus could notice the dilemma.

Alec looked up again to Magnus, how his lips were only slightly open, how his face sank into the pillow. How his hand had wrapped itself around his belly while the other was still lying on the cashmere blanket. Magnus snored quietly, but it didn't bother Alec, although he had a very light sleep, he slept through the whole night. Without nightmares.

Alec took a deep breath. He had to go to the bathroom and get out of the situation as well. Alec tried to raise his legs quietly and push the blanket to the side. Magnus hummed briefly as his hand landed on the couch, but he didn't wake up.

A few seconds later Alec stood in front of the sofa and watched Magnus for a few more seconds before he turned around and slowly went to the bathroom. His back hurt viciously, and he really needed a shower. But just before he reached the bathroom door, he stopped again and turned to Magnus. Magnus slipped a little to the side and his hand lay where Alec had been before. He had closed his lips in the meantime and his shoulders rose and fell very slowly. Alec had seen him sleep before, but he could not deny that Magnus looked indescribably beautiful even in his sleep.

Nevertheless, he pulled his phone out of his sweatpants as he went into the bathroom to turn on his playlist on Spotify. Within a few seconds he stood in the shower and let the water run over his body. He had closed his eyes and heard the music playing softly in the background. And while Alec couldn’t ignore that Magnus was still lying on the couch and sleeping, he needed the shower badly so that his back could calm down.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, Alec stood in the kitchen and reached for the note on the counter.

_I'll get us breakfast. Brb- M._

Alec turned his head to the side and looked at the couch. Magnus had folded the blanket and returned the pillows to their places. He had tilted the windows and turned down the heat. His laptop was still on the coffee table, which meant he was definitely coming back.

Alec lowered the note and combed his fingers briefly through his damp hair. He was wearing an oversized sweater and black Nike sweatpants. Magnus would come back - with breakfast.

Alec didn't know what to make of it, but he was happy that Magnus hadn’t just disappeared after finding out that he had been with Alec all night.

That he hadn't left disgusted.

Alec took a deep breath and put on tea for the two, while he took two plates out of the cupboard and laid the table with cheese, jam, ham, and honey. In the fridge he found the rest of the strawberries and blueberries, which he also cleaned at the sink and placed on the table.

Just as the kettle was making a clicking sound, as a sign that the water was ready, someone unlocked the door.

Alec knew it was Magnus, so he slowly poured the boiling water into two cups. The tea bag immediately coloured the water blood red. He had chosen fruit tea.

Magnus arrived walking around the corner. His nose was slightly reddened and he sniffed briefly before holding a bag up and smiling.

“No longer able to deny it's November. Temperature dropped below 30 last night, and I had to borrow a scarf from you.” Magnus pulled the scarf away from his neck before unbuttoning his jacket.

Alec watched him silently before nodding, and put the kettle back.

“I'll wash it straight after breakfast,” Magnus explained before washing his hands with warm water. They were also red from the cold.

“It's hard to believe that it rained yesterday and already started freezing during the night. It was pretty slippery on the sidewalk,” joked Magnus before he turned around and smiled at Alec.

Alec looked into the living room for a moment. The windows were still tilted.

“Winter is coming,” he finally said quietly and Magnus nodded before going into the living room and closing the windows as if he had read Alec's mind.

“I love winter. Even though I haven't seen snow in a long time. Thanks be to climate change,” laughed Magnus ironically. He had sat down on one of the chairs and pulled the buns out of his bag. Alec was still leaning against the counter. He thought about Magnus’ words before turning his head and looking out the window.

The sky was overcast over New York. The wind blew strongly and the trees in front of Alec's window were almost bare. Alec had stopped admiring nature because it had been unreachable for two years. His hand cramped and he enclosed the edge of the counter to reduce the tension.

“Alec?” Magnus’ voice sounded and Alec turned his head slightly to look at Magnus, who looked at him anxiously. “Everything okay?” he asked quietly and Alec nodded before stepping away from the counter and sitting next to Magnus.

He reached for a roll and slowly cut it open. He was lost in his thoughts, Magnus felt it. But Magnus didn't know whether he was his comment about the winter or his ironic comment on climate change.

“I miss winter,” Alec said suddenly and Magnus blinked just before he looked at him. “I miss the cold wind that whirls around your ears when you are outside in winter. I miss the snowflakes that fall from the sky in winter. I miss the freezing cold that makes your nose run. I miss how my fingertips went deaf in winter from the cold. I miss going outside.”

Alec had finished, but had not even taken his gaze from his plate. Instead, he grabbed his teacup and closed his fingers around it. The tea still wasn’t done steeping. Alec stared into the drink, recognized himself only weakly in the reflection. He didn't know why he had just told Magnus he missed being _free_.

Because he wasn't free. He was trapped in his _own four walls._

“Alec…” Magnus began in shock. Alec closed his eyes directly. He didn't want to hear anything, didn't want to hear that Magnus was sorry that Alec couldn't see the world. At least not anymore.

“I think we should decide on a day when we can both go out. We have to plan for Thanksgiving anyway. I need you to tell me what I need to buy in terms of food. Besides, I need to finish my presentation and I need your help. On the 15th there will be another party at the Pandemonium, because I will give my presentation on that day and want to celebrate afterwards. Your sister and parents leave at 9:00 AM on the 16th, which means you'll be alone from 7:00?” He looked at Alec, shocked to see that he made no joke about his condition. Alec nodded briefly.

“Then I suggest I come to your place on Saturday? According to the weather report, Saturday will be very sunny.” Magnus smiled encouragingly at him.

“Sounds good,” Alec replied hesitantly. He couldn't imagine how all this would work. He didn't know how much his body could take. How long he could stay outside. How far he could walk without collapsing.

But he remembered Noah's words. He could make it with Magnus.

“Then that’s settled. All you have to do is tell me what food to buy. Then I'll take care of it as soon as my presentation is done. By the way, sorry I fell asleep next to you. My mistake, I should have woken you and gone home.” Magnus bit into his bun before he pulled the tea bag out of his cup and slurped on his tea.

Alec still looked at him with his lips open. He finally smiled softly at him.

_He trusted him._

Alec closed his eyes briefly before reaching for the honey and buttering his roll.

“Don’t worry it was fine. It was quite pleasant. After a hot shower, my back felt better, too.” Alec smiled warmly at Magnus before he spread the honey on his roll and took a bite.

The two sipped their cups and ate their buns almost in silence, talking about video games and chess, about Magnus’ professor who annoyed him and about the traditions that Alec and Isabelle always upheld at Thanksgiving, before they both cleared the table and went back to the living room.

Magnus packed up his things and put his laptop back in his backpack.

“Are we going to start Monday with the last finishing touches to your presentation?” asked Alec, who was already lying on the sofa again after getting thick wool socks from his room and pulling the mask over his face.

Magnus stood next to the sofa and watched him play Devil May Cry 5 before nodding.

“We can do it. But only if we play chess afterwards,” Magnus replied and Alec paused the game shortly before turning his head to Magnus and tilting his head.

“You just don't give up, do you?” Alec grinned at him provocatively and Magnus nodded before winking.

“See you on Monday, Alec,” he said as he walked to the front door. Alec watched him go, but didn't say a word. For the first time since he had spoken to Magnus, he no longer knew what to call him.

He had often called him _Magnus_ , in situations where Magnus was not there and he talked about him. He had also called him Magnus when he was serious.

However, he had never spoken to him by his first name when it was a normal conversation. He didn't want to get too used to Magnus, didn't want to let him into his heart and into his life.

But Alec knew that he was lying to himself, for Magnus had long been in his life and in his heart. Because he trusted him and Alec knew he would protect Magnus if he could.

“Take care,” Alec finally said when Magnus had almost closed the door behind him. He didn't answer anymore, so Alec assumed that he hadn't heard him.

So Alec clicked on his controller and concentrated again on his game session before his phone vibrated and flashed a few minutes later.

BANE

_[I will, don’t you worry. Thanks anyway :)] 11:32AM_

Alec's lips were surrounded by a little smile as he read the message. The fact that he had still saved Magnus under _Bane_ bothered him for the first time. Alec placed his controller next to him before reaching for his phone and opening the contacts. Magnus stood relatively high. By clicking on his name, Alec already saw the Edit function in the upper right corner. He breathed deeply before moving his thumb up and Bane became - _Magnus._

When Alec opened the message and Magnus’ name stood over the message, his heart beat a little faster. The feeling was back. Like butterflies or even bats flew through his stomach. But it wasn't unpleasant, no, the feeling was new, different, beautiful.

Alec finally felt it again. And it was _real._

_[I assumed you hadn't heard me?] 11:33AM_

After sending, it took only a few seconds before the blue bubble appeared and Magnus wrote his reply as if he had waited longingly for Alec's.

MAGNUS

_[Of course I heard you. I'm already in a cab. So you don't have to worry ;)] 11:34AM_

Alec shook his head briefly. He was still smiling.

_[Sorry to worry. Must be my job getting away with me. ] 11:34AM_

Alec did not lie because he didn't want Magnus to bump into anything just because Magnus spent time with him. He could never forgive himself for that.

MAGNUS

_[All's well. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Alec. See you Monday. Looking forward. ] 11:35AM_

Alec's fingers hovered over the keyboard, as he didn't know what to answer.

_[Yes, see you Monday. Looking forward too. ] 11:35Am_

It sounded cold, but Alec couldn't help it. He didn't mean it that way, and he hoped Magnus knew it too. He was really looking forward to Magnus. He loved spending time with him. He loved to feel Magnus near him.

Alec looked back at the TV and saw the pause screen of Devil May Cry. Playing alone wasn't the same, but Alec had to kill the time until Magnus would be back.

* * *

 

While Sunday was very slow for Alec, Magnus spent his day with Clary, Maia, Simon and Raphael. They had dinner together at the Mexican restaurant and spent the rest of the day at Simon’s, where Magnus sat with Simon in front of the Playstation and both played Rocket League. Simon tried to teach Magnus new moves, but was interrupted by Maia, who was playing Cards Against Humanity with Clary and Raphael.

They teased each other again and again and while Raphael rolled his eyes, Magnus looked at the situation with completely different eyes. He recognized himself and Alec in them. The way they talked and dealt with each other. Of course without the kisses and hugs, but they had a lot in common.

But above all, they trusted each other more than anyone else. They supported each other and cared for each other.

Magnus blinked as Simon touched him again, but as he immersed himself back into the Rocket League with Simon, Alec refused to get out of his head.

However, the following week passed even faster as a result. Magnus was at Alec’s place every day, and the two finished the presentation before Magnus did a test run with Alec. Alec pointed out his mistakes and together they perfected the presentation so that it was ready on Thursday. In between they played chess again and again, or sat in front of the PlayStation. In the evening they mostly watched a film together or continued with Lucifer.

Isabelle also dropped by from time to time, but hardly disturbed the two. She had a good feeling since she had told Magnus about the childhood stories and Alec hadn't objected. She trusted Magnus, so did Alec.

Finally Alec woke up on Friday at noon and immediately picked up his phone.

_[Good luck.] Yesterday 1:42AM_

Magnus hadn't replied yet, but Alec knew that he would hold his presentation until one o'clock PM, so he took a long shower and warmed up the leftovers from the previous day. Magnus had cooked lasagna with him.

When Alec sat down on his couch and turned on the TV, his phone vibrated.

MAGNUS

_[It went FANTASTIC! Thanks for everything, Alec! I probably couldn't have done it without you.] 1:10PM_

Alec smiled gently before picking up his phone to answer.

_[No problem. Go celebrate!] 1:11PM_

“...Magnus.” he whispered. He wanted to write his name behind the message, but he wanted it to be special if he said his name. He wouldn't let it come out in a message. He'd been trying again and again all week. Had tried again and again to call him Magnus in normal conversations, but it was difficult for him.

Alec didn't even know why it was so hard for him. His mind resisted the thought of calling him a friend. After all, Magnus still got money for what he did.

Even though money hadn't been that important to him for a long time.

And if Magnus would refuse the money and look for another job, it would mean that Alec could hardly see him anymore or not at all.

He had to make the most of the situation. He had to ignore the fact that he got money. Alec knew deep down that Magnus wanted all this. He wanted to spend time with him, he wanted to text with him. He wanted to be his friend.

When night fell, Alec lay bored on his couch and skipped through the many TV channels. Isabelle was with him again a few hours ago to say goodbye and to have dinner. But she had to leave him early because she had to sleep.

Alec knew Magnus was at the party he had told him about, but he reached for his phone and opened the chat with Magnus.

* * *

 

Magnus had just finished his Martini and moved to the dance floor with Maia. She told him about her last date with Simon, while Magnus told him about Alec. She was happy for Magnus that he could help Alec.

When Magnus felt that he was being watched by someone, he looked around and tilted his head a little. A few seconds later he handed Maia his empty glass.

“Will you get us another one, my dearest Maia?” he asked politely, but with a pert grin. Maia just nodded before she waved Clary over, and the two of them went to the bar. Meanwhile Magnus walked towards the person who had been watching him all evening.

“Andrew,” Magnus finally said and Andrew grinned at him before leaning forward, trying to catch Magnus’ lips. Magnus, however, evaded and stepped back a few steps before looking at him confused.

“What the hell?!” Magnus wanted to know. Andrew looked at him in shock.

“I thought you wanted to go in again, why else would you come here?” growled Andrew. He bit his lower lip and glowered at Magnus. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief and straightened his jacket.

“I came here because I'm annoyed by your staring, Andrew,” he explained dryly before reaching for Andrew’s drink and emptying it in one go.

“Are you saying I was bad? I've just read about a new position that's supposed to be incredibly good. We should test it out, Magnus.” Andrew licked his lips, but at that moment Magnus felt his phone vibrate.

He put down Andrew's glass and pulled his phone out of his pocket before turning away from Andrew.

ALEC

_[I know you're at the party - but if you're still up for it… you can come over. We still have to finish Avatar and I'm bored. Only if you want to. Won't stop you. ] 9:34PM_

Magnus smiled briefly before turning to Andrew and putting his phone back.

“You know what, my sweet Andrew?” Magnus put his hand on Andrew’s cheek and tilted his head slightly before clicking his tongue and grinning crookedly. “You can shove your new position up your ass, hmm?”

Magnus stepped back from Andrew and left him gawking before he passed the bar, shouting to Maia that he was leaving.

Maia looked at Clary confused, but the two just shrugged before turning around and heading back to the dance floor.

* * *

 

When Magnus woke up the next day, Alec was already standing in the kitchen frying the eggs in the pan. The two had really finished the film before Magnus had fallen asleep on the couch and Alec had gone to his bed. He hadn’t wanted to wake up in the same situation again.

Magnus had fortunately taken a shower after he showed up from the party at Alec's, because he didn't want to burden his body with the different bacteria that came up in a huge crowd in the club. So Magnus could just go into the kitchen after stretching.

“Good morning.” Alec whispered before he pushed his coffee over.

“Morning.” Magnus yawned sleepily.

“Slept well?” Alec asked before reaching for two plates for the eggs. He had fried bacon and put it on the plates as well. The fact that he was not allowed to cook alone, according to the information, did not bother him.

Magnus nodded briefly before yawning. “Not really,” he finally said before looking at his plate and thanking Alec for the food.

“I searched the Internet for therapy places,” Alec said without further ado when Magnus sipped on his coffee, so he almost got it down the wrong way.

“For real?” Magnus asked directly, although he was sure that Alec didn't lie to him.

Alec nodded before swallowing his bite.

“Yes, I mean… if we go through the park today... then this is a good start for a positive future, right?” Alec asked hesitantly, but Magnus nodded before he had to smile broadly. He was proud of Alec for wanting to make a difference.

That he _wanted_ to get better.

“I'm incredibly proud of you, Alec. Did you find a place?” Magnus asked and Alec nodded before unlocking his phone and showing him the place.

“The staff seems to be good, the ratings are good, the doctor seems to be a professional. I can try,” Alec explained quietly. He was still unsure if this was the right decision, so he told Magnus first.

“I will stand by your side. While we're at it, are you excited about the walk?” Magnus asked with a smile and Alec struggled briefly.

He wouldn't call it _excited_. He was happy, but he was scared, too. He hadn't been outside in the fresh air in two years. He hadn't seen Central Park in two years. He didn't even know if his body could stand the effects of being outside.

“I don't know... I can't describe how I feel,” Alec finally replied. Alec had already emptied his plate and drank his tea before looking out the window. The sun was really shining.

“Everything's gonna be alright. We should be on our way, too. It could snow today, but there's no wind, which means it's beautiful. Clear air, sunshine - everything perfect for a walk,” Magnus explained as he cleared the table.

Alec nodded to him before he went to his room to change. A warm sweater, a long black coat, a black wool cap, a scarf and gloves. One of his black masks, too. The smog and the people in the streets would directly weaken his body if he just inhaled everything.

When he came back, Magnus was already dressed in the hallway. He smiled at him.

“Are you ready?” he asked with a grin and Alec took a deep breath before putting on his gloves and putting the mask over his mouth.

“Yes.” he said before Magnus opened the door and they left the apartment together. Alec felt a little sick. It all felt so new, like he was leaving the house for the first time.

A few seconds later Magnus opened the big front door and the cold air went right past Alec. He shrugged briefly and took a step to the side, protecting behind Magnus. He had put his hands in his coat and hidden his face behind his collar. The cap covered his ears and the scarf reached up to the tip of his nose.

Magnus turned around briefly and smiled at him. “Don't be shy. I'll be with you,” he assured him before he stepped outside. Alec looked at him silently, saw the cars passing Magnus and the few people walking past Magnus.

Alec's hands briefly cramped in his pockets before he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He needed to muster up his courage, and he had to do it now.

He slowly stepped out of the house and let the door fall shut behind him. Slowly he stepped down the stairs step by step to finally stand next to Magnus. He felt the cold air that was so incredibly refreshing.

Magnus gave him time because he couldn't imagine what it must feel like to breathe. _To be free._

Because Magnus had never been locked up. He knew what it felt like to breathe the air of New York, but Alec had more or less forgotten this after two years.

When Alec opened his eyes and turned to him, Magnus smiled at him and nodded to him before they made their way to Central Park.

Alec observed every detail he could grasp. They walked extremely slowly and cautiously, hardly talking at first, because Alec had to deal with all the impressions first, but he knew that Magnus was with him and he was infinitely grateful for his presence. That he wasn't alone anymore. That he didn't have to face this challenge alone.

The two arrived a little later in Central Park, where it was quieter than in the streets of New York. Magnus heard Alec breathe deeply in and out over and over again. He enjoyed the time so much. He lived in the moment he could breathe the fresh air.

Suddenly Alec stopped and looked up. Magnus also stopped a few steps later and turned around. Alec still looked up and Magnus could swear that he smiled broadly. He seemed so calm and happy.

“I see you're happy,” Magnus said quietly and Alec looked at him before he nodded. He reached for his scarf and pulled it down slightly before pulling his mask down a bit as well.

“Alec-” Magnus wanted to interrupt him, but Alec already breathed deeply. He wanted to breathe like everybody else. He wanted to perceive the fresh air as Magnus could. He wanted to breathe without a filter. Just this one time.

Magnus closed his mouth a short time later and just watched Alec before he walked a few steps towards him and stopped right in front of him. When Alec opened his eyes again, he smiled at Magnus.

“Thank you, _Magnus_.”

Magnus tilted his head slightly, but his smile grew bigger.

“You said it,” Magnus replied and Alec looked at him confused. “You called me Magnus. Not Bane,” explained Magnus and Alec nodded.

“I know. I wanted to, too.” Alec smiled at Magnus before he saw a snowflake fall before his eyes. He looked up again before Magnus did the same to him.

“It's snowing,” Magnus commented, and Alec nodded happily. It was snowing. And Alec experienced it. He breathed deeply again, inhaled the cool air. His lungs would slowly start to fight back in the coming minutes, but Alec enjoyed the moment too much.

“This is the best month since I've been sick, Magnus,” Alec finally said quietly. Magnus smiled at him again before nodding.

“I'm glad, Alec,” he replied. A few seconds later Alec began to cough and for Magnus this was the sign that it was time to go before it got worse. Alec pulled his mask up again and followed Magnus through the park and back through the streets.

“It wouldn't have been the best without you,” Alec added quietly and Magnus laughed briefly.

“That's not true. Without me you might have walked through the park with Isabelle” Magnus replied laughing, but Alec was serious.

“ _No_. I wouldn't,” he replied and Magnus looked to his left. Alec looked stubbornly ahead.

“You turned this month into something great. You showed me I was still worth something. That there's still something we can do with me. That I'm not just a doll to my parents. That I'm… _important_ ,” Alec explained quietly before coughing again. Magnus appreciated Alec's words, but he had to bring him back to warmth. He didn't want Alec to get sick.

* * *

 

They spent the rest of the day in the living room. Alec coughed again and again and sniffed more often. Magnus kept making him tea to make sure he'd feel better. In the evening he made soup for Alec, who was lying in bed and had turned on the TV.

Magnus sat next to the bed on a chair and watched TV with him. He'd turned the heat on, but Alec was still freezing. Not even the soup could warm him up. Magnus also struggled with the cold that was still in his body. The sun had set in the meantime and it was snowing all the time. Alec had closed his eyes and Magnus had turned off the TV, grabbed his laptop and stole a sweater from Alec in the hope that he would get warmer.

But he didn't get any warmer.

He was already sitting cross-legged on the chair because his feet were freezing cold. He didn't have a blanket, but didn't want to get up to get the cashmere blanket out of the living room.

Magnus would stay the night with Alec to make sure he wouldn't get a fever. He didn't want Alec to catch cold, because he would call Catarina again immediately.

As he closed his laptop and put it on the floor, Magnus hugged himself to keep warm. He watched Alec, who had still his eyes closed and was probably asleep. He had stopped shaking and his nose seemed to be normal again. Maybe they got lucky and he'd be okay the next morning.

“Magnus-” Alec whispered all of a sudden and Magnus flinched in the dark. It was hard for him to see that two eyes were looking at him.

“You're shaking…” whispered Alec and Magnus noticed only now how his arms flapped against his body.

“I- Uh…” Magnus wanted to explain himself, but he didn't know what to say. Because he was really cold.

“Come here,” Alec said quietly before lifting his blanket a bit. Next to him was a free place after all. His voice still seemed weak and in the meantime also sleepy, but he wanted to make sure that Magnus was all right.

But Magnus shook his head.

“It's all right. I'm just gonna get the blanket off the couch and then it should be--”

“ _Magnus._ ” Alec interrupted him as Magnus was about to get up.

“Get your _fucking_ ass over here before you die because you're freezing to death on my desk chair,” Alec demanded and Magnus wouldn't argue with him. He even found it relatively cute that Alec cared for him.

“I don't want you to get even more sick,” Magnus explained when he arrived on the other side of the bed. Alec just huffed before he lifted the blanket.

“Just come here already and get warm,” Alec said stubbornly, and Magnus breathed deeply before he crawled under the blanket as well, immediately being enveloped by warmth. Magnus settled on his back and felt Alec's gaze rest on him.

“Thank you.” Magnus whispered only before Alec laughed quietly.

“Good night, Magnus,” Alec replied before closing his eyes again and sinking his head into his pillow.

Magnus turned slightly on his side so that he could watch Alec sleeping. He smiled silently before closing his eyes as well.

“Good night, Alec,” he murmured last before falling asleep.

But in the middle of the night Magnus woke up again and felt a hand clawing into his sweater. He opened his eyes and looked down slightly on himself before realizing that Alec had cuddled up to him in his sleep and put his head in the crook of his neck. He used him as a pillow. His hand had clawed into his own sweater that Magnus was wearing. Alec trembled and his teeth chattered slightly, but he was still asleep, Magnus could tell.

Nevertheless, Magnus couldn't tell if he was trembling because he was cold or because he had another nightmare. Whatever it was, Magnus stretched out his free arm and wrapped it around Alec before pulling him closer to him and resting his chin on Alec's head. He closed his eyes again, gently stroking Alec's back, drawing small circles and shapes on his back, and with each breath Alec took, he calmed down again. His breathing slowed down, his trembling disappeared and the grip loosened.

Magnus smiled before slowly sinking back to sleep.

“I'm here,” he whispered in Alec's hair, knowing that his words were perceived only subconsciously by Alec. But that was enough for Magnus.

Because he knew that Alec felt that someone was with him, that he was no longer alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got fanart! Thank you so much! @vampmartin! 
> 
> [link to fanart!](https://twitter.com/VampMartin/status/1135969835672854533)


	11. Unguarded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys and welcome back to #LMBWA with a short delay due to Thosbe! I just came back 2 days ago an I'm about to leave again for thos3! Sorry for that, hope y'all had a great time anyway. Let's come back to my big boy. 
> 
> Hope y'all will enjoy this chapter :) Thanks again for the tremendous support over the past months with almost 6K hits, 300+ kudos and 128 comments! Y'all are insane!! 
> 
> Don't forget to tag your reactions on twitter with #LMBWA or just leave a comment :) 
> 
> Kim, x
> 
> Thanks for @Lakritzwolf as always for beta'ing this chapter and laughing with me about Pons for a bit ;)
> 
> Make sure to check out the playlist since a new song got added which is important for this chapter ;)
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter + my edit for the whole fanfic: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> 

Magnus felt a gentle breeze blowing against his neck. Over and over again. It was warm and quiet. Magnus quickly remembered that Alec had cuddled up to him during the night and put his head in the crook of his neck. He trembled, which was the reason why Magnus had woken up. Magnus opened his eyes very slowly. The morning sun fell on the bed.

 

Magnus turned his eyes a little down and saw that Alec had still buried his hand in the sweater Magnus was wearing. Magnus couldn’t tell what time it was, but he didn’t want to free himself from the position. He didn't want to wake Alec up unnecessarily. Besides, he enjoyed the situation. His arm was still wrapped around Alec, but his fingertips stopped moving.

 

Magnus would have liked to have set move  again, to draw small shapes and circles on Alec's shoulder blades and back, but in order not to wake Alec, Magnus refrained from any further movements.

 

Magnus turned his head slightly and placed it on the pillow before closing his eyes again and enjoying the silence. Alec’s quiet snoring and his breath against Magnus’ neck calmed Magnus down considerably. He never thought he'd ever hold Alec in his arms, but that's exactly what he was doing.

 

That's exactly what he had been doing all night. Holding him. Protecting him.

 

A little smile formed around Magnus’ lips before he snuggled deeper into his pillow to fall into a light doze. He did not fall asleep anymore, just listened quietly to the noises coming from Alec’s sleeping form. At some point Alec moved slowly and his leg wrapped through Magnus’ legs before cuddling even closer to Magnus. His subconscious actually used Magnus as a body pillow. His head was resting above Magnus’ heart, he could now hear it beating.

 

Magnus opened his eyes again and looked down. Alec rarely looked so relaxed. He had cuddled himself into the sweater and bent his leg and pushed it under Magnus’ leg. Magnus smiled again before grazing his fingers slightly over Alec's back. Alec hummed for a moment, but he didn't wake up.

 

Magnus decided to watch him. He had his eyes lowered to watch Alec sleep. It took at least an hour before Alec became more restless. Magnus was sure Alec would wake up soon, so he stopped the hand movement he had been making for the entire hour before closing his eyes to pretend he was still asleep. The sun shone down on them completely and cast the blanket in gold.

 

Magnus was pretty sure that Alec would jump up as soon as he realized that he had snuggled up to Magnus and used him as a pillow. When Alec's breathing stopped and only slowly began again, Magnus was sure that Alec had woken up. But instead of jumping off the bed in a panic, Alec also remained lying down. He didn't move, but Magnus knew he was awake. He would have liked to know what he was thinking.

 

When Alec released his hand from Magnus’ sweater, he cleared his throat. However, his leg remained in the same place. Alec looked up and slowly opened his eyes before looking up at Magnus’ closed eyes. He slowly became aware of what had happened in his sleep, but it was not unpleasant for him. He didn't feel the need to leave the room or jump off the bed in panic. He enjoyed the situation even more than he wanted to admit. Magnus’ arm offered him protection and warmth.

 

Alec finally lowered his head again and breathed deeply. He didn't know what time it was, but he was definitely well-rested. And he was also sure that Magnus had been awake for a long time.

 

“I know you're awake,” Alec finally whispered with a broad smile around his lips. But Magnus did not react, he wanted to keep up his fake sleep.

 

Alec didn't know whether to laugh or just shake his head in disbelief.

 

“I can hear your heart beating faster,” Alec whispered after a few more minutes and he felt Magnus’ breathing falter. Quickly he looked up and looked into the dark brown eyes of Magnus. His lips were slightly parted and he just stared at Alec without a word.

 

Alec then tilted his head slightly before clearing his throat, and carefully separated himself from Magnus to shuffle back. According to the silence, Magnus couldn’t stand the position.

 

“Sorry.” Alec mumbled uncertainly and helplessly. “Didn't want you to feel hemmed,” he continued. They were an arm's length apart and looked at each other silently before Magnus began to smile and shake his head.

 

“You didn't. I just thought you were still asleep,” Magnus finally explained before he clicked his tongue.

 

“To be honest, I found it very pleasant. I woke up in the middle of the night because you were freezing and already lying near me,” Magnus replied with a smile. “It didn't bother me, don't worry.” Magnus’ voice had a calming effect on Alec so that Alec could relax again. He yawned just before he looked Magnus in the eyes.

 

“I slept like this all night?” he wanted to know, and Magnus nodded.

 

Alec didn't know what to say, especially since Magnus hadn't minded it. Alec felt how warm he got, that his heart was beating faster too and he couldn't hide his smile anymore. He hadn't slept so well and calm in a long time. His body had probably subconsciously decided what was best for him.

 

They were still looking at each other silently before Alec's stomach growled. Magnus giggled softly.

 

“We should have breakfast,” he replied to the sound, and Alec breathed a sigh of relief and rolled his eyes before nodding. He was still looking at Magnus, couldn't take his eyes off Magnus. He looked so incredibly beautiful, especially when the sun shone on his profile and plunged him into gold.

 

“Yes, we should,” Alec finally said. He didn't want to let the moment pass, but reality caught up with them. They couldn't stay here.

 

“I'll make you some tea. After all, you looked bad yesterday,” Magnus explained as he sat up and got up a few seconds later. Alec just nodded and stayed down. He couldn't get up yet. He didn't want to get up yet. He would have rather stayed together with Magnus, would have looked at him silently for hours, would have let his eyes speak for him.

 

 _Shit_ , thought Alec.

 

_What have you done to me, Magnus Bane?_

 

* * *

 

 

When Alec left the bathroom and went straight into the kitchen, Magnus was just spraying whipped cream into a cup. On the kitchen island there was already a plate with two fried eggs. Next to the plate was a bowl of chopped apples and an orange. Then Magnus opened the fridge, reaching for the milk. He had already porridge done as well.

 

“I'm supposed to eat all this?” Alec asked confused as he sat down on the chair while Magnus closed the fridge again. Magnus nodded before pouring the milk into a bowl and placing the bowl in the microwave. He turned around and looked at Alec nibbling on an apple.

 

“You need vitamins. The folder said that fruit would help you especially well.” Magnus smiled warmly at Alec before the microwave beeped, and he took out his bowl before he sat down opposite Alec and began to eat.

 

Alec slurped on his hot cocoa before reaching for his fork to cut up the fried eggs.

 

Magnus lifted his spoon a few minutes later and pointed it at Alec.

 

“We need to plan the schedule for Thanksgiving. I have to go shopping and pick out recipes. The shops will be overcrowded and the things we need will be sold out quickly. So I have to be quick,” Magnus explained after swallowing.

 

Alec tilted his head before turning his head to look at the calendar. “We still have about two weeks left, Magnus,” Alec replied, but Magnus only hummed.

 

“You don't want to know how people freak out as soon as Thanksgiving comes around,” he complained. “Besides, I have to buy you a razor. You really need to shave again.” Magnus laughed quietly as Alec looked at him, mildly offended, before stroking his light beard.

 

“Why do you care?” Alec wanted to know and Magnus shrugged.

 

“I think your face is far more beautiful if you don't have a beard,” he explained. “At least not if it covers your whole face.” Magnus pointed to Alec's tattoo, which was slowly being swallowed by hair. He tilted his head before smiling faintly.

 

“You never told me what the _Z_ stands for,” Magnus whispered dreamily and Alec swallowed his last bite before he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders. He straightened up and folded his hands in his lap.

 

“I got it tattooed when I was 18. It's a rune. It stands for protection. Because of my job, I wanted something for myself. You know - I've protected people half my life, but who protected me?” Alec looked at Magnus questioningly, while Magnus was looking at him confused. Alec was right.

 

No one was protecting _him._

 

Alec breathed deeply when he realized that Magnus could not find an answer to his question.

 

“So I got my rune tattooed to have something that would protect me. Unfortunately, I didn't know I was going to get GBS two years later.” Alec laughed bitterly before pushing his plate away, and reached for a piece of apple.

 

“So it didn't really work.” Alec bit listlessly into his apple. He had resigned himself to his fate, but Magnus bit his lower lip before he took a deep breath and looked at Alec.

 

He had held him in his arms and protected him all night long.

 

“You're not alone anymore,” Magnus finally replied and Alec stopped chewing before his eyes rested on Magnus. “You may have been protecting people while nobody was protecting you, but you're not alone anymore, Alec. You have me and your sister.” Magnus’ voice was so quiet that Alec barely heard it, but his lips twitched briefly before he nodded again after a deep breath.

 

“I know. Thank you, Magnus.” Alec still looked at Magnus, who now looked at him as well. They both smiled at each other before Magnus grabbed his phone and opened his notes.

 

“Go ahead, then.” Magnus still smiled at him. “What do I have to buy?”

 

Alec shook his head in disbelief before he laughed. “You really want to go through with this? Cooking a turkey? Making mashed potatoes?”

 

Alec wasn't really sure if Magnus knew what he was getting himself into, but Magnus just nodded and waited for Alec, who looked at the phone for a moment before he looked up at Magnus’ face again and nodded.

 

“You need a turkey, obviously. Lots of potatoes, carrots, onions, some apples…” Alec paused briefly so Magnus could make a note of the ingredients. Meanwhile, Alec stood up to pull an old recipe book out of one of the cupboards. With one hand he opened the page marked by a bookmark. He handed it to Magnus before he smiled.

 

“This is our family recipe. With instructions.” Alec winked at him as he cleared his plate before he had to cough a little. Magnus looked straight up from the book and mustered Alec critically.

 

“Are you all right?” he asked, but Alec just nodded and raised his hand in defense.

 

“All's well, don't worry,” he reassured Magnus with a warm smile.

 

After Magnus looked at him with concern for a few more seconds, he looked again at the book in front of him, and noted down the remaining ingredients before returning the book to Alec.

 

“Then I'll buy all the ingredients Friday after college. Which means we still have a whole week to game.” Magnus also got up and put his bowl in the dishwasher as well. Alec was standing next to the dishwasher, and leaned against one of the counters before he closed his arms around himself and dropped his head. He huffed briefly before his lips pulled up and his eyes closed.

 

“Forget it! You need to start studying for your exam.”

 

Magnus looked at Alec in confusion. Alec opened his eyes again and looked at Magnus before continuing.

 

“When I looked at your presentation, you had your calendar open. You have your exam on December 19th. The sooner you start studying, the easier it will be for you to pass the exam. I'll make flashcards for you,” Alec explained proudly. He felt useful and let Magnus feel it. He glowed with euphoria and Magnus couldn't help but smile and nod.

 

“Okay, boss,” Magnus joked quietly and Alec smiled at him contentedly before he had to cough again, and Magnus’ gaze was again flooded with worry. He tilted his head.

 

“Are you sure you don't want me to get anything from the pharmacy? Or call your doctor?” Magnus asked carefully, but Alec refused, shaking his head.

 

“I'll be fine. I'll survive that little cough.” Alec coughed again before standing upright again, and cleared his throat. Magnus’ gaze was still on him, but Magnus finally nodded and looked at his phone. The snow was still taking over New York, but it was now Sunday and Magnus still hadn't done anything for uni over the weekend.

 

“How long do you want to stay?” Alec finally asked out of nowhere, as if he could read his mind.

“The snow's not waning. I don't want you stuck here,” Alec explained before reaching for his cup and drinking the last sip of his hot chocolate.

 

Magnus looked briefly out of the kitchen window; watched the snow fall silently from the sky, like tiny angel wings, before turning his head back to Alec who was illuminated by weak sunlight. A smile slipped on Magnus’ lips.

 

Alec may not have wings and a broken heart, but his skin seemed angelic. Alec seemed angelic, holy, _unique._

 

“I'm going to get ready and order myself an Uber.”

 

“Why not a taxi?”

 

Magnus now looked directly into Alec's face, who looked at him in amazement. Magnus shrugged before smiling at him again.

 

“Sometimes I feel more comfortable around students who can go from A to B and take me with them.”

 

Alec looked at Magnus critically before he nodded, and left the kitchen to look for the chess game. Magnus stopped in the kitchen and when Alec came back with the chess game, he had to laugh.

 

“First we have to play a round of chess. Then you can go.”

 

Magnus opened his mouth briefly, wanted to defend himself and say something, but he could only keep laughing as Alec sat down on the chair and set up the chessboard.

 

“You don't want me to go,” Magnus finally said. Alec sat with his back to him, but he tensed WHEN he heard Magnus’ voice. Alec stopped moving and stopped placing the chess pieces on the board. He lifted his head slightly and looked straight.

 

“Is that bad?” Alec replied weakly and Magnus felt his heart beat faster.

 

_No, it's not bad._

 

_I don't want to go either._

 

Magnus had so many sentences in his head that he wanted to say. He didn't want to leave Alec alone, he didn't want to leave the apartment to sit alone in his own. He wanted to hold him in his arms again and whisper in his ear that he was with him… but he remained silent, and put his coffee cup into the sink before sitting next to Alec and gently smiling at him.

 

“Let's play.” Magnus smiled at Alec before he helped him set up the pieces. Magnus still had to shower before he left the apartment.

 

But Magnus won every game, so Alec challenged him again and again to a new round. Magnus knew that he was losing on purpose so he wouldn't leave. So one hour turned into five. Next to them was a pizza box with a large mozzarella pizza. Magnus had still not called his Uber and let Alec obviously win this round to see what would happen.

 

Alec’s hand froze when he realized he would win, before he knocked over Magnus’ king and looked at him.

 

“Alec... I'll come back tomorrow. It's okay,” Magnus whispered quietly. He knew that Alec didn't want to be alone, that he had enjoyed the night as much as Magnus ha. But Magnus had to go home and prepare for uni.

 

Alec finally nodded before taking a deep breath and getting up. “See you tomorrow, Magnus.” he said quietly before leaving the kitchen and retiring to his room.

 

Magnus also took a deep breath before he tidied up the chess game, and ordered his Uber with a click. The rest of the time he spent in the shower and getting his things together, hanging the laundry in the bathroom, and putting the pizza in the fridge so that Alec had something to eat for dinner.

 

When the time came to leave the apartment, he knocked on the door to Alec's room again before taking a deep breath.

 

“See you tomorrow, Alec.” he said quietly, not hoping for an answer.

 

“See you tomorrow.” Alec replied just as quietly and Magnus had to smile for a moment.

 

“Don't do anything stupid,” Magnus replied, and he heard Alec giggle for a moment.

 

“I won’t.”

 

Magnus turned away from the door and ran down the stairs where the Uber driver was already waiting for him in a black Audi. It was important to Magnus that Alec knew he was needed, that he needed him.

 

That he didn't want to lose him, _ever._

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus knew it was a bad idea to text with Alec half the night to end up falling asleep on his phone. He had forgotten to set an alarm clock and missed his subway, and now sat with covered with a sheen of sweat in the lecture next to Raphael. It was hard for Magnus to hide his yawn. There had been no time left for coffee this morning.

 

He had put his head on his book and closed his eyes as his professor's voice droned past him. Finally Raphael tapped on his shoulder, which made Magnus twitch.

 

“Have you been staying too long with your one-night stand again?” Raphael wanted to know, clearly annoyed. Magnus slowly straightened up before tilting his head, making his neck crack. He yawned once before he shook his head.

 

“No, I texted way too long with Alec last night and fell asleep on my phone, missed my train and couldn't drink coffee,” Magnus explained sleepily. He rubbed his face before opening his laptop and opening his document.

 

Raphael watched him before he smiled softly.

 

“You like him, don't you?” Raphael asked and Magnus tensed for a moment. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

 

“We are friends, Raphael,” Magnus explained quietly and Raphael had to laugh.

 

“Sure. You're friends, and Clary is not the slightest bit interested in Alec's sister. I know you, Dude. If you were just friends, you wouldn't change your lifestyle and fall asleep on your phone. When are you gonna admit it's more than just a job?”

 

Magnus stopped breathing for a moment. Raphael had hit the bull's eye, but Magnus didn't know what Raphael wanted to hear. Magnus breathed deeply, turned his head to Raphael and looked at him silently. Raphael's lips pulled slightly upwards, and he nodded.

 

“You don't have to say anything, Magnus. It’s enough for me when you finally admit it to yourself. No matter what you decide, we will all stand behind you, Magnus. And he's making you happy, you're finally someone I can stand.” Raphael patted Magnus on the back before the bell rang and their professor dismissed the course.

 

“If you can get along with me nowadays, buy me a coffee,” growled Magnus as he pushed his laptop back into his pocket, and the two of them left the room together.

 

They headed for the cafeteria, where Maia and Clary were just sitting down at their table, waving at the two. But Magnus went directly to the shop where Raphael bought him a big coffee before they joined Maia and Clary with a croissant.

 

“You look tired.” Maia smiled broadly at Magnus before Raphael raised her hand to interrupt her.

 

“Before you start speculating and placing bets, he didn't spend his weekend with a stranger, but with Alec. He texted with him half the night and fell asleep on his phone.”

 

“You don't have to expose me so strongly, Dude.” Magnus defended himself directly.

 

“You have to introduce us to Alec sometime.” Maia still smiled at him broadly before Clary raised her voice.

 

“And his sister! I've only seen her once.” Clary sipped on her coffee cup before she bit off her big cookie. Magnus shook his head laughing.

 

“Clary, my dear… you don't even know Isabelle, why are you so interested in her?” Magnus wanted to know after sipping his coffee.

 

“Because she looks cute. Besides, you told me she likes women! It's my chance,” Clary explained euphorically and Raphael face-palmed.

 

“You should've just started working at Burger King,” he said annoyed. “Now we're sitting here, you want Alec and Clary wants his sister. Maia has Simon, and you're all bugging me with your relationship drama.” Raphael bit off his croissant and chewed annoyed while Magnus patted his shoulder.

 

“While we're at it, where's your better half, Maia?” Magnus turned to Maia.

 

“Oh, Simon's home. It was extremely cold in Ocean City and he caught a cold. He'll be alright.”

 

Magnus nodded before Clary raised her voice again.

 

“Your birthday's coming up. Are we celebrating at Pandemonium again?” she wanted to know, but Magnus just rolled his eyes and denied with a shake of his head.

 

“I have exams almost two weeks after my birthday. Besides, it's my birthday on a Sunday. We have college the next day. I'll party at my house.” Magnus looked at Maia. “You can tell him we're partying at my place.” Magnus smiled at his friend. Maia nodded before she drank her coffee.

Raphael had also eaten his croissant, and now turned again to Magnus.

 

“What do you wish for anyway?”

 

“Good mood and the people I love,” Magnus replied directly before smiling at everyone and sipping his coffee again.

 

“We can manage that,” Clary finally said before the four of them changed the subject, and proceeded to get through the rest of their day at college.

 

* * *

 

 

It was already Wednesday when Alec sat down with his book in the windowsill and finally found time to read. The snow was still taking over New York and a look out the window showed him how much people on the streets were struggling with the masses of the white miracle.

 

Magnus had kept his word so far, and came to see him every day after college. Together they cooked, baked a cake, and lay on the couch for hours, played video games or watched a movie. Tuesday night Magnus fell asleep with him and when Alec went into the kitchen the next day, he discovered a plate with French toast and a still steaming tea. Next to the plate, Alec discovered a note.

 

_Sorry I fell asleep. See you tonight! - Magnus_

 

Alec had smiled gently as he had enjoyed his breakfast. Now he sat with his book in the windowsill and enjoyed the peace. He'd already gone through half of the book by the time his phone vibrated.

 

Alec reached for the phone and saw that his sister had texted.

 

ISABELLE

_[Hey Big Bro, sorry I couldn’t get in touch until now! There is a lot going on here, but I wanted to know how you are :)] 5:46PM_

 

Alec knew that Magnus would soon show up, which lifted his spirits considerably.

 

_[Hey, Iz, no problem. I'm in good hands. Magnus comes here every day and we game together. I have to study with him today for his exam. I'm actually fine. ] 5:47PM_

 

Alec coughed just before he sat upright. He was still slightly under the weather, but neither Magnus nor Isabelle were allowed to know about it.

Nobody knew he got his therapy place either. He wanted to tell his sister personally and Magnus should study with him instead of celebrating his therapy success.

 

_ISABELLE_

_[I was sure he was the one. From the beginning, I had a good feeling. I'm glad he's looking out for you, big guy. I have to go now, but have fun with Magnus! I'll get back to you soon!] 5:49PM_

 

Alec smiled as he read the message before the apartment door was unlocked, and Magnus entered with a take-out bag in his hand. Alec looked up and immediately smiled behind his mask in Magnus’ direction.

 

“Here I am!” Magnus said before he went into the kitchen to disinfect his hands. He took off his jacket and sat down on the couch a few minutes later. On two plates he had placed Chicken Popcorn from KFC. By now Magnus had familiarized himself to Alecs illness so much that he knew exactly what Alec could eat and what not.

 

“Thank you.” Alec said before he took his mask off his face and sat next to Magnus. Together they ate their supper and talked about Magnus’ day, while Alec told him about Isabelle's news.

 

“We're starting today already?” Magnus asked confused as Alec mentioned the message, and Alec nodded.

 

“It's about time. I did the flashcards last night. The first 15 are ready.”

 

Magnus rolled his eyes before eating his last chicken popcorn, and leaned back. “You're worse than my professors,” he complained and Alec laughed.

 

“You'll be fine. How about a deal,” Alec skilfully suggested, and Magnus’ complete attention was already given to him.

 

“You want to make a deal with me? I remember that you rejected my cheap bet and we didn't make a deal,” Magnus reminded him and Alec nodded.

 

“Yes, but this deal is different. I'll ask you questions, if you answer them right, you'll learn something from me. But if you answer them wrong, you have to tell me something about yourself.”

 

Alec reached out his hand and smiled boldly at him. Magnus looked down on Alec's hand before he also smiled and took the handshake.

 

“Deal,” he said provocatively before he took the plates and brought them to the kitchen.

 

Meanwhile, Alec got the flashcards from his room. Arriving in the room he had to cough again, and held on to his closet. His legs felt soft. He couldn't wait any longer for his therapy to start soon, as soon as his sister would come back.

 

“Are you okay?” Magnus shouted to him from the kitchen, and Alec shrugged before standing upright again, and cleared his throat.

 

“Yes, I'm fine, I'll be right there,” Alec called back weakly, before he made his way to his bedside table to return with the cards in his hand.

 

* * *

 

 

“No wonder you can't cook, knowing you were trying to make french fries in the microwave as a kid,” Alec laughed as he laid one hand on his belly.

 

“Says the one who never saw Harry Potter?” Magnus countered before sitting upright. “At least I won a dance contest and don't sing in the shower when I'm alone.”

 

Alec looked at him offended, before he snorted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “At least I can cook, because I had to learn it early. Besides, I'd rather sing alone in the shower than get drunk in a club every weekend just because I feel alone.”

 

The two laughed until they realized how desperate their situations were; they both fell silent and Magnus breathed deeply.

 

“Our lives are really sad,” Magnus said quietly. The flashcards were now on the table and the two of them no longer paid any attention to them.

 

“So you know astrology?” Alec tried to change the subject before Magnus nodded.

 

“And you learned to shoot with a bow when you were 14?”

 

“In the basement, yes. I've had to train with Isabelle every day since I was 13. While she had been interested in daggers and sticks, I had fallen in love with the bow from the very beginning,” Alec explained quietly and Magnus nodded in amazement. He could only imagine too well how precisely Alec could handle his bow. He was a perfectionist in everything, but especially in the things he had mastered.

 

Alec saw Magnus’ face. His lips were slightly open and his eyes were fixed on Alec's lips. Alec finally also fixed Magnus’ lips for a second before looking into his eyes again and taking Magnus’ gaze. He looked at the coffee table and reached for the flashcards.

 

“We should move on. We still have some questions,” whispered Alec before uncovering the next question and looking back at Magnus, who blinked briefly before nodding and looking at the question.

 

“Yeah… yeah, sure, we should,” Magnus replied quietly before concentrating on the question. Magnus cleared his throat, and focused on Alec's handwriting.

 

_Harry S Truman was an important man for what event?_

 

Magnus read the question a few times before he saw Alec's face.

 

“You don't k-”

 

“NAH! I'm almost there, give me a few more seconds.” Magnus lifted his finger and interrupted Alec. He had to laugh quietly while Magnus read the question out loud again and moved his hand to the back of his head. He scratched his head, trying desperately to think of an event in which Harry S. Truman was involved.

 

Finally Magnus threw himself back and landed on one of the pillows. He moaned annoyed and hit himself on the head.

 

“I don't know,” he muttered, severely disappointed in himself, before he saw Alec laughing.

 

“Cold War.” Alec answered the question himself. He touched Magnus’ leg with his foot, to make him sit up again. “What fact am I hearing from you now?”

 

Magnus slowly straightened up again and looked at Alec silently, looked at him waiting. He had leaned his back against the wall and had Magnus sitting in front of him.

 

“My favorite musicians are Queen and Michael Jackson. But in the club I hear every style of music. With the right drink, of course.”

 

“Queen? Michael Jackson?” Alec looked at him in surprise. “I thought you had more... exquisite taste.” Alec was really speechless for a few seconds before Magnus had to laugh.

 

“I love classical music too, but I'm a young man, Alec. I party. I listen the King of Pop and Queen, but I still live in this day and age,” Magnus explained before Alec nodded.

 

“I'm a fan of indie music. EDEN is what drives me,” Alec replied quietly before picking up the next question. Magnus, meanwhile, tilted his head and considered whether he had heard the name EDEN before in his life.

 

“EDEN? I have never heard of EDEN. You have to show me.”

 

“I will… later.” Alec winked at Magnus before pointing to the next question.

 

Magnus smiled at him broadly as he remembered that Alec didn't want to tell him anything about himself at first. No interests, no hobbies. He didn't even want to see him. A few weeks later the two of them were sitting on the couch and told the other about themselves. Magnus couldn't believe the tide would ever turn like this. That he'd ever get Alec to reveal anything about himself and trust anyone.

 

_When did the Cold War take place?_

 

“1945-1991!” Magnus said right after reading it once and Alec nodded proudly.

 

“Now all you have to do is remember that Harry Truman played an important role in the Cold War,” Alec replied before uncovering the next card.

 

“I've loved video games since I was a little kid. Before I went to private school I was often with my former friends and we played together at Playstation. My parents never allowed me to own a console, but when I got sick, they showered me with everything.” Alec laughed briefly before he shrugged.

 

“Must be the last bit of pity the two of them have left.” Alec continued with his ironic laughter, while Magnus looked at him sadly. He felt bad he couldn't help Alec except be there for him. He couldn't reverse the years. He could not heal Alec, he could not give him a childhood taken from him, but he could be there for him. In the here and now.

 

“Alec, I…”

 

“Just don't say anything. It's okay. Nobody can change anything about my past and my fate,” Alec interrupted him immediately. Magnus still looked at him, but nodded silently before taking a deep breath.

 

“I know you're there for me… that's enough.” Alec continued quietly. He smiled weakly, which also made Magnus smile and blush a little. It warmed his heart that Alec accepted and respected him. He saw him as a friend.

 

Magnus looked down again and read the next question.

 

_What did Stonewall stand for?_

 

“For LGBTQ rights. A big step in our history. Without Stonewall there would be no Pride Parades,” Magnus proudly explained, and Alec nodded before putting the card aside, briefly considering what to tell Magnus.

 

Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he started talking. “I never thought I'd ever say this, but I regret my suicide attempt.” Alec looked at his wrist before briefly shaking his head and looking back at Magnus.

 

“I never would have met you.” His voice was soaked in melancholy, but he smiled weakly at Magnus, who also briefly put his gaze on Alec's wrist. A shiver hit him with the thought that Alec wouldn't be sitting in front of him if everything had worked and his parents hadn't been there.

 

“I'm glad you're still alive.” Magnus answered hopefully before Alec smiled and nodded. He was proud of himself that he got up every day and could now look forward to the day because he knew he would spend it with Magnus.

 

Alec uncovered the last question and Magnus’ eyes fixed the question directly.

 

_When was Stonewall?_

 

Magnus rubbed his face and scratched his temple before shaking his head. “I'm not good with dates,” he explained quietly and Alec nodded.

 

“I know.” Alec grinned broadly before he turned the card around and showed Magnus the answer.

 

_1969._

 

“You still have a few weeks before you have to have everything down. Dates are definitely your weakness. I'd make more flashcards at home and go through them every night.”

 

“Alec,” Magnus interrupted Alec’s euphoria. He smiled at him gratefully, but he raised his hand.

“I can handle it. Next week is Thanksgiving. We should look forward to that and prepare ourselves for it. Then comes my birthday, and then comes the exam.”

 

“When's your birthday?” Alec asked, interested and smiling. His eyes were on Magnus’ face. He had lowered his head slightly and looked at his hands.

 

“Is that your question you're asking me or do you want to know it because it’s a basic fact?” Magnus asked boldly and Alec shook his head.

 

“Forget it! I need you to tell me an interesting fact about yourself. Your birthday is normal and not interesting,” Alec replied ironically before Magnus looked at him, slapping his chest in offence.

 

“Ouch! That hurt my ego,” Magnus joked before he threw himself on the pillow behind him again and stared at the ceiling. “My birthday is the eighth of December. I'm celebrating at my house this year for the exam. And my interesting fact- uh…” Magnus thought for a moment, stroking his hair before slowly straightening up and looking at Alec.

 

“I outed myself as a bisexual in high school when I was 16. I wasn't even afraid that my mother wouldn't accept me afterwards. I told her the same day. It was a bit of a shock for her, but she said that I am her son and she will always love me no matter what happens. My classmates accepted me directly, too. When I switched to college, I could finally fully enjoy my life. I was feeling... _whole_.”

 

Magnus looked into Alec's eyes and saw the sparkle in his eyes when he spoke of his outing. Longing was reflected in his eyes. Alec also wanted to feel whole again, to be free.

 

A few seconds passed until Alec avoided his gaze and looked to the side. Magnus could see that his eyes were glistening.

 

“Alec... everything okay? Did I say something wrong?” Magnus asked with concern, but Alec just nodded silently before getting up and going to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

 

“Everything is good. I'm just tired,” he explained from the kitchen. His voice sounded scratchy and weaker than usual, broken. Alec noticed his lungs were contracting. He had difficulty breathing, so he coughed hard once before clearing his throat. His knees became weaker, but he could not collapse again in front of Magnus. He had to enjoy the time with Magnus. Live every day as if it were his last.

 

He breathed deeply before joining Magnus, who still looked at him questioningly. He was worried about Alec's condition.

 

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Magnus wanted to make sure Alec knew he was there for him. Not just for the money, but as a friend, as a support. As someone who really cared about him.

 

Alec nodded as he sat back in his seat and turned on the TV.

 

“Let's just watch a movie, shall we?” he asked Magnus, who finally nodded and got comfortable next to him. The two enjoyed each other's silence and talked about the movie before Magnus had to say goodbye to Alec to get his subway.

 

When he had closed the door, Alec still looked at the door and closed his eyes, breathed deeply and felt his pulse slowly calm down. Magnus made his heart race, every day that passed. His pulse increased and his stomach fluttered. Alec turned off the TV and moved into his bathroom to get ready for bed. His thoughts still revolved around the handsome student from Brooklyn, who was so open about his sexuality. He was completely at peace with himself.

 

Alec could hardly attribute his feelings, although his heart knew what he wanted. He wanted Magnus. He didn't want to miss his laughter anymore or his jokes. His weak cooking skills and his smell as soon as he lay next to him.

 

He had never loved in his life. He had served to make his family proud. Lydia was his best friend and they had pretended to be happy although they never were. Lydia had many people with whom she had spent the nights while Alec had been working. Alec hadn’t known what Lydia had been doing once he left, but they had both been famous in high school. They had been the dream couple. That Alec had never loved her and had only kissed her to keep the facade, nobody knew.

 

But now, six years later, Alec realized for the first time how it felt. How _feelings_ felt. He fell more and more in love with Magnus with each passing day. Slowly, the puzzle came together. Alec realized why he never looked at women. Why he had never wanted a girlfriend before his mother told him he had to marry Lydia. For years he had blamed his job for it, but now it all made sense.

 

Alec imagined his future not with a woman at his side, but with a man.

 

Alec was _gay._

 

* * *

 

 

It was Friday afternoon, and Alec was sitting in the kitchen with a teacup and his laptop. Magnus had an unexpected free period and had written him that he would soon be with him. Alec hadn't written back that he had been awake since six o'clock because he had a coughing fit. Alec cursed himself that he still had a cold, but he was lucky and it was just a cough. With tea and warmth this would hopefully soon be history. In his bedside table he had even found cough drops, which he had been taking continuously for a day, as soon as Magnus was not around. He didn't want Magnus to worry even more because he had only been talking about Thanksgiving dinner for days.

 

Alec knew that he was standing somewhere in a supermarket looking for the ingredients for dinner. Meanwhile Alec stroked through his steadily growing beard. He remembered that Magnus wanted to buy him a razor. Whether he would find one, with all the stress, was a different question.

 

Alec browsed the Internet, trying to find a gift for Magnus’ birthday, but he was unsuccessful. He didn't really know what Magnus liked. Fashion was important to him, but his friends were his family. It should definitely be a personal gift. Alec wasn't even sure which style Magnus had, which meant that clothes were off the list.

 

After a few hours of searching, he heard Magnus unlock the door, and he entered the apartment with two large bags. His hands were glowing red because he had forgotten his gloves at home. As he walked around the corner, Alec looked at him unimpressed before his lips pulled up. He hadn't even put on his mask that day.

 

Snow had got caught in Magnus’ hair, letting it hang down slightly, although he had styled his hair.

 

“I see you fought your way through,” whispered Alec before sipping his tea. Magnus left the two bags on the kitchen island before taking off his jacket and hanging them on the wardrobe. A few minutes later he put the things in the fridge and threw the razor at Alec.

 

“Done.” Magnus took a deep breath before he cracked his shoulders. Alec looked at him before he looked at the disposable razor.

 

“You remembered even with all the stress you’ve been through?” Alec asked nervously and looked at a confused Magnus.

 

“Of course I remembered, why shouldn't I?” Magnus stopped moving and closed the fridge before turning to Alec.

 

He had closed his hands in front of himself and bit his lower lip. He seemed nervous, but at the same time touched by the gesture.

 

“Because no one had ever thought of me before you came into my life. Whether you do this for money or not,” Alec finally replied in a whisper and Magnus could see how hard it was for him to say the words out loud. A smile sneaked on Magnus’ lips before he sat next to Alec and unpacked the razor before lifting it up into the air.

 

“Actually, I was just thinking about how hot you look when you're freshly shaved and I can see your tattoo perfectly.” Magnus hands over the razor to Alec, who hesitantly accepted it before blushing again.

 

“Hot? Is this your new way of flirting?” Alec wanted to know. Magnus was astonished that Alec even acknowledged it and didn't question it again.

 

“Who said I was flirting with you?” Magnus winked at him before he pointed to the bathroom.

 

“Go shave. I'll cook something for us,” Magnus explained warmly before Alec closed his laptop and went to the bathroom.

 

His breathing was faster than usual and his cheeks felt hot. Alec bit his lower lip as he sprayed shaving cream into his hand. The razor lay next to him and was ready for use. He put the foam on his beard before he looked in the mirror. The last look in the mirror before he finished with his old, lifeless self. He put on the razor and let it slide down, exposing the skin underneath. Alec breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and thought of all the last months he had suffered in silence, without a voice, before opening his eyes again to continue.

 

* * *

 

 

When Alec went back to the kitchen, he had a cloud of steam trailing after him. He had showered and lightly styled his hair, put on a simple black shirt, and chosen dark grey sweatpants.

 

Magnus just turned around with two plates in his hand before he stopped in shock. Alec straightened up and had to laugh when he saw Magnus standing in front of him, speechless. On the plate were two chicken breasts with steamed vegetables, rice, and a curry sauce.

 

“You should close your mouth before a fly flies in,” Alec joked before he sat down in front of him.

 

Magnus still looked at him in shock, fixing his striking features, his big eyes and his slightly gelled hair. Alec looked healthy, even though Magnus knew he was anything but healthy.

 

“I- Alec… you look stunning,” Magnus finally said before putting the plate in front of him and sitting next to him.

 

Alec had to laugh. “You're the only one who looks at me like this,” Alec explained before he started eating.

 

Magnus was still captured by his looks, and lost himself in his appearance. Alec felt Magnus’ gaze on him and that he completely ignored his plate, so he made a pleasurable sound and nervously pointed his fork at the plate before swallowing it.

 

“This tastes extremely good! You're getting better and better,” Alec praised before turning his head to Magnus, who blinked briefly before looking at his own plate.

 

“Thank you, _Alexander_ ….” Magnus replied lost in thought, before reality caught up with him directly and he slapped one hand in front of his mouth and breathed in shock.

 

“Sorry-” he said right before he stared at his plate. He knew that Alec didn't want to be called Alexander, but Magnus had been too lost in his thoughts and it had just slipped out.

 

“I didn't mean-- I know you don't want to be called that--”

 

“It's okay, Magnus,” Alec said quickly, stopping Magnus. Magnus looked confused at Alec, who smiled warmly at him and nodded. “I like it when you say it. It sounds elegant… majestic, _special_ ,” explained Alec as he poked around in his vegetables.

 

Magnus still looked at him confused before his lips pulled up. “Are you serious?” he asked with a smile and Alec looked at him again, smiled at him warmly and nodded.

 

“Why shouldn't I be serious?”

 

Magnus shrugged his shoulders before he also began to eat. “I just want to make sure you're comfortable, Alexander,” Magnus replied.

 

When Alec heard the name, he was overcome with goose bumps, but in a positive sense. He could not describe why he so incredibly appreciated the way his name fell from Magnus’ mouth. It was probably love that Magnus put his emphasis on. The caution and the trust. He made Alec feel special, because in his eyes, he was. Alec was a fighter, although he had long since given himself up, he was still fighting. At least since Magnus was there for him.

 

“I feel perfect as long as you're here,” whispered Alec quietly and Magnus felt a firework shoot through his body. Magnus was not quite sure whether Alec knew what he was doing, but Magnus was sure that Alec chose his words wisely.

 

“Want to play Rocket Leauge?” Alec finally asked to change the subject. Magnus nodded before he emptied his plate.

 

“All I have to do is hang up the laundry and clean up the kitchen,” explained Magnus before getting to work.

 

Alec stayed in the kitchen and talked to Magnus to keep him company. During that time, Alec observed him inconspicuously. How his earring shone in the light of the kitchen, how his golden strands slowly lost their color. How his shirt matched his pants, how his makeup emphasized his dark eyes. He looked perfect, even when cleaning up.

 

* * *

 

 

After Magnus had spent the whole weekend with Alec, thankful to him for still storing things in his apartment, Alec spent Monday evening completely alone. Magnus studied together with Raphael for the exam, even though they had time off. They had agreed that they would start preparing food together on Tuesday. Alec spent his day alone in front of Playstation until Magnus walked through the door at half past eight with a pizza box in his hand. He looked exhausted, but he smiled warmly at Alec.

 

“Long day?” Alec asked from the sofa before he got up with his teacup and went into the kitchen.

 

Magnus nodded with a yawn. Magnus took his job seriously, even though Alec had told him it was okay if he stayed at home a day.

 

After the two had eaten, they watched Lucifer together. Magnus’ yawns, however, increased more and more in frequency, but he did not want to leave yet. However, he fell asleep within a few minutes after lying down next to Alec, who watched him sleep for quite a while before covering him and putting a pillow under his head. He didn't want to wake him up and kick him out of his apartment, so he set himself an alarm clock so he could wake Magnus. Then he left the living room and went to his bed while still thinking of Magnus, who turned his whole life upside down for him. Alec didn't know if the stress was really worth it, but meanwhile he was also aware that Magnus wanted to see him at all costs.

 

* * *

 

 

When Magnus was gently awakened by a soft voice the next day and he looked into Alec's eyes, he initially thought he was dreaming. But when he realized that he had fallen asleep with Alec, he suddenly sat upright and looked at his phone, which Alec had connected to the power supply the night before.

 

“Don't panic,” Alec reassured him gently before handing him a cup of coffee. “Black as always,” he said before going back to the kitchen to get the plate of bacon.

 

“Thank you…” Magnus replied, taking the plate. “You know, you shouldn’t be cooking,” Magnus reminded him of the rules before Alec shrugged his shoulders.

 

“And you shouldn't overexert yourself just because you want to see me.”

 

“Good Point.” Magnus slurped his coffee and reached for his plate to enjoy his breakfast.

 

“Sorry I fell asleep,” he apologized anyway, but Alec snorted just before he shook his head.

 

“It's okay. You are exhausted even though you have a week off… You should enjoy the time and not think about the exam. Just relax.”

 

“How am I supposed to relax if we start preparing for dinner today? I've never prepared a turkey before, Alexander,” Magnus said in almost panic. “I want everything to be perfect so that you have a good time and your parents are happy with me. I promised your sister I'd make it perfect.”

 

The words just tumbled out of Magnus’ mouth, and Alec could tell that he was nervous. Rarely had he experienced him so excited.

 

Alec put one hand on Magnus’ shoulder and exerted light pressure to calm him down before smiling at him. Magnus immediately silenced and turned his head in Alec’s direction before smiling at him as well.

 

“As long as you're here, it's perfect, because I'm not alone,” Alec explained reassuringly. Magnus finally nodded and breathed deeply before taking a sip of his coffee, and the black gold warmed his body and woke him up.

 

“Let's start this afternoon, and we'll game in the meantime,” Alec explained the plan and Magnus nodded to him silently while he enjoyed his breakfast. Magnus let Alec plan everything, because Alec didn't feel useless anymore and his eyes began to sparkle as soon as he noticed that Magnus liked his ideas.

 

* * *

 

 

After lunch the two stood in the kitchen and prepared the turkey together. Both of them repeatedly leafed through the family recipe in order to do everything right. Although Alec cooked passionately, he was not sure how his mother had prepared the bird before.

 

“If I would’ve known it was gonna be such a hard job, I would have insisted on pizza on Thanksgiving. With turkey meat, of course,” complained Magnus when the two had finally stuffed the turkey and put it back in the fridge, loaded with stuffing. Alec had to laugh quietly as he poured himself another cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen island.

 

“Doesn't that seem a little drab for your kind of style?” he asked boldly and Magnus turned around and looked at him attacked.

 

“Hey! Just because I'm lazy in the kitchen and would rather conjure everything up doesn't mean I don't have style when it comes to food. I love lobster, for example, but try affording lobster as a student. Impossible,” Magnus explained with the tea towel in his hand. Alec pulled up his eyebrows and looked at Magnus unimpressed.

 

“Lobster doesn't taste good anyway,” he deadpanned, and Magnus snorted.

 

“Lobster tastes fantastic,” he defended himself before putting the glasses back into the cupboard.

 

Alec laughed and shook his head. “How fortunate that you can't cook lobster,” he replied before he got up and sat down on the couch. “Otherwise I'd have to eat that too,” he continued before he heard a growl from the kitchen.

 

“I'll remember that, Lightwood!” Magnus called back, slightly pissed off, which made Alec smile. He turned on the TV again and a few minutes later they were both on the couch, looking at Lucifer's new squadrons.

 

Alec had meanwhile put his head on Magnus’ lap, which didn't bother either of them anymore. A pillow lay under Alec's head and supported him slightly, while Magnus’ hand always close to Alec's head. The tension between the two was palpable, but when Magnus finally dared to slide his hands over Alec's head, Alec immediately turned his head to him and the TV became secondary.

 

“You had a strand of hair hanging from your face,” Magnus explained quietly and Alec tilted his head, looked at him critically, but he smiled.

 

“Did I, yeah?” Alec teased him. Magnus looked into his eyes. His lips were slightly open, his cheeks reddened. The two completely ignored their environment. Alec could hear his heart beat faster, but he didn't know if it was his own or Magnus’ heart.

 

Magnus lifted his hand slightly and again stroked through Alec's hair before his hand carefully slipped down, stroking over the soft skin of his cheek, but he never let him out of his sight. Alec, on the other hand, closed his eyes, leaned lightly into the touch and enjoyed the moment that felt like a dream.

 

“Yes.” Magnus whispered. His voice trembled slightly and although Magnus was usually self-confident and knew exactly how to seduce people to get what he wanted, he treated Alec like porcelain. One wrong move, one wrong word, and everything could be over.

 

When Alec opened his eyes again, he raised his hand as well, stroking Magnus’ cheek very carefully, smiling too, before slowly pulling it back again. Magnus also smiled warmly at him. They didn't need words to understand what was going on. And when their eyes met again, their lips still slightly parted and the pulse of both of them kept rising, Magnus slowly bent down.

 

Carefully he inched his way forward, looked into Alec's eyes as long as he could, before Alec also lifted his head a bit and closed his eyes. No matter what would come, he was ready for anything and for the consequences.

 

Magnus was also about to close his eyes and thrust into the fireworks of emotions. He didn't know what to expect, but he hadn't wished for anything more in weeks. He wanted Alec so badly, wanted to kiss him, hold him, call him his and protect him because Alec was never protected.

 

But it remained a secret what would have happened in the following seconds, because the doorbell rang and both Alec and Magnus flinched before they separated from each other, and Alec sat up. Magnus blinked before he looked at Alec, who unconsciously bit his lips.

 

“I-- I should open the door,” Magnus explained, before he laboriously left the couch. Alec looked after him before he looked at his hands, which were shaking. It was hard for him to breathe, as if Magnus had stolen all the air in his lungs from him in the few seconds they were about to kiss. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes before looking up and his pulse slowly calmed down again.

 

_What the hell just happened?_

 

Meanwhile Magnus walked down the stairs, to open the front door a few moments later. He looked into two pairs of eyes. It was a blonde young woman and a young man next to her, also as tall as Magnus, black hair and Indian roots. The two stood close together, holding hands, and saw Magnus’ face just as confused.

 

“Hello?” Magnus finally began the conversation. He could hardly see who was standing in front of him because the woman was wearing a cap and her scarf covered half her face.

 

“Hello! We wanted to talk to Alec,” the woman finally started and Magnus tilted his head slightly, but he let them both into the house so that they could get out of the cold.

 

Once inside, the woman pulled down her cap and freed herself from her scarf and Magnus stopped breathing.

 

“Lydia,” he finally said before looking at the man next to Lydia who was pulling his gloves off his hands.

 

“Then you're Raj,” Magnus said, and the two of them nodded with a grin.

 

But Magnus _was_ in no laughing mood, at all.


	12. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter TW// Blood & Violence in a slight way! Just wanted to make y'all aware of that! 
> 
> Good afternoon and welcome back to #LMBWA
> 
> It's been a while, whoops! Due to Thos3 and my beta being on vacation - the fic got a bit behind, but I'm back with chapter 12 after leaving y'all with that huge huge cliffhanger (tho I'm not really sorry for that ;) )
> 
> As always, I'd appreciate any form of feedback, comments, live-tweets or dm's on my Twitter for your reaction! Hopefully the delay didn't kill the excitement for the fanfic!
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter + my edit for the whole fanfic: (made this a while ago but if you haven't seen my edit yet, check it out! :) I put a lot of work into it to make it look like a real trailer for LMBWA! <3) [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> Once again, thanks to @Lakritzwolf for beta'ing! 
> 
> Enjoy reading, enjoy the angst, enjoy LMBWA! 
> 
> Kim xx
> 
> PSA: Check out the playlist for two new songs! :)

Hello dear readers, this is the beta speaking.

 

I confess, the delay is entirely on me. I didn’t manage to get the chapter done before I went on vacation to visit family for three weeks, but in my defense, I thought I could borrow a laptop like last time. Which, turned out, I couldn’t, so I couldn’t do the job during my vacation as planned. So please, this is not the dear writer’s fault. Enjoy today’s chapter. -the beta.

 

\-----------------

 

A few minutes passed by, until Magnus opened the door again and stepped into Alec’s apartment with the two of them. Raj and Lydia just laughed at a joke that Raj had made, while Magnus bit his lower lip as he stood in the living room and looked at Alec, who had in the meantime put on his mask and raised his eyebrow questioningly before looking down the hall and discovering Lydia and Raj, walking hand in hand towards Alec.

 

Alec rolled his eyes before turning off the TV, crossing his hands between his legs and leaning slightly forward.

 

“Alec!” Lydia exclaimed with a big smile before she wanted to sit down directly on the couch.

Magnus recognized the situation immediately and intervened by standing in her way.

 

“You need to take off your jacket and clean your hands. The same goes for Raj,” Magnus calmly explained before he turned his gaze on Raj and pointed towards the kitchen.

 

Lydia looked at Magnus somewhat confused before realizing that Alec’s illness was still an issue. She nodded silently before going into the kitchen with her boyfriend.

 

Meanwhile Magnus turned to Alec and looked at him helplessly.

 

“I couldn’t just get rid of them, I’m sorry,” he whispered to Alec, but Alec nodded silently before raising his hand and slowly getting up.

They were only a few inches apart and Magnus could swear that Alec was smiling behind the mask.

 

“I can do it,” Alec replied just as quietly before raising his hand to brush a strand of hair from Magnus’ face. He lost himself in the sight and followed the finger that slowly tugged the strand from Magnus’s face. Magnus felt the blood pouring into his cheeks and he briefly closed his eyes to enjoy the moment, but then the two of them heard someone clear their throat, and Alec’s gaze slipped past Magnus’ shoulder. He lowered his hand and kept staring at the same spot behind Magnus, where Lydia stood a little awkwardly with her boyfriend.

 

“We should go to my room,” Alec explained dryly before passing Magnus and walking towards his room. Magnus, however, turned around and took Alec’s arm. Alec stopped right there and looked down at Magnus’ hand. Magnus didn’t care that Lydia and Raj could see all this. He didn’t want Alec to get hurt. He didn’t want him to have to deal with the situation on his own.

 

“I can come with you, if you want me to, Alec.” Magnus explained in slight despair, but Alec shook his head weakly before he looked into Magnus’ eyes.

 

_I can do this on my own. I have to do this on my own._

 

They exchanged no more words, but Magnus’ hand detached from Alec’s forearm and Alec disappeared a few seconds later into his room with his former girlfriend and his former best friend.

 

And Magnus felt completely helpless.

 

* * *

 

 

A few seconds later Alec sat down on his bed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked at Lydia critically, who was looking around his room.

 

“You redesigned your room,” she casually noted, while Raj stood a little uncomfortable next to his girlfriend. He felt guilty for everything that had happened, had not come forward since he had met Lydia.

 

“If you came here to talk about my room decorations, I could have sent you pictures on Facebook,” Alec replied dryly. He wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible. He didn’t want to talk to them and have Thanksgiving ruined. He just really had better things to do than sit in his room with his former friends. Alec felt his lungs shrink for a short time and he struggled to breathe. Alec turned his head slightly before coughing and his lungs were whistling loudly.

 

“Are you all right, buddy?” Raj asked directly, but Alec raised his hand defensively before he coughed again and finally nodded.

 

“Nothing that should concern you. I’m all right. What are you doing here?” Alec asked, annoyed by their faked compassion. Lydia had meanwhile placed herself next to her boyfriend and taken his hand. Alec gritted his teeth and swallowed his anger before he stood up and crossed his arms again in front of his chest. He was watching them both.

 

“We wanted to invite you,” Lydia began quietly before looking back at the room door. “We didn’t know you had visitors. We thought you were--”

 

“Alone? Like when you left me and hooked up with my best friend?” Alec growled deeply before looking at Raj, who lowered his head and swallowed. Lydia also tensed up briefly before taking a deep breath.

 

“My visitor is called Magnus. He’s my friend, and he’s employed by my mother, so I’m not quite that alone anymore.” Alec’s voice was laced with sarcastic undertone. He wanted Lydia to feel how hurt he had been.

 

“Is he coming over every day?” Lydia suddenly asked, and Alec tilted his head again.

 

“What does it matter whether he’s here every day or not?” he wanted to know.

 

Lydia and Raj looked at each other briefly before Raj gave her a sign that she should rather be quiet. After a few seconds Lydia finally nodded to her boyfriend and turned her eyes to Alec, who still looked at them, waiting for the real reason they had come.

 

Lydia finally detached her hand from Raj’s and held it out to him. Alec saw a diamond ring shining on her ring finger. Alec stared at the ringed finger before again looking at Lydia, who grinned at him.

 

“We wanted to invite you to our summer wedding next year,” she finally said out loud and Alec didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

 

“This is a bad joke, isn’t it?” Alec immediately fired back before he laughed ironically and threw his head back. “How am I supposed to get to your amazing wedding when I can’t even leave my own four walls?” Alec wanted to know before he saw in the unsuspecting faces of Lydia and Raj.

 

Alec noticed the pain spreading in his chest getting stronger and stronger. Even though his break-up was almost two years ago, it still hurt that his former best friend had hooked up with his former girlfriend. He had been abandoned, left alone with his illness.

 

And nobody cared.

 

They even expected Alec to join the wedding celebration.

 

_Outside._

 

“You thought that one through,” Alec remarked before he sat down on his bed and breathed deeply. He let the words sink and realized how serious the situation was. Lydia and Raj would get married next summer.

 

They were happy together and didn’t care about Alec’s situation.

 

Lydia was still looking at Alec before she cleared her throat. “Alec… we thought you’d be better by now. It’s been almost two years.”

 

Alec laughed dryly before he shook his head and looked up.

 

“Two years you’ve all left me alone. Two years I sat alone in my apartment and nobody came by. Two years in which I suffered in silence without any help, because I didn’t want to live anymore.” Alec’s words were filled with rage. His whole being was boiling. He couldn’t believe that his former friends were so naive.

 

“If it’s still because of the break-up--” Raj started quietly, but Alec hissed, interrupting him by standing up and standing right in front of his former best friend. Alec had pulled his eyebrows together threateningly, and gritted his teeth. His hands were clenched in fists.

 

“I don’t care about the fucking relationship. I never cared about the relationship. We both know that I never loved her and that Lydia was just my best friend, who I pretended to love, in front of my parents,” Alec growled darkly. It became quiet in the room and Raj had to swallow hard before he turned his head slightly to his fiancée, who looked at them helplessly.

 

Alec shook his head before taking a step back and coughing again. His nails were now digging into his palms, allowing him to suppress his anger.

 

“How can you be so fucking selfish? You come here, to my apartment, to tell me you’re getting married next year. You both know exactly why I’m no longer able to work. Why I can’t leave this shitty apartment and why everyone left me. I have GBS, I can’t just leave the house to walk to your wedding as if it were the most normal thing in the world.” Alec had turned away from them and stared at his bed, closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

 

“Alec…” Lydia began quietly before pulling a card out of her trouser pocket and holding out her arm. “No one’s forcing you, but we both wanted to invite you. After all, you were one of our closest friends a few years ago. Before... well.”  Lydia stopped talking and Alec finally turned around, lowered his shoulders and grabbed the invitation card.

 

On the front, Lydia and Raj were seen standing before of a waterfall. They smiled at each other broadly while Lydia held her engagement ring in the camera. Alec opened the card and read it before his eyes fell on the last lines.

 

“I’m... not allowed to bring company?” Alec asked when he saw that there was no Plus One line. He looked from the card back at Lydia before turning his head to Raj, also looking at him questioningly. The disappointment spread through Alec before he even got an answer.

 

Did they really think Alec was lost?

 

“Well... we’re not inviting your parents and Isabelle got a separate invitation. Since.... you were always a loner anyway, we thought we’d rather pass your guest seat on to someone who really comes with someone,” Lydia explained carefully, and Alec’s whole body tense up and he felt the anger that had built up in his body with every breath.

 

So that’s how Lydia thought about him. That he was alone, that he didn’t deserve to find someone who loved him.

 

“I see.”  Alec finally said before he closed the card and threw it on his nightstand. He wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible.

 

“You should probably leave and let me alone in my loneliness,” Alec said ironically and with a smile on his face. His chest was tightening more and more and he felt his legs tremble.

 

Raj looked at Lydia, who still looked sad at Alec before she took a deep breath and nodded.

 

“Just… text us. Or tell Isabelle. No matter what happened, Alec, I’m still here for you. I’m sorry I left,” Lydia tried again, but Alec raised his hand and turned away. He briefly looked out the window and fought his tears back before biting his tongue and shaking his head.

 

“You’ve never been there for me,” he whispered with a furious voice. “All you cared about was looking good next to me. To be popular next to me. Your reputation was more important to you than my condition. When I got sick and couldn’t shine next to you anymore, you left me. It doesn’t matter if I loved you or not, you were my best friend and left when I needed you most. And why?” Alec turned around again and looked directly at Lydia. His eyes were slightly shiny.

 

“Because he was there.”  Alec pointed to Raj. Raj looked at the former bodyguard, his former boss, before he looked on the floor. Lydia also felt caught and blushed.

 

“But you do you!” Alec said dry before he laughed again.

 

“I’m so sorry…” she replied quietly, and Alec shook his head in disbelief.

 

“It’s not about us breaking up the relationship, because it was just a facade for my parents anyway, but that you two just left me without checking up even once? I’ll never forgive you. And then two years later, all of a sudden, you bash through my apartment door to invite me to your wedding. Great.”

 

Alec rubbed his forehead, which pounded extremely. He could not get any more furious, but the egoism of Raj and Lydia made his blood boil.

 

“Just go,” Alec finally said before pointing to the door. He needed his space before he said things he could never take back.

 

“Alec…” Raj tried to calm him down.

 

“I said go.”

 

Lydia looked at Raj before she also nodded to the door and the two mutely made their way back into the hallway. Alec watched them as they slowly opened the door and one by one walked out of the room.

 

When the door finally fell shut, Alec pressed all the air out of his lungs that he had held captive all the time before his shoulders also fell down and his fingernails cut deeper into his palms. He felt rage. It took over his whole mind. His brain stopped and his emotions took over. He could only think of Lydia, how naive and selfish she had been all these years, how Raj accepted everything without further comment and how they had simply ignored Alec’s illness instead of really worrying.

 

Alec’s hands trembled, his head pounded, and he felt the hot tears streaming into his eyes. He turned around and stroked his hair desperately. He couldn’t face Magnus like that. He had to relax, calm down. Take a deep breath and overcome the pain in his chest. And finally he saw the bookshelves and his mirror.

 

And Alec felt how the objects magically attracted him.

 

And he knew it would hurt.

 

But he needed the pain. Because pain meant that you still felt.

 

That you weren’t quite broken yet.

 

* * *

 

 

_A FEW MINUTES EARLIER_

 

“Don’t you dare pick up heavy stuff!” Magnus admonished his friend, who was still working full-time in the hospital. But Catarina laughed.

 

”Don’t worry, I’m fine and so is the baby. I work more in the office right now and get my maternity leave in two weeks. You know we have a shortage of staff,” she explained in a calm voice as she turned her swivel chair slightly from left to right.

 

”Then I’m reassured.” said Magnus, who had just leaned on the counter. He had tidied up the kitchen in the last few minutes and cleaned out the dishwasher. He had set Catarina to loudspeaker and put it down so that he had both hands free.

 

”But enough about me and Nathan, how are you? Are you getting along better with Alec now?” Catarina’s voice sounded after a short pause and Magnus stared at the phone and remembered what had happened a few minutes before.

 

They had almost kissed.

 

Magnus tensed briefly and shook his head to banish the thoughts from his brain.

 

”Yeah. We get along better. I now play video games and chess! I’ve learned to cook and can even fold laundry straight,” Magnus proudly tried to cover the situation. And it worked, because Cat didn’t wonder about the break that Magnus needed to collect his words and himself.

 

”Cooking? I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you,” she replied laughing. ”We both know the first attempt backfired.”

 

Magnus rolled his eyes and put the dish towel back in place. At the same moment Alec’s room door opened and Lydia and Raj ran out. Magnus looked at them critically as they passed through the kitchen.

 

“Give him five minutes,” Lydia quietly explained, which led Magnus to pull up an eyebrow.

 

”Is he alright?” he wanted to know directly, but Lydia nodded in line with Raj. They definitely didn’t want to stay any longer, they were already standing at the next wall leading to the corridor.

 

”Just give him a moment, he’ll come to you on his own,” explained Raj, before the two left the apartment and Magnus stood in the hallway a little puzzled. Catarina waited patiently until her friend would speak again. She knew that Alec had company and Magnus had called her about it.

 

”Everything okay?” she finally asked when she noticed Magnus’ footsteps, but he said nothing. Magnus was still confused, but he nodded before collecting and picking up his phone.

 

“Yes... they just don’t know Alec anymore.”

 

”Have they ever known him? From what you know and told me, they never treated Alec fairly,” Catarina said. Magnus couldn’t digress. She was right. Alec had never been treated fairly by anybody. No one knew him as well as his sister. And even Magnus knew by now that Alec never came to someone on his own. No matter what happened, it wasn’t good.

 

Magnus bit his lower lip took a deep breath, but suddenly heard a muffled noise from Alec’s room and his whole body tensed. Magnus immediately left the kitchen and looked at Alec’s room door. The sounds repeated at irregular intervals and Magnus didn’t know what was happening, but he knew he had to do something.

 

And he had to do it fast.

 

”Hang on, Catarina. I have to look after Alec,” he called into the kitchen before he stopped outside Alec’s door to knock.

 

”Alexander? Is everything all right? Shall I come in?” Magnus tried it the polite way, but he received no answer. Of course, Magnus had expected this, but he knew that Alec sometimes needed time.

 

Magnus raised his hand again to knock, but he knew Alec could hear him.”Just tell me everything’s fine... I’ll leave you alone.” Magnus asked him in a low voice. Again no answer, but the muffled sound was heard again. Magnus still couldn’t figure out what Alec was doing and it made his heart race.

 

”Alec, please.” Magnus tried again. ”Whatever they told you, you can talk to me. I am there for you,” Magnus replied weakly before leaning his forehead against the door. His hand was also on the door.

 

On the other side, Alec with face covered in tears, also stood in front of the door. His hand was on the door, his forehead leaning against it. He heard Magnus’ voice dull. It calmed him down.

 

”Come on Alexander...” Magnus whispered, and Alec felt the pain again in his chest. His heart trusted Magnus blindly, but his brain yelled at him that he could not trust anyone. He’s only ever been hurt in his life. Trusting meant getting hurt.

 

And Alec was tired of getting hurt by others. His hand was throbbing and the pain was now all over his arm. He turned his head slightly and looked into the mirror standing right next to him. He closed his eyes briefly and remembered Lydia’s words. And her look, how naive she had looked at him.

 

When Alec opened his eyes again, he acted again out of emotions.

 

Magnus heard a new sound a few seconds later.

 

_Glass._

 

He heard glass shattering, jingling on the floor. And he heard Alec hiss sharply. Magnus bit his lower lip again before he grasped the door handle. He didn’t care that Alec didn’t talk to him. He had to go into the room.

 

He had to see Alec.

 

When he opened the door a few seconds later, he looked directly at Alec who had his back to him, standing lost in the room. Magnus saw the chaos in the room. The broken shelves, the mirror next to him, shattered to into pieces. Some shards of broken glass had traces of blood. Magnus swallowed heavily before turning his gaze on Alec, who was still standing at the same spot and not moving an inch. His shoulders rose and fell faster than usual.

 

Magnus watched Alec for a while before he turned his attention on his arm, which Alec held in front of his chest. Magnus could only guess what his hand had to look like.

 

”A-alec...” Magnus muttered in shock. Alec flinched at the mention of his name, but he didn’t turn around.

 

”What... happened?” Magnus asked carefully before he took a step towards Alec. Alec noticed it and lifted his head slightly, making Magnus stop.

 

”Just go,” Alec replied in a broken voice. He didn’t want Magnus to see him like this, so _broken._

 

Magnus did not yet really understand what had happened, but he knew that he would definitely not leave him. Magnus took another step towards Alec and breathed deeply. He cautiously climbed over the broken glass, not even taking his eyes off Alec.

 

”I’m not leaving, Alec,” he assured him, and Alec’s shoulders tightened.

 

”Oh yeah?” Alec’s voice suddenly sounded before he slowly turned around, and Magnus into Alec’s broken face. His cheeks were covered with tears, his lips trembled, and his hand were bleeding. Glass splinters were stuck in his skin. Alec breathed faster, his lungs whistled with every breath. He was having a panic attack.

 

”Do you really want to do this to yourself? Look at me! Just look at me! I’m _nothing_. A _mistake_ , a disgrace, a _failure!_ ” Alec yelled at Magnus in despair, tears still streaming down his face. ”Everyone’s leaving me! It’s only a matter of time before the money isn’t worth it anymore,” he continued before realizing that Magnus was standing right in front of him. Only a few inches separated them. Alec held his breath and saw Magnus’ eyes looking at him with concern.

 

Alec swallowed and closed his mouth before also closing his eyes when he realized that Magnus saw how broken Alec was.

 

How _weak_ he was.

 

“Look at me,” Magnus whispered reassuringly. He saw that Alec’s hand trembled, that the glass splinters were still in his hand, and that the blood was dripping to the ground beneath them. The wound had to be treated urgently, but he had to make sure that Alec was doing well under the circumstances.

 

Alec turned his face away from Magnus and dropped his arm. The pain went through his entire arm and chest, but he was too ashamed to just open his eyes and look at Magnus. He didn’t want Magnus ever to see him like this.

 

When Magnus touched his shoulder, Alec twitched and pinched his eyes shut even harder. Magnus didn’t move an inch, wanted to make sure Alec calmed down.

 

“Alec… it’s okay,” Magnus whispered again before his hand cautiously wrapped around Alec’s cheek. Alec held his breath as he felt Magnus’ hand on his face. Magnus carefully stroked Alec’s cheek, dried the tears with his thumb before waiting. However, he did not take his hand away.

 

Alec took a deep breath before he opened his eyes slightly and turned his head to Magnus, who smiled weakly at him. His eyes were still filled with worry, but he remained calm.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Alec whispered in a broken voice before the next tear ran down his cheek. His whole body trembled his legs felt as if he was about to collapse. The pain in his chest became stronger with each breath.

 

“Because I’m worried. Because I care about you. You have to calm down, Alexander,” Magnus explained quietly before he looked at Alec’s hand and swallowed.

 

Magnus grabbed Alec’s face with both hands before looking straight into his eyes. Alec also looked at Magnus with glassy eyes. He knew he looked terrible, but Magnus was his anchor because his breath calmed down slowly. Feeling Magnus’ hands around his face was something Alec had wished for a long time, but could only ever feel in his dream.

 

Magnus’s fingers kept stroking the soft skin of his face before he pulled Alec into a hug. Alec sobbed when he could put his head on Magnus’ shoulder. He closed his eyes and held his wounded hand away from Magnus. Magnus’ hand moving over his back slowly calmed him down. Magnus had also closed his eyes and felt Alec tremble in his arms.

 

“I got you.” Magnus whispered soothingly. A few weeks ago Magnus could never have imagined that Alec would one day lie in his arms and tremble. Neither could Alec imagine that he would ever let anyone get that close to him.

 

But Magnus was with him, reassured him, _protected_ him.

 

Alec sobbed again before slowly removing his arms from Magnus as he looked at him silently. A look at his hand made him tremble again. It looked bad for him. Magnus’ gaze also slipped back to his hand. He breathed deeply and thought for a moment before looking at Alec again.

 

“Wait here, I’ll be right back, okay? Are you still able to stand?” Magnus wanted to know reassuringly. Alec shrugged. He was pale, the crying and the injury made his circulation go crazy. Magnus grabbed his shoulder and held it tight before taking a quick look around.

 

“I’ll help you get to the bed, yeah? Hold your arm up,” he explained to Alec, and Alec nodded silently and let Magnus take him to bed. His world got more blurry, his hand was throbbing in pain and he became colder and colder. Magnus, however, remained calm, unlike the last time, and left Alec’s room to go to the bathroom.

 

He reached for a towel, tweezers and a magnifying glass before going into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

 

“Cat, are you still there?” he shouted to his phone while filling a bowl with water.

 

“Of course, what happened?” Catarina asked directly concerned. Magnus seemed rushed, but he tried to stay calm, so he took a deep breath and turned off the tap.

 

“Alec had a breakdown. He smashed his shelves and destroyed his mirror. I don’t know how bad the wound is, but I have to clean it and remove the splinters. Can you come over?” Magnus’ voice was filled with despair and worry, so Catarina immediately got up and put her things together.

 

“Give me twenty minutes. He has to drink something and stay awake,” Catarina ordered before she ended the call and called a taxi.

 

Magnus brought the bowl and the glass of water to Alec before taking the rest of the utensils out of the kitchen. Alec was still lying on his bed with his arm stretched out in front of him. He had closed his eyes and breathed shallowly until he heard several noises and slowly opened his eyes. Magnus sat in front of him on a chair and just prepared everything before turning on the bedside lamp, which made Alec twitch.

 

“Stay awake. You can’t fall asleep,” whispered Magnus before he carefully reached for Alec’s hand. It was still covered in blood and Magnus couldn’t even see how many splinters were in Alec’s hand.

 

“My parents will kill me… “ Alec whispered in a weak breath. Magnus smiled before gently dipping his hand into the warm water and Alec’s face twisted with pain.

 

“They won’t. It’s not your fault. Whatever Lydia and Raj said made you mad, yeah? But it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have let them in at all,” Magnus explained before he lifted Alec’s hand out of the water. Magnus could now see the splinters cutting their way into Alec’s skin.

 

Magnus put the bowl aside before spreading the towel over his knees and putting Alec’s hand on it. He picked up a magnifying glass and looked at the splinters before carefully pulling them out of Alec’s hand. Alec hissed painfully before closing his eyes and turned his head to the ceiling. He couldn’t look at Magnus for two reasons.

 

He felt bad that he had collapsed, that he had injured himself and that Magnus now had to pay for the chaos, that he took the blame if it was Alec’s sole fault.

 

And they had almost kissed less than an hour ago. They had been this close to kissing. Alec got nauseous at the thought that Magnus was now sitting in front of him and had to treat his injured hand instead of lying on the sofa with him and doing more beautiful things.

 

Alec didn’t even want to talk about the situation, just forget what ever happened and go on as usual.

 

But that was the problem.

 

He couldn’t go on like before. He could no longer ignore Magnus and hide in his room. He needed Magnus. He wanted to see him, touch him, talk to him, cook with him and play video games, learn with him… he wanted to kiss him.

 

“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” Alec finally said before turning his head back to Magnus, who was still concentrating on the wounds and pulling one splinter after the other out of Alec’s hand. He smiled gently before he shook his head and lifted his eyes. His eyebrows pulled up and Alec bit his lower lip.

 

“You don’t have to. The wounds definitely need stitches, but Catarina’s coming over. You don’t have to leave here, I won’t let you,” Magnus replied before he concentrated again on his hand and pulled out the last splinters. Alec saw Magnus slightly double, but he had definitely never seen anyone prettier.

 

“Thank you…” Alec whispered weakly. His chest was still stinging but he couldn’t worry Magnus any more. His birthday was coming up soon and his exam was also due.

 

Magnus carefully placed Alec’s arm in the towel before taking the bowl of glass splinters and water back to the kitchen. He came back with the disinfectant spray in his hand and sprayed it on Alec’s hand, which made him cry out for a moment.

 

 _“Fuck!”_ Alec tried to pull his hand back, but Magnus held on to it. Then he reached for the water glass and handed it to Alec before he helped him to lift up a bit. He had wrapped the hand in a fresh towel and laid it on Alec’s lap.

 

“Catarina will take care of the rest.”  Magnus had sat down on his chair again and looked at Alec drinking from the glass before putting it on the bedside table and breathing deeply. Magnus briefly looked around the room before looking at Alec again and taking a deep breath.

 

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

 

Alec shook his head silently and gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to replay the situation in his head.

 

Magnus nodded silently before he got up and began to tidy up the books scattered on the floor. One shelf was broken in two and another one lay on the floor. Alec had strength, he had to give it to him.

When he had collected all the books, he placed them on the desk before putting up the shelf again he was about to leave the room to look for a broom.

Magnus couldn’t believe the chaos he had caused just by letting them in. He should have taken care of Alec, he should have known that Lydia meant nothing good. He knew Alec’s past, he knew that Lydia had only thrown him more into this infinitely deep hole.

 

Alec had trusted him. And Magnus had let him down.

 

It was all his fault. Magnus closed his eyes and felt his hands begin to tremble, so he quickly shoved them into his pocket. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the cold or from the fact that he felt so guilty. Nevertheless, he had to move on. He had to clear away the pieces and buy a new mirror before his family would notice anything.

 

“Magnus-,” whispered Alec shortly before Magnus stopped and took a few steps back to see around the corner. In the meantime Alec had laid down again and closed his eyes.

 

“Don’t leave me.”

 

Magnus’ heart stuttered and a pain shot through his soul before he sat down again on the chair and stroked Alec’s cheek.

 

“I won’t… but I’ve got to clean up the mess, yeah? I’m just looking for a broom....” Magnus replied calmly. He waited until Alec had processed the information and nodded.

 

After a few minutes Magnus had swept the glass fragments together and threw them into a bucket when the doorbell rang. Magnus kept the door ajar slightly before leaning the broom against the wall in the hallway, and walked to the door with the bucket in his hand to let Catarina in. The nurse looked tired, but she also cared about Alec.

 

“Where is he?” she asked directly when Magnus closed the door behind her. Magnus threw the broken glass into the trash can before pointing to his room.

 

“He’s lying in his bed. He was still awake when I was with him.” Magnus looked down before continuing. The guilt slowly filled every cell in his body, “It’s... it’s all my fault, Cat. I shouldn’t have let those two into the apartment, or to Alec in the first place. I was responsible for him and now--” Magnus was stuttering by the end of his sentence, feeling the air almost run out of his lungs. This was all his fault. He had let Alec down. He couldn’t protect him.

 

Catarina looked at her friend before she put down her bag, and walked towards Magnus before taking him by the shoulders and looking him in the eye. She could tell that he was blaming himself for everything and she didn’t need two emotional breakdowns in a row.

 

“You couldn’t have predicted any of this, you hear me?” Catarina smiled at her long-time friend before he smiled weakly and nodded silently. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes briefly, until his hands stopped shaking, and the nurse let him go before nodding to him and disappearing into his room. Magnus breathed deeply, leaned against on the kitchen island, and closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to explain the situation to Isabelle. His mother had threatened him that he would be fired as soon as something happened to Alec.

 

He didn’t want to leave Alec alone. He wanted to stay with him.

 

But it was a job after all.

 

And Magnus had failed to take care of Alec, had let Lydia and Raj in and thus caused Alec to have an emotional breakdown and his aggression problems to take over. Magnus sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. In two days it would be Thanksgiving, and the two had planned to prepare and cook everything together. But now Alec more or less dropped out. Magnus didn’t even know if Alec wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with him anymore. Magnus locked his phone again before putting it on the kitchen island, and continued doing the dishes.

 

He tried not to think about the fact that Alec was alone and Catarina was taking care of his wounds. That Alec was just down and had told him not to leave him. Magnus stood in the kitchen and wasn’t with him. But Magnus had to deal with the situation himself. And he knew he wasn’t going to be much help to Catarina in his state.

 

* * *

 

 

Catarina came out of Alec’s room about an hour later and quietly closed the door behind her.

Meanwhile Magnus sat on one of the chairs with a coffee cup, drinking in silence. He had wrapped his hands around the cup and warmed his body.

He lifted his head slightly as Catarina sat down on one of the chairs right opposite Magnus and placed her bag on the surface. Magnus’ gaze was filled with worry, but he didn’t dare ask if Alec was okay.

 

Because he himself knew he was in fact not okay.

 

“He’s asleep. I gave him a sedative and stitched his wounds. The hand is wrapped in a bandage. He has to take it easy, but I told him all that before I made the syringe. Besides, he seems to have a cold. He kept suppressing a strong cough. Is he hiding something from you?” Catarina started quietly before she touched the back of Magnus’ hand, which made him twitch.

 

“Are you with me?” Catarina asked, smiling, and Magnus nodded.

 

“Only lost track of my thoughts,” Magnus replied mumbling before taking a sip of his coffee.

 

“Stop feeling guilty.”

 

“But it’s my fault,” Magnus said harshly.

 

Catarina looked at him silently and blinked a few times before she breathed out a heavy sigh. “You did what your heart told you to do. You were polite, and you let them in. Besides, you told me that you wanted to go into the room, but Alec wanted to handle it alone. Magnus, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Catarina reassured her friend. Magnus swallowed heavily, stared into his coffee cup before rolling his shoulders and nodding.

 

“You’re right,” he murmured again.

 

“I’m always right, after all, I’m the older one of us,” she tried to ease the situation. Magnus smiled briefly before turning his head and looking down the hall.

 

“His family will find out anyway and fire me. His mother will hate me because something happened to him.”

 

“You’re Magnus Bane, you’ll think of something,” Catarina admonished her long-time friend. He turned his head to her again before he tilted it and looked at her questioningly.

 

“You buy a new mirror and a new shelf, of course,” Catarina explained before pointing to his laptop.

“They won’t notice a thing. And for the hand, you two figure something out. You’re clever.”

 

Magnus looked at his laptop, which was still lying on the sofa, before he took a deep breath and nodded. Catarina really was always right.

 

“Thank you... for everything,” Magnus replied before tiredly running a hand down his face. Catarina stood up and walked around the kitchen island to put her hand on Magnus’ shoulder, and applied light pressure to express support.

 

“Go to him and stay with him. I put painkillers on his desk. One every day. The pills are compatible with his body, so you don’t have to worry,” Catarina explained before reaching for her bag. She’d been off work a long time and needed a good night’s sleep. Magnus stood up and accompanied her to the door. He thanked her again and again for her help until she forbade him to speak.

 

“Stop blaming yourself and go to him. He needs you,” she said before she smiled at him and closed the door behind her. Magnus stared at the front door for a while before closing his eyes and tried to swallow his guilt. Catarina was right. It wasn’t Magnus’ fault, or Alec’s fault.

 

But Magnus could be there for him, not leave him alone.

 

Alec was always alone when he collapsed, when his past caught up with him. But this time it would be different. Magnus was with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus put every single book in the shelf again. Sorted neatly according to the alphabet. Alec snored quietly, which made Magnus smile again and again. It calmed him down somehow. Within half an hour he had put every book back on the shelf, then he picked up the painkillers. Magnus read through the package insert before considering where to best place the box. Alec’s desk had a drawer on the right that Magnus quietly opened to place the tablets there. But what he found there astonished him for a moment.

 

A sketchbook was in the drawer, next to it was a metal box. Magnus suspected there were pencils in the box. The sketchbook was just opened and Magnus looked at a pencil drawing. It represented a flower vase with withered flowers. Magnus tilted his head before lifting the page a little to see what was on the next page.

 

“As soon as I’m unconscious, you get curious,” whispered a dry voice behind him and Magnus flinched before hastily closing the drawer, and spun around.

 

Alec smiled weakly at him. He had rolled to the left side of the bed and looked at Magnus with tired eyes. Magnus was still standing at his desk, but he smiled at Alec as well.

 

“I wasn’t curious. I was just looking for a place for the painkillers.” Magnus explained quietly before holding the package in the air to show it to Alec. Alec looked it before nodding towards his bedside table.

 

“Put it there,” he whispered before dragging a hand down his face. Magnus tilted his head.

“I’m not gonna stuff them into my face. Trust me,” Alec added, after Magnus glared at him. He slowly walked towards Alec before he sat down on the chair next to the bed and looked at him. He still felt guilty, which so he couldn’t look Alec in the face, but on the bandaged hand resting on his stomach.

 

“It’s not your fault…” Alec whispered with half-closed eyes as he felt Magnus looking at himself. Magnus bit his lower lip before trying to look into Alec’s eyes. Alec still smiled slightly at him, which made Magnus smile again.

 

“I let them in,” Magnus replied, but Alec stretched out his uninjured hand and smiled broadly at him. The painkiller worked wonders.

 

Magnus giggled quietly before reaching for Alec’s hand and lay down next to him within seconds. The two men looked at each other silently while Alec played with Magnus’ hand.

 

“Stop blaming yourself for my stupidity,” mumbled Alec before turning carefully to his side and looking at Magnus. The light from the bedside table shone on Magnus from behind and made him appear in a dimmed golden tone. Alec didn’t even know if he was dreaming all this, or if Magnus was really lying next to him. He felt neither pain, nor how his heart beat faster, because he had entwined his hand with Magnus’, playing with every single finger.

 

Magnus smiled silently at him before looking back at the desk.

 

“I didn’t know you could draw,” he finally said before turning his head back and looking at Alec who had followed his gaze.

 

“I dabble,” Alec replied with a smile. “So you did get curious” He grinned weakly at Magnus, which made him laugh out loud and shake his head in disbelief.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with it. The drawing looked good,” Magnus praised Alec, who was still a little off track because of the painkillers. He raised his injured hand in a dismissive gesture .

 

“What else am I supposed to do in the apartment? Besides drawing, reading, and gaming, there aren’t many things to do.” By now Alec spoke more clearly. Probably focused on the words. At the same time he became more alert.

 

Magnus looked at him for a while before placing one hand under his head and stroking Alec’s hand with the other. Alec enjoyed every touch he could get from Magnus, but didn’t let it show.

 

“Is there anything in this world you can’t do, Alexander Lightwood?” Magnus asked in one breath. It was a whisper, no more and no less, making it harder for Alec to understand the question, but when he looked into Magnus’ eyes he realized that there was one thing he could not do.

 

Alec carefully pulled his hand away from Magnus before slowly turning on his back to stare at the ceiling.

 

“ _Love_ ,” he replied dryly, and a few seconds later he heard Magnus swallow hard.

 

“What do you mean?” Magnus wanted to know more. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Alec yet. Alec huffed for a moment before laughing ironically.

 

“I cannot be loved. Not even my parents care how I feel. I’m messing everything up. I am not able to love or be loved,” he explained impassively. He didn’t expect an answer. He did not expect Magnus to contradict him because Magnus had not known him long enough.

 

“You know you’re wrong, don’t you?” Magnus replied a few seconds later, so that Alec turned his head to look at him.

 

“You got me.” Magnus finally whispered. “Your sister, your parents still love you, even though you don’t believe that,” he explained before he carefully sat up. Magnus’ heart beat faster because he had just let his heart speak.

 

“What I mean by that… People express their love in different ways. Your parents hired me because they want to help you, Alec. Because they’re worried. Your sister still loves you as much as she did before the diagnosis. And I cancelled my one-night stand to help you, my weekend parties to be with you.” Magnus breathed deeply and stared briefly at his hands. He remembered the moment before the doorbell had destroyed everything. When they were so close to the _Forever_.

 

Alec tilted his head before he also looked at his injured hand and a heavy sigh left his lungs that were still whistling a little. Magnus briefly closed his eyes and thought of Catarina’s words. He knew Alec wasn’t feeling well. He knew Alec was hiding something from him.

 

“I already messed up Thanksgiving. I’m sorry,” Alec finally said, which made Magnus look at him. Magnus looked at Alec for a while before he had to smile.

 

“Thanksgiving is in two days, Alec,”  Magnus replied quietly. Alec closed his eyes briefly before turning on his back and breathing deeply.

 

“Besides, I’m still here after all. And I’m not leaving either, if that’s what you think. We celebrate Thanksgiving to spend time with the people we love. We thank those who help us through the day and always support us. You can’t screw up Thanksgiving as long as you spend it with someone who’s grateful for you,” Magnus quietly explained, and then Alec opened his eyes and turned his head to Magnus to look at him.

 

“You’ll get money for this, too.” Alec muttered, sounding slightly hurt. Magnus knew he didn’t like getting money for what he was doing. But the money had long since become irrelevant for Magnus. He wanted to be here as often as he could. He wanted to spend time with Alec, hear him laugh and be with him when he collapsed.

 

“That doesn’t change the fact that I changed my life because I wanted to. Because you are important to me, Alexander,” Magnus replied in a whisper. Alec’s eyes scurried up to Magnus’ eyes before he looked at Magnus’ lips, blinking a few times.

 

Alec felt his pulse speed up, his heart beating faster, and his cheeks warmed up. Magnus definitely triggered feelings in Alec that he had never felt before in his life. Which, in his opinion, he would never feel.

 

Magnus could see him struggling with himself, so he stood up and stretched out. “Your painkillers are working, huh?” he asked to simplify the situation. It didn’t take long for Alec to nod weakly before he spread out the blanket and pulled it over his head. Magnus looked at him for a moment before he sat down on the chair and crossed his legs.

 

“What are you doing?” Alec asked sleepily before turning to his side again and reaching for his phone. Magnus watched him before he cleared his throat and continued to dim the light.

 

“I’ll wait until you fall asleep,” he explained, before he got up and took his laptop out of the living room. Alec watched him critically before he nodded, and returned his attention to his phone.

 

Magnus, meanwhile, surfed the Internet and ordered the shelf that Alec had smashed, to be able to sort the remaining books. Then he looked for a new mirror and ordered it with express delivery so that they would be there before the family returned. Magnus couldn’t risk getting fired. He couldn’t risk leaving Alec alone. Magnus bit his lower lip and briefly looked over his laptop screen at Alec. Alec still looked at his phone and scrolled through some app. However, his eyes were already slightly closed and his yawning increased more and more. Magnus knew it wouldn’t be long before Alec would fall into a deep sleep, so Magnus watched a YouTube video to pass the time.

 

When Magnus looked over his laptop again a few minutes later, he could see Alec put his head on his pillow and his cell phone slipped out of his hand. His eyes were closed and he breathed calmly and slowly. Magnus smiled gently before closing his laptop, and quietly got up before sneaking around the bed to pull the blanket up to Alec’s shoulders. Carefully, he reached for Alec’s phone and plugged it into the charging station before quietly leaving the room to pick up a glass of water and place it next to Alec on the bedside table. Then he turned off the lamp and left the room again before lying down on the sofa, and spent the rest of the night watching Grey’s Anatomy until his eyes fell shut. He could have gone home, but he wanted to stay with Alec. He wanted to show him that he was with him, no matter what. Although he did not hold him in his arms for that night, Magnus knew that Alec needed his space, especially after that evening and the incident.

 

But he was there. He was just a room away from Alec.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning was different. Magnus stood up as soon as he had opened his eyes, headed into the kitchen, and conjured up a delicious breakfast. He knew Alec was still sleeping, so he didn’t wake him until breakfast was on the table.

 

But Alec did not open the door, although Magnus could hear music. Magnus bit his lower lip and wrote him text message, hoping that Alec hadn’t heard the knocking and shouting.

 

But Magnus didn’t get an answer here either. Magnus had guessed that Alec would retreat again as soon as the painkillers would subside and he would realize what had happened. But he hadn’t expected Alec to shut him out. That he would ignore him again like he did a few weeks ago. Like in the beginning.

 

It didn’t take long before the doorbell rang, and the express deliveries arrived. Magnus took his time with the shelf and assembled it on his own before taking care of the new mirror and carefully unpacking it as well. Meanwhile, Alec scurried out of his room for a moment to take some breakfast before turning around again and trying to disappear. It hurt him to ignore Magnus, but his demons told him it was the best.

 

“You can talk to me about anything, Alexander. You know that, right?” he suddenly heard Magnus say and Alec stopped in his doorstep. He looked at his bandaged arm before closing his eyes and going into his room before closing his door with his foot behind him.

 

Magnus closed his eyes briefly before taking a deep breath and concentrated again on his work. He wouldn’t force Alec to talk, but he wanted him to know he was there. Magnus could only imagine what Alec was ashamed of. From what happened last night. His collapse, the kiss that almost happened, his hand, his past. Everything had caught up with him and Alec was always alone. He didn’t know what it was like when someone was there for you.

 

And Magnus respected that he withdrew. But Thanksgiving was already the next day and Magnus didn’t know how to lure Alec out of hiding. He had promised Isabelle that Alec would have a nice Thanksgiving with him.

 

He also wanted to spend Thanksgiving with Alec and thank him.

 

* * *

 

 

When Magnus started preparing supper the next day, he hoped that Alec would dare to leave his room to join him. But except for a few short minutes when Alec went into the bathroom, or Magnus put a glass of water in front of his door with the painkiller, he did not see him. Alec didn’t respond to his messages, he didn’t respond to Magnus’ knocking. He had completely withdrawn. And it was Thanksgiving.

 

Magnus did not give up, however, and concentrated on preparing the food, reading through the family recipe and taking to YouTube for help again. The food didn’t have to be perfect, but it should be edible. Magnus didn’t even know if Alec would eat with him, but hope dies last.

 

He turned on the radio before he started cooking, and time flew by. He didn’t realize it was getting dark and that it started snowing. He did not notice that Alec had been watching him for quite a while when he had brought the glass back to the kitchen. That he had leaned against the counter to watch Magnus cook. Magnus stood with his back to Alec, cut the vegetables into small pieces and peeled the potatoes. He hummed to the loudly turned up music, so he didn’t notice Alec. It was a win/win situation for Alec, because he looked at Magnus’ back view from top to bottom, bit his lower lip, before he turned around again and disappeared into his room, without Magnus even suspecting that he was being watched.

 

A few hours later Magnus cut the turkey open and filled the mashed potatoes into a large bowl before taking off the apron and turning to the kitchen island. He saw that the water glass was on the island. Alec had been here. Magnus didn’t know when and for how long, but he had definitely seen that he was cooking. Had watched him. Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, licked his lips before catching himself again and opening his eyes again. He went into the hallway where Isabelle had left a small box before her departure. It was filled with table decorations for Thanksgiving. Magnus put the box on one of the counters before he started setting the table for them. He took his time, because the turkey was cooling down a bit in the meantime.

 

When Magnus had lit the last candle, he called to Alec before passing by his door and knocking.

 

“Dinner’s ready!” he shouted joyfully. He had to be positive, because he wanted to lure Alec out. Magnus went into the bathroom to look at himself again in the mirror and straighten his hair before going back to the kitchen. Alec still wasn’t there, so Magnus grabbed his phone and wrote him a message. He still didn’t give up hope until after twenty minutes he still didn’t get an answer and he still heard the dull sound from Alec’s room, which meant he still threw the ball against his wall to catch it again afterwards.

 

Magnus took a deep breath before he started eating. Alone. He knew Alec didn’t mean it, but it hurt him that he couldn’t help Alec. That Alec couldn’t trust him enough to put himself out there again. That he preferred spending the whole evening alone in his room to watching a movie with Magnus on the couch. Magnus just wished that he could help Alec. That he could show him that he was not interested in the money, but in Alec as a person.

 

When he had emptied his plate, he thought for a while how he could help Alec until an idea came to him. He had to show him that he cared about him. That he was grateful to Alec that he could spend time with him. Magnus stood up and went to his bag, which always contained a lined block. With this he ran to the couch before he sat down on it and took a ballpoint pen to hand. He scratched the back of his head briefly before putting on his glasses and starting to write. Magnus didn’t know what he was writing about, but it all flowed onto the paper. He didn’t have to think, the words came all by themselves when he thought of Alec and all the moments they had spent together in the last few weeks.

 

* * *

 

 

When Alec opened the door a few minutes after knocking because he knew Magnus wouldn’t wait outside, he looked down on a tray. On it was a plate with the Thanksgiving Dinner, a large glass of water and a letter. Alec looked at the letter on which his full first name was placed in a _beautiful_ handwriting. Alec took a deep breath before lifting the tray, and disappeared into his room. When the door fell shut, he placed the tray on his bed and stared at the envelope with his name for a while. The food steamed lightly and smelled delicious. Alec’s stomach growled softly and his mouth began to water. He definitely had to eat something, but he wanted to know what was written in the letter. Alec sat down next to the tray and opened the envelope before carefully pulling out the paper and concentrating on the words.

 

_Dear Alexander,_

 

_I won’t force you to do anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m grateful. Maybe you don’t believe that, but in just a few weeks you have managed to make me feel special. That I changed my way of life for you and could concentrate on the important things in life. Thanks for that. Thanks for showing me that I can cook after all. That you took the time for my lecture, that you studied with me so that I could finish my studies. Thanks for playing Rocket League with me so I can finally beat Simon. Thanks for making me laugh, even though my day was hard. Thanks for trusting me so much that you opened up to me, I guess that’s incredible, Alexander. I’m grateful for every day I’ve been able to spend with you. I learn something from you every day, Alec. And I thank you for that. You are one of the few people who see me as a person, not just as an object they want to capture. You helped me become a better person, Alec._

_Thank you._

_Well, I’m not going to tell you to come out and have dinner with me at the table, but I want you to know that I’ll be here all evening and all night. I promised I’d stay with you for Thanksgiving because I care about you, Alec. And I’m grateful for too much to just leave the apartment now and get drunk in the Pandemonium. If you need me, I’ll be right behind the door._

 

_Magnus_

 

A smile crept onto Alec’s lips before he lowered the letter and looked at the plate where the food was still steaming. Magnus’ was serious. He meant every word. Alec closed his eyes and thought about the written words before he got up and sat down at his desk. His hand was bandaged, but he had to write something back. He also had to thank Magnus.

 

* * *

 

When the door opened half an hour later, Magnus turned his attention directly to the hallway where Alec was standing in his doorstep breathing deeply. He had the tray in his hand, the plate hadn’t steamed for a long time, but he didn’t want to eat alone.

 

He wanted to be with Magnus. Just like it was planned from the beginning.

 

Magnus tilted his head and waited a moment before smiling. “You know I heard the door, don’t you?” Magnus asked amusedly when he heard footsteps, and Alec stood in front of him for a few seconds. He had put on an oversized, black hoodie and grey sweatpants. His hair was fuzzy, but his weak smile gave Magnus new hope.

 

“How are you?” Magnus asked quietly before he straightened up because he had spread out on the couch and watched television. Alec looked at Magnus briefly before he sat down next to him with his tray. Magnus looked down on the plate, slightly confused, before he saw Alec’s face and clicked his tongue.

 

“You know, your food’s cold by now, right? There’s more in the kitchen if you want to get something fresh. I filled everything into heat containers,” Magnus explained, while Alec put his plate on his lap and presented Magnus with a letter that he received with a smile. He turned the letter over and read his name written in cursive with a black ballpoint pen. He turned his head slightly to Alec, who nibbled on his turkey and inconspicuously looked at Magnus.

 

A smile crept on Magnus’ lips, which also made Alec smile. Magnus concentrated again on his letter and began to read.

 

_Hey Magnus,_

 

_I’m no good at writing letters, but I wanted to thank you too. You showed me life is worth living. That I’m important. Thank you so much for understanding. That you’re patient with me and not running straight out of the house because I can’t get out. Thank you for treating me like a normal person who’s not sick. Thanks for making me feel like a normal person when you’re around. Thanks for being here because you want to, not because you get paid for it. Thank you for being my friend, Magnus._

_Thank you._

 

_Alexander_

 

Magnus was touched and his chest felt warm before he looked again at Alec, who had already emptied half his plate. He smiled at him broadly before putting the letter on the table and placing his hand on Alec’s shoulder, which made him flinch before he relaxed.

 

“You’re welcome,” Magnus whispered before exerting pressure to express his affection for Alec.

 

“The letter is nothing compared to yours... Alec replied harshly, which made Magnus smile.

 

They were incredibly close. Too close.

 

Magnus cleared his throat shortly before he sat down and reached for the remote control.

 

“I also had plenty of time to think while you were sitting in your room. Do we want to keep watching Lucifer?” Magnus finally asked and Alec nodded silently before reaching for a pillow to settle down directly on Magnus’ lap. Magnus had definitely not expected the day to take such a turn.

 

But he couldn’t complain.

  
Even though Alec was not far away from him, the last two days were horror for Magnus. Because he hadn’t even seen Alec smile or heard him laugh. And every time he had no contact with Alec, he felt how much he needed him _to breathe_.


	13. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the rollercoaster of #LMBWA! 
> 
> We're back in the update schedule :) And I hope y'all are prepared for chapter 13, my own personal favorite. I hope I did justice with this chapter. It really means a lot to me, beginnging with the first word and ending with the last one. 
> 
> Reactions and Live-Tweets are as always appreaciated! Once again I need to thank all of you for the TREMENDOUS support this fic is getting, thank y'all from the bottom of my heart <3
> 
> Three news songs got added to the playlist! Make sure to check them out while reading this chapter :') 
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> Once again, thanks to @Lakritzwolf for beta'ing! 
> 
> ENJOY! 
> 
> Much love, Kim <3

Alec was sitting alone on the bar stool, typing on his laptop and browsing through the web, when someone unlocked the door. He knew it was his sister, because Magnus had gone home the night before, after they had spent the whole Friday either putting the leftovers in the freezer or eating the rest of the food. Then they had played chess and Magnus had gotten a private practice lesson for Rocket League and should use his skills online against opponents. Time had passed much faster for Alec, so he hadn’t realized that Magnus already had to leave. 

 

Now he was alone again until the beginning of the week, but when his sister turned around the corner and looked at her big brother smiling broadly, Alec couldn’t help but smile. But for the time being he held his hand out of her sight. He didn’t get up, but he didn’t need to, because Isabelle put her bag down, cleaned her hands and hugged Alec from behind. She put her chin on his head, closed her eyes and inhaled her brother’s scent before slowly releasing him again. 

 

“I missed you,” whispered Isabelle, still standing behind Alec. Alec smiled and nodded, but didn’t turn to her yet. 

 

“I missed you, too. How was the trip?” Alec asked with interest before sipping from his glass. Doing everything with his left hand seemed strange, but Isabelle didn’t notice anything yet. She also took a glass and filled it from the carafe that was on the table. 

 

She rolled her eyes before sitting on one of the chairs and leaning back. “Mom and Dad were stressed and just chased me from spot to spot. I didn’t have time to even look at the cities.” She looked at Alec, who had to smile. 

 

“I have no one left to secretly explore the places with me at night,” she continued, making Alec laugh.

 

“They still haven’t found out yet,” he whispered amusedly before putting down his glass and closing his laptop, on which he had prepared an online quiz for Magnus. 

 

Isabelle also placed her glass on the tabletop, played with the rim of the glass before tilting her head and looking at her brother. Something was wrong with him, but Isabelle couldn’t say what was different. 

 

“Anyway, enough of me, how were your two weeks with Magnus? Did you have fun?” she wanted to know.

 

It didn’t take long until Alec blushed slightly, lowering his head still further before he began to speak. 

 

“Yes... we… went out… it even started to snow.” Alec smiled warmly as he remembered his walk with Magnus. “I’ve helped him to study for his upcoming exam… we’ve talked a lot, watched a few movies together and… cooked.” Alec began before he raised his right hand and Isabelle got up immediately and hurried to him. 

 

“What happened?!” she wanted to know before she took a closer look at the hand. She couldn’t really see how bad the injury was and Alec would definitely not show it to her either. 

 

“It’s not _that_ bad. I… burned myself. It’s my fault, not Magnus’. I wanted to help him and I was too hasty. It’s okay, believe me. It’ll heal in a few weeks. Mom and Dad won’t be coming here for the next few weeks anyway,” Alec said dryly. He was perfect at lying, even though it always hurt him when he lied to his sister. He had promised Magnus he’d say he’d burned himself. He didn’t want Magnus to get fired for his stupidity. He didn’t want to _lose_ him.

 

“Were you in hospital?” Isabelle asked with concern, before turning his hand carefully to take a closer look at the bandage. Alec shook his head silently before he hissed briefly and pulled his hand away, as Isabelle had exerted light pressure on one of the wounds. 

 

“His nurse-friend Catarina came here. It’s okay, really. I’m fine.” He tried to smile, but his sister pulled her eyebrows together and stared at Alec for a while before she sighed and sat back in her chair. 

 

“As long as you had fun with Magnus, I shouldn’t care. I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s good for you. I like seeing you like this.” She smiled warmly at her brother, who opened his eyes with a sharp inhale. His heart stuttered for a moment before he looked at Isabelle. 

 

“Like what?” 

 

“Hopeful.” 

 

Alec blinked at his sister a few times before taking a deep breath and leaning back. He thought of Magnus, and how he watched Lucifer with him. How they got close again and again because they laughed together or just lay on the couch sending each other memes over their mobile phones. How Magnus took his breath away when he got too close, how he lost himself in his eyes, shining like a galaxy filled with secrets and endless stories. How Alec repeatedly caught himself biting on his lip as soon as he watched Magnus longer. How Magnus had stolen a sweater from him to make breakfast on Friday morning and bring it to his bed. How he had apologized, as he wanted to wash the sweater directly afterwards, but Alec had assured him that it was okay. 

 

That he should _take_ it with him because Alec had enough.

 

Alec closed his eyes, tried to calm his breathing, which had become a rollercoaster ride, before he felt a hand on his shoulder. Isabelle was standing next to him. 

 

“He really has your head spinning, hmm?” Isabelle teased her brother, which made him twitch. 

 

“Magnus? No. No way. I-- he was just distracting me from the real problem.”

 

“He’s giving you hope. For a normal life,” Isabelle explained. She noticed how her brother tensed briefly. He knew she was right, but was he willing to admit it? Was he ready to finally admit to himself that Magnus gave him hope? That Magnus finally made him feel… _whole?_

 

Alec closed his eyes again before his muscles slowly relaxed and he reached for his laptop. 

 

“Maybe... at least I have good news for you,” he said quietly before opening the e-mail and turning the laptop towards his sister. Isabelle didn’t know what to expect, but when she read that Alec had successfully gotten a therapy place, she burst into tears before she embraced her brother from the side and almost threw him out of the chair. 

 

Alec returned the hug and put his chin on her shoulder, closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch. He hadn’t told anyone yet because he didn’t know if Magnus would react positively. 

 

“Oh my God, Alec… that’s great! Have you told Magnus yet? Oh, my God, you’re gonna be okay! Alec, you’re going to be alright!” Isabelle was speechless, but the words bubbled out of her. Alec laughed quietly before he shook his head. 

 

“You’re the first person I’ve told. I’ll tell Magnus later. I wanted to tell you first. Just like always.” Alec released himself from the embrace and smiled broadly at his sister, who had just wiped tears from her face.

 

“Your mascara is fucked up now,” Alec remarked before reaching for her cheek and wiping away a tear. Isabelle swatted his hand away. 

 

“Stop it! It’s embarrassing, but I’m so happy for you, Alec… It’s a big step into a better future. Into a long life. I knew you’d make it.” She still smiled at him, but Alec looked down briefly before closing his mouth and biting his lower lip. 

 

“Well… let’s say…. Magnus showed me that…”

 

“That life is worth living?” Isabelle interrupted him directly, which caused Alec to stop before he nodded silently. Isabelle clicked her tongue before sniffing and patting Alec’s shoulder. 

 

“I told you he’d give you hope. And that’s not bad, Big Bro.” Alec rolled his eyes for a moment before giggling. 

 

“Thank you, Iz.” he finally replied.

 

His sister took her bag in her hand and turned to him. “When’s your first session?” Isabelle asked. Alec looked up from his laptop before looking back and reading through the e-mail. 

 

“Wednesday.” Alec looked at her, smiled gently. “Can you give me a ride?” he asked with a smile. Isabelle pretended to give this a thought, put a finger on her lips and emitted a long _Hmmm..._

 

“Hell yeah! Of course I’ll take you there,” she replied and it took a load off Alec’s mind. Isabelle was already proud of him and therapy hadn’t even started yet. Alec nodded to her as a thank you before Isabelle threw the bag over her shoulder. She turned to her brother again before pointing up. 

 

“I still have to unpack my bag. After that we can go on, but you know how Mom is,” Isabelle explained annoyed, which made Alec laugh again.

 

“The advantage of living alone and having someone to keep the apartment clean,” joked Alec quietly, which earned him a critical look from Isabelle. 

 

“I’ll see you later, Lightwood,” she said before she rounded the corner. 

 

“Izzy-” Alec called out to his sister, who stood in front of him again a few seconds later. 

 

“Next Sunday...is Magnus’ birthday,” Alec started slowly and Isabelle sat down for a moment to listen to his favor. “I... want to be with him on that day,” he carefully put those words together. It was a request, a _wish_. But it was just a whisper. He was afraid of the answer. 

 

“You... want to go to his house? On his birthday?” Isabelle asked quietly, and Alec nodded. 

 

“You can come, too,” Alec replied.

 

Isabelle thought for a while, which created an unpleasant silence. “Is he supposed to know?” Isabelle finally asked, and Alec shook his head a moment later. It was supposed to be a surprise. He wanted to make it there on his own. To meet his friends. Just be human for one night. 

 

“Mom and Dad can’t know about this,” Isabelle murmured. She wanted to make Alec’s wish possible because she knew that Magnus was important to him. That Magnus was his _anchor._

She took a deep breath before she nodded and got up. 

 

“Okay. I’ll go with you. Eighth of December, seven o’clock in the evening is departure. I tell Mom it’s for your therapy,” Isabelle explained the plan and Alec smiled broadly at her. His heart jumped higher and beat faster at the thought that he could see Magnus on his birthday. That he could meet his friends. Simon the gamer. That he could leave his apartment.

 

“I owe you one,” Alec whispered with a broad grin before his sister got up and nodded to him before she left the apartment and Alec could finally cough. His lungs were burning again and contracted. Alec reached for his glass and took a big sip before coughing in his arm, and he closed his eyes in pain. 

 

God, how he hated it.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus just bit into his tomato which had been lying lost on his salad when Simon and Maia went through the door. They both walked hand in hand and looked around, looking for them in the cafeteria. Raphael sat across from Magnus and sank deeper into his books. Magnus raised his hand and waved them over to them. 

 

“There comes the dream couple!” called Magnus and applauded them, while Raphael let his head hang and fall into his book. 

 

“I will fail,” he groaned into his book, and Simon patted him on the shoulder and sat down next to him. Maia sat next to Magnus and pinched a cucumber from his salad. 

 

“You’ll be fine. Look at Magnus. He was with Alec until Saturday and is still relaxed like hell, man,” Simon replied before Magnus had to clear his throat. 

 

“Alec also put together a quiz for me and studied with me,” he explained, and Raphael sighed again. Maia giggled quietly before she looked around the refectory. 

 

“Where’s Clary?” she said to Magnus, who shrugged his shoulders. He swallowed his salad before raising his fork. 

 

“She texted me this morning that she wasn’t feeling well. I think she was with her parents over Thanksgiving. Maybe she’s got a cold.” Magnus turned his attention again to his salad, while Simon smiled at his girlfriend and reached for her hand. 

 

“We were with my parents over Thanksgiving, and yesterday we put up the tree and decorated it. Do you already have a tree or do you just concentrate on your exam?” Simon spoke and his question briefly made Magnus stop his chewing. 

 

_The Christmas tree._

 

Magnus had completely forgotten that Christmas was already in four weeks. He had so much to plan. He had to buy presents for his friends. For _Alec_. But his exam was already in 3 weeks and his birthday was also coming up. He hasn’t been able to deal with Christmas yet. 

 

“Shit,” Magnus cursed in spite of everything and slapped his forehead.

 

Simon pulled his eyebrow up questioningly. Raphael also looked up from his book.

 

“I’ve never set up a tree before, you all know that,” Magnus said a moment later and the group nodded silently to him, not knowing what he was going for. 

 

“But I have to put up a tree at Alec’s. The Lightwoods love traditions, and I bet you that Christmas is important to them. Christmas is important to everyone, right?” Magnus checked before Maia laughed quietly and nodded. 

 

“Been a while since you’ve been following traditions, huh?” Maia laid her hand on Magnus’ shoulder, which made him turn his head slightly towards her before they smiled at each other. Magnus’ eyes spoke books. 

 

“Let’s just say… that I realized through Alec that traditions are important. They can let us escape from the real world, let us forget our problems and... it makes us happy to spend time with the people we care about.” Magnus didn’t know where the words had come from, but he felt his heart beating faster as he thought of the time he spent with Alec and the traditions he had shown Magnus. 

 

Maia’s smile widened, she stroked her thumb over Magnus’ shoulder before taking her hand off his shoulder again and nodding to him. “Then you have to buy a tree,” she explained before looking at Simon, who was just talking to Raphael while going through the pages of the history book with him.

 

Magnus looked at Maia, who had her eyes on Simon and looked at him dreamily. She smiled softly, her eyes shining as soon as she looked at him. She just looked happy in Simon’s presence. 

 

“Maia?” Magnus spoke to her quietly and Maia looked at him. 

 

“When do you actually know that… well - that it’s more than just… affection, admiration, respect… friendship?” 

 

Maia looked at him for a long moment. “You don’t know it, you can sense it. It’s the little things that make you cross the line. If you’d rather spend your time with that one person than with a lot of people at a party, if you text with that person all the time, if you smile at each other without saying a word and still know what you mean, if you don’t even have to talk and still enjoy the time with each other. When you feel safe with the person… then you realize it’s more. That it goes beyond friendship. You just have to find out if the other person feels the same,” Maia explained smilingly, looking at Simon from time to time. Magnus followed her gaze again and again and had to smile as well. Those two were perfect. They were so different and yet they fitted together. 

 

Magnus closed his eyes briefly and breathed audibly. 

 

“It’s about Alec, hm?” Maia asked boldly and Magnus stopped breathing for a moment before suddenly opening his eyes again and looking at Maia. He blushed before he scratched the back of his head. 

 

“Is it really _that_ obvious?”

 

Maia looked briefly at Simon and Raphael, who apparently didn’t notice the conversation, so she leaned slightly forward and put her elbow on the table, so they wouldn’t hear either. 

 

“Please, Magnus. Everybody notices it. You’re not in the Pandemonium every weekend anymore, you’re always on your phone in lectures and texting with Alec.”

 

Magnus gazed briefly over to Raphael and pinched his eyes together. But Maia hit him briefly on the back of his hand, which made Magnus twitch. 

 

“He told us, you don’t have to judge him with your look. Listen Magnus… falling in love is not a bad thing and you deserve to find someone too. You wouldn’t make it so obvious if you hadn’t given up your rule a long time ago.” Maia really home with her words and let Magnus realize _again_ that he had fallen for someone he worked for. 

 

“ _Oh_ -” Magnus finally replied nervously. Maia had opened his eyes. However, Maia remained calm and only patted him on the shoulder. 

 

“Now, stop running away from your feelings. You can both do this. Everything I’ve heard from Alec so far sounded positive. You like him, he obviously likes you too.”

 

Magnus suddenly thought again of the moment before Thanksgiving. When they had almost kissed. He didn’t even know anymore who had initiated the kiss. Everything had gone way too fast, but Alec had lifted his head by himself. He had wanted it the same way. 

 

 _Fuck._  

 

“I-- I don’t know. I don’t want to risk losing him just because I can’t tell if it’s real. He never told me he had feelings for men. All he ever said was that he never developed feelings for Lydia and was only with her because his parents wanted him to.”

 

Suddenly it clicked in Magnus’ head. He put together all the pieces of the puzzle that Alec had given to him every time.

 

“He doesn’t have to say it, Magnus. If his parents never gave him a chance to find out for himself, he won’t do it without help. As long as he’s given you the signs, it’ll do it for now.”

 

Magnus now looked Maia straight in the eyes, smiled weakly at her and finally nodded. Maia also smiled before pointing outside. It had started to snow. 

 

“What are you waiting for? Spend time with him. Buy a Christmas tree and decorate it with him.” Magnus looked at his phone before he looked again at Maia, who nodded at him encouragingly. Magnus breathed deeply and nodded. He unlocked his phone and asked Isabelle if she had already bought a Christmas tree. 

 

Just as he had finished typing the message and sent it off Maia glanced at her phone and the time, then looked briefly at Simon, who was still talking about history with Raphael. 

 

“When will your lecture be over?” Maia asked while she stood up and took her bag. Magnus also put his things together and took his tray in his hand before looking at the clock hanging in the cafeteria. 

 

“Two o’clock.”

 

“Then you still have enough time to set up the tree with him today. We’ll take care of your birthday. So focus on Alec and your exam.” 

 

And so Maia turned away from Magnus and left the cafeteria with Simon. The two had already finished. Magnus’ cell phone finally vibrated and he quickly brought his tray back. He was still waiting for Raphael to put his books in his backpack, so he leaned casually against the wall and looked at his phone to read the message.

 

ISABELLE 

_[I bought a Christmas tree during my break today, yes! ;) It’s already in the hallway outside Alec’s apartment door. I won’t come home until 6PM if you want to put it up together with Alec, the decoration is also next to it. Just watch his hand! Heard he burned himself cooking.] 12:16PM_

 

Magnus bit his lower lip before changing the chat and clicking on Alec’s chat. 

 

_[Thanks for covering- again. I owe you. ] 12:18PM_

 

ALEXANDER 

_[I’ll remember that ;) How’s uni?] 12:18PM_

 

The message didn’t come a minute later. Magnus knew that Alec was waiting for him and probably got even more bored now that he couldn’t game anymore with his injured hand. 

 

_[Oh… boring like every week. Won’t change. I’ll be out here at 2:00 and then I’ll be right there. Shall I bring us something from Taco Bell? Cooking is not necessary a thing right now.] 12:19PM_

 

Raphael had caught up Magnus by now and the two went to the next lecture hall while Magnus was staring at phone. The three dots appeared a few seconds later as Alec finally replied. 

 

ALEXANDER 

_[Sounds good. Something with chicken in the Crunchy Taco. :) See you later, and look alive in lecture, lol] 12:19PM_

 

Magnus looked a little confused at the _lol_ , but didn’t give it any further thought when Raphael pulled him into the reading room. Magnus went silently to his place before answering Alec. 

 

_[Don’t worry. I have everything under control, Alexander. ] 12:21PM_

 

And with that it was settled. Magnus would go to Alec at two o’clock and put up the tree with him. Even though Alec didn’t know about it yet. Magnus knew that Alec had to learn to be _spontaneous._

 

He just couldn’t plan his whole life through. 

 

 Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus stood dead on time in front of Alec’s door with two bags in his hand. He turned around and knocked on the door three times with his foot and waited. A few seconds later he heard quiet footsteps behind the door, and also a slight cough before Alec opened the door and looked at Magnus sleepily. His eyes were only slightly open and his hair was a mess. He had put on a breathing mask, but Magnus knew he was smiling at him. His eyes shone dimly, even though they were sunken and deeply shadowed. Alec wore an oversized black pullover and sweatpants, looking as comfy as ever.

 

“Did I wake you up? Sorry, the door downstairs was open and I couldn’t get the key, or I would have-” 

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Alec interrupted him with a big smile underneath his mask. He stepped slightly aside to let Magnus in before closing the door.

 

Meanwhile Magnus turned to him and held up the bags.

 

“Big Crunchy Chicken BBQ Taco for you, fries for both of us, and a salad for me.”

 

Alec leaned against the closed door and looked at Magnus critically.

 

“There’s a salad for you and a taco for me? Do you want me to get fat and look bad next to you?”

 

”Did you just compliment yourself?” Magnus smiled at him before he took the bags to the kitchen. Alec shook his head weakly before he followed him. Arriving in the kitchen, he saw Magnus unpacking his things before slowly opening his leather jacket.

 

”Is that-- my jacket?” Alec asked when he went up to Magnus to help him. Magnus’ nose was red and his cheeks too. His hands were cold when Alec briefly touched him.

 

”I wanted to ask you, but you were already asleep and Isabelle had to leave and I... had no money for the Uber. So I had to run home and-” Magnus looked at Alec, who had meanwhile pulled down his mask and smiled at him silently.

 

”It’s okay. I hardly need it anyway. It’s just too big for you, did it ever give you warmth?” Alec took Magnus’ jacket off and brought it to the bathroom before he came back and immediately cleaned his hands. Magnus was still smiling as he unpacked the food and looked for two plates.

 

He licked his lips once before turning to Alec.

 

”It’s from you, the tall, strong bodyguard Alec Lightwood. It gave me enough warmth, believe me.” Alec looked over at him before they both laughed quietly.

 

Alec reached for his taco before making a thoughtful noise to catch Magnus’ attention.

 

”To be honest, this really was the jacket I wore every day when I was working,” he explained before the crunchy noise filled the room. Magnus was about to put his fork with fresh salad in his mouth when he smiled and lowered his head.

 

“Does that mean your jacket protected me?” Magnus joked before Alec looked at him and nodded.

 

”At least one thing the jacket can still be useful for,” Alec muttered quietly before pulling a lettuce leaf out of his taco and dropping it into his mouth. Magnus smiled gently at him before he continued eating. He didn’t want to dig any deeper into Alec’s past, so he changed the subject.

 

”Isabelle bought a Christmas tree.” Magnus pointed outside. Alec followed his gaze before he tilted his head and raised his hand demonstratively. Magnus rolled his eyes and hissed briefly with his tongue.

 

”Don’t be a Grinch. You love traditions! I’ll put the tree up, get the boxes in, and we’ll decorate it together.”

 

”Did Isabelle hire you to do this...?” Alec left the question hanging in the air, whereupon he got an unimpressed look from Magnus.

 

”Nope, Maia and Simon have reminded me that Christmas is only four weeks away and I don’t see a tree standing here yet. Besides, we can’t play Rocket League anyway, I already finished my quiz for today, and playing chess is boring if we could decorate the tree instead.” Magnus seemed full of new energy. Even more power than before. Like he wanted to help Alec even more. Even more to draw from his reserve than before. Alec had just eaten his taco, tilting his head and looking at Magnus for a while, who smiled at him full of energy before clearing the plates.

 

”What if I say no?”

 

”Then I’ll force you,” Magnus replied immediately before closing the dishwasher and turning to Alec, who giggled quietly.

 

”You are unbelievable, Magnus Bane. How can your birthday be this Sunday?” joked Alec in a teasing way. He was now leaning against the counter next to Magnus. Magnus clicked his tongue challengingly before standing in front of Alec and looking into his eyes.

 

”Do you want to mess with me, Alexander Lightwood?” he joked back. Alec laughed quietly before turning away just before Magnus, and coughed. Magnus looked at him immediately with concern.

 

”Hey, hey- is everything okay Alec?” Magnus took Alec’s arm, but Alec pulled his arm away before turning further away from Magnus and coughing again.

 

”Alexander, talk to me.”

 

”I’m fine.” Alec cleared his throat briefly before turning back to Magnus and smiling weakly at him.

 

”Alec, we should get this checked out-- I don’t want you to catch a cold... the weather’s hard--”

 

Alec grabbed Magnus’ face and cupped with one hand before looking deep into his eyes until Magnus’ face relaxed.

 

”I’m fine, okay? Let’s... let’s decorate the tree, okay?” He smiled gently at Magnus before slowly taking his hand off his cheek.

 

Magnus needed a short moment to realize what had just happened. He blinked a few times, still felt the touch. Alec was still standing in front of him, bit his lower lip before turning away from Magnus.

 

”Sorry I-I didn’t mean to get too close. I just don’t want you to worry.” Alec took a deep breath. He felt Magnus’ eyes on him.

 

”It’s my job to worry about you, you know that. But I’m not just worried about you because it’s my job-” Magnus walked up to Alec’s side and put his hands on his shoulders before slowly turning him around. Alec had closed his eyes and felt Magnus’ hands resting on him.

 

”But also because I am your friend, Alexander.” Magnus whispered calmly. Alec opened his eyes a few seconds later. He looked into the face of Magnus, who smiled weakly at him. His fingers glided gently over Alec’s shoulder. The touch raced through Alec’s entire body, filling it with warmth. He returned the smile.

 

”I’m fine, okay? Let’s decorate the tree, but I appreciate your concern. But I’m fine.” His smile widened before he patted on Magnus’ shoulders and left the kitchen to open the apartment door.

 

Magnus remained somewhat perplexed in the kitchen until he heard Alec’s voice.

 

”Are you coming or are _you_ playing the _Grinch now_?”

 

Magnus rolled his eyes before shaking his head and leaving the kitchen to help Alec. Who would have ever thought that a bodyguard could ever annoy him so much and at the same time confuse him so much with his looks and feelings?

 

* * *

 

 

Alec handed Magnus the next Christmas bauble. The tree was now next to the couch. They had carried the boxes together into the apartment, and they had been decorating the tree for an hour now. Alec had even picked out the typical, old, boring Christmas carols on Spotify and let them slowly play in the background. 

 

Magnus stood on a chair to reach the top branches. “Why did your sister buy such a huge tree?” Magnus asked annoyed as he climbed from the chair to grab the next bauble. Alec grinned at him cheekily before he grabbed the next box and pushed it over to Magnus. 

 

“Because we have countless boxes of decorations,” Alec said calmly. Magnus, meanwhile, opened the box and took out a large chain of lights. A little later he found two Christmas hats. He smiled silently, which made Alec get up. 

 

“Found something?”  Alec asked curiously as his gaze fell into the box. A smile sneaked over his lips. “Iz and I used to wear the hats while decorating,” he whispered.

 

Magnus looked at him, observed how his gaze was steady. He quickly overcame his worries and pulled the hats out of the box, put one on and pulled the other over Alec’s head.  Alec grinned at him before he shook his head and sat down on the couch again. 

 

“Asshole.”

 

“I’d rather call myself a Christmas elf.”

 

Magnus smiled boldly at him as he took the chain of lights in his hand and wrapped them around the tree. The chain of lights was barely sufficient, so that only the lower half of the tree was entwined by the chain of lights. His gaze slipped to Alec, who had already unpacked the second chain of lights and handed them to him.

 

“The tree doesn’t fit in your living room. Way _too_ green for you.” 

 

Alec began to laugh quietly. “At least they’re not colorful fairy lights. I was able to get Isabelle to buy warm white. It doesn’t look so bad when it’s dark and only the tree glows.”

 

Magnus stood on the chair again and threw the chain of lights around the tree before looking down. Alec smiled gently at him and nodded. He opened his mouth briefly and formed a silent _thank you_ with his lips. Magnus jumped down from the chair and clicked his tongue. 

 

“We’re not done yet.” Magnus pointed to the box in which the tree top star was still lying. Alec bent down briefly and picked up the star to give it to Magnus. 

 

“Can you get to the top?” Alec asked carefully as he reached out his hand to Magnus so that he could hold on. But Magnus nodded and stood on his toes, reached the top of the tree and put the star all the way up. 

 

Alec smiled silently at Magnus as he looked at the star. He straightened the star again before turning his head to Alec. The bobble of the Christmas cap fell over his shoulder and flashed briefly. 

 

“Happy?” Magnus grinned at Alec. Alec reached out his hand and nodded to him. 

 

“More than happy.”

 

Magnus stood beside Alec again and turned to the tree. Alec turned his head to the cupboard before he let the magic words sound.

 

“ _Alexa_ , turn off the lights.”

 

A few seconds later all the lights dimmed down and the two stood in the dark. The tree lit up in front of them and the warm white light turned the living room in a warm, inviting paradise. They were lucky it was already half past four and it was dark enough. Nevertheless, Magnus could still see Alec beside him as his lips pulled up and his eyes glowed. He looked happy. 

 

“It’s perfect,” whispered Alec. Magnus looked over at him again. 

 

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus replied before he turned to Alec completely. 

 

“We really did it.”Magnus had his hands on his hips and was still looking at the tree. Alec smiled gently at him before turning to the boxes and taking another look inside. He pulled his eyebrows together before tapping Alec on the shoulder and waving his hand around. 

 

“Talk to your magical... robot, so that I’m able to see something again,” Magnus mumbled afterwards, which made Alec ponder what he meant by that exactly. 

 

“Do you mean Alexa?” A few seconds later a small turquoise circle lit up on the television. Alec laughed gently as he saw Magnus’ confused facial expression. 

 

“Turn on the evening light,” Alec continued loudly, and a few seconds later the living room was lit with a soft orange. All cabinets were decorated with LED strips on the back. The couch also had some LED strips, which made the living room look inviting and soothing. Magnus couldn’t help being amazed. He’d never noticed the LED strips before. Alec had never turned it on before. 

 

“I save this mode mostly for nights I spend gaming alone.” Alec looked at Magnus, who was still looking at the living room in amazement. 

 

“Then why are you showing it to me?” Magnus finally asked. Alec shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I don’t know. I’m comfortable with the light...and I’m comfortable with you... so…” Alec left the sentence hang in the room, which made Magnus smile. He nodded to him silently before turning back to the boxes and taking another look inside. 

 

“ _Oh_.” he finally said before he bent over and took something out of the box. 

 

At the same moment Alec turned around and almost crashed into Magnus standing in front of him with a mistletoe branch, holding it over his head. 

 

Alec held his breath, stared into Magnus’ eyes and heard his heart pound. His lips were slightly parted. 

 

“You know what this one stands for?” Magnus whispered a few seconds later. Alec’s lips scurried to Magnus’s lips and back to his eyes. He felt the blood rushing into his cheeks. Magnus smiled gently at him before giggling quietly. Alec couldn’t tell if Magnus was serious or if he was using the whole thing to embarrass Alec. 

 

“When two people are standing under the mistletoe, they have to kiss,” Alec finally replied carefully. The Christmas hats made the whole situation look ridiculous, but Alec had to admit that Magnus looked cute with a bobble hat. 

 

Magnus finally nodded, his gaze also scurrying to Alec’s lips before closing his eyes briefly and breathing deeply. 

 

“Magnus- we still haven’t talked about... the thing that happened before Lydia and Raj-”

 

Magnus lifted his finger and gently put it on Alec’s lips. “We don’t have to either,” he whispered.

 

Their foreheads were only a few inches apart. Alec could feel Magnus’ breath, giving him goose bumps.  Alec closed his eyes briefly and turned his head only a few millimetres away from Magnus. He, too, breathed deeply. He wanted to jump, he wanted to drop himself. His hand cramped, letting him tense.

 

“Magnus I…”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

Alec looked at him again. Magnus smiled at him, slowly letting the mistletoe sink. 

 

“Whenever you’re ready,” Magnus replied with a smile. Alec breathed deeply again before taking a small step towards Magnus, tilting his head slightly and closing his eyes. Magnus held his breath if he hadn’t thought Alec was ready. But he was ready to jump. 

 

He was ready to let Magnus catch him. 

 

“Guys?” Isabelle finally called them. Alec flinched and immediately turned away from Magnus, looked at his sister who was already in the hallway of the apartment and looked at them smiling. 

 

“I-- I didn’t hear you at all.” 

 

“You’re getting sloppy, bodyguard,” Isabelle teased her big brother before she went into the kitchen to wash her hands.

 

Alec turned again to Magnus, who licked his lips and threw the mistletoe branch back into the box. Alec sighed before blinking a few times and going into the kitchen to greet his sister.

 

Isabelle just put the shopping bags on the table and put the groceries one by one into the fridge. Her brother had leaned against the counter and cleared his throat briefly to get her attention. 

 

“Hey,” whispered Alec hoarsely. Isabelle turned to him and smiled at him. Magnus was still standing in the living room, just putting the boxes together. 

 

“Hey, Big Bro. Did I interrupt anything?” She winked at Alec, who blushed immediately. He scoffed briefly and shrugged his shoulders before hugging himself, thus creating security for himself. His sister knew him. She could feel the tension between the two, but didn’t want to force her brother into anything. 

 

“We were just decorating the tree and making fun,” Alec explained with a slight stammer. Isabelle looked back into the fridge and smiled silently before turning around to grab the apples. Alec watched her for a while before his gaze wandered again to Magnus, who was still standing in the living room, picking up the boxes straight away to put them in the hallway. 

 

“I’ve brought you lasagna from upstairs if you want something to eat,” Isabelle finally changed the subject. She saw her brother breathing out deeply, as if he was afraid. Fear of being exposed. Isabelle was now aware that she couldn’t push Alec. She couldn’t keep asking him questions and overtaxing him with his feelings. Probably Alec himself didn’t even know why he felt the way he just did. 

 

“Thank you… Yes... we haven’t eaten much today. We ventured straight to the decorations when Magnus arrived. We only had a little snack from Taco Bell.”

 

Alec pushed himself from the counter and walked towards the kitchen island. Isabelle had stored the lasagna in a transport box. It was still steaming when Alec opened the lid. He closed his eyes and drew in the steam with relish.

 

“Mom’s lasagna is still the best,” Isabelle finally said. Alec nodded silently before his sister reached for two plates. 

 

“Still tastes the same,” Alec quietly replied before he heard footsteps. Magnus was in the kitchen. Isabelle looked at Magnus, who had his eyes on Alec, before she looked at her brother again and cleared her throat. 

 

“You look cute in your Christmas hats,” she said when she closed the fridge. Alec opened his eyes immediately and turned to Magnus. Magnus also twitched briefly and looked directly into Alec’s eyes before clearing his throat. Alec took off his hat first, but Magnus immediately followed him and took off his as well. 

 

“We… we found the hats and I told Magnus that we used to wear them every time we would decorated the tree,” Alec quietly explained. His voice was still hoarse, so he cleared his throat briefly with a small cough. He held on to the edge of the kitchen island, but Magnus was with him directly only a few moments later and supported him. Isabelle also put the towel aside, which she had taken just a few seconds earlier to empty the dishwasher. 

 

“Alexander, are you okay?” Magnus asked immediately, not making sure he hadn’t called him Alec while Isabelle was in the room. Alec had put his hand in front of his stomach and raised his other hand to tell them that he was fine. 

 

“I’m fine. I’m just a little hoarse,” Alec muttered before he straightened up again and looked into the worried faces. Magnus looked at him with the innocent, dark brown eyes, while Isabelle gave him a rather serious look.

 

“Let’s just hope your therapy on Wednesday can help. You’ll feel better soon,” Isabelle said quietly. Magnus immediately turned his head to her and looked at her confused before looking back at Alec, who gave his sister a look of death. 

 

“ _OH!_ You haven’t told him yet,” Isabelle said a few seconds later. Magnus’ gaze slid back to Alec, who took a deep breath and looked at Magnus guiltily. 

 

“I… wanted to wait for the right moment,” Alec explained quietly. He already suspected that Magnus was disappointed with him, that he had kept the news away from him until now. But Magnus’ lips were pulled up. His eyes were shining. He was… happy? 

 

“Alexander... that’s great! I’m happy for you! You’re gonna be okay, Alec.”

 

“Let’s hope so.” Alec scoffed ironically.  Alec lowered his gaze and looked at his injured hand. He wasn’t really convinced of the idea that therapy could save him. But he wanted to try. 

 

For Magnus, for himself, for what they could _become_. 

 

“I believe in you,” Magnus finally said firmly. Alec looked up. His eyes met those of Magnus and his heart became warm. He smiled and nodded silently to Magnus before looking at Isabelle, who also nodded to him. 

 

“I’ll leave you two alone until you finish your dinner.” She smiled at her brother again before she left the kitchen. 

 

“Just text me, Magnus!” she shouted to them as she closed the door behind her. 

 

Alec breathed deeply again, while Magnus sat down on one of the chairs and portioned out the lasagna. He looked at Magnus silently for a while before rolling his shoulders and sitting down.

 

“Look... I really wanted to tell you. I don’t want you to think that I wanted to hide it from you,” Alec began quietly when Magnus pushed the plate towards him. He smiled silently at Alec before laughing softly and shaking his head. 

 

“I’m not mad at you, Alec. It’s okay. I’m incredibly proud of you for trying,” Magnus replied before shoving his fork into his mouth and enjoying the lasagna. Alec watched him briefly before he also reached for his fork and began to eat.

 

Magnus was proud of him. 

 

He was proud of someone who had already given himself up. 

 

But Alec was now fighting his way back to life. And he knew who to thank for it in a few days.

 

* * *

 

 

The following days passed faster than Alec had imagined. He left his apartment with his sister on Wednesday and went to his first therapy session. Alec didn’t know what to expect or if he would accept the doctors. But it went better than he had feared. They told Alec about the kind of treatment and also that his doctor would still be his contact person. That he would supervise the treatment and assist Alec. Alec knew he had to trust people to get better. To get healed. He agreed, signed some formalities and finally had his first hour of therapy. 

 

When he came back home, Magnus was already waiting for the two with boiled chicken broth. Alec smiled silently at him all the time while he was eating, talking to Isabelle. Alec lost himself again and again in his beauty. He just couldn’t believe he was friends with Magnus by now. 

 

That he and Magnus were somehow more than _just friends_. 

 

Magnus also watched Alec over and over again. After Isabelle left, Alec read through his quiz, which gave Magnus the chance to look at him secretly. His tattoo was almost lit up for him, because Alec had tilted his head slightly while pondering if Magnus had answered the question correctly, which brought his jawline towards Magnus and tightened the skin on his neck. Magnus felt a cold shudder rushing down his back; he had to take his gaze off Alec’s neck in order not to stray. 

 

Alec finally reached for the ballpoint pen, even though it was still harder for him. The bandage was off by now, but the wounds wouldn’t be healed for a long time. Alec’s immune system took far longer than the system of a healthy person.

 

Magnus blinked a few times before shaking his head to come back to the present. He slid up to Alec, and the two went through his quiz so that Magnus could prepare perfectly for his exam. 

 

And so the rest of the days passed until Sunday. Alec was nervous all day, didn’t say a word on the way to Magnus’ apartment. Only when they got out and Alec closed his jacket, breathing in the fresh air, and had close his eyes for a moment before he was ready to talk. 

 

“How did you find his address?” he asked when he turned to his sister who had just locked the car.

 

She smiled at her brother crookedly before she walked past him and headed for the house where Magnus apparently lived. “We’re bodyguards, Alec. Besides, Magnus seems to be well known to the public. He uses his social media so often that it was easy as pie,” Isabelle explained as she walked up the stairs from one of the houses. 

 

Alec stopped in front of the stairs and pulled his eyebrows together. 

 

“You checked him out?” Alec asked quietly and Isabelle was looking at the name plates until she found Magnus’ last name. She turned back to her brother again. 

 

“Are you telling me you’ve never checked him out before?”

 

Alec immediately shook his head. “I trust him. If he wants to tell me something about himself, he will tell me,” he explained as he slowly walked up the stairs. Isabelle tilted her head, but she smiled warmly at her brother. 

 

“I understand,” she replied quietly before turning to the door and trying to push it open. Fortunately for her, the front door also opened directly. Alec blinked a few times before withdrawing his sister. 

 

“What are you doing?” he asked her quietly.

 

“It was supposed to be a surprise, wasn’t it? The door is open, so let’s see which apartment is his,” she replied energetically before shoving her brother inside. He rolled his eyes, but finally caved in to the plan. 

 

A little later they stood in front of the apartment where they suspected Magnus was. Thank God it was right on the first floor. Alec was excited. He hadn’t texted Magnus all day, hadn’t congratulated him yet. He wanted to tell him personally, making it special. 

 

“Nervous?” Isabelle asked when Alec exhaled deeply. Alec finally nodded. 

 

“I don’t know… I feel so bad for not even texting him yet. What if he thinks I’ve forgotten,” Alec told his sister in concern, but she just shook her head giggling and finally knocked on the big wooden door number _8_. 

 

“Then you can tell him now,” Isabelle replied. Alec gave her a critical look, but before he could say anything, Magnus already opened the door and stopped perplexed in his movement. Alec swallowed briefly before he cleared his throat and pulled his scarf down slightly. 

 

“Hey.” he whispered with a smile before he took his hand out of his jacket pocket and waved at him. Isabelle also grinned at Magnus before she greeted him. 

 

Magnus blinked at them speechlessly before he shook his head and stood briefly in the hallway. 

 

“H-hey!” he finally said with a warm smile. “What... what are you doing here?” he said to Isabelle before looking at Alec. 

 

“What are _you_ doing here? You know that every time you go out--” 

 

“I wanted to see you on your birthday. I wanted to congratulate you personally…” Alec interrupted him directly. Magnus had his mouth slightly open. He found no words for the gesture Alec was doing right now.

 

“I’m just the driver, but a birthday party is always nice! Happy birthday, Magnus,” Isabelle said before she approached him and embraced him. Alec watched the situation silently and finally looked at the ground. He would also like to have Magnus in his arms eventually, but being here was too dangerous already. 

 

“I...wow, I really didn’t expect that. Thank you... that means a lot to me Alexander,” Magnus spoke to him directly. Alec lifted his head again and looked at Magnus before the corners of his mouth pulled up and he nodded proudly. 

 

“Introduce me to your friends?” Alec asked when he heard sounds from the apartment. Magnus briefly looked back into the apartment before he saw Isabelle looking at her brother with concern. Alec knew he was being watched, so he sighed. 

 

“Just this one night, Iz. Please,” he begged her. His sister took a deep breath and bit her lip before she nodded. 

 

“Okay.”

 

“Obviously you can stay here, my dear,” Magnus explained with a grin. “Clary’s here,” he cleverly added, which made Isabelle look at him directly. 

 

“Clary? Yes, I will definitely stay here,” she said, which made her brother laugh. 

 

“Well... introduce us,” Alec said before Magnus nodded to him and opened the door further. He turned around and went back into his apartment. It may not have been as spacious as Alec’s apartment, but it was as comfortable and modern as Alec had imagined. Magnus led them to the kitchen, where everyone else was gathered, cutting the cake.

 

“Guys! Let me introduce to you-” Magnus said as he marched through the doorway. He put his glass on the table and turned around. A few seconds later Alec and Isabelle arrived. Alec had put on his mask to be on the safe side. 

 

“Alec and Isabelle.”

 

The two of them raised their hands and greeted everyone from afar. Alec immediately examined them all, remembered the most important thing and was able to directly determine who Simon and who Raphael were. Nevertheless, Magnus introduced each and every one of them. His sister’s eyes got honed right on Clary. 

 

“So you’re the mysterious man Magnus is always texting during class,” Raphael finally said. The young student was at least a head smaller than Alec, yet he seemed just as moody as Alec. But Alec took it with a sense of humor. 

 

“I can’t be _that_ mysterious if Magnus keeps telling you about me. After all, I know enough about you.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Simon said laughing. He had a beer in his hand and just toasted with his girlfriend. 

 

Alec nodded to him, still standing at the edge of the kitchen. His sister had meanwhile joined Clary and smiled at her broadly. 

 

“You’re Simon, the gamer of the squad. That next to you is Maia, your girlfriend. You’re Raphael, the one who’s always moody and hates everything except Netflix and history. And you-” Alec had turned to Clary. 

 

“You’re Biscuit.” Alec smiled at her warmly, which made Clary giggle. 

 

“You’ve been told a lot about us,” Simon said.

 

Magnus turned to Alec. He knew Alec was smiling at him. 

 

“Thank you for being here,” he whispered to him.

 

Alec shook his head. “You’re welcome. It’s your big day, right?” Alec patted him briefly on the shoulder before Maia lit the last candle with a loud cry of triumph.

 

“Ready!” she said excitedly before jumping from Simon’s lap and bringing the cake to Magnus. Meanwhile Alec stood next to his sister and smiled at Magnus silently as he looked at the cake. The 23 candles made Magnus appear in a golden tone. Alec could see that his eyes were glowing. He tilted his head a little, watched Magnus turn the cake slowly and his eyes seemed shine more and more. He was so happy. 

 

“Make a wish!” Clary shouted to him and everyone started applauding. Isabelle and Alec also cheered, after Alec had pulled down his respirator mask. Magnus and Alec’s gaze met and Magnus felt the world around him freeze. He could no longer hear the clapping of the others, only looked at Alec, who smiled warmly at him and nodded to him. 

 

Magnus also nodded to him and finally closed his eyes and bent slightly downwards to blow out all the candles with one breath. When all the candles were extinguished, Magnus stayed in position for a few seconds, shaping his wish before reopening his eyes and still looking at Alec, who was still gently smiling at him. 

 

_God, Magnus wanted it so badly._

 

“What did you wish for, dude?” Simon wanted to know, but Alec interrupted him directly. 

 

“If he’d tell, the wish wouldn’t come true.” Alec had still not taken his gaze from Magnus and Magnus hadn’t looked away, either. Only after Alec had finished his sentence did he turn his head to Simon, who looked at him slightly confused. Even Isabelle knew what was going on here. But she didn’t say, just smiled crookedly before talking to Clary again.

 

“You’re right.” Simon finally replied. Meanwhile Magnus put the cake down and Maia distributed it. Alec passed, however, he did not know what ingredients were in the cake. But after all the others had eaten their piece, they already went into the living room. 

 

“We want to look at photos!” Clary explained before reaching for the photo albums. 

 

“Clarissa-” Magnus moaned directly annoyed, but Maia held him back. 

 

“You know the procedure! Besides, Alec and Isabelle are here now! They deserve it too.” 

 

“We deserve what?” Alec asked curiously before he saw the photo albums. He knew immediately what it was all about. 

 

“ _Oh_.” he laughed before looking at Magnus. 

 

“Revenge is sweet, Bane,” he teased Magnus before sitting on the couch with Clary and Maia, who had already opened the photo albums and looked at the pictures. Magnus shook his head laughing before he joined in. Clary moved aside a little so Magnus could sit next to Alec. A few minutes later, the four had sunk into the photos and laughed again and again when an embarrassing picture appeared. 

 

Isabelle watched her brother silently as she talked to Raphael and Simon in the kitchen. She had rarely seen him so happy since he had fallen ill. 

 

So frisky, relieved, _human._  

 

“He seems like a nice guy,” Raphael finally said, which made Isabelle flinch. 

 

“My brother?” she asked when she reached for her champagne glass and turned to the two of them. They nodded to her. 

 

“He’s good for him,” Simon replied.

 

Isabelle nodded before looking back at the two who were now looking at the next album with the girls. “Believe me... it’s mutual,” Isabelle sighed. She wasn’t tense anymore, she was relaxed. She knew her brother wanted to be here. With Magnus, on his birthday. 

 

Because he needed Magnus. 

 

Because he did him _good_.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re sure you want to go home alone?” Isabelle had leaned against one of the cupboards and watched Clary throw her jacket on. Magnus smiled gently before reaching for her scarf. 

 

“I’m an adult, I don’t need a bodyguard,” she replied. 

 

Isabelle scoffed shortly before she turned around to look into the living room again. Maia and Simon had left together with Raphael a few minutes ago. Clary had helped clean up, but she had to get up early, so she also had to make her way home. 

 

“I wouldn’t take you home as a bodyguard either, but as someone you met through Magnus who thinks you’re very sweet,” she replied quietly.

 

Clary laughed quietly before she grabbed her cap. “What about Alec? You have to drive him back, don’t you?” Clary finally asked. She was interested in Isabelle, but she couldn’t let Alec stay behind. 

 

Isabelle turned around again and looked at Magnus and Alec, who were just collecting the cups scattered around the living room. Alec coughed briefly, which immediately made Magnus go to him to support him. 

 

“Everything okay? You don’t have to help me.” Magnus looked at him anxiously, but Alec just shook his head and asked for a glass of water before sitting down. 

 

“It’s your birthday, you shouldn’t have to clean up all by yourself,” Alec replied as he reached for the glass of water and emptied it. Magnus appreciated the gesture, yet he was still worried about Alec’s condition.

 

“Are you sure?” he asked again. Magnus wanted to be one hundred percent sure that Alec wouldn’t overwork himself. Alec nodded silently, put his glass down and stood up again. 

 

Isabelle was watching the situation before she turned to Clary. “If anyone can look after my brother, it’s Magnus.” She smiled at Clary, who nodded to her. 

 

“The two fit together,” the young student replied as she looked over Isabelle’s shoulder. 

 

“Hey, Alec!” she finally shouted, which made Magnus and Alec turn around.

 

Clary smiled at them both. “May I kidnap your sister? She wants to give me a lift home because it’s getting late. And cold.” Isabelle laughed before she also turned around and looked at her big brother standing next to Magnus and smiling at her. 

 

“If you want to go home now, we can just-”

 

“Iz,” Alec interrupted his sister with a warm smile before looking over to Magnus, who also looked at him a few seconds later and smiled. 

 

“I’m in good hands. Go on, take your lady home.”Alec joked knowingly. Isabelle pulled her eyebrows up and gave her brother a death stare before giggling and turning back to Clary. She reached out her hand. 

 

“Shall we?” she asked with a grin.

 

Clary thought for a moment, looked again at Magnus nodding to her. She reached for Isabelle’s hand and smiled warmly at Alec.

 

“I’ll be back soon,” Isabelle said when she opened the apartment door. Alec and Magnus watched as the two of them left the apartment before continuing to concentrate on cleaning up. 

 

“So they finally met,” Magnus said while he threw the cups into a sack. Alec looked over at him while he was putting the plates together. 

 

“Clary wanted to meet your sister for so long… let’s say it was a good day for her.” Magnus had to laugh. 

 

“She seems nice. A bit shy, but still suitable for my sister. Maybe it will become something more,” Alec replied after washing his hands. Magnus watched him before he breathed in and out. 

 

“I hope so for both of them.”

 

Magnus smiled. Alec looked at him silently before staring at his hands. He was happy for his sister, was proud of her, that she approached the matter so openly and strongly. She was confident, ready for adventure. Alec wished he was as strong as her. The two drank a glass of water together and enjoyed the silence. The radio was the only sound. Magnus let the day pass in his head again. His day had been beautiful, his friends had been with him, had made him a cake. He had received a Playstation from Simon and Raphael, a cookbook from Maia, and a new shirt from Clary. But his greatest gift was Alec. Alec had come. Although Magnus hadn’t expected it.

 

Magnus looked over at Alec, who was fiddling with his glass. He didn’t know what was going on in his head, but Magnus hoped that Alec felt comfortable. 

 

“Your friends are really nice.” Alec finally said, as if he could read Magnus’ mind.

 

Magnus looked into his eyes before he nodded. “I’m glad you had a nice evening,” Magnus whispered before he got up to put his glass in the sink. Alec took a deep breath before he got up too. 

 

Magnus went back into the living room and turned his radio a little louder until he realized it was a slow, quiet song. The two had tidied everything up and the apartment looked habitable again, so Magnus didn’t think long about it. 

 

He turned around and stood right in front of Alec, who had followed him silently. Alec smiled at him silently. 

 

“I didn’t hear you at all.”

 

“Bodyguard.” Alec replied quietly. He was still smiling at him before he tilted his head. 

 

“May I make a wish?” Magnus finally asked.

 

Alec lifted his chin slightly and made a thoughtful sound before looking into Magnus’ eyes again. “Depends on what you want,” Alec whispered to him quietly.

 

Magnus laughed briefly before asking for his hand. “A dance.”

 

“I can’t dance,” Alec replied directly, but Magnus shook his head laughing. 

 

“Someone who has been protecting people for years, is a pro gamer, can play chess, cook, and who loves history more than a history student, can dance,” Magnus replied before resting his arms around Alec’s neck and taking a step towards him. Alec instinctively put his hands around Magnus’ hip before he cleared his throat.

 

“When I step on your foot, don’t blame me,” whispered Alec in his ear as they slowly moved to the music. It wasn’t dancing, it was more like swinging, being close. Enjoying the closeness. Alec could feel Magnus’ breath against his neck, hear his own heartbeat racing. Magnus let his fingers glide through Alec’s hair, feeling the soft hair tips on his fingertips. 

 

“I never thought I could teach you anything,” Magnus whispered to him as they slowly turned. Alec shook his head laughing before he nodded. 

 

“Looks like I have a good teacher,” Alec replied just as quietly. Ed Sheeran still sang in the background, immersing them in their own world. 

 

_Friends just sleep in another bed,_

_And friends don’t treat me like you do._

_Well I know that there’s a limit to everything,_

_But my friends won’t love me like you._

_No, my friends won’t love me like you._

 

“I wanted to thank you,” Alec finally said. Magnus pulled his eyebrows up and tilted his head. 

 

“Thanksgiving’s over, Alexander.” Magnus was still sliding his fingers through Alec’s hair. Alec scoffed gently. 

 

“It’s never too late to thank anyone. Especially not on his birthday. Thanks for letting me be here and meet your friends. Thanks for kicking my ass,” Alec continued quietly. He grasped Magnus more tightly, drew him closer to himself and turned it around.

 

_But then again, if we’re not friends,_

_Someone else might love you too._

_And then again, if we’re not friends,_

_There’d be nothing I could do, and that’s why_  

 

“No, I have to thank you for being here… I couldn’t have asked for anything better. I really thought you’d forgotten…” Magnus laughed quietly. “Who’d have thought Alexander Lightwood was always one step ahead of me?”

 

Alec winked at him and turned again with Magnus. “Bodyguard.” joked Alec. “Just kidding.... I planned it together with Isabelle. I just wanted to be with you in person on your birthday. Although I wasn’t really sure about your gift-” 

 

“Your being here is the greatest gift you could ever give me, Alexander,” Magnus interrupted him. 

 

_Friends should sleep in other beds._

_And friends shouldn’t kiss me like you do._

_And I know that there’s a limit to everything._

_But my friends won’t love me like you._

_No, my friends won’t love me like you do._

 

Alec’s lips were slightly parted, but a little later he nodded with a warm smile. 

 

“I’m glad,” he replied.

 

Magnus still looked at him before putting his chin on Alec’s shoulder and closing his eyes. He enjoyed the closeness to Alec, the silence around her. The song that perfectly reflected her situation. 

 

“The best birthday I’ve had in a long time,” Magnus replied in a whisper. 

 

_Oh, my friends will never love me like you._

 

The song ended gently and the two of them finally stopped. Magnus slowly took his head off Alec’s shoulder and a few seconds later they were only one breath apart. Alec’s breath got faster, his heart pounded faster. He felt Magnus’ breath bump against his. He leaned slightly forward, dropped his forehead against Magnus’. This made Magnus flinch briefly, but he became softer in Alec’s arms, dropped. Their nose tips touched lightly.

 

Alec snorted slightly and laughed shortly afterwards. Both had closed their eyes, but they didn’t have to exchange words to know what they wanted the most. Magnus’ hands glided gently past Alec’s neck, embracing his cheek before laughing softly as well. 

 

“What did you wish for?” whispered Alec. The touch of Magnus let a firework shoot through his body, but he held himself back. But Magnus shook his head. 

 

“Sshhh…. it won’t come true if I’d tell you, remember?” Magnus leaned forward and felt Alec holding his breath. He never thought his day would end like this. 

 

Just as their lips were about to touch, there was a knock at the door and the two flinched and separated again. 

 

“I’m back!” Isabelle shouted through the door. Alec sighed for a moment before he laughed. 

 

“Clary doesn’t live that far from here,” Alec murmured, still leaning against Magnus’ forehead. Magnus also had to laugh. 

 

“One block from here.” Magnus replied before taking a deep breath. “Seems like you have to go. Thank you for the evening, Alexander,” he continued quietly before taking his hands off Alec’s cheeks. Alec slowly opened his eyes, but they were still only a few inches apart. 

 

“Yes. I should go.... or Isabelle will kick in the door,” Alec joked before he looked behind him. Isabelle was patient and knew that Alec wanted to spend time with Magnus, but she had to make sure that Alec got home on time. She didn’t want to risk him getting infected with anything and getting sick. The trip alone was a risk for him. 

 

Alec finally reached into the pocket of his leather jacket. He pulled out a little box and looked at Magnus, who looked at him questioningly. 

“Don’t open it till I’m gone, okay?” Alec asked him. Magnus nodded perplexed.

 

“I thought… you had nothing.”

 

“You didn’t let me finish,” Alec interrupted him quietly. He reached for Magnus’ hand and placed the box in it before smiling at him warmly and cupping his cheeks. Alec closed his eyes and leaned forward to give Magnus a gentle kiss on his forehead before releasing and smiling at him. Magnus saw his eyes getting wet and he wanted to ask if everything was okay, but Alec gently stroked his cheek before taking a small step back. 

 

“Happy birthday, Magnus Bane,” he whispered. Seconds later, Alec turned around and went to the apartment door. 

 

“Is everything okay, Alexander?” Magnus asked nevertheless, when Alec’s hand was already on the door handle. Alec lifted his head, but he didn’t turn around. 

 

“Yeah, yeah everything is all right,” he replied quietly before sniffing and opening the door. Without another word to Magnus, he closed the door behind him and went downstairs to greet his sister again, who was already waiting for him in the lower hallway. 

 

But Magnus stayed on the same spot for another few minutes and looked perplexed at the door. He still felt Alec’s touches, his lips on his forehead, his fingers stroking his cheek, his breath against his lips. Magnus looked again at the small box that Alec had given him before blinking again. Magnus bit on his lips before licking over them and closing his eyes. He heard his heart racing. He could feel the blood shooting into his cheeks. 

 

Magnus knew that no matter what was in the box, nothing could surpass his feelings for Alec. 

 

Nothing could make him feel the way Alec made him feel before Isabelle knocked. 

 

And Magnus knew why. 

 

He _loved_ him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics at the end are from "Friends" by Ed Sheeran <3


	14. Covered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to #LMBWA! 
> 
> A tiny delay, because I got sick and couldn't finish the chapter in time, sorry about that! Hopefully I didn't make y'all wait too long for it :) Chapter 14 is kinda a filler but I still hope y'all will enjoy it as much as the other chapters! Live-Tweets as always with the hastag #LMBWA or just leave a comment! :) 
> 
> 3 songs has been added to the playlist for this chapter! Sit back and enjoy reading C: 
> 
> As always, thanks for all the love and support, you have no idea how much this means to me :) 
> 
> Twitter: [@malecsmercy](https://twitter.com/malecsmercy)  
> Playlist: [click here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/breakingthehabittonight/playlist/24CRltTI4dmqv5g7RgZBIM?si=nFSkBAGsRw--Zmc1minRew)  
> Aesthetics for each chapter: [right here!](https://drive.google.com/open?id=13qVn3ySB5QBSbfhBs35vptoYRm7yysrh)  
> Once again, thanks to @Lakritzwolf for beta'ing! 
> 
> Much love, Kim <3

Magnus stared at the closed door for quite a while. The music was still playing at the same volume, and he let the last few minutes pass before his inner eyes before he shook his head briefly and looked at the box. It was a plain, square box bound with a grey bow. Magnus’ hands trembled, not knowing what to expect. Or if Alec just played a prank on him and gave him an empty box. Magnus never expected that Alec would give him a gift, that he would even think about his birthday. That he’d risk coming to him just to see him.

Magnus walked towards his couch, turned the radio down on his way and finally sat down slowly on the sofa. He gently stroked the box, still feeling Alec’s warming hand on his cheek. Magnus took a deep breath before bringing himself to open the box. He carefully pulled the bow and placed it next to himself. He looked at the lid of the box, breathed again and lifted it carefully.

What Magnus saw made him sob. He put his hand in front of his mouth to suppress a louder sob. Hot tears were glistening in his eyes. What was in the box looked like a dream. He never thought he’d ever see it again. Magnus put the lid to the side and grabbed the necklace. His mother’s necklace.

Carefully, he let his fingers glide over it before taking a closer look at the arrow-like pendant. He turned the pendant around and knew it was  _ his _ mother’s necklace.

_ Aku Cinta Kamu  _ was carved into the silver. Alec had really managed to find his mother’s necklace again. Magnus felt the tears slowly running down his cheeks. Magnus couldn’t believe he was holding it in his hand again. That Alec had found it. He didn’t know how, but it was one of the best gifts one could have given to him. His hands were still trembling as he put the necklace around his neck and looked at the pendant again. He smiled silently before sniffing and wiping tears from his face. Only now did he see that there was a sticky note in the box. He tilted his head and reached for the piece of paper. He quickly recognized Alec’s handwriting.

_ I know it’s not much, but I hope you like it anyway. I know the chain meant a lot to you and do not start questioning how I got it back. Happy birthday Magnus. _

__

_ PS: Thanks for making me feel whole. _

Magnus read the message again before looking at his phone. Surely Alec was already waiting for a message from him. Magnus set the box with the message on the table in front of him before reaching for his phone and writing a message to Alec.

_ [Alexander... how did you... I can’t thank you enough] 11:42 PM _

It didn’t take long until the message was marked as read and the small bubble with the three points appeared.

ALEXANDER

_ [I’m glad you like it. Like I said... it took me a long time to find it. I hope you had a good birthday. Good night, Magnus. Sleep tight.] 11:43 PM _

Magnus smiled, walking into the bathroom in the meantime.

_ [I did. Thank you. Alexander. I also wish you a good night. ] 11:44 PM _

__

He put his phone on the shelf in the bathroom and got into his shower a few seconds later, let the whole evening pass by once again, and fell into his bed half an hour later. His hand had wrapped around the chain while staring at the ceiling. His heart was racing, beating faster as soon as he thought of dancing with Alec. Magnus turned on his side. He had put the box on his bedside table, read the message from Alec again. He smiled softly. Alec had managed to turn his birthday into something he would never forget.

* * *

  


Alec sat in the car with his sister for a while. He kept biting his lips, trying to suppress his tears. He didn’t want to get emotional in front of Magnus, but he knew he couldn’t see him until he had written his exam. And he knew it was going to be tough. While he could still text him, always distracting him was not an option for Alec. He wanted Magnus to prepare himself well for it. Alec couldn’t control his feelings in front of Magnus, couldn’t switch them off. He needed him more than anything.

“Shall we get out?” asked his sister after more minutes of silence. Her brother took a deep breath. He was still looking out of the window, even though they had been in the garage for a while now.

“He liked the gift…” Alec whispered, ignoring his sister’s question. Isabelle smiled silently at Alec.

“I don’t even want to know how you got the necklace,” Isabelle replied humorously. She shook her head briefly when her brother looked over at her. He smiled weakly.

“Detectives. They found the necklace on the black market. Thanks to the description of Magnus, they could find the necklace more easily. I knew it was important to him.”

“You’re important to him, too,” Isabelle gave back immediately. Alec had to swallow, looked again at his phone and read the last message once more. He still hadn’t answered Magnus, hadn’t opened the message in the app yet.

“Why am I like this, Isabelle? Why can’t I hide my feelings when I’m near Magnus?” he asked desperately as he locked his phone again. He leaned back and threw his head back a little.

Isabelle tilted her head slightly and stretched out her hand to stroke Alec’s cheek. He twitched briefly before closing his eyes and a single tear rolled down his cheek. However, Isabelle wiped it away directly.

“Love does this to us, Alec. It changes us.”

“Love?” Alec replied as soon as he sat up straight again, and Isabelle took her hand away. “I don’t love him,” Alec defended himself, but when he looked at Isabelle, he bit his lower lip. He looked at his hands and felt caught.

“Alec…” Isabelle said, which made Alec look up.

“It’s okay,” she said when she pulled the key out of the car and opened the door.

“Let’s go upstairs. The evening was long enough for you. I’ll make you another tea, okay?”

Alec nodded to her silently before he also opened the door and got out. He followed Isabelle silently through the garage. They passed a few cars that Alec hadn’t seen the inside of them in two years. His favorite car was just one of the many that wasn’t moved anymore. Alec sighed softly before putting his hands deeper into his jacket pocket. He missed sitting in his black Mustang and driving through the nightlife of New York.

Suddenly Alec stopped, which also made Isabelle stop.

“What’s the matter?” Isabelle asked before she turned to look at Alec, who was lost in his thought.

“We could have taken your umbrella with us,” Alec noticed, annoyed, before he sighed. “This damn thing... we always forget about it.”

Isabelle laughed quietly before motioning to her brother to move again. “It’s just an umbrella. It’ll show up back here someday. Come on.”

The two went into Alec’s apartment, and while Alec went straight into the bathroom to get into the hot tub, Isabelle prepared a pot of tea for her brother so that his body could warm up from the inside. She aired the place very briefly while Alec was still in the bathroom before her brother stepped out a quarter of an hour later in a long sweater and pajama pants.

His steps were clearly audible on the linoleum, so Isabelle closed all the windows in the kitchen and poured a cup of tea for her brother. Alec was already yawning when he sat down on one of the chairs. He sniffed briefly before putting his hands around the cup to warm them up.

“Are you okay?” Isabelle asked worriedly. She saw that Alec was freezing. Shivering.

“I will be, yeah,” Alec mumbled before he started sipping his tea. Isabelle tilted her head and watched Alec reach for the handkerchief pack to clean his nose. Isabelle put down her cup before turning to the medicine cabinet and taking out nasal spray.

“You knew you’d risk everything,” she said as she pushed the nasal spray over to her brother. Alec also put his cup down and grabbed the spray before nodding.

“It was worth it,” he murmured quietly. “He… is worth it.” Alec continued quietly. Isabelle smiled warmly at her brother before nodding and reaching for her cup.

“After that you go to bed and warm yourself up, right?” Isabelle ordered her big brother, who just rolled his eyes and nodded. He grinned at his sister crookedly before they laughed.

“Thanks, Isabelle… for everything,” Alec said when he calmed down. His sister nodded to him, emptied her cup, and put it in the dishwasher.

“Siblings stick together, right?” she offered her fist to Alec, who put down his cup and gave his sister a fist bump. After that, Isabelle said goodbye to her brother with a broad smile and took her jacket.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

Alec nodded to her before sipping from his cup again. But when Isabelle stepped out of the kitchen, Alec remembered something from the party.

“Iz.” he called her, which made his sister stopped. A few seconds later she had turned to him.

“You and Clary, huh?” He smiled boldly. His sister rolled her eyes.

“Shut it, Big Bro... I won’t tell you anything about us until I know it’s gonna work.”

Alec pulled up his eyebrow before nodding to her and drinking from his cup again. He was happy for his sister. He was pleased that she could achieve all that Alec could wish for. Getting touched without being afraid of getting sick.

Talking to someone completely stranger at a party and being allowed to bring them home without having to worry about getting infected with something.

Alec took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the cup before reaching for his phone and opening the chat with Magnus. Again, he let his eyes fly over the last message before he went into his room with the cup in his hand. He put the cup on his night stand before he lay down in his bed and turned directly to his side to text Magnus.

_ [Still up?] 12:38 AM _

Alec did not hope for an answer from Magnus, he was probably asleep already. He had to be at university the next day, concentrate on his lecture and sleep off the alcohol. Magnus hadn’t drunk much, especially not from the moment Alec stepped over the threshold. But deep down, Alec wished Magnus was still awake.

MAGNUS

_ [Just settled down in my bed after enjoying a loooooong warm shower. Are you okay?] 12:40 AM _

Alec’s phone flashed, which made Alec happy. He turned on his back and stared at the message for a while before clearing his throat. His lungs hurt again, but he swallowed down the pain.

_ [Yes, I’m fine. I’m actually more than fine. I’ve been lying in my bed since just now, my teacup next to me with the tea bag that was in my Advent calendar today. Thanks for the evening again.] 12:42 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [You’re welcome, Alexander. I’m glad you liked it. I’m forever grateful to you for finding the necklace... I can’t thank you enough. ] 12:42 AM _

__

_ [Wait, Advent calendar? A 22-year-old ex bodyguard who still owns an advent calendar??] 12:42 AM _

Alec had to scoff briefly before he shook his head and smiled.

_ [And what about it? Don’t you have one?] 12:43 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [No? I’m 23, Alexander. I don’t need an Advent calendar anymore. ] 12:43 AM _

__

Alec tilted his head. Could one ever get too old to be surprised before Christmas?

_ [I’ll keep that in mind, Magnus. You need to sleep, though. I do not have to be at university tomorrow morning ;)] 12:43 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [Watch out, Alec, your protective instinct comes out ;). I’ll be fine, okay?] 12:43 AM _

__

Alec’s smile got bigger before he nodded and typed his last message.

_ [Just making sure. Sleep well, Magnus. And don’t forget to go through the tests tomorrow... Isabelle’s off for the next two weeks, which means you’re staying home, no distractions, okay?] 12:44 AM _

Alec knew the message would hit him harder than it should have. Not being able to see Magnus for two weeks was worse than being locked up in his apartment for two years. But his condition didn’t improve. He couldn’t risk Magnus worrying more about him, which would end up in him having bad grades. Alec was aware that his condition was not how it should be. But he would make it with Isabelle’s help, a lot of tea, and the right vitamins. He just had to rest, which was easier for him once Magnus wasn’t with him. But it would be hard for Alec. Because Magnus changed him, made him feel, made him feel normal.

He needed him.

Alec bit his lower lip before tapping on the arrow and sending the message. He closed his eyes and made the phone dance on his chest. He wanted to tell him on his birthday that they could no longer see each other until Magnus had passed his exam.

But Alec couldn’t, wouldn’t. He had enjoyed his time with Magnus too much to just destroy the moment. But Magnus’ birthday was over, reality was back in place.

He should have just put the phone down, not waiting for Magnus to answer. But something in his heart kept him waiting. He wanted to make sure it was okay for Magnus. That Magnus would understand why they couldn’t see each other anymore.

MAGNUS

_ [Oh- Why didn’t you tell me? How am I supposed to manage two weeks without Rocket League training?] 12:47 AM _

__

The answer took longer than Alec thought. Probably because it had caught Magnus really off guard.

__

_ [You wouldn’t come to play anyway. Magnus, I want you to do good grades, okay? That means no visits, no long text marathons with me at night. I’ll prepare the tests for every day. You still have the flashcards and I’ve already given you all the important books. I’ll be fine, okay? Don’t worry about me.] 12:49 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [You know I’m always worried about you, Alexander… It’s kinda my job. ] 12:50 AM _

Alec couldn’t say anything about it. But he had to be strict, not to give in.

_ [I will be okay and as soon as you come out of the hall on the 19th, your exam is written, you can jump into the next taxi and come here. I’ll pay the taxi too ;) Now go to sleep, Magnus, and I’ll text you again tomorrow. Good night.] 12:51 AM _

__

It took Magnus a while to answer. The text bubble kept appearing and disappearing again. Magnus struggled with his answer. Which is why Alec wrote another message.

_ [Do you trust me, Magnus?] 12:53 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [Yes.] 12:53 AM _

_ [Then we can do this, together, okay?] 12:54 AM _

MAGNUS

_ [Okay. Good night, Alexander x] 12:55 AM _

__

Alec took a deep breath before locking his phone and plugging in the charger cable. Eventually, he stared at his ceiling for another hour before closing his eyes. His chest felt heavy, his lungs ached with every breath. He knew he wouldn’t make it through the day without painkillers any time soon. That every day would get heavier until his therapy worked and his body calmed down again.

And Magnus wasn’t there to distract him.

Alec took a deep breath and turned to his side. It would be hell on earth for him to be separated from Magnus for two weeks. And he knew that Magnus was feeling exactly the same.

* * *

  


The following days really became hell. Mentally and physically. Isabelle brought Alec food and medicine every day, tried to help him, but the trip to Magnus had been the last drop that had made Alec’s body collapsed. He could barely get out of bed without his legs giving in and he collapsed. Isabelle was with him as often as she could. She wasn’t off work, of course. Not this close to Christmas.

Alec still had his laptop open every day, checking if Magnus was doing his tests.

And Magnus followed his orders. He passed every test, had it checked by Alec and was immediately sent the next one. And his results got better every time. Of course, the two of them texted a lot with one another, and although Magnus kept asking if he could at least call him in the evening, Alec strictly refused. He would do anything to hear his voice every night, but his voice became weaker with every day, his nose was getting continuously more and more runny. The vitamins didn’t help much, but the painkillers enabled Alec at least a little bit to forget about his lungs.

On Saturday evening, however, the doorbell suddenly went off. Alec was lying on the couch with a cup of tea. He immediately grabbed his mask and put it on before looking at Isabelle and pulling his eyebrow up. He knew that Magnus had just passed his test and had texted him a few minutes ago.

“Don’t worry,” Isabelle said before she laid down her towel and ran to the door. Alec was still confused, but his lungs were aching and he couldn’t get up. He coughed a few seconds later before he heard footsteps. When his cough subsided, however, his vision got blurry and his head hurt. The painkillers still didn’t work, although he had taken the next dose an hour ago.

“Alec?” he suddenly heard the lovely voice of a young lady. It was definitely not his sister. Alec tried to focus his vision and finally looked in Isabelle’s direction. Next to her was Clary. She was wearing a leather jacket and black high heels. Alec tilted his head slightly, couldn’t really understand why Clary was here, but he nodded weakly at her before coughing again.

“Hey, hey, have a drink,” Isabelle ordered in concern before sitting next to her brother and holding out the teacup. Alec just nodded and trembled to grab the cup before pulling down his mask and taking a sip.

“Is he all right?” Clary asked with a worried look to Isabelle. She turned her head to Clary before looking again at her brother, who looked at her pleadingly. He knew that Clary and Magnus were best friends. She’d tell him all about Alec if Magnus ever asked.

“Yeah, he just got something down the wrong way this morning and, his body is now trying to deal with it. Sore throat, you know? The weather’s also been bothering him, but he’ll be fine.”

She smiled gently at her brother, which also made him smile. He knew he could count on his sister. Clary saw that the two exchanged looks, and decided not to ask any more questions. She just nodded to them before she looked around the living room and finally cleared her throat.

“So do we want to go or is the date here?” Clary finally asked, which made Alec take a critical look at the two before he got up from his reclining position.

“Woah, woah, woah, hold on. A date? Why do I not know about this, little sister?” Alec wanted to know. He also cleared his throat before putting down his cup and getting up carefully. His sister turned to him and got a critical look from her brother. She blushed slightly and avoided his eyes.

“I wanted to tell you, but… you were so busy running all those tests on Magnus. But yes, I have a date with Clary today… she really wanted to invite me after I brought her home last Sunday. If you need my help then of course it’s o-” Isabelle stopped when she noticed her brother smiling at her warmly.

“What?” she asked with a smile, but Alec shook his head in disbelief.

“It’s okay, Iz. I’ll be fine. It’s just an evening. Come on, have fun. But don’t forget, I can’t pick you up when Clary’s ditching you for another girl.” Alec looked over to Clary, who was already giggling. “Which would be a very bad idea,” he warned her before looking back at his sister. “And don’t stay away for too long before our parents worry about you.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes before reaching for her bag.

“Love you too, Big Bro,” she just replied before shaking her head again and looking at Clary, smiling at her warmly. A look to Alec assured her again that it was okay to go.

“If anything happens, call me,” she replied, and Alec nodded.

He had his arms crossed in front of his chest and hugged himself. He looked at the two warmly, nodded to Clary and formed the words _ ‘watch her’ _ with his lips. Clary nodded to him and formed a  _ ‘promise’ _ back. Alec finally breathed deeply and sat down on the couch again, grabbed his cup and took another sip. The two women were still standing next to Alec, a little hesitant, didn’t really know if they should really leave now. Alec turned his head slightly towards them before pulling an eyebrow up and shaking his head weakly. He looked at them questioningly before he put his cup down and folded his hands in front of him.

“What are you waiting for?” he laughed quietly. “Have fun!” He told them to leave, and the two looked at each other again, before they both smiled at Alec and Isabelle reached for her jacket.

“Your food’s in the fridge!” Isabelle shouted to him as she opened the door for Clary. She turned back to Alec, who looked at her smilingly.

“Have fun, Izzy.” whispered Alec. Isabelle nodded.

“Thanks, Big Bro.”

A few seconds later, the door fell shut, and Alec was on his own for the rest of the evening. He laughed quietly before he snuggled himself up in his blanket again, and turned his attention to the TV. His phone was always next to him, if Magnus should text him. After all, it was Saturday, and although Magnus had promised him that he would bury his nose deep into history books, Alec could not deny that he missed him. It was exactly a week since he had last seen him. Seven days without seeing Magnus, without looking at his soft facial features that fascinated Alec so much. Seven days without the safety and warmth Magnus gave him with his laughter. His laughter, which made Alec feel new things all over again as soon as he heard it. Seven days without even hearing his voice. A week felt so meaningless all of the sudden.

Alec threw his head back in annoyance and stared at the ceiling.

He never thought he’d miss anyone. That missing someone could be so _ painful. _

* * *

  


As Clary walked out the door with Isabelle, she took a deep breath and finally looked at Isabelle, throwing her scarf around her neck and straightening her hair. It was perfect weather to have a date in winter. The snow lay on the streets of New York, but there was no wind that would make it unbearable to take one step outside. Clary turned on her high heels to look at Isabelle, who just closed her bag and looked at Clary.

“And? What are we gonna do now?” Isabelle asked with a smile. “What movie did you choose to go to with me?”Isabelle got closer to Clary, who shook her head giggling.

“Do you really think I’m gonna go to the movies with you? Please, Isabelle. You’re a bodyguard. Cinema is far too boring.”

“So we’re going out to eat?” Isabelle shot back directly. Clary laughed again before reaching out her hand. Isabelle looked down on her hand before she put her hand into Clary’s.

“Just trust me,” Clary whispered. “I know what you’re gonna enjoy.” Clary seemed so sure of herself, which warmed Isabelle’s heart. She smiled at her as they walked to the next subway station. They enjoyed the sound that repeated with each step. Snow was something wonderful, the whole city was in a snowy mantle, but it was a wonderful day.

“I love snow,” Isabelle suddenly said, as if she could read Clary’s mind. Clary looked at her and nodded. Her nose was red, the cold now taking over. But her hand was still connected to Clarys, so they both gave warmth to each other.

“I think I’m more of a spring person, but I love Christmas! The lights, the cookies, the atmosphere in New York… the coming together of people,” Clary replied.

Isabelle’s smile grew soft. She already loved her voice because she was so precious.

“Right! But I love the sound of the crunching snow under my feet as I walk through New York.”

Isabelle looked up and looked at all the lights hanging from tree to tree. The shops that were beautifully decorated. Christmas was getting closer and closer and the atmosphere in New York was getting more festive with every day. She looked at Clary, who also looked at the glowing chains of lights that were mirrored in her eyes. She looked beautiful, Isabelle couldn’t deny it anymore.

“Where are we going now?” Isabelle asked curiously again. She bit her lower lip and tried to hide her nervousness, but Clary remained stubborn and shook her head before the two went into the subway station.

“This remains a surprise,” Clary whispered to her as they boarded the subway.

The journey into the unknown for Isabelle. But she didn’t complain, no, on the contrary. She was happy that Clary wanted to surprise her. That she could just let herself fall for once and enjoy the date, having fun. She was still thinking about Alec, but she knew he would call if his condition got any worse. She knew her brother long enough, and his illness, to be able to say that his condition was bad. The only question was how bad it really was and how much he was hiding.

“Hey, are you okay?” Clary had put her hand on Isabelle’s shoulder, which made her flinch. Isabelle cleared her throat and rolled her shoulders before swallowing and nodding.

“Yeah sure. I... was just thinking,” she replied quietly.

Clary tilted her head and stroked her shoulder soothingly. “Is Alec really all right? Magnus told me he missed being with him.”

Clary was really worried about Alec, which touched Isabelle emotionally more than it should. They had taken Alec into their circle of friends. Probably because Magnus spoke more frequently about him, but since the birthday party, everyone knew Alec personally and had taken to like him. Everyone wanted him to feel better, that he and Magnus could remain friends, even if the work for Magnus would be over someday.

“Yeah... he’s just a little bit ill and wants Magnus to focus on his exam. I’ll take care of him, don’t worry. He misses him too, I think. It’s ironic when you consider that my brother never really wanted anyone at his side. He never wanted to have friends since the GBS took over.” Isabelle smiled softly. “I’m glad he has Magnus,” she whispered.

Clary nodded, just before she thought about Magnus’ behavior and how it had changed over the last few months.

“I’m glad Magnus has Alec, too. Ever since, Magnus has not had a weekly One Night Stand anymore, concentrates more on the lectures, and finally understands what is important in life. They help each other.”

“And Magnus can stay in his apartment.” Isabelle joked, which made Clary laugh.

“That’s right. None of us get a discount anymore if we need a coffee from Starbucks, but I think we can all do without it. After all, he’s much better when he’s with Alec.”

Isabelle smiled warmly at Clary before she nodded and the subway stopped directly afterwards. They had reached the station where Clary got off with Isabelle. They slowly walked up the stairs and walked hand in hand through the streets of New York before arriving in Central Park. Isabelle still had no idea what Clary was up to, but as they got closer and closer to the pond, Isabelle stopped for a moment and let go of Clary’s hand. Clary then turned to her with a grin on her face. Isabelle stared at the frozen pond milling with families, children, and couples. Everyone was on skates and glided over the frozen water. She was speechless.

“What’s wrong? Is the bodyguard Isabelle Lightwood a little  _ scared _ ?” Clary laughed. She stretched out her hand to Isabelle and waved her over.

Isabelle clicked her tongue and shook her head. “I’ll call it respect,” she corrected Clary before she reached for her hand, and the two of them walked to the small, illuminated cottage to borrow skates. They paid, and put on their shoes. Isabelle couldn’t deny that she had never skated before. How should she? In her training, this was definitely not an exercise.

“I’m here with you. Believe me, ice skating is fun! I’m always here in winter with Magnus and Maia!”

“Magnus can ice skate?” Isabelle asked in shock.

Clary nodded to her. “Of course! Have you ever seen how skilful Magnus is? He taught me.”

Clary smiled warmly as she remembered how many times she had fallen in the past. How many times Magnus caught her. She always wanted to give up, but Magnus never gave up on Clary. It took a while, but since then Clary has loved skating more than anything else in winter. Isabelle saw Clary drown in memory, so she reached for her hand and smiled warmly at her.

“Then it’s about time you teach me!” she told Clary, and she laughed, as the two of them slowly went on the ice. For Clary this was no longer any problem, she literally flew over the ice, but she stayed with Isabelle, who held on to the edge at the beginning so as not to tip over.

“I’m with you,” Clary assured her. Isabelle held on to Clary with her other hand, but all the time she only looked down to avoid falling.

“I didn’t think this date was gonna be so action-packed with you. I really would have preferred a movie or a meal,” Isabelle mumbled anxiously, but Clary stuck her tongue out and shook her head.

“That would have been far too boring. Come on!” Clary let Isabelle go for a short moment to tease her, which made her yelp. Clary quickly slid back to her and held her tight. Despite everything, Clary could not resist a laugh. Isabelle, however, gave her a death glare.

“You’re enjoying this, huh?” teased Isabelle Clary who was still standing next to her with a big grin. Isabelle knew how to take revenge. All of a sudden she pushed herself away from the edge and drove forward with her momentum, pulling Clary along. Unfortunately she lost her balance relatively quickly, and Clary couldn’t catch her anymore, and they tumbled to the ground. But as they lay on their backs looking into the night sky of New York, they both burst into laughter before Clary straightened up again and Isabelle reached out her hand.

“No more tricks now, come on. I’ll show you how to skate,” Clary offered. Isabelle finally nodded and embarked on the adventure of skating. With Clary this was also more fun than she might admit. She felt safe next to her, which was rather unusual for a bodyguard. But Clary gave her safety, and warmed her up with her smile. She was full of joy and wasn’t afraid to share it. Isabelle kept watching Clary while she was doing her laps alone, because Isabelle needed a break. And slowly, she understood how Alec felt around Magnus.

There was something magical about Clary. Same with Magnus.

* * *

  


After two hours, they were both driving in circles. Isabelle still didn’t let go of her hand, but she was finally able to look ahead as she moved. Thanks to Clary’s help she made it more fun with every lap. She loved adrenaline.

However, Clary stopped after another round. Their noses were meanwhile very red and running a little. Their hands were cold despite gloves.

“Are you cold too?” Clare turned to Isabelle when she also stopped.

Isabelle looked at Clary and saw Clary’s hands shaking a little. “Kinda, yeah. The adrenaline keeps me warm, but of course we can stop if you want. I think I’ve had enough adventures on these parts for today.” Isabelle pointed to her skates. “High heels will remain my favorites,” she continued with a smile, before looking back at Clary, who was looking at her watch, before also looking at Isabelle with a smile.

“Don’t you worry, you can take them off right now. We’ve got other plans anyway.” Clary grinned at her cheekily as they cautiously went back to the lender to regain their normal shoes. Isabelle became curious again. Clary was unpredictable, apparently.

“Please tell me we’re not parachuting across the Hudson River.” Isabelle looked at Clary slightly desperate, yet smiling. Clary shook her head before putting her index finger on her lips.

“I should have thought of that, but no! A good date should always end with one thing.”

“A cup of coffee at your house?” she interrupted Clary. Clary looked at her confused for a moment before she understood the joke and shook her head again, standing up from the bench.

“Not quite, no.” Clary brought the skates back to the small house before she went back to Isabelle, and they went hand in hand back to the subway station. They enjoyed the lights that were spread all over the trees and between the lanterns. It even began to snow slightly when Clary and Isabelle walked out of the park. They stopped at the next subway station and Isabelle was eager to see where the journey would continue.

Yet her thoughts kept wandering to her brother. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and checked if he had texted her. Isabelle knew that Alec wanted her to enjoy the time with Clary, but couldn’t stop thinking of Alec lying on the couch with a cold at home.

“Can I text my brother for a second?” She turned to Clary, who nodded immediately.

“Of course! Don’t worry, you can text him whenever you want to. I know it’s important to you.” Clary smiled softly. “He’s important to all of us now. I hope he gets better soon,” she continued. Isabelle smiled, too, before briefly turning her attention to her phone.

_ [Everything all right?] 9:54 PM _

BIG BROTHER ♡

_ [Do I need to come and pick you up from the toilet? ^^ I’m fine, yeah. I’m already in bed watching TV.] 9:55 PM _

Isabelle felt that her brother was on the phone the whole time. He was probably texting with Magnus. His allusion, however, made Isabelle giggle.

__

_ [No, everything’s fine. We’re going somewhere now, so don’t wait for me :). If something is wrong, call me, ok?] 9:55 PM _

BIG BROTHER ♡

_ [All right. I will, but now shut your brain down and focus on Clary. She suits you.] 9:56 PM _

Isabelle’s smile widened before she locked her cell phone and turned to Clary. Clary smiled warmly at her.

“Everything okay with him?”

“Yeah he told me to focus on the date.”

Clary couldn’t stop herself from laughing. A few seconds later the subway was already stopping and the two got off.

“You know... I find it remarkable how you’re there for Alec. I never had a brother, so I never really understood the love between brothers and sisters, but you two… you’re different.”

“Our job has made us grow together. When Alec was diagnosed with GBS I was suddenly on my own at work. Yet he was always at my side in the beginning. We used to talk on the phone. It felt like he was always with me. But when his condition got worse I really had to go on alone. And with time, more and more people left him, ignored him... when Lydia left him, he had no one but me.”

Isabelle took a short break and looked briefly into the night sky over New York. “Sorry, I shouldn’t just start talking about this…” she apologized immediately, but Clary raised her free hand and interrupted her directly.

“It’s okay, don’t worry... In fact, I find it very interesting how close you two are. I also hope that Alec will eventually see me as a friend... so he’s important to me, too,” Clary explained. Isabelle giggled heartily before she nodded.

“Yeah my brother needs a while to warm up to new people. But you’re Magnus’ best friend. He likes you, believe me.”

“Maybe I’ll soon be more than that,” Clary cleverly threw in, making Isabelle’s heart race for a moment. She hadn’t expected that innuendo, and although she was very self-confident, Clary caught her off guard again and again.

“Maybe.” Isabelle winked at her a few seconds later. “Anyway, he’s very important to me. I don’t want to lose him... so I’m glad Magnus didn’t give up on him, that we go to therapy every Wednesday now. I just know his future looks good since Magnus stepped into his life. He might be able to work again in a few years, you know?” Isabelle sounded proud, which warmed Clary’s heart. She nodded to emphasize.

“I hope so for him, for you.” Clary stopped for a second. “For Magnus.” she added quietly. There is no question they liked each other. That they strengthened and healed each other.

Isabelle looked at Clary, who smiled at her. Isabelle breathed deeply and looked again on the way in front of her.

“Yes... yeah, I hope so,” she whispered through her scarf.

Suddenly Clary turned left and pulled Isabelle with her. They were directly in front of a restaurant, which was decorated with several chains of lights. It lit her up, made Isabelle speechless.

“Wow!” she said after a few seconds. “That... looks incredible, Clary.”

“I know.” Clary grinned at her broadly before she took off her scarf and opened the door for her. The two of them got a table by the window. The window was decorated as well as the rest of the restaurant. Warm, cozy, festive. They first ordered a wine and an appetizer. Both went for a hot soup, which warmed their body from the inside.

In between their conversations went back to Alec and Magnus again and again. Clary told her how she had met Magnus, how the two were always shopping together, how Clary had first come out to Magnus, how Magnus helped her with her assignments for the university, although it was not his area. Isabelle understood relatively quickly that Magnus was also a big brother to Clary. And she was happy that they had such a good relationship. After that, they talked for a while about Isabelle’s job. Clary was fascinated by the job, what she risked to protect a single person. But when the food arrived at the table, it became quiet. The two ate in silence and looked at each other again and again, smiled, blushed. In any case, there was a certain tension.

Shortly before midnight they left the restaurant and walked through New York.

“My apartment is nearby,” Clary whispered to her after a while. Isabelle suddenly looked over at her. Clary smiled at her knowing what made Isabelle giggle.

“Another coffee?” She winked in reply. Clary giggled now, too, before she nodded.

“And a hot bath maybe?”

“Together?”

Silence reigned for a brief moment. Both stopped while Clary grabbed her keychain. They were right outside her front door. Isabelle was looking after Clary, who was looking up at her apartment.

“Together.” Clary replied to Isabelle’s question. They exchanged a few looks before Isabelle nodded to her and Clary unlocked the front door. They went upstairs without talking to each other at all and Clary unlocked her apartment before asking Isabelle to come inside. Clary immediately went into the kitchen and started the coffee machine while Isabelle looked around the apartment.

“Nice, cozy place you got here,” she said as she stepped into the kitchen. Clary nodded to her.

“Small, but nice,” she smiled before pushing her coffee cup over. Isabelle accepted it gratefully and sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen. They also drank their coffee in silence, warming themselves up, but when Isabelle had emptied their coffee, she was still freezing a bit.

“God, It’s so cold,” she finally said. She rubbed her hands together.

“I know how we could change that,” Clary replied with a cheeky smile. Isabelle tilted her head and smirked at Clary. Clary pointed to her bedroom before she took a step up to Isabelle, who had got up in the meantime.

“Of course, if you don’t mind staying here,” Clary whispered.

Isabelle blinked slowly. Her lips were slightly parted. She reached for a strand of hair that had fallen into Clary’s face.

“I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do,” she replied quietly before tilting her head slightly and putting her lips on Clary’s. Clary’s heart stopped and she held her breath, but a few moments later she kissed her back and put her arms around Isabelle’s hip. She let herself fall right intos Isabelle’s arms. And the same goes for Isabelle.

And it felt fucking  _ good _ .

* * *

  


“And how’d your date go?” Magnus asked over the phone. It was Sunday evening by now and Magnus had just finished his last test for the day. He had promised Clary that he would call her and talk to her about the date as soon as he was done studying. “Did the outfit do the job?”

“Of course it did. Who do you think I am? You helped me, didn’t you?” Clary replied. Magnus had put the call on speaker and was cooking his supper. There was pasta with tomato sauce for him this time. Freshly made, thanks to Alec’s help with iMessage. “The date went great... well... more than great.”

“What do you mean,  _ more _ ?” Clary shouldn’t have to beat about the bush and get straight to the point. “Did you two kiss?”

“She slept here. Next to me.”

Magnus dropped the spoon in the pot. “What!?” he shouted, shocked and yet happy. “And THIS on the first date?! Clarissa Fray, you’re really learning from the best.”

“Oh, shut up, Magnus.”

“I love you too, Biscuit.” Magnus laughed quietly before he fished the spoon out of the pot. “No, but seriously. I’m happy for you. Was she still in bed next to you when you woke up the next day, or did she run away?” Clary rolled his eyes and moaned annoyed.

“Do you really expect so little from her? Do you think the same of Alec?”

“In the beginning.” Magnus answered her immediately the question, which made Clary laugh.

“To answer your question, no. She was still lying next to me with her arm around me. We had breakfast together and she ordered a cab afterwards. We kissed again to say goodbye and have texted each other all day since.”

“I’m happy for you! So it can work in the future for the two of you?” Magnus was curious. He was immensely happy for his best friend. In addition, the conversation did him good, besides all the learning. And he might even learn something new about Alec. He didn’t like to admit it, but the distance hurt more than he had expected. He missed his voice, his quiet laughter, his cooking skills, his closeness when the two watched TV. He just missed being with him.

“Uh-”, Clary finally stumbled. “We... haven’t actually talked about this yet? But since we’ve been kissing half the night--”

“Whoa! Clarissa Fray! What happened to the shy girl I once knew?”Magnus proudly interrupted her.

Clary laughed quietly. “She became a strong woman who knows what she wants,” Clary answered his question. Both smiled warmly. Magnus sat in the living room with his food and was eating his pasta. “So, yes, it went well... and it looks like it will be more in the future. It’s a good thing I don’t have to introduce her to the others.”

“Looks like they all got a good look at them last week.” Magnus leaned back and grasped his necklace, which he hadn’t taken off since he had gotten it back.

“Have you... Did you hear from Alec?”

Silence on the other end. Clary knew that Magnus should know nothing of his condition as he should concentrate on the exam. Especially as it was unfair that Clary could see him but Magnus couldn’t even hear his voice for over a week. Magnus sat down on her bed before she bit her lower lip and breathed deeply. She hated lying to her best friend.

“Isabelle had intercepted me at her front door, but she had told me that he was fine. We talked about her and Alec for quite a while and that they were very close.” Clary closed her eyes briefly and gripped her phone more tightly. She knew it was for Magnus’ best.

“I’m glad. I really miss him,” Magnus admitted, stricken.

“Isabelle told me he misses you too,” Clary replied quietly.

“Not for long, gladly.” Magnus murmured before he looked at his calendar. “Then I’ll finally see him again, and I’ll be able to thank him again for the gift.” Magnus looked at the encircled 19 on his calendar, the date of his examination, the date on which he would finally see Alec again. Four more days. Four days without hearing his voice.

“How’s the studying going though? Well prepared for the exam?”

“More than that.” Magnus put down his fork and brought his plate back to the kitchen. “Alec is preparing me perfectly for the exam. Without him, I wouldn’t have made up for what I missed.”

“He’s really changing your life, huh?” Clary interjected questioningly. Magnus stopped cleaning up for a moment and thought about Clary’s words. Yes, Alec had changed Magnus and his life, but for the better.

“Yes... and I’m really glad I applied with the Lightwoods back then. Seems like it was meant to be.”

“Believe me, I’m glad you found Alec, too. Without you and your job, I wouldn’t have Izzy right now.” Clary thanked Magnus for what made his heart blossom. He didn’t regret his decision at all anymore.

* * *

  


On Wednesday night, Magnus went to bed earlier than usual. He had been studying all day and gone through all the flashcards Alec had made for him. When he was lying in bed he texted with Alec for quite a while, who had not gone to therapy that day.

ALEXANDER

_ [Yes, I couldn’t go today because Iz had a short-term appointment. It’s all right, I’ll just go next week. You should really go to sleep now, Magnus. You need to be rested.] 9:34 PM _

__

_ [I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I can’t wait to come back tomorrow. A week and a half without you is really boring.] 9:35 PM _

ALEXANDER

_ [Why? You had my history books with you. ;)] 9:35 PM _

_ [Careful, Lightwood. Otherwise you’ll get the backfire in Rocket League.] 9:36 PM _

ALEXANDER

_ [You’re out of practice. I’ll beat you anyway. ] 9:36 PM _

_ [I’d like to see this.] 9:36 PM _

ALEXANDER

_ [Tomorrow, go to sleep now! <3] 9:36 PM _

__

The heart threw Magnus off the track. He started to write back a few times, but he didn’t know how to react to the heart. Was it serious? Was it just fun from Alec’s side to scare him away? Was it a motivational aid for the exam?

_ [Alexander Lightwood sends me a heart? What an honor!] 9:39 PM _

ALEXANDER

_ [Don’t get used to it. That was my “I’ll be with you tomorrow, you can do it” heart. Good night, Magnus.] 9:40 PM _

Magnus had to smile, felt the blood rising in his cheeks. Alec really made his head be spin with such simple messages.

_ [Good night, Alexander. Sleep well <3] 9:40 PM _

_ [That was my “Thanks for everything, I can never thank you enough” heart, by the way!] 9:41 PM _

And so Magnus put his phone aside and stared at his blanket with a racing heart for a few minutes. The exam was extremely important for him, he could not fail. But he could not deny that he was more than happy to see Alec again. He realized with each passing day that he loved him, that he had to see him, that he needed him.

And he just couldn’t wait to hear him laugh again.

Magnus closed his eyes and turned around. His head should be filled with all the historically facts by now, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Alec. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way he laughed, about the way he talked to him. How they both played video games together, not talking to each other, but staring at each other while waiting for the next round to start. They didn’t need to talk to each other to communicate.

Magnus missed him more than anything. He could only hope for now that the exam would be good. That he would know all the answers, that Alec wouldn’t be worried about it. That they could just enjoy the time afterwards. Magnus breathed deeply, turning onto his back again. He remembered the words from Alec’s mother way back when he started the job.

He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with Alec, but it just happened. Magnus couldn’t control his feelings. He never could.

He just didn’t know what would have happened if Maryse Lightwood would find out about it. He just knew that Alec felt the same, or at least sort of the same.

Magnus really took his own rule and broke it with his own heart.

But did he regret it?

_ No. _

  



End file.
